1. Get to know the girl better, get her to know me better, not get friendzoned (of course...), get her to like me back and live happily ever after, etc. Unlikely, but whatever chances I have, I want to maximize them.

2. If I have no chances with her (which is likely): confirm that as early as possible, the deeper I go the more it will hurt. And I just experienced a year of hurt. Seriously not fun.
So ideally I would just approach her right now and make it clear that I like her. But I fear this would ruin any possible chances.
(Still, I kind of hope that she'll suddenly say that she has a boyfriend or something like that. Then I could just give up.)

aww.. i wish i could help you. Just stay positive and talk more often to her, ask if she'd be interested in having some fun with you (like ice skating or any other activity) or go for a cozy drink some time or do some sports together (badminton, table tennis, jogging, swimming, just walking, anything she'd be into maybe). and while you talk, just get to know here better.. just talk, im sure you can do it :)
good luck op :)

Next time you see the girl, ask her out to dinner.

She says no, you know she isn't interested. Move on.

She says yes, then you've got a date.

I think >>2 is on to something. You must get to know her better, and let her know you better, before you start suggesting having dinner and such.

Just find out what are her interests, and suggest activities related to those in which you could partake together.

Also, you can't avoid risking your feelings when looking for a girl. Of course the deeper you go, the more hurt you may be in the end. But that's the whole point of it, no? To find something precious, which as a side effect hurts you if you lose it. If you obsess too much about being hurt, you'll never get anywhere. Good luck, and let us know how you fare!

Man up and do the damn thing.

ok, let's cut a bit on the whining, and get to the point:

What have you learned about her? What are her interests? Sports, art, music, etc? Give us a little report and we'll be able to advise you on the next steps (that basically involve getting her into participating in some activity with you).

Time to get practical. Instead of agonizing over nothing, show us what you have in your hands.

>What have you learned about her? What are her interests? Sports, art, music, etc?

Sadly, not much really... I know she reads a lot.

Sorry for the long wait; I tried to come on my own to the conclusion that it's

>Time to get practical.

And I think I've succeeded.
So, I will be trying to ask her out. There's not much left to me besides that.
Probably I'll offer to go with her to some coffee shop or pizza place, couldn't think of anything better.

But tell me, Secret Admirer(s) - should I make my intentions clear? (By saying something like "I like/I'm interested in you and want to know you better", which I suspect she already knows.) Is that coming too strong, or is it unlikely to change her decision about me?
(Or, to put it in other words: If she's going to reject me, I want her to have reason to refuse straight away... Does that change anything?)

>>8 Do you actually know what kind of readings does she like? That's an obvious topic of information.

It's better to start with a drink than with a meal.

Don't tell you like her, this only works when it's obvious that she reciprocicates your feelings. For the moment it's enough that you are willing to spend time with her. If you go for a declaration, you'll put too much pressure on her, and she'll bail out. I know you want to find an excuse to fail, but don't use that ^_^

Yeah, what >>9 said.
BUT.

DO MENTION you want to know more about her. Don't say you are interested, but act like you're interested. She'll get the message without feeling pressured. But you need to have that "underlying" vibe, otherwise she'll (probably) very soon dismiss you as a potential mate when you start hanging out together. What some people call "being friendzoned".

What? You should NOT mention that you want to know more about her. Nobody talks like that, you'll sound like a bloody stalker! If you really want to know more about her, than ask things about her. Also don't be tense and try to be a bit funny, girls like guys who are fun to be around.

Your idea of asking her out for coffee or pizza sounds good too, that's what I usually do. Starting out small puts a lot less pressure in asking her out. So just o it!

So... I asked her. She said she doesn't have time right now (this week), but seemed quite happy about meeting some time later.

I'm not feeling competent enough to tell what that really means, time will tell.

But... I'm really proud of myself. This is the first time I managed to ask a girl out in real life :)

>>9

>If you go for a declaration, you'll put too much pressure on her, and she'll bail out. I know you want to find an excuse to fail, but don't use that ^_^

That's true. You convinced me.

>DO MENTION you want to know more about her.

I just told her I wanted to talk more with her.

>I just told her I wanted to talk more with her.

Well, that's what I meant. I didn't mean for you to sound like a bloody stalker like another poster seems to have misunderstood.

Good job!

Congrats, OP!

So we have a few hours of free time between classes. I come to her, talk for a while, then sit next to her.
She warns me: "As soon as it gets warmer, I'm going outside for a stroll".
"Want me to accompany you?" I say with a smile.
She smiles and says "Sorry, but I really enjoy walking alone..."
(this is a loose translation)

I can't think of what this could mean other than "I don't want you, please stop bugging me" and generally a signal for me to give up.

I will however, as I promised her earlier, try to ask her out again. But I'm afraid she will just refuse again and tell she doesn't have time. So... how should I talk with her to make sure I can give up / make her admit that instead of making excuses?

Tell her I like her?
"Tell me honestly, is there really a point in asking you this again?"

At least it's good to know I'm doing what I can. Maybe it'll eventually help me get over her faster.

Here's to hoping that she could have a lot on her mind lately, and likes the solitude to sort out her thoughts.
On the otherhand, if she was the slightest bit interested in you, there's no reason why she wouldn't have taken you up on that offer, let alone warn you she was going to leave. The way she phrased it seemed very assertive and uninviting.

Yes, there's something in the way she phrased it that sounds like "please don't try". I don't think she's hostile, though, but my guess is she read your intent (meaning you were doing things right) and tried to defuse the situation before it went any further.

So I guess your options are become a friend (probably not a great idea) or back off and lick you wounds while it's not that deep.

>>17 here again

>"Tell me honestly, is there really a point in asking you this again?"

This could actually be a good idea. Crash&burn to make sure you have to back off if she answers negatively. No regrets this way, no "what ifs"

>(meaning you were doing things right)

apparently not 'right' enough.

No update this time. I don't know if I can bring myself to try something that is so obviously going to fail.
Or maybe soon my delusions will convince me I still can't be sure and I'll try asking her again. Either way, I lose.

So... that's it. Not sure how much actually doing something (I guess I made her realize I'm interested in her) helped me. Now I'm out of energy and feel like shit. Not much to do about that except wait...

Anyway, thanks for participating, Anonymous.

An update, some things happened after all.

I asked her out, desperate to get this over with and have some peace of mind. I was fully expecting her to refuse. She didn't.

We went out and got to know each other a bit more (and I pretty much made a fool of myself...) - however, I still don't know if I'm OK/she's willing to give me a chance, or if I'm friended already. Probably going to ask her directly.

I'm not disclosing any details because I (finally!) believe I'm more capable of making a decision than anyone reading my posts.

As for the peace of mind... I don't sleep well and I honestly don't remember if I ate anything during today, so looks like I'm taking this very seriously. I can only imagine the long days of suck if I fail, but there's nothing I can do about that.

>I (finally!) believe I'm more capable of making a decision than anyone reading my posts.

Perhaps. What is certain is that YOU are the only one making decisions. The other people here give their point of view, which is totally different.

Anyways, good luck to you!

She rejected me.
Mission failed, Anonymous. Both missions. The one to get a girl and the one to make the failure hurt less.
Now if I could just delete her from my memory... FUCK
this will be a long summer.

hei op. give us details, what happend and what went wrong?

She did tell me she's not interested. And that I asked too early as we don't know each other well.
She did not tell that there is absolutely no chance for me, or that I'm just a friend and will never be anything else.
I asked about that and she told me "maybe something someday will happen, but it's something that happens by itself".
But, she did reject me and maybe was just trying to be nice.

So. I think I have to decide.

• First instinct is to become her friend. As much as I'd like to, I feel it's a very bad decision and will result in much more unhappiness for me.

• I can also wait for a few weeks / months, then become her friend. There is some chance I'll recover by then (the more I wait, the better), but still it's risky.

• What would probably happen in that case is I'd still be infatuated with her, and try to get together with her. Which is a good thing, but only if I manage to do it - and I don't know what can I do to make her like me. Especially now that she knows how I feel.

• And I can try to forget her completely, this is probably the best choice BUT she didn't tell me I don't have any chance and the stupid hopeful part of my mind can't rule out the possibility that I really just asked too early, and should not give up.

Also, I feel that whatever I plan to do, I need to acquire a certain resource known as 'life'. I don't know where to start, though.

I does not sound hopeless to me. You just need to be more persistent, whithout being overbearing. Giving up too early is a common mistake.

I Really hate saying this because I want OP to win, but i was in a situation like this myself. The girl said she was not interested in dating right then but that "I was not being rejected". I tried to be her friend in hopes of improving things, but I later found out that her words were just a way of "rejecting me softly". Still I wish you luck OP.

> I Really hate saying this because I want OP to win

and I don't want to fight an unwinnable fight.