(Sorry for the length of the post, but it's all somewhat relevant)
Ok, it's been awhile since I've been here, but to summarize, I dated someone I intended to spend my life with for 6 months, we broke up because she later realized she had "too many past issues" to handle a relationship again, even though she initially thought she wanted one, herself... So as heartbroken as I was, I got over it through going cold turkey without it, learning to be sort of self-confident again...
Anyway.
I've been single again for about 6 more months... But I met someone this past weekend that... caused that random spark again to light...
I was at a store about an hour away from home, looking at DVDs with a friend (Yes, duh, anime, before you even ask... I know, redundant, but I can't deny it), and girl working for the store came up, and started discussing them, and asked if I was going to a convention occuring nearby soon...
I explained that I'd already booked my hotel room, and we started talking from there, just having a blast talking about all sorts of things...
I don't clearly know if she had a boyfriend, husband or significant other, but I suspect not, since it never came up, even remotely...
I also found out she's the same age as me, which is something kinda unique, since I'm 28, and there's... not too many girls that old around town here, let alone potentially single ones...
Anywho, I got her IM screenname (though she admitted she's not on much, as it sounds like she lives with her family, and has to babysit, but I also got her E-Mail...
I was the one who asked to exchange e-mails, as I don't know what surprising courage possessed me, but I just couldn't walk away with "Well, it was nice meeting you, maybe I'll see you at the convention, but we probably won't ever remember each other again"....
So instead, I summoned up an unusual amount of courage and said "We should keep in touch, do you have IM? I'll give you my e-mail and screenname", and she gave me hers as well...
Pretty amazing, at least, I thought so!
Anyway, it was Saturday I met her, and it's now Monday... I didn't want to "e-mail right away", and come off as some kind of desperate loser, I just want to say hi, and ask how she's doing, nothing directly romantic or anything...
I'd like to wait until perhaps the e-mail after that to casually say that I'll "conveniently" be in the area for shopping, and subtly ask if she'd like to get together for a drink or dinner...
Anywho, I guess I mostly wanted to ask for public suggestions on how I should word an e-mail, as I think it's been the proper amount of time, and I want to keep myself fresh in her mind, on the chance she is single, and there's potential there...
I think I also wanted to tell that story, too... I feel even better now that others here have seen it, I think...
Your story looks all good. I think today would be a good day to send her a mail, she's probably waiting for it.
As for the mail, my advice would be to start stating that you had a good time with her last Saturday. You could follow-up mentioning a topic of common interest you discussed last time, and ask some questions about her, so that she is inspired and has fodder to write a reply.
Depending on how both of you relate to e-mails, writing could be an important part of your exchanges, at this moment. But in any case be sure to maintain your contacts bound to real life. To do so find a reason to see her again: either bring her some CD, movie about something she doesn't know and might like, otherwise just invite her for a drink, whatever. Try to organize a meeting for this week or at the latest next week/week-end.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=400w4XnjElI
Funny and somewhat related.
Thanks for the reply, that's what I've been thinking as well... I'm always so afraid of being too forward, or finding out that the girl has a boyfriend/husband/significant other... But no bravery, no rewards, is what I'm thinking at this point...
I'm admittedly terrified of suggesting "Hey, maybe we should meet up for a coffee some night", and getting some sort of "That sounds nice, but I've got a boyfriend" or "Sounds nice, but I don't know if my husband would be ok with it", or something of that sort...
But again, I suppose at 28, that's always a possibility, and if that's the the worst that can happen, why not at least try... I would think that if she's single, she's probably thinking the same thing, assuming I'd "naturally" have either a girlfriend or a wife at my age...
Also, that youtube video is EXACTLY the kind of thing I'll be going through when I type out an e-mail to her... I always wind up doing that, second-guessing every single word I type...
look, what do you have to lose? Ask her for a drink or dinner.
>Ask her for a drink or dinner
I think drink is better than dinner, for starters
Ok, sent, and yes, I think drink sounds better... I spent a good half hour typing it out, but here's what I wrote, more or less, somewhat edited for privacy:
I followed >>2's suggestions, saying I had a fun time, mentioned a topic of common interest, gave her a couple questions for something to answer with, and gave a reason to see her again perhaps, dangling that as a possibility, to see what she says...
I know how "e-mail chains" can become an entire relationship, where people never really meet, and it just dies off, and I don't want that to even have a chance of happening...
Hopefully, I did well... Now I play the Waiting Game... (Though Hungry Hungry Hippo sounds more fun...)
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Hello again, this is (Me)! It was cool meeting you Saturday, I had a good time just talking! Hope the rest of your day was as fun, though I'm sure you were just as happy to get out of there later!! :D
Hope you got your registration in for (upcoming convention), I'm looking forward to it, and now that you've got me thinking about (show) again, I'm thinking about cosplaying as (character I've actually cosplayed as) again! ;) (Though this time I shall get (voice actors) to sign their respective characters!)
It's a shame they won't give you the proper time off to get a room at (upcoming convention), but at least it pays the way, eh? :( Have you been working there long? Hopefully soon enough you'll have the seniority to get some time off!!
I know when I've gone to (another convention), the first time I only took Friday off, and it was a miiisssssstake! :D The second year I went, I took Thursday & Friday, went down Thursday, and had a much smoother time, and much more relaxing (though ferrying five people out of that city in my car wasn't as fun, hehe!) I'm contemplating (another convention) thus far, thinking about it... I missed last year, but I intend to go again :D
Well, best get back to work for me (I'm a computer techie in the IT department up at (workplace) here in (town):D ) Gotta make up my guilt of spending on those DVDs this past weekend, albeit totally worthwhile! ^_^ Though I'm sure you'll do the same, earmarking what you're going to get come payday! ;)
Worst part was that even with (Convention) coming up, I've still bought things like Street Fighter IV and Condemned, Criminal Origins... (I love fighting games & survival horror, amongst others, though admittedly, Condemned was used, so I don't feel so much guilt!) Come to think of it, you said you've got a Wii, what all games do you have for it? I've got a fair amount, and I've been playing XBox 360 lately, admittedly, so heck, if I stop over there shopping, I could lend you some games to have some fun with, and we could catch a drink somewhere, if you like. (and yes, I'll admit, my xbox Gamertag is also (Gamertag) ;)
Anywho, thus do I become verbose and ramble once more, so consequently, thus, back to work for me! (though I daresay it's lunchtime... 0.o)
Hope ye have a fun day!
(me)
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>>7 It looks all cool, man.
Keep us posted on the next developments, you probably have interesting times ahead of you ^_^
I think it's good too. Relaxed, funny, interesting but not cocky, gets room for her to reply. Fire away!
Well, no response... HOWEVER, she's on IM... For the first time since this past weekend.
I fell asleep awhile ago after getting out of work, and after waking now, just checked my e-mail again, to find no response, and was about to kick back when I saw her name on IM is now lit up...
Now I'm nervous... Fortunately, I'm marked as semi-AFK at the moment, so she probably hasn't IM'd me because of that... I can always claim also that I hadn't noticed her online, should she ask...
I guess I'm nervous about saying anything, especially since she never responded to the e-mail...
I'll admit, my worst fears are that she's either going to react to the e-mail with "Um... I'm in a relationship already", or "Eww, the customer I was so friendly with is asking me out, creepy!"
Not having seen any response hasn't comforted me any, or put me in a comfortable state to say "Hi" over IM...
Should I say anything? Leave myself on AFK status and let her leave a message? Wait another hour or two and drop a message?
I'm inclined to do that last option, at this point...
Now or in two hours, what's the difference. If you are going to chat with her, start now, and good luck!
I say stay afk. You made the first step, her turn now. You want both of you to do the dancing.
Well, I've been afk for the time being, nothing from her yet... I've actually been doing some work putting up shelving around my apartment, so it's perfectly legitimately AFK... and.. message... further bulletins... soon...
She's apparently writing me an e-mail (a response)... I turned off AFK, and said hi, said I was putting up shelving (which I have been), and that I look forward to reading that e-mail
Update time, as promised, and yes, it's a success!:
I did chat with her as she tried to compose the e-mail, I think she was... very nervous, to put it nicely, about writing a response to me! I daresay I think I impressed her!
We had a polite, fun chat, until she needed to leave as she lives with her parents and had to take care of her nephews that also live in their house;
She eventually gave up on "properly wording" her reply, as she was getting frustrated with trying to put her thoughts into words, and just sent it, laughing as she did...
I read it and said I'd drop her a reply before she left.
She mentioned how nice it was to chat with me, and how nice I was compared to her usual "know-it-all" customers who just tell her to get lost... She said she was still trying to get the time off for the upcoming convention, as she doesn't have much seniority at the retail store where she works yet...
She said since I'd talked a little about myself, she'd give me some details about her, and explained about where she lives with her family, and how she's working this job even though she's got a degree in something else... She also talked about what games and game systems she has and likes, and it's similar to myself!
She then said that she "would highly like to consider your offer of going out for a drink or something. In fact that would be my first actual date in a long while. We'll come up with something let me know what you think. "
I coughed on my drink at that point, and had to stare at it for a couple seconds before it sank in. I hadn't even used the word Date, deliberately avoiding that one... Wow...
So in any case, apparently, this was a success! Thank you all from the bottom of my heart, all of you who advised me and helped me in this, it's you all who have given me this chance!
Now I just need to contemplate the next reply...
This looks like it'll be the next Densha Otoko story :].
Good luck to you!
I'm quite inexperienced in dating and the sort, but I'd like to be updated on you guys. Hope you have that date you're mentioning :D.
Woah, I'm very happy for you! Sounds like you found someone nice and honest, who probably genuinely likes you for yourself. So just keep on having little chats like you did up to that point and it'll eventually unfold by itself I think.
>>16 Cool to hear that it's progressing so well.
I think you are indeed doing fine. Use your mail exchanges to get to know her and find out info to plan dates/activities with her, and make sure your exchanges are balanced between online and real life meetings.
Other than that, have a blast! ^_^)
Well, to update you all, the short summary is that we've been e-mailing back & forth all week, we're planning to have dinner and shop around the mall near where we met, this Saturday (tomorrow), one week after we first met, and her brother & sister-in-law would like to join us. (Her words were "to see if I'm 'real', apparently)
We've e-mailed rather than IM, as she's usually busy helping babysitting her brother & sister-in-law's 3 kids, and never has had a chance to really get on IM since that first night earlier this week.
She seems to be into all the things I'm into, and has explained too that she's had a handful of bad relationships in her past, during highschool and college, and that it's been awhile since a "gentleman" has been interested in her (which is apparently why her brother & sister-in-law also would like to join us for dinner, I think they're basically looking out for her)
She seems very happy and eager to have dinner with me, and she's explained that normally she's shy, but is happy to have met someone she can be herself with... I'm still hoping she can get time off from her work at that store to go to the upcoming convention, so who knows!
The only negative thing I can even come up with so far is that she doesn't have her driver's license or a car of her own, as she works not far from her home, but I do, and she's only about a 45-minute to an hour drive away, and heck, I've driven two or so hours before during two of my past relationships that ended poorly, so this isn't really anything compared to that, and besides, a drivers' license is easy to get, let alone a car soon enough, by the time she's ready to come over my way to see me as well, at least, that's what I'm thinking...
So anyway, in summary, our plans are to meet up before she has to go to work, tomorrow (Saturday), and have dinner with her brother & sister-in-law, and perhaps wander about the huge mall out that way! Thanks to all of you who've helped out and watched!
Cool to hear news from you. Seems like the girl may have some submissive tendencies, so treat her well, and have fun!
lol...
>21 sumissive tendencies... lolz. good luck and update us!!!
Well, it's my unpleasant duty to report that while the date did not go as planned, nor was it at all the success every indication had pointed that it would be...
We met for dinner, and quickly her brother & sister-in-law (who had brought one of their 3-yo kids), warmed up to me... The brother explained decided that I was A-Ok, and would be a cool guy to hang out with...
She, on the other hand, I could tell was nervous, albeit naturally so... I offered to pay for the two of us, since I had asked her out, and she said ok, we both got sampler platters, but she barely touched hers, and I could see her getting more uptight & nervous as we had dinner, though she relaxed and smiled & talked like crazy whenever topics like games or shows came up...
Her brother suggested that if I didn't need to go back later, then after she got off work at 10, I should join them at the parents' house for gaming... I could see she wasn't terribly fond of the idea, though, kinda getting uptight and saying about how much of a mess the house was...
The fact that she didn't have a drivers' license or car came up in converstaion, and she said some odd things, similar to things an ex of mine said when she realized she wasn't cut out for relationships due to some messed up issues in her past:
She said how she hadn't really bothered getting a drivers' license, and couldn't really handle driving either, as it was like being "out of control", and that she was just trying to get some control over her life, her life has been "too out of control", and it scared her...
....
Eventually, her bro/sis-in-law left, and we went over to the mall, where she basically explained that that morning, all of the "real-ness" of this hit her in the face, and she started getting sick to her stomach and nervous, and realized she didn't think she was cut out for this in her life...
She said that her last relationship (remember, she's 28), was back during her last year in college at 23, and the guy she'd been with for 6 months basically wanted to have sex, and when she wouldn't do that for him, he "went and found someone else, and got cold to her", and that's "wrecked her" romantically. So, thus, she's just not as ready as she thought she was to get back into a relationship, which she's "very sorry" about, but it had basically been building insider her since that morning...
While admittedly crushed inside... I managed to put on my "Oh, that's ok, no obligations, at least you made a new friend this way! ^^" game face, and we went around, played some arcade games, until I took her over to where she works... Dropped her off with a "This day didn't work out like either of us planned, but at least you found a new friend! ^^" again...
...
To her credit, at least she didn't do what my last girlfriend did, waiting over half a year with me with everything before saying she wasn't emotionally capable of a relationship in her life due to all her past problems... At least this girl admitted she'd had these problems and can't handle it, from the beginning...
...
Regardless, thank you all for your help, as at least I made a friend... Even if yes, "yay", just what every guy wants, a girl-friend, rather than girlfriend... Sigh...:P
Hey, thanks for reporting on the bad news, and not only on the good news. It's not always easy to talk about failure (even when it's not related to you).
As for follow-up, it really depends on you. Are you motivated by the girl, or not specially? Considering your past experiences, I would understand that you are quite sick of it. On the other hand, if the girl really left a strong impression on you, I think it would be too early to give up. You could tell her that you understand that she's nervous, and that the family presence at the meeting gave it an inappropriate solemnity that scared her. She could take it easy, and just meet you for one month and have fun, and reconsider things after that month. In this way you relieve the pressure she's feeling, but there is also a definite end to this period, which is good for your morale.
This being said, there are plenty of other girls in the world, so you could just forget the whole issue, and look for a less angsty partner.