Mother found out...I just feel horrible. (12)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-01-31 04:30 ID:v/YnAsa8

I've been in a long distance online relationship for several months now. I'm seventeen, and the boy is nineteen. My mother has expressed an EXTREME disapproval of internet dating, and because of this, I've played our romance off as a friendship.

In reality, it is much more than that. Since physical sex is not an option, phone sex is a common activity, with the obvious exchange of dirty pictures.

Well....mom found them.

She pulls up all the explicit pictures and the porn I've drawn of us off my computer, screaming all sorts of insults at me, telling me how much of a whore I am.

I try to reason with her- if it makes me happy and nobody is getting hurt, then what is the problem?

"He's going to show people! He's a guy! Of course he will! I'm absolutely sure he has and he's going to show more!!" Now...I've known him long enough to know that he wouldn't do such a thing, especially since I have similar pictures of him. Mom, of course, doesn't believe me.

It escalates from "I'm never going to allow you to see that disgusting boy" to "you should just kill yourself now because you're going to die a whore anyways."
In the end, I've got a bleeding nose, an eye swollen shut, and bruises up and down my arms.

All this kills me, it really does. My boyfriend is always telling me about how much he wants to make me his wife....but now all I can think of is my mom disapproving and refusing to come to the wedding, refusing to be kind to my husband because of the bad light he's been put in...

She's acting normal now, chatting with me about school and stuff. The boyfriend is of course angry at my mother for making judgements without knowing him first. He's told me just to play it by ear, act normal about the situation and let it pass...but I don't know what to do, having to face my mother every single day, and her knowing these things....

What...what can I do...?

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-01-31 06:50 ID:oAgEyYpE

Your mother is dominating you. Depending upon the legal age for moving out, which I think you should have passed, move out. Now, don't be hasty about marriage. I strongly advise against it. I'm against marriage in the first place, but that isn't directly relevant to this. Move out and start working part time to support study if you study, otherwise get a job, and try to have a physical close distance relationship with this guy first if you really love him. See how things go.

3 Name: wen : 2009-01-31 16:48 ID:IUzpI419

we... patience is the key, if ur parent dun want u to have a internet relatiionship, then dont mention ur relationship in the front of ur mother, wait until ur boyfriend back to ur side, and then u can disscuss about it.

I am also have a long distance a relationship for 6 month, and I`ll have another 6 month before I can back to my country, and my parent doesnt care about it, we re both adult (21++) and we know which best for us.

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-02-05 19:33 ID:v/YnAsa8

OP here, it's really starting to become a problem...

Every single day since this has happened, I have been insulted and yelled at by my mother. She hasn't hit me since the incident, but the verbal abuse is more than enough to nearly cripple my enthusiasm for life in general.

It's becoming very hard to concentrate on schoolwork- all I want to do anymore is sleep. My self image has dropped so disgustingly low that just looking in the mirror hurts. Even masturbation makes me feel like shit now, as I know my mother has seen pictures of me doing it.

I really wish I could get out, I really do, but in my state I'm stuck here for another year. I'm not quite sure just how to handle these last 12 months, though.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-02-05 20:58 ID:zIInjHXi

I would suggest that you reach child abuse help lines. They will be able to provide you with useful advice.

Your mother is clearly being abusive, and probably the best way to adress this is to use a neutral intermediate. I think a professional psychotherapist would help, as it would remove her from the dominating position (older, legal tutor, etc).

Also, don't rush to marriage just to escape your mother. That would be a very serious mistake. Take your time to really earn your autonomy, don't use costly shortcuts.

If you still can't get this solved, continue posting here, I think there are plenty of solutions available to you.

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-02-05 22:48 ID:kOx+7kDt

Get the fuck out of there. Call a child abuse help line and ask them for help. Explain the situation to a friend, and ask if you can stay at their house. Your mother's behavior is unacceptable, and you aren't safe with her right now.

Also - you are not a slut. You are a normal (almost) adult female, with normal sexual urges. And you're focusing those urges on a boy who, from the sound of it, is a good thing in your life.

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-02-06 06:38 ID:W9aqgVbh

Agree with >>5 and >>6. It's child abuse.

>>3 seems not to have read the entire post. Terrible advice.

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-02-06 07:08 ID:ad4yavjj

Unless you live in the same city or even state I can almost guarantee he is using you.

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-02-06 14:31 ID:v/YnAsa8

>>8

What makes you say such a thing?

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-02-13 04:07 ID:Y3jk8ncR

your mom want's to make sure that the boy you're dating right now is a good boy with prospect or not...

see... i even don't know you all just from internet, and vice versa... you don't know me either.

wether i live a good living or not, how's my parents, who i work with, etc...

i think she just want to know that you are dating a really good guy that has a real proof~
that's just parent's "instinct" to make sure that your life are going to be okay until they can't see you anymore (aka: R.I.P).

but!
your mom should not hurt you physically!
-talk and discussion is the best way mom!-

i know, as a teen i always break the house rules. and the more they hold me, the more i will be a bad boy~ hahahahaha...
your mom should reconsider that...
that's why talk is the best way to solve problems...

if talk still can't make things better, it's up to you...
it's either your mom who cannot understand you or you can't understand your mom~
because i don't have any clue about how is your family~

ask things about this to a neutral person who knows you well~
if you ask you BF, your friends, or ppl that you know who will supporting you, the result will turns out all of the fault is from you mom right?

anyway~
good luck~ ^^

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-02-13 04:47 ID:CLwkNBgT

Because your mom is being physically abusive, and you say the verbal abuse is really terrible, you should call the child abuse hotline and try to leave, or at least as soon as possible.

But, as a 17-year-old, you're young yet. Your mother may be harsh and possibly abusive, but online relationships CAN be risky. Your mom does have somewhat justified concerns.

The guy could be using you. How long have you known him and how far does he live from you?

There have been scary people using girls on the internet.

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-02-13 11:30 ID:FghS+LCA

I second >>10 and >>11

  1. online dating is risky
  2. Ur mum is just worried and i believe shes just too afraid that what she can do is to set u straight physically and harsh verbally
  3. Online dating... Sharing xxx pics?Mind u that hes older and u DONT know this person. A dangerous anonymous can create ths omg character to fish girls into believing him.. So, idk hw soft u r, bt u just made a mistake there.. BUT! i want u to do smethng.. Send him a pic of an ugly chick, tell him thats real u and those pics of u were ur old friends. If he runs away, ure saved! If he insists, stay cautious!
  4. Who initiated marriage? U? Him? If he did, think of th possibility that hes a rotten guy in his 40s.. Nt saying that he is, bt think abt it.. And think abt how long u guys been close

hunny, online dating is a no no =[ thats all. Wouldnt it be better if u meet and have th rest of ur life w a guy u first met eye to eye? I wish u all th best

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