Is it a date? (11)

1 Name: M : 2009-03-01 16:26 ID:EOmkuGQb

Now I don't have much experience with this at all, which is why I'm here.

There's a girl I met a while back at a party/social event. We haven't met since, but have been keeping in contact with e-mail and have been planning to meet for dinner for sometime now. The time and activity has more or less been set, but I'm not sure what to make of it all. To add she's the one who's planned it/suggested we go get dinner some time (she's far more familiar with the area than myself).

So it seems that we'll be going somewhere (possibly a museum or somewhere else) and then go and make food (whether it's at some sort of restaurant or her place I don't know).

I'm not assuming anything out of this by choice, but regardless it isn't really going to alter how I act on the "outing." Still, I'm curious, given all of that, what do you make of it? Is it a date?

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-03-01 18:57 ID:GNnotU1u

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-03-01 23:17 ID:FDqEAtWs

Possibly.... And also, it could possibly be a date, but just a casual, one time thing, unless one of you or both of you keep putting the effort in to meet up more after this. Rule is usually... before the end of day 3 after the date.

But yeah, if she planned it and she wanted to go and all that, and if it isn't going to be a whole group of people, it's probably a date. Good luck.

4 Name: M : 2009-03-02 04:56 ID:EOmkuGQb

>>2 Different people actually. I chose the one letter name at random

>>3 Okay, thanks for the insight. I think it's a bit of tough situation to begin with, but that sort of framework helps.

5 Name: M : 2009-04-17 10:10 ID:EOmkuGQb

So that time went good I suppose. As did the second. And now a third is scheduled. The thing is, I haven't done a damn thing. No hand holding, no parting kiss, or anything. There's a few reasons to it, but it essentially comes down to me being far too hesitant.

After that second time, I did realize that I do like her, but I guess I'm uncertain how to act, if she likes me, etc. So now I'm resolved to be more proactive this next time, but I'm not sure how to go about it.

I think it's also a self-confidence thing, but I seem to wax and wane between whether or not she might feel the same. Essentially I'm overthinking and/or over interpreting things in the end.

Should I just stop worrying and act on it, regardless?

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-04-17 10:32 ID:76+TxS9p

>>5
well, I'm not very experienced at this dating stuff but from what I read here, I'm in pretty similar situation as you - been on two dates but haven't done a single thing (not even a hug) and I too don't know whether she likes me back or not... but I've decided not to occupy with worries about her liking me back and just go for her... if she sees me only as a friend, she'll either let me know or can possibly change her feelings... maybe you're like me and think about it too much

also, I would like to ask something - if the girl couldn't go on a date (I asked her) because of illness, should I wait for her asking me back or should I ask her again?... it happened before - she agreed on a date, canceled it later because of some reason but eventually asked me back few days later...

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-04-17 12:40 ID:n5B9x3H0

>>5 I don't think it pays of to worry whether she likes you or not. What counts is that she's willing to go out with you, which is already substantial, and sufficient for you to go to the next stage (holding hands, parting kiss).

Since you have a third meeting scheduled, I suggest you give yourself a simple objective: hold her hands. So no need to stress about anything else, just do get to hold her hands, that will be enough.

8 Name: M : 2009-04-18 15:37 ID:EOmkuGQb

>>6 >>7

Sounds about right I think. I was sort of thinking the same thing as well >>7, in so far as taking it step by step with personal goals. It's odd really, I almost don't want to show interest, as if it'd be in bad form, but that's what I have to do.

Nothing ventured is nothing gained, right?

>>6 Hmm, I'm actually in an awful similar situation to that. Though I she apologized a few times and we rescheduled (this third time). She gave me a general notion of wanting to meet, but I set the date itself.

9 Name: M : 2009-04-19 15:30 ID:EOmkuGQb

...Nevermind...

Just found out she has a boyfriend. I guess I was right to begin with. And through that I assume that her "illness" was more of an excuse as her boyfriend, rightfully so, isn't so keen on the two of us hanging out together.

Goddammit...

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-04-19 16:20 ID:76+TxS9p

>>9
hell, this sucks... but there can also be a chance that she isn't sure about her current boyfriend... but if it doesn't work out, good luck M with other girls

11 Name: M : 2009-04-19 16:59 ID:EOmkuGQb

Well almost verbatim, according to her he's insistan that just the two of us together is bad, so if there's four people or so that's fine. Furthermore though, once a month I guess is the other condition.

Even if that is the case that she might not be sure about him, I don't think it's right to try an pursue that (unless it was completely clear). That's not to say I won't still keep in touch with her, but it's not worth my while to dwell on her feelings.

I feel odd though now. Truth be told it's a new feeling for me. So in that regard it's almost not bad experiencing it, but honestly, it does suck. I was in a pretty good mood right up until hearing that (by text) and now I just sort of feel ill.

Nothing ventured is nothing gained and all wounds heal with time I suppose.

And experience is experience I guess.

>>10

Thanks though.

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