how do i make it end? (43)

1 Name: the used guy : 2009-05-03 06:34 ID:qXuO2AW5

It all started about a year ago. I had finally gotten with the girl of my dreams who was also one of my best friends who I have known for 3 years (we've been dancing around each other for a while, ever since freshman year of high school). About 2 weeks into the relationship, she tells me she want's to have a romantic night on the beach, and I agree that it would be a good idea. It took me a few hours but I was able to get reservations at a new restaurant after calling in my favors, but I was determined to make it a great night.

Once we get there though the next night, things took a turn for the worst. Apparently she had a girlfriend who lived in the beach area, and was just using me to get to her. I then got the whole "we can still be friends" talk before they went running off to do god knows what. Not wanting to waste the reservation I call in to say it's just going to be for one, eat, and then get ready to go to the car thinking that I should just leave the now ex in long beach to find a way back home 90 miles away.

Here's where things go awry. I get a call from her older sister who reminds me that I promised her mom that the now ex would be home safely by 6AM, so I just wait at the restaurant until the two girls are done. As I see them, like clockwork, the sister calls again saying that I'm supposed to bring back the new friend also, and seeing that the older sister's husband would kick my ass for doing something wrong, I agreed.

Driving back home with those two girls was a pain. They didn't have sex in the car thankfully, but instead they wanted to know a lot about me, and the new friend want's to know why myself and the ex weren't ever together. I then find out that the ex totally denied me as a boyfriend and she said she'd thought I'd understand because it's for their true love. A basic grumble from me stopped that conversation. Similar ones came after but none as bad as that was. The morning ended with me dropping them off and telling the ex alone that I can't believe she'd do this to me and why? but she walked away after.

A few days after, I had found out that the ex had now denied the relationship's existence to her friends and some of my friends, and also went into my backpack and ripped up every note we had ever exchanged. Taking this as the last straw, I tried to confront her. It had failed though seeing that she just kept having her friends keep me away from her and blocking any of my calls.

My last attempt to talk to her was to write a sealed letter asking why all of it happened and saying that I hope she comes to her senses and stops acting without thinking of the outcome and having her sis pass on to her. Somehow the letter fell into her mothers hands who had not until then known her daughter was bi. Obviously, the ex thought I had given the note to her mom unsealed, and wanted to take revenge.

Fast forward to present day. I'm currently a freshman on my second semester at a community college. The ex and the new girl are still a couple, and the ex is still mad at me because the letter was read by her mom. Ever since then, the ex has had her friends who think that I'm a scumbag block me from every relationship probability by making friends with most of the girls I know who are single and telling them about how they used to date me and how I used them and almost got some of them pregnant (not true by the way, haven't gotten that far with any girl actually..). The worst part is that after a whole year has past, they are still doing it, and even online now to some people!

I guess what I come here to ask is if anyone has any idea about how I can get all this evilness away from me so I can live a normal life, or at least a semi-normal life? Sorry for all those details, but they're kind of needed to understand the situation for most people.

Thanks for any input.

2 Name: 43 : 2009-05-03 08:59 ID:htRl9xVF

Woah!

Maybe you could have the older sister to explain that the letter was meant for her and not her mother?

3 Name: 43 : 2009-05-03 09:00 ID:htRl9xVF

Also, my motto is not to trust bisexuals :P

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-05-03 12:54 ID:MKIZdt55

First of all, accept that this is one crazy bitch and avoid her as best you can. There is nothing you can do to convince her to back off yourself.

Second is, you must have some kind of reprieve for her continued harassment of you, no doubt this behaviour is an offense on your campus and obviously has plenty of witnesses. They are stalking you and it has gone on way too long for you to simply ignore. Make a complaint about this, an adult should not get away with this kind of bs.

Talk to your student support liaison (if not the cops) about where and who you can take this to.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-05-03 15:56 ID:jOvMItI9

Your fault for being a clingy little bitch. When shit hits the fan, drop it and walk away. You'll look like a true man afterwords. Also, bitches are known to crawl back to an asshole guy who doesn't give a shit.. not the pussy who keeps moaning about how mean people are.

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-05-04 20:42 ID:rbI3P0Fj

File for harassment against this bitch, she should realize it was her who used you and she is the one at fault but sounds like shes a bit too immature for that, so screw her.

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-05-04 23:48 ID:gawdDbZw

Shit..this is like reading an immensely bad drama starring Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Whateverhernameis.

Mean Girls indeed.

Seriously though, they need to grow the fuck up if you guys are in college now. I don't remember stuff like that happening since I was 14. Move the fuck out of that place with nothing but a smile, and never look back.

8 Name: Scotland : 2009-05-05 00:50 ID:lWd7BgTI

Firstly, You handle the situation as a true Bloke, ALL WRONG.
Once you realised they were Bi at the Beach, you should of Drove back Home without picking those Lying backstabbing Bitches back...If you have any respect for yourself that it was you that was being Used by them, at that moment you wouldnt have this big problem right now.

They would of got home eventually and had to fess up themselves, not you reveal their secret and take the blame for them like a goody two shoes...

of course they would of blamed you for not picking you up, but you would answer why your Date, didnt involve the both of you and so you were pissed off about her and drove out...

now the currently remedy for your situtation would be to directly confront her older sister who would be clearly much more mature than that kid and explain the whole situation to her, of course the intial confrontation should be a little hard as she will first take the side of her younger sister since she has her side of view right now.

after the situtation is explained and dealt with, stay away from that family, cut your loses and connections/ ties to that family and start a new...simple.

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-05-05 03:22 ID:IHJhuCFQ

here's some more advice even though I agree with what was said above for the most part. There is not much you can do about that girl you have a couple options with her you could confront her which I know would be close to impossible but you could do it.

option 1 - walk up to her tell her to grow up and move past her immature grudge tell her the letter was for her sister not her mom and be sure to use lot's of curse words and scream at her then walk away ignoring any sort of retort she offers.

option 2 - if you havn't done this already stop talking to her and her bi friend thats simple cut off all contact permantently as for the potential girlfriend thing just quick explain to them before the ex interferes the situation and that your ex spreads romors about you due to a grudge.

Additionally since your ex was a true and complete bitch and nothing like a dream girl at all the fact that she can make friends easily with girls you are interested in means most likely the type of girls you are interested in are also bitches who would betray you also. So you should look elsewhere either way there are plenty of awesome girls in unnexpected places.
Good luck man hopefully if everything fails you can transfer colleges where she can never find you oh and delete your facebook or myspace so she can't track you that way either.

10 Name: the used guy : 2009-05-05 07:28 ID:qXuO2AW5

Thanks for the advice, I think within the week I'll have the situation handled. Well, I hope anyways. Thing is that I don't see her in person anymore because she goes to another college and lives in those dorms.

My friend became friends with her though and is going to try to arrange a meeting of sorts. Not sure how it's going to go out, but as >>9 said, I'm gonna tell her to grow up and move on because it was not my intentions for this to happen.

My main problem is going to get the wild fire that the ex's friends have spread about me out, because that's what's really hurting my luck here. I figure that if I get the message through the ex's head though about all this, that possibly she'll get her friends in check. Wish me luck everybody.

11 Name: Scotland : 2009-05-05 23:49 ID:lWd7BgTI

good luck, on whatever you plan to do

however I still would of made that bitch regret mess with the wrong person and handled it differently...but thats me, i dont like being used and let the person get away with it.

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-05-06 02:27 ID:IHJhuCFQ

good luck hopefully it will help try to formulate a plan of attack first before you talk to her write out what you want to say anticipate things she might say to you and come up with strong responses. remember you want to be in control here if she catches you off gaurd you might seem weak and thats the complete opposite of how this should go you have to be forceful and strong with this or she won't take you seriously or take it as an attempt to get back together. if reasoning doesn't work curse and yell if you have to she did some terrible things to you so you should have no trouble if it comes to that

13 Name: the used guy : 2009-05-06 08:50 ID:qXuO2AW5

>>11 I wish I could have handled it that way, but it was partially because I try to keep my cool in most situations, and also it seemed like it wouldn't be that long of a situation, typical denial right? Heh.

>>12 Thanks for the luck. I will diffinately need it. I'm taking the advice on writing out what she would probably say and alot of things that she probably wouldn't say just in case. Sadly, I don't think I'd be able to curse her out and yell at her directly if reasoning didn't work. I just don't work that way. Although if she gets me too pissed off I might snap like that, you never know.

3 days until it all happens... sigh

14 Name: the used guy : 2009-05-08 06:47 ID:qXuO2AW5

update on the situation: on top of meeting with the ex to try to settle everything down, my friend has just informed me that she's going to be bringing some of her other friends (presumably the one's who probably know me.).

My question for you is that in such a situation that those friends are the ones who really dislike me now, how do I try to settle all of this? Is it just a lost cause?

Help?....

15 Name: Scotland : 2009-05-09 21:04 ID:t8Vvm9iL

well you meet up with them, see what they have to say, but if they start up bullshit,tell them to go fuck themselves and your not wasting your time on bullshit from immature girls and storm off.

walking away from a situation like this is what she would want you to do, so the story is one-sided. well, dont push your ideas and opinion on them though, just be sincere about it but when shit hits the fan, then you need to give meaningful last words then move on...be the bigger man.

and btw, try to keep the mood and atomosphere as light as possible, last thing you want is a gang of bitches shouting at your ear.

16 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-05-10 00:20 ID:gLUNPn+c

I would go through with it only if you feel confident enough the plan is still the same but I agree with 15 keep your cool and don't flip out you have to seem and act above them. From what you've said so far it should go down ok as long as your ex and her friends aren't looking for a fight. This could actually work out in your benefit really I mean if you don't flip out and keep your cool even when she accuses you of stuff her friends might see that the rumors are all false and you are not the type of guy she has made you out to be.

17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-05-10 01:19 ID:GFDhxMWm

Why would you bother meeting her?
Look if your 'friends' believed her lies then they aren't your friends.

Drop all contact with anyone that thinks your an asshole who used girls, your real friends will stay with you. Continue going to college, make new friends in your classes and never speak of that bitch to anyone. Don't even try to make ends meet with her or her family.

I don't know if you still have to go that meeting or not, but if you can, avoid it. It will only hurt more than help imho.

But good luck nonetheless, this is a really unfortunate event.

18 Name: the used guy : 2009-05-10 06:27 ID:qXuO2AW5

Hey guys, I just came back from the meeting. Thanks for all the advice. Well, I did as most of you said to not flip on them and try to keep it a cool and light atmosphere. Sadly though it didn't go as well. Not to mention a few of them want to fight the few friends I have that didn't totally buy all the lies, saying that my friends are stupid for not believing the "truth".

Worse yet, I then find out that there was actually a fight because of all of this a few days ago. The current situation remains like this. Ex and her friends still mad at me although I hope I was able to make a few of them think differently.

If you like, I can keep you posted on future endeavors. But in the goal of getting them to stop, it seems I have failed. I guess I'll have to wait it out, hopefully only a few months.

Thanks though for all of the advice. Without it, I probably wouldn't have been able to keep my cool when meeting with them. For now on though, I'll trudge through college in Southern California and try to avoid falling into another one of these traps.

19 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-05-11 08:53 ID:Heaven

>>18
you are stupid and obviously deserve everything you get for not listening to common sense advice.

20 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-05-12 20:40 ID:n6CCp7Qz

Move away and/or change your identity, or carefully separate your online identities with your offline identity, so that they can't track you down there.

Approach these people and ask them to stop (and when you do this, try to be calm and civil).

21 Name: n6CCp7Qz : 2009-05-12 20:50 ID:n6CCp7Qz

>>20
Wait, I just read the entire thread. Forget the second paragraph, but I would like to reiterate this:

Move away and/or change your identity, or carefully separate your online identities with your offline identity, so that they can't track you down there.

22 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-05-13 22:22 ID:rbI3P0Fj

Kill the bitch, you shouldn't have to change anything about yourself to succumb to her immature whims. Let us know when your on the run for murder.

j/k, but it IS one of your options...

23 Name: the used guy : 2009-05-14 08:28 ID:qXuO2AW5

>>22 I'm sorry, but I fear that murder is out of the question due to the fact that I'd probably botch it up. If it ever comes to that though I know that at least I can rely on the good ol' folks on 4-ch to help avoid authorities.

>>20 I wish I could keep both identities separate, but I'm an online blogger and that's how I make a quarter of my income. Moving away also wont be an option for a few months, but the first chance that I get I'm out of here.

Lastly, I found another girl who is actually interested in me who the ex promises that she won't ruin for me. Right there I think it could be a trap, but I say fuck it, I best at least try and risk it being a trap. Hopefully I won't have to be back here with more bad news.

See you in about a week if all is well.

Ciao!

24 Name: Ryuuchi : 2009-05-15 21:55 ID:fULRosFQ

From what I've read so far, she basically just used you to go to the beach in order to meet up her friend. That was one thing that screwed you up. As I were you, that would be the last time to be used and not stay in touch with the people who used you for stupid things when they should do it by themselves. I say you are the middle man now and things may be out of hand.

Keep your kool. Getting angry at them or whatever is the last thing she probably expects you to do or even yourself. Just keep your kool and be mature about it. I'm not saying you immature but being mature to this whole situation is the key.

Tell her how you feel and about the whole situation. Everyone has choices and you should decide for yourself on what is the right thing to do.

25 Name: the used guy : 2009-05-19 21:52 ID:qXuO2AW5

Hey everyone. It hasn't been a full week yet, but things have already ended with this new girl and I. Let me start from the beginning about her.

I met her about four weeks ago online on one of those stupid singles sites, I was the one to make the first move. A week after we met in person and everything was going pretty well. After the first date it seemed like things would actually work for once, especially since there was no interference from the ex so far.

We talked for a while and it sounded like she was interested in me as I was interested in her, but I had a small feeling that something wasn't totally right. I ignored that gut feeling though since I felt it was probably due to so many things going wrong before my gut thought it was going to happen again on a whim. We went on the second date the third week of knowing each other, which was also when I left my last message. At the end of that date though, my gut was sending me that message again that things would go wrong.

Now, I don't like to brag alot if I ever get the chance to, but needless to say my gut was pretty spot on. She invited me to her house because she said she had some things she wanted to make clear to me before we went on any dates. First, it turns out that she was saying her nickname was her real name. Second was that she lied and said she was one year older than she actually is, which she is still 19 and my age so no problems. Third, and the kicker, was that she already has 2 kids, one being 8 months old and one being 3 years old. That made things a little unsettling, but nevertheless I decided to at least stick around for the tea session. We talked about our lives a little more and I told her that I wouldn't mind going on another date later despite everything.

When I was on my way out the door, I had asked where the kids were, and she told me they were out with her cousin. No problem I figured, as long as she wouldn't try to pull me into being a surrogate father or something a few other girl's I've known tried. Just about as I was going to the door, the doorbell rang. She rushed to the door in front of me to see if it was her cousin with the kids. It was, but it was also my ex.

One of the more interesting aspects of the night came about 15 minutes afterwards, when after the awkwardness subsided. Basicly, the date put her kids to bed but told me to stay in the house and she'd try to settle this whole mess once and for all. I looked at the situation and thought that maybe this would be the time that if I stay things would be settled for good. All the ex had to say was something to the affect of "this is the guy who told your aunt about my relationships" to get me yelled out of the house.

=+-Next Date Pending-+=

26 Name: Ryuuchi : 2009-05-19 22:53 ID:fULRosFQ

My friend is married to a girl who has three kids. I asked him a lot of personal questions regarding between him and his wife. The things he told me are the things he meant and I felt that the words hit me to what he has said to me. I've known him for a very long time. We knew each other back in elementary and ever since, we somehow been staying in touch. He's a good guy as far as I know and the things he tells me I believe because I've known him for a very long time. The most surprising thing to me that he has ever done in his life is that he's married. Now getting married is something to be in full commitment of and he never told me about this. I guess he was afraid or wanted to surprise his friends. He actually does care his wife's children. He's being the responsible father and husband that he needs to be.

Now why did I tell you about this? If you really do care about the girl you've been dating then go. There are some sacrifices that you will make. It's not that I'm saying it's a bad thing. I'm saying that you really like this girl or perhaps truly love her and you want to take care of her and her children then go for it.

If not, then you just walked into a time bomb and you tripped the wrong wire.

27 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-05-20 05:29 ID:qXuO2AW5

>>26 I'm not sure if you read his whole thread post. What he was saying is that despite everything that she didn't tell him about at first he was still interested in a second date until his ex. I have to agree with you though.

>>25 if you are really interested in this girl, I'd say wait for things to cool down and maybe she'll think better of you despite her cousin, "the ex". I for one am suprised that you haven't totally cracked after everything that's happened. that takes some serious willpower.

28 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-05-20 06:08 ID:gLUNPn+c

your ex is truely a nightmare no one deserves that for her to go that far defies all rational ideas I can come up with

29 Name: Ryuuchi : 2009-05-20 06:40 ID:fULRosFQ

What is matters is that you if you truly love her then nothing else matters. Don't worry about her ex. He doesn't have the right to interfere your relationship between you and her.

30 Name: the used guy : 2009-05-20 06:55 ID:qXuO2AW5

You guys are right. I mean, I don't truly LOVE this girl that I met just four months ago, love doesn't come that fast for me. But I do truly like her and wish to pursue a relationship. I just don't know if I should call her up or attempt to catch her at her place. I think that calling her would be the best resort, and it's been almost a week so things should have blown over.

I guess what I'm asking is, should I call her?

31 Name: Ryuuchi : 2009-05-20 19:41 ID:fULRosFQ

It's not a bad thing to call her or come see her at all. At least that's what I think.

I think you should. What have you got to lose?

32 Name: the used guy : 2009-05-23 07:50 ID:qXuO2AW5

Well, I called her and she didn't answer, called her a few days later and no answer, but she responded to one of my messages. Didn't quite catch the whole gist of what she was saying, but I believe unless I misheard over half of it she want's me to not see her again. That's saying it politely. Oh, and she also said she'd rather help her cousin, the ex, to expose me than to give me a shot.

Well, it's back on the road again with me I guess, except I have a new annoyance. Hopefully she didn't give the ex my number though, or that's gonna cause a slew of problems before I get it changed (don't worry, that's already on my to-do list). More than likely I'll just keep myself occupied with some projects or something until this economy lifts itself up.

Thanks for all the help.

33 Name: Ryuuchi : 2009-05-23 23:32 ID:fULRosFQ

You know...I'd like to say fuck that shit and move on. Sorry to say but forget that girl if she doesn't want to co-operate with all the shit you've been through and the effort to contact her.

I think she will be the one who will be sorry for all the shit.

and no problem, just to here to help ya out.

34 Name: knowing : 2009-06-14 05:28 ID:qXuO2AW5

Bad trouble it seems. How has it ended?

35 Name: the used guy : 2009-06-21 05:20 ID:qXuO2AW5

>>33 Thanks, I wish i could say that too.

>>34 Well, things have kind of escalated. My lack of dating experience is catching up on me. Let me catch you up from 2 weeks ago. The Ex had apparently given me a few weeks of freedom from all the stuff she has been doing. Not so good though, a majority of the girl's I've asked out around here are either influenced by what they might of heard already or because they know all that is lies but in return know that I don't have much experience in the dating realm. It's quite a gnarly predicament.

So anyways, I have finally found a girl who likes me for who I am despite lack of dating and all the lies spread about me. And you might have guessed it by now, she's hearing new lies and all. Whilst not believing most of it, she has said that if I want to date her I'd have to make all the annoyances go away.

At the moment, I don't know if it's the Ex or one of her friends. More than likely I'll be able to find out in a week or so if I'm lucky. My main question is this.

How should I go about dealing with this when I find out who it is? Mind you, at the moment and for a while moving to another city is not an option. Any help will be appreciated. Thank you.

36 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-06-26 01:37 ID:kELqtC7W

no idea, but good luck anyways on finding it!

37 Name: Schutze : 2009-06-26 23:14 ID:LfuvhomT

I'd find that bitch alone or as you said, arrange a "sort of meeting", as soon as she's alone give her a hard slap and tell her to shut up and leave me the fuck alone.
Seriously, violence shuts them the fuck up and shows them who's the man. A simple slap won't leave any marks so she won't scream RAEP!! or VIOLENCE!!1!

38 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-06-29 07:09 ID:kELqtC7W

nah, dont do violence. If you have a big enough family around there you can go at it mafia style.

39 Name: Whyt Lindow : 2009-07-16 14:30 ID:3xFPi5sb

Thought I'd ask but how many years will you be at college?

Oh another thing you maybe could try but probably a hard one is to cut yourself of from the female population at college, well most only keep people around who trust you.

Maybe you could even go out and meet new people, expand your social circle, Her influence might have had some impact on the people you already know, but could it really impact on people that she doesn't?

Just keep on track, Press forward, this is a big hurdle on your life track, you'll get over it somehow.

40 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-07-19 12:08 ID:lEA22fze

there is absolutely no reason why your ex should still be a factor in your life. move elsewhere, ignore her and her friends, and find a new circle of people. this is ridiculous.

41 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-07-25 15:44 ID:M1rPZ01m

did you try taking this to the authorities like others have suggested?

42 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-07-26 00:57 ID:T1+B8tv3

Can't you just call the ex and tell her to stop, or this will escalate to the local authoriites like some people suggested? Might be enough to calm her down, and if now, just act on your words. And yeah, adult people should not be able to act like this and get away with it.

Another idea - you seem to have a writing not too awful and said you're a blogger with income, so you probably have some exposure. Why not try to tell your story? Just avoid names and things that can identify people too easily, but don't obfuscate things too much either. You don't want to be sued for calomny. But you could at least tell your side of the story to the face of the world. Either this would give you back some credit, or could trigger a shitstorm from your "ex"'s side, which would discredit her.

Anyway, I feel bad for you. Some people are really pathetic. Good luck.

43 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-08-01 20:38 ID:PRZh8tE7

It sounds like you could actually sue her for what she's been doing (defamation)...

Call your ex and tell her to stop or you will contact the local authorities. Then never have anything to do with her, or her circle of friends, again.

You shouldn't have tried to contact her after being dumped, but it's too late for that, and I understand, even though it was unwise.

Man, she's a pathetic bitch. How could her terrible attitude not have come through at all in the previous three years? (I'm not blaming you, I'm just surprised).

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