To begin in a blunt, direct way: I'm asexual.
And by this (for the uninformed ones) I mean I have no sexual feelings at all. I am not sexually atracted to anyone. This complicates a lot of things. It makes me a tiny bit more anti-social than a normal shy person...and relationships are a big NO, since obviously the partner ends up being sexual and sex eventually gets in the way.
This part being quite clear (I hope), I'll explain (at least try to) my story in a short way.
I'm in love with a girl. We have a lot in common (alhtough our personalities diverge a bit). Our tastes are pretty similar, at least when it comes to books movies tv shows etc. And lately (after I've get to known her better and betteR) i've been developing a big admiration for her (not merely friendship-like, but also not in any sexual sense). I know it's love, because when you love, you know it. You can't explain it quite clearly, but you know it's...it.
Anyway...she appears to be the common heterosexual girl.
If I was a lesbian I guess i'd be in a lot of trouble, because the sexual attraction would be a constant presence and I'd get frustrated in every means.
In my particular case, the feelings are emotions and sentiments, only. How do I explain this to her? I like her more than a friend. But it's not like I want to go to bed with her. That's too confusing to say to a person. And I guess I'd never manage to find the guts.
My dream situation would be that she begun having feelings for me too and we eventually kiss and confront the whole situation. But the probability of it ending up well it's so freaking small I begin hating being asexual.
If I was a lesbian at least the probability of being in a relationship happily would be waayy bigger. But having this lack of urges and sexual attraction I can't, I'd never get into a "normal" relationship with no one.
What am I to do? To keep floating in this world like a spectator and prevail like this till I die?
Force myself to change and try to engage on sexual relationships?
For now I'm keeping true to myself, but I don't feel enterely happy with my situation. I keep falling in and off love with the wrong people (people I'd never get a change with) and at the same time knowing that, even if they loved me back, they wouldn't understand my situation.
Why isn't asexuality a common thing in this universe yet? I sincerely hope for future asexuals to be luckier than this generation.
You have two distinct problems, but they boil down to the same thing: it is commendable to stay true to your nature, but the same applies to other people. Attraction between a homossexual and a heterossexual always ends in disaster. We even have a name for people for which it can work: bissexuals. The same applies for (a)sexuality.
So if the girl really is het, I'm not optimistic about your prospects. But on the other end what do you know? Perhaps she is not het, or has bissexual tendencies, so you might as well try your luck. As long as you are aware of your low odds, it does not hurt to try. As for the assexuality issue, you'll deal with it when it becomes a problem.
For me, the best attitude for you would be to do what many homossexuals do: meet like-minded people via internet, or at lesbian friendly bars/associations/etc. This is exactly what people who want to meet people from the same religion do, there's no reason you could also not do it. In this way, you beat the fact that you are a minority. As for the assexual aspect, same thing: meet assexuals over the internet or IRL. There's plenty of ressources available, check this http://www.asexuality.org/en/
Yeah, you can't 'convert' or change someone's sexuality. That's something you're born with. Also, it would be downright GROTESQUE (have a heart) to try to restrict someone's sexuality just because you're asexual. So like the previous poster said find other asexuals.
You're both right, it wouldn't be fair for both parties to restrict each other's nature.
I don't know what go into me, I guess It's been a difficult phase. Not so difficult as it was when I didn't know about my asexuality of course. But now I see limits everywhere, although I already felt them but never really thought they existed...and now..well, I'm lost.
I'll follow your advice and look into asexual sites to find people like me.
And about the girl in question, I'll just keep being the person I am with her and shove feelings aside.
>>4 Good luck in your quest, and remember, we are billions, so whatever your tastes, there will be people to cater for them. And it's not like you need thousands of gf...
> I have no sexual feelings at all
> and we eventually kiss
you know what? you can contribute to society by giving yourself to a random hikkikomori dude. fuck lesbi, you could in fact make another man happy.
>>6
eventually kiss
yep you definitely have sexual feelings
Let me ask you... do you know what a clitoris is? Or how to masturbate? Maybe you should look that up... you asexual you.
I don't mean to call you a liar, but I'm extremely suspicious of people that call themselves 'asexual.' Usually, they just haven't been 'sexually awakened' or met the right person. True asexuality is very rare.
>>9 just like lesbians are girls who didn't meet the right guy, eh?
Just let her describe herself as assexual. After all, that's what she concluded about herself, and that by itself is significant. Flatly denying it won't bring much. Even if later she turns out to enjoy sex (just like a girl turns out to behave bisexually, even though she declares herself lesbian now), it's important that this is how she feels now.
And trust me, she has spent more time being herself than both of us ever will, so let's give her some credit.
Find an asexual relationship. There are websites for asexuals who are after asexuals. Even if you don't find the right person there at least you could finds friends and people who'll understand your problem.
in my experience, the terms 'heterosexual' and 'homosexual' are irrelevant and meaningless. people are very rarely attracted to only one sex (or race!), and their preferences are just as varied as their individualities. if you think she's 'hetero,' don't let that stop you. people fall in love with people, not their genitals. i've 'converted' (more like awakened them to explore other possibilities) more than my fair share of women, so i speak from experience. not saying it'll work for sure; she may have been programmed from a young age to reject homosexuality, and then you'll be up against something larger than you can probably tackle, but just be yourself and get to know her. once you become good friends and develop a strong sense of trust, you can let her know you like her (or that you may like girls) and see what happens. by that stage, she should like you enough not to hurt your feelings by cutting you out of her life or saying something cruel, and she may feel the same way or at least be open to experimenting. who knows, maybe once you get to know her better, or once you try it out, you may realize she's not for you. good luck.
Not fair to go after anyone that is not also asexual, simply a recipe for disappointment, but it sounds like you know this, so fair enough.
>once you become good friends and develop a strong sense of trust, you can let her know you like her (or that you may like girls) and see what happens
It's pretty manipulative to make friends with someone just because you want to get in their pants. Granted people do this all the time, but it sounds worse when you suggest exploiting someone's trust for your own devices.
>if you think she's 'hetero,' don't let that stop you.
>i've 'converted' (more like awakened them to explore other possibilities) more than my fair share of women
OP personally I'd ignore this, horrible advice. Please do listen to and respect people's boundaries, if this girl tells you she is heterosexual or otherwise not interested in a relationship, don't consider the matter still open for consideration, take their word for it and move on. It's really shitty to ignore another persons choices and boundaries, if they change their minds later on fine but until that point you have no place considering them fair game/making any move other than up and up friendship.
oh holier than thou >>13
>It's pretty manipulative to make friends with someone just
>because you want to get in their pants. Granted people do this
>all the time, but it sounds worse when you suggest exploiting
>someone's trust for your own devices.
you have reading comprehension problems, please go back to school. it has nothing to do with manipulation. the truth is that people judge others, so if you tell her off the bat 'i like women, i like you' without getting to know her first, she'll likely write you off because you're not her friend and she holds no positive feelings for you. become friends first so you can figure out if you actually like her for her, and so that she's had time to get to know you and figure out if she likes you back. also, as a friend, she's less likely to tell you to fuck off and rip your heart out. and if it doesn't work out, you might still be able to remain friends, and who doesn't need more friends?
>OP personally I'd ignore this, horrible advice. Please do
>listen to and respect people's boundaries, if this girl tells
>you she is heterosexual or otherwise not interested in a
>relationship, don't consider the matter still open for
>consideration, take their word for it and move on. It's really
>shitty to ignore another persons choices and boundaries, if
>they change their minds later on fine but until that point you
>have no place considering them fair game/making any move other
>than up and up friendship.
again, reading comprehension fail. i said "if you THINK she's 'hetero'" NOT "if she says she's hetero or does not in any way, shape, or form like you, then by all means go ahead and try to get in her pants." bitch, please. of course you respect others' boundaries, but if you have nothing to work with, don't automatically assume it won't work out. it can. when you start thinking 'oh, it'll never work out blahblah' and making excuses not to try, then you're setting yourself up for failure.
you have to work with what she gives you, but bear in mind that people don't know themselves nearly as well as they think. she may say she's hetero, but has never experimented or given it any serious consideration. maybe in 10 years she will be a full-blown dyke or a bisexual, she just needed the right person to come along. i don't advocate holding a candle for self-proclaimed heterosexuals and you should never egg her on if she says no, but sexuality can be liquid.
case in point, three girls openly told me they were straight. several months down the line, they told me they liked me and/or wanted to have sex with me. i didn't try to convince them either way, that's just how it worked out. i'm not writing this here to brag or seem like a manipulative, conniving bitch. i'm writing this so you know it's possible and you don't get down and depressed from 'normal' people on the internet telling you it'll never work and there's no hope for you. anything is possible, you just have to be respectful about it.