Project Evolution (98)

1 Name: Subject No. 0 : 2009-07-28 22:18 ID:wC65Bq4Q

On this board there are many threads where posters give advice and encouragement on varying aspects of the other posters romantic lives. This advice and encouragement deals with a wide range of subjects and situations. While there are some success stories that occasionally lift the spirits of those who post or lurk here, the vast majority end in failure and only serve to deepen our collective despair and sense of hopelessness.

The advice given in these threads, while helpful, mostly deals with strategies and single situation advice for dealing with those of the opposite or appealing sex. While it may help to solve the problems of the moment it does not help with the root of the problem. Many of us find ourselves alone not only because we were dealt a cruel hand in life (little contact with women, no income, etc.) but because we ourselves have many flaws and short comings that, far too often, we are not willing to admit to ourselves. These faults in our character are perhaps the greatest hindrance to our success. I, like many here, am possessed of several character faults that hold me back from reaching my goal.

My greatest weakness is that I am like a blank slate, the real world equivalent of a Lvl 1 character. While a Lvl 1 character may be able to beat a low level boss, 99 times out of 100 they will be soundly defeated. However a “Lvl 1” also has room for great growth. I intend to embark upon a quest of personal growth. However I would not let this quest be of benefit only to myself.

Thus I introduce Project Evolution. Project Evolution is the name that I have chosen for this venture. Evolution is the process by which a species, over time, removes the useless or detrimental traits it processes while enhancing or adding to those that are beneficial. This is exactly what I intend to do here. I shall attempt to remove those traits that make me week while improving and adding to those that make me stronger. I feel that we all possess this potential for personal evolution. I intent to chronicle my attempts here in this thread so that others may learn from it and if they wish provide advice. At least once a week I will provide an update detailing my progress, setbacks, dealings with women, and how my improvements has enhanced said interactions. To begin with I will provide my stats to give a general image of who I am now. To gain the most knowledge possible I would encourage others to participate in Project Evolution. This way we can gain the maximum amount of information, drawing on the experience of individuals of different lifestyles, social classes, genders, and the like.

To participate simply make an introductory post to this thread containing your states (using the format below) and an introductory journal entry describing your current situation. After that simply provide a regular updates at least once a week and stats updates as you see fit. So as to keep track of who is who please take a subject number starting with 1 and moving up from there (please use your number for your posting name as well). Any participation will be appreciated.

Stats
Subject No.(Next Number in Line)
Sex: Male / Female
Sexual Orientation: Heterosexual / Bi sexual / Homosexual / Celibate
Age: (Your Age)
Nationality: (Your Nationality)
Education: (Your Level of Education (If in College Your Major))
Work: Yes / No (What You Do)
Income: (Fill in Income per Month)
Living Situation: Parents / Alone / Roommate
Knows How to Drive and Owns a Car: Yes / No
On Computer: (Fill in Hours a Day)
Weight: (Fill in Weight)
Smoke: Yes / No
Drink: Yes / No
Drugs: Yes / No
Virgin: Yes / No
Physical Experience: (Describe your physical experience with other people such as hugging, kissing, etc.)
Style: (How u usually dress)
Friends: (Describe your social circle)
Activities: (what do you do)
Skills: (Your skill set)
Extras: (Anything else we should know)

I shall soon post my own info and introductory post under the Subject No.0. Let us all do our best and hope for success.

2 Name: Subject No. 0 : 2009-07-29 03:37 ID:wC65Bq4Q

Day 1

Stats
Subject No.0
Sex: Male
Sexual Orientation: Heterosexual
Age: 21
Nationality: American
Education: College (Graphic Design)
Work: No (N/A)
Income: $0.00 a month
Living Situation: Parents
Knows How to Drive and Owns a Car: Yes
On Computer: 6-8 Hours a Day
Weight: 264.5 Lbs
Smoke: No
Drink: No
Drugs: No
Virgin: Yes

Physical Experience: My physical experience is extremely limited. I have had almost no physical contact with women throughout my life. I have occasionally gotten hugs from girls out of thanks for something or out of pity. I have never been kissed. I almost never initiate physical contact.

Style: I don’t really have a style. In the summer I dress in shorts with lots of pockets and either T-shirts or button ups. In the winter I just wear jeans and long sleeve shirts from L.L.Bean.

Friends: A have a small group of accountancies that come and go for the most part. There are only 2 or three people I consider to be true friends and I have only known them sense college. No one I am currently friends with has known me before college.

Activities: I spend a lot of time on the computer surfing the web. I also play a lot of video games. I like to read books but I also read a lot of manga and comics. I build mecha with legos when I have the time. I also take martial arts classes.
Skills: I practice taijutsu, I know a little origami (very little), I can cook fairly well and learn new recopies well if I cook them once

Extras: I have done a lot of traveling out of the U.S. I have been to Mexico, Costa Rica, Japan, London, and Canada. I have a massive manga collection totaling more than $5,000. I also have pet piranha.

My Story:
Well I guess my reasons for starting this are rather simple, I’m tired of being alone. I have no experience with women and am constantly getting friend zoned. I have come to believe that a large part of this has to do with the fact that I bring nothing to the table. I’m unemployed and only now starting to realize what I want to do with my life. On top of that I still live at home. This would not be so bad if I actually had any skills or interesting traits. Visually I don’t stand out, no real style and I’m nether good nor bad looking. I think this is where I shall start my attempts to change myself. I’ll have to get in shape and develop a personal style. Hopefully this will make me more noticeable if not more attractive.

One of my greatest setbacks is that I am a bit of a coward. I’m afraid to act in matters of the heart and hesitant to do anything that puts me out there or is slightly dangerous. This has held me back from developing any interesting talents or story worthy material. I shall also have to do something about this. Well I guess that’s all for now, can’t think of anything else to say at the moment. It’s time to get to work.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-07-29 06:30 ID:N2Wqi2bQ

You have some good skills already. For one, you can cook. A lot of women nowadays can't. You also majored in graphic design, so I assume that your art skills are much better than the average dude's(even if you can't draw, you must have an eye for good design). You've got a piranha, which is very uncommon. You've also done a lot of travelling, and I refuse to believe that you can't get one interesting story out of that.

Confidence, confidence! (you might be aware of this problem already of course)

4 Name: Subject No. 01 : 2009-07-29 12:12 ID:B5fkWp0n

Sounded interesting so I decided to join in, I'll try to post while I'm on my trip too

Subject No.01 aka Otakun
Sex: Male
Sexual Orientation: Heterosexual
Age: 20
Nationality: United States
Education: Education - Social Studies
Work: Fledgin martial arts teacher
Income: I get paid in food ; _ ;
Living Situation: Parents
Knows How to Drive and Owns a Car: Yes
On Computer: Generally during freetime
Weight: Secret! but lets say I can lose some
Smoke: No
Drink: Not habitually
Drugs: No
Virgin: Yes
Physical Experience: I rarely hug anybody outside of my family seriously. Let alone kissing, thats a whole nother issue.
Style: Whatever fits/comfortable, but some sense of style on occassion
Friends: Most friends in different colleges, but I see a few good ones every so often. Can easily make friends
Activities: anime/manga fan, wikipedia fanatic, gaming, martial arts, photography
Skills: Quick learner, martial arts, good memory
Extras: Socially I can get along with people, but due to circumstances have felt apathetic and unambitious in the realm of dating. The apathy can be a strength or a weakness as in being able to move on easily, but is hard to allow things to happen.

5 Name: Subject No. 01 : 2009-07-29 12:24 ID:B5fkWp0n

oh by the way... I forgot to mention i'm only in college still trying to get that degree. Plus I forgot I can cook decently... does that help?

Decided to make my story seperate:
I guess due to my upbringing I've always been somewhat of an introvert and a follower, happy to just go with the flow and not strive to do much. However, the times that I always do try, they ended up in failure due to circumstance and my own weakness. Right now I feel like my life is being wasted since my own little sister surpasses me in almost everything we do except martial arts (Thats my thing). I'm the black sheep of the family that stays home, does his own thing, and usually its nothing useful. Due to that, I'm heavily influenced by anime and manga, which helped me find my path in education. However, how the me right now hope to achieve my dreams? I have to change!

As to be expected my relationship level is pretty low, all my past "attempts" failed due to my inability to catch the right timing, whether created by me or naturally. I was in full speed ahead before, but now I'm slowing down to a slow coast. I want to avoid that at all costs.

6 Name: Subject No. 01 : 2009-07-29 12:30 ID:B5fkWp0n

Hey No. 00, do any of those people that you see in college girls? What I was thinking was that coming next semester we make atleast 1 girl a good friend! Just someone that we can rely on and ask for advice. Since we're in practically the same boat, I don't really know how to push ourselves forward...

I just know for a fact, that we gotta do something right?

7 Name: Subject No. 00 : 2009-07-29 13:48 ID:wC65Bq4Q

>>3
Thank you for your advice. I would defiantly agree with you about the lack of confidence. I am a big coward in several areas of my life, this is one of the things that I hope to change. The traveling and piranhas would be good conversation starters, I don’t think I have been using those topics to full effect. The graphic design is actually new, I won’t be applying for that major until the spring but it should be a good point. If the cooking is a good point than I guess I’ll have to gain more experience.

Subject No. 01

Thank you for joining me in this endeavor. May our efforts bear fruit and our experience benefit each other. I noticed that you said “my own little sister surpasses me in almost everything we do except martial arts (Thats my thing)”. I think you may have a solution right there. Like you with your sister my friends out shadow me in almost everything. For that reason we should gain more things that only we do. If you’re the only one participating you will be the best. Plus you will stand out more.

I also think that your plan for the coming semester is a good one. While I did make female acquaintances last semester I will be changing schools. Having a female on our side to give us advice would be helpful as she could give us constructive criticism, besides it is nice to have more friends.

8 Name: Subject No. 01 : 2009-07-30 03:52 ID:B5fkWp0n

I think the fact that you're changing schools is a good opportunity for experimenting on yourself. Are you leaving anytime soon? Like after this semester or starting this semester in a different school?

I see it like this... since you're leaving your old school you could try getting to know more and more people there. If you mess up you're going somewhere else anyways, and if you don't you can stay in contact with them. The new school is also a whole new opportunity yes? A chance to reinvent yourself. As for me, I'm leaving my current school in the spring for another one, so I'm going to try as much as I can!

9 Name: Subject No. 02 : 2009-07-30 22:07 ID:LafgPt8P

Subject No.02
Sex: Male
Sexual Orientation: Heterosexual
Age: 19
Nationality: Slovakia
Education: Studying college (Pharmacy)
Work: No
Income: Well, none... if you don't count parents
Living Situation: Roommate mostly, but with parents in summer
Knows How to Drive and Owns a Car: No (But currently learning)

On Computer: Around 8 hours a day
Weight: 60 kg (skinny)
Smoke: No
Drink: Yes, sometimes
Drugs: Yes
Virgin: Yes
Physical Experience: Many hugs with friends (mostly females, but few males too), kissed with one girl and also got to well... do her once manually, but that was all
Style: Hm, casual? I wear, what I find comfortable
Friends: I have like 4 really good friends from high school and made quite a lot among current schoolmates, few of them are really close to me including my 2 roommates.

Activities: I like stories generally, so most of my free time is spent on movies, tv-series, anime, comics and so on. Then hanging out with friends and also studying - it takes a lot of my time and I like doing it.

Skills: Learning, logical and rational thinking, getting on with people

My story:
In my life for now, there were only 2 girls worth mentioning because I got somewhere with them. The first one... well, this is a very long story and I plan to post it here some day because I need to let it out, maybe in a separate topic because I don't think I've got over her, even now. Let say it took 5 years of my life and I have to live with a feeling that I kicked away the person, that understood me the best. The other girl was the one I got physical with, it was a summer thing and I didn't have any real feelings for her, just took a chance to gather experience. Funny note - neither of them became my girlfriend. I wanted to, mostly with girl no. 1, but it didn't happen.

10 Name: Subject No. 02 : 2009-07-30 22:30 ID:LafgPt8P

So, the next question should be - why am I here? Because I want to know, how it feels to have someone, that loves me. I want to evolve so that I would stop overthinking things and also stop getting friend-zoned all the time. Last year I tried to get together with one girl, but got friend-zoned from the begining, so lost few months trying. But well, I was glad that I did something, even if it didnt't work out. And last but not least - I want to help evolve others. Teamwork ftw:)

For now, it's summer, so for me it means no new girls to meet, to exactly get my things going I need to wait for new semester to begin. Pitty, but at least I have time to think some things through, get together and prepare for upcoming battles.

11 Name: urbanlol : 2009-07-31 00:01 ID:J35q3ATY

Subject No.3
Sex: Sexless
Sexual Orientation: Pansexual
Age: 19
Nationality: Asian
Education: General Studies
Work: No
Income: 0.00
Living Situation: Parents
Knows How to Drive and Owns a Car: Yes
On Computer: 3-5
Weight: 151
Smoke: No
Drink: No
Drugs: No
Virgin: No
Physical Experience: the good stuff.
Style: casual, jeans, button-down shirts, chains
Friends: contains mostly younger adults
Activities: draw, sing, dance
Skills: ?
Extras: I don't want to get married or have children.

12 Name: Subject No,4 : 2009-07-31 15:56 ID:F1YooOyV

Subject No.4
Sex: Male
Sexual Orientation: Heterosexual
Age: 20
Nationality: Asian-American
Education: Major - Engineering
Work: No
Income: $0.00
Living Situation: Alone
Knows How to Drive and Owns a Car: Yes
On Computer: 2-4 hours.
Weight: ~140lb
Smoke: No
Drink: No
Drugs: No
Virgin: Yes
Physical Experience: I've hugged a girl before. That's it.
Style: Self-made style. =]
Friends: Have a few good friends.
Activities: Computers, Reading, Anime/Manga, Violin, Building things
Skills: Builds things. Plays violin. Speaks Japanese. Experienced traveler.
Extras: I'd actually just like peoples' opinion, concerning whether I actually stand a chance in the wide world of women... Had only one girlfriend years ago, but I was the reason I was dumped. Haven't even had so much as a good female friend since. =\

13 Name: Subject No. 00 : 2009-08-01 03:10 ID:wC65Bq4Q

Subject No. 01
I’m changing schools starting this fall. I’m going back to my community college to brush up on my art skills. After that I’m applying to a new University. So I guess I will have a place to level up and a place to start over.

Subject No. 02
Welcome it’s good to have you with us. From the sound of it you are already beginning to evolve. You have the drive to change and that is the first step. Your skills and activities should give you a lot of talking points in the conversation arena. I’m wondering if you have any good stories about things that you have done. It seems to me that many of the guy’s who attract girls are the ones who stand out not just in looks but who also have stories about themselves. Stories about the places you have been and the things you have done are very impressive especially when told properly. If you can establish yourself as an impressive and worldly man this could help delay a girl’s decision to friendzone you and give you more time to impress her with how great a guy you are.

Subject No. 03
It is nice to have you with use. It would be easier for us to aid you if we had more specific information or your story.

Subject No. 04
From your skill set it sounds like you have a lot of good things to work with. You seem to be very well rounded. It is a good sign for your character that you are willing to admit your fault in the failing of a relationship. To be honest I think you stand a good chance with women. If you don’t mind could you tell us more about yourself so we can give you better advice.

14 Name: Subject No. 00 : 2009-08-03 04:03 ID:wC65Bq4Q

Day 5

Well it’s been 5 days since I started this project. Since it is the start of a new week I guess I’ll go ahead and make my first one week update. To be honest not too much has happened. The major thing that I have done so far has to do with my wardrobe. I figure if you are going to update your appearance the easiest place to start is with your clothes. Basically I went through my closet and found clothes to discard. To start with I got rid of everything that I did not fit in to, most of it was years old and looked like crap anyway. Then I got rid of things that just looked terrible, a small stack. Lastly I got rid of a LOT of t-shirts. They were a lot of those snarky, sarcastic, anti-social things that kids would were in high school. For me that was the most important removal. Wearing shirts that talk about how stupid people are seems rather counterproductive, and quite frankly they were childish. Now that all that stuff is cleaned out I am only left with the best clothes I have to wear. I don’t have any money to buy new clothes right now but when I do get some I’m going to update my wardrobe.

Other than that I have not done much. I have started working on my origami skills. I figured I would start with flowers, get that combination of artistic skill and romance. I have also started working on my cooking skills. I’m also starting to look into more American music, I’m surprised that I actually like some of this stuff (only listened to anime soundtracks for years). This is a small start but you have to begin somewhere.

There are already more participants then I expected there to be at this point and it is very heartening, seems to be good variety to. It would be nice if some females would participate as well so we could get their opinions and perspective. Let’s all continue to do our best.

15 Name: Subject No. 00 : 2009-08-06 01:51 ID:wC65Bq4Q

Well I’m about to get some real world practice interacting with a girl on a one on one basis. Today I called up a female friend of main who I have not talked to all summer. We aren’t to close but we do get along well. After talking for a while we eventually got around to possibly meeting up. We are currently working out plans to go to the zoo. This won’t be a date but it’s the closest I’ll have been before. I’ve never actually gone out to do anything one on one with a girl before so this should be a good experience for me.

16 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-08-07 02:29 ID:hrR4SdXS

>>14
Well, I don't know exactly how witty your t-shirts were, but I know by experience that some of the good ones are actually great conversation starters - and what more, not even initiated by you.

>>15
If you've never been on a date alone with a girl, maybe you would want to bring some friends or something. One-on-one can lead to awkward moments and such (even if they're not mandatory). That said, it also is a good thing to push yourself through these moments, as it helps conquer the fear of interacting. Remember, there is no negative experience.

17 Name: Subject No.5 : 2009-08-07 09:55 ID:kTc/h/Yt

Ah...is it too late for this? I thought it was interesting.

Subject No.5
Sex: Female
Sexual Orientation: Heterosexual
Age: 22
Nationality: American(South Asian descent)
Education: College graduate
Work: No
Income: $0
Living Situation: Parents
Knows How to Drive and Owns a Car: No(I have a license, but the car I use is my dad's)
On Computer: 7-10 hours/day
Weight: 130 lbs (Height: 5'2)
Smoke: No
Drink: Socially Only
Drugs: No
Virgin: Yes
Physical Experience: Never past second base.
Style: T-shirt and jeans typically. Sometimes skirts. Nothing fancy unless I need to be fancy or really feel like it. I like boots, but I don't wear heels ever and don't have any intention to.
Friends: Lots from where I went to college, and a couple around here, but everyone's off doing their own thing and rarely pay notice to my existence; they're all really flaky folks. It's a little annoying, so I don't think I can really call the people here friends.
Activities: Video games, visual novels, read some books, draw a little, watch animu, read manga, eat, sleep, general grooming. I also like researching totally useless information, like the details surrounding the life of Cesare Borgia, the man that was used as a model for several paintings of Jesus at the time, or that there's a type of shark called the blotched catshark that becomes florescent under blue light. The more you know.
Skills: Drawing, writing, cooking, bullshitting, staying up for two days without sleep and still seeming perfectly normal.

Extras: I've been trying pretty hard to get a job since graduation, but I've pretty much given up at this point and I'm waiting for summer to end so some openings free up when retail places fire all the crappy noobs they hired in late spring. That is, I'm probably just using that as an excuse so I can wait a while before having to take up a crappy job at Walmart. My economic situation is what's troubling me most right now, but I'm getting a little wary of my parents nudging me to get a boyfriend and get hitched. While snagging a preferably rich boyfriend would be nice, I'm not really looking for anyone right now. Besides, I'd like to lose some weight first. I'm not obscenely fat, but it's easy to get carried away once you're no longer a teenager, and I'd like to be able to fit through doors in the future. It doesn't help that my parents like to shove barrels of rice down my throat and then tell me I'm starting to gain weight, to which I promptly reply "Whose fault is that?" while pointing to the barrel of rice they intend to feed me the next day. I do take walks every now and then, and I like to move around, so keeping my weight the same is no problem. Losing it is the issue.
It seems pretty silly, but right now I don't really have anyone to voice my petty complaints to. The person I used to consider my best friend is all but ignoring me for no reason other than she's too "busy" sucking face with her boyfriend and going to her part time job. I know it's childish to be annoyed at something like that, but she's pretty sensitive and wouldn't take me telling her all of that to her face lightly. I don't hate her, so there's no way I'd make her cry just out of a petty annoyance.

18 Name: Subject No. 00 : 2009-08-11 04:57 ID:wC65Bq4Q

Day 13

Well this post is a little late in coming. There hasn’t been too much happening sense my last post. I have improved my cooking skills a little. I learned how to cook pesto ravioli, chicken tikka, and carnitas. I not only know how to cook them but I have memorized the recipes so I can cook them from memory. I’ve also started paying a lot more attention to the clothes that I ware. I’ve been favoring button ups over T-shirts and the look a lot better. Over this next week I hope to work things out for the trip to the zoo. I also want to work on getting out of the house more as it can’t be productive to stay inside all the time.

>>16
I know what you mean about the T-shirts. I did save the ones that were witty or got conversations started. The ones that I got rid of were the ones that said things to the effect of “people are stupid” stuff that seems like it would be popular with high school kids.

>>17
Don’t worry it’s never too late to join in, welcome aboard.
If getting into a relationship isn’t important to you right now don’t let anyone push you into it. As for the barrels of rice, just be firm and let your parents know that it isn’t helping you to lose weight if they keep feeding you so much, just stand your ground. It also sounds like you need to find some friends you can actually count on to be there for you. You sound like you know what you want to go and get it. We’ll support you the best we can and give advice when you need it.

Let’s all do our best this week!

19 Name: Subject No. 01 : 2009-08-11 14:10 ID:CRdWQb6o

Day 15ish

I'm posting this from my overseas vacation so spare me on the lack of time awareness. Since I'm really in a different country right now I'm sort of stuck with my last few days. This vacation has been pretty much romanitcally depressing in that when I see a girl that I instantly get attracted to, I already think of two things...

  1. She probably doesn't speak english
  2. How in the world would I get her to see past the fact that I'm an American, plus will it even be good enough.

Don't get me wrong, being in this country makes it easy for anybody with a fluent english accent to land a girl, but I'm looking for something more worthwhile like all of you here.

Last year I met a girl taht I was starting to get close to, but the thing is... I don't know if she only was hanging around me because it was arranged to, or if she really wanted to. Also if I even want to start a long distance relationship where we struggle to an unhappy ending. We can't really communicate as it is, and I just hope that she does forget me and moves onto someone better. Ah I might just be still too chicken to do anything anyways. Guess I'll wait till I get back to the U.S. to meet a girl. Probably since school is starting soon too!

20 Name: Subject No. 02 : 2009-08-11 22:16 ID:kqeR2Ecu

Well, posting an update on my situation. Truth is, there hasn't really been an improval, mostly because of holiday, as I mentioned before - things will start to move after school starts. On the other hand, I met the girl that ment the world for me, the one which took 5 years of my life. And it shook me quite a lot. Everyone has been saying to me to get over her, hell, I've been trying to do that for such a long time and then I meet some friends we have common and bang, there she is with them and even smiles at me.

So, for now I'm just sitting at home trying to get rid of this sad-lonely mode and I'm not really in shape of social interactions. I know that it will improve at september, but this also means I have to live with it for a month. Crap.

Subject No. 00
If you're not expecting anything but friendship from the girl you're going with, it's a good idea to obtain some interaction skills and the awkward moments won't be that much of a problem. But keep in mind that it's not the real thing, if you'll go out with a girl you like then prepare for loads of nervousness to overcome. And I envy you that cooking think, that should score some points with girls.

Subject No. 01
If you're looking for something serious, than I think long-distance relationship isn't good idea. You don't even know each other and you have only few days left. But there's a chance, you know, to get some experience - in interaction or physical. Well, if she doesn't speak english that leaves only the physical but still, it can make you less nervous when you'll find some girl to get serious with. But if she attracts you too much on an emotional way, it's probably not worth trying.

Subject No. 05
Well, for now you seem to be pretty much occupied with everything but getting a boyfriend, so I good luck with getting these things in order. You can also address your complaints here, we'll listen.

21 Name: Subject No.04 : 2009-08-13 06:02 ID:v9KeymYe

Summer vacation = nothing interesting. There's not much one can do while on summer vacation. However, I am doing a few things, even though they are more related to self-development for my own sake rather than being related to women... oh well, here goes:

  1. I lost weight during an overseas trip I recently returned from. As a result, my body looks slimmer and better than it was before. I'd like to keep it that way, so I've started to watch what I eat, and how much I eat.
  2. Working on my Japanese skills - I can get past conversation fine, but I have the kanji (Japanese written characters) knowledge equivalent of a 5th-grader... spending the rest of summer to work on this.

Subject No.01
You don't happen to be in Asia right now, are you?

Subject No.02
I know how you feel. It's now been over 4 years and I still haven't completely gotten over being dumped by my first (and only) girlfriend. I haven't even spoken a single word to her at all since that day. It all went down my senior year of high school - talk about having a crappy senior year, especially when your entire circle of friends (of which she is apart of) is partying (including her) like there's no tomorrow while you're depressed as hell! I thought that distancing myself would work, and for the most part it has. Although, there are still times when I remember. It was very bad at the beginning, but as time went on it got better... especially when it came to my attention that she got a new boyfriend, I realized that if she was able to forget about some loser like me and move on to someone better, that it would be possible for me to do the same. I honestly believe that in order to completely, 100% forget, it'll just take more time.

Subject No.05
Be strong. Please, always try to think that there are people who have been through worse than you, and were able to survive and overcome their problems. Sometimes you just have to go through the unpleasant moments in life. Good luck with your problems, and remember that you can always talk here whenever you feel like it. =]

22 Name: Subject No.05 : 2009-08-16 07:06 ID:kTc/h/Yt

Thanks, you guys are all awesome.:D I don't think I'll be able to write every day, but I'll do my best to keep things updated. I'm probably going to complain a lot, so apologies in advance; I know there's a lot of people worse off than me, but that's precisely why I can't really complain to my friends and family. They've all got it a heck of a lot worse.

Anyhow, first entry will be divided in two, as I write too goddamn much.

---
Entry 1 (Part 1)
---

So earlier in the week I managed to get back in touch with that same friend who has never so much as tagged me in a Facebook note in probably around a year(I'm always the one who has to call the princess, since I'm so obviously the lowly servant), and she ropes me into this voice acting project she's involved in. There was a role open, so considering she's pretty much my only link to human society outside the internet and my immediate family, I opted to try out for it. It's not a huge production or anything; think one of those cheap fandubs on youtube or whatnot. Actually, just thinking about doing something like that is already annoying me, but it's good to try new things, right? Right? You don't know you'll hate something until you try it. Or so I tell myself.

Right now, if one of my acquaintances invited me to go sky diving with them(an all paid trip, of course; I'm dirt poor after all), I'd go in a heartbeat, despite being absolutely terrified of heights and greatly disliking the idea of wind in my face. Reading lines in front of a cheap microphone that's probably older than I am sounds like a little better than trolling private WoW servers at this point. Rather than improving my situation, I feel like I'm clawing at any single grain of possibility in this hole I've gotten myself stuck in. I think the fact that, instead of feeling completely depressed about it, something inside me just feels really pissed off about it, and that's what's motivating me. But then, I remember I'm dirt poor, and that fire is snuffed before it even has a chance to burn.

Anyway, moving past that, the meeting with my friend didn't go all that smoothly. We wandered around the mall for a while, she updated me on her life, I updated her on mine, the usual. The reason we're still friends is that even if you split the both of us up for years and years, when we see each other again, we just pick up where we left off as if nothing happened. I don't mean to make it sound like I'm singing her praises one second and bashing her with a spiked mallet the next, but that sorta puts how I feel about her into proper perspective.

You see, after some time, we got bored of just wandering around by ourselves, and I asked her to invite some more of her friends along; the more the merrier after all. So she calls her boyfriend, who is very much not interested in joining us but is adamant in his "maybe I'll come, we'll see" wishy-washy response. Now, here's the issue; she didn't call anyone other than her boyfriend. Not only that, but she proceeded to have a "serious" argument over the phone with said boyfriend(over his flip-flopping nature) in the middle of the mall for around a half hour. After this, she proceeds to rant to me about her doormat boyfriend, about how he always flip-flops and such and how SHE always has to make the decisions in the relationship. This part wasn't so bad; the fact that she was letting out her complaints to me made me feel a bit relieved in a sense. Regardless, we ended up going back to her place...where she calls her boyfriend and has him show up. And then they had a conversation. A serious one. In the stairway right next to the room I was left rolling my eyes in with said friend's little sister(who is pretty awesome for realizing that this girl is the epitome of etiquette failure). Once said conversation is finished, they proceed to make out. For like an hour. While her sister played on my Nintendo DS.

23 Name: Subject No.05 : 2009-08-16 07:07 ID:kTc/h/Yt

---
Entry 1 (Part 2)
---

At this point, please be reminded that I put forth a valiant effort not to punch both of them in the face. My efforts were a rousing success! Aren't you guys proud?

We ended up getting some ice cream later and she lassoed me into that voice acting thing, so it wasn't a complete disaster. Regardless, I need to find myself better friends(though, I do have better friends, but they're all in another state and I'm too poor and too attached to living spaces that are devoid of roaches to move back there), or at least headbutt some proper manners into that girl.

Besides all of that, I've been formulating a new plan for my future. Wal-mart is the key; first I have to get a job there and work there for a while to get some good rep. It's possible to transfer from one Wal-mart to another, so I was thinking of saving up some money and moving back to where my friends are. If that doesn't work, I have a million more Pinky and the Brain induced back-up plans. Vigilance!:D

...or so I tell myself.>_>

24 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-08-16 23:05 ID:hrR4SdXS

>>23
Sounds like a bit of planning, a bit of daring are putting you on the good way - good luck!

25 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-08-18 08:01 ID:xa6fYcU7

Words of wisdom for those in this thread:

You can get bros without hos, but you can't get hos without bros.

In other words, you can't expect to get anywhere with women unless you have some solid friends.

26 Name: Subject No.6 : 2009-08-19 12:49 ID:wHMTclMu

This might be already too late. But I’ll try anyways

Subject No.6
Sex: Male
Sexual Orientation: Heterosexual
Age: 17
Nationality: Asian-British
Education: College-Animation
Work: No
Income: $0.00
Living Situation: with parents
Knows How to Drive and Owns a Car: No
On Computer: Mostly when I have a free time
Weight: 183 lbs
Smoke: No
Drink: No
Drugs: No
Virgin: Yes
Physical Experience: I’ve only been able to hug girls before. That’s it
Style: Well in terms of clothing I normally wear formal and suitable fashion clothing with suits during proper occasion I never wear hip-hop or what other teenagers like to say gangster clothing.
Friends: Have an average number of good friends.
Activities: Computers, Drawing, Learning how to speak Japanese, watching anime and reading manga, Sports, video games, rock-climbing, swimming and Eating.
Skills: Easy to talk to, cooking, helping other people when they need it, giving advice (sometimes).

Extras: Like No.5 I’ve been trying to find a job to support myself and give some to my family as well, but due to this economic downfall I can’t get any no matter how good my application form is, and I was at a verge of giving up but then I thought if I gave up now that would mean I would give up on harder things in life so I didn’t but rather persevere. But my main problem is not that I don’t have a job but rather the lingering feeling that I feel that my life is like an empty shell, there’s nothing that satisfy me, I have an average of good friends but most of them have already set goals and seems to be fulfilling it, which I have this friend who went to Ireland, by the way I live in the UK, anyways he went there to do a golf course because he wants to become a pro golf player and others are also successful and it every time I hang with them they seem like in a different level than I am, although I excel in animation it feels like something is missing. But that is my problem I don’t know what’s missing. Especially during summer holidays like now which it takes it out of you since I’m here at my house doing nothing worthwhile and worth remembering, and even though I go to parties it still feel empty, I’ve decided many times that I will need to change myself before the new semester starts, but what I am worried about is that, if I changed myself would it fill the gaps that’s been missing in me….

27 Name: Mr Write : 2009-08-20 06:00 ID:z48dYoJU

>>26

Isn't it obvious?? What you lack is someone to really care about; Be that a girlfriend, or a best friend. Go find someone that you really respect and become close with them.

28 Name: Subject No. 01 : 2009-08-21 12:09 ID:Bx4i63vf

Yes, I was in Asia. Finally back though and I think I've changed a bit where I'm actively engaging more people now since they can speak english too.

I have a weird day today where my sister told me to stay home... Is she bringing a girl over? lol

29 Name: Subject No.05 : 2009-08-22 03:08 ID:kTc/h/Yt

Glad you had a nice trip. Was your sister really bringing a girl over? You should look into that. It'd be wasteful if she turned out to be attractive and you just let that sort of opportunity slip by.

30 Name: Subject No. 00 : 2009-08-25 03:02 ID:9pDpka5T

Well this post is very late. I’m under the weather at the moment so I haven’t gotten on the computer in a while. I have a few good things to report. Firstly I have managed to ease my weight down to 258 Lbs. Second I started the fall semester last Saturday. Sadly the class seems to be a dead zone so far as girls go most of the females in the class are between 30 and 40 and of the two that aren’t only one of them is mildly attractive to me at the moment, still I will try to be open minded in my interactions. It’s not a good idea to close a door before you look inside. I still have 3 more classes to look forward to. Lastly I have learned the power of a smile. I’ve come to notice that girls pay a lot more attention to you when you smile especially if it looks genuine. They especially seem to like it if the smile is directed at them. When I say a smile I mean the kind that you get when you are having fun, not one of those cheesy “smile for the camera” smiles. I’ll have to look into this more.

>>25
This comment is especially important. I think it’s easy to forget that it’s hard to find someone if you aren’t socially well rounded.

>>26
Welcome to the Project. I think the change you should worry about most is an inner change. When a person feels that something is missing inside it usually has to do with who you are at the core. Try to get as good an understanding of yourself as you can.

31 Name: Subject No.7 : 2009-08-31 19:35 ID:uKxkXdad

This seems interesting

Stats
Subject No.7
Sex: Female
Sexual Orientation: Bisexual
Age: 16
Nationality: Asian-American
Education: High School, planning on music major
Work: no
Income: n/a
Living Situation: Parents
Knows How to Drive and Owns a Car: yes
On Computer: less than 6
Weight: 120
Smoke: No
Drink: No
Drugs: No
Virgin: Yes

Physical Experience: Although I'm young I've had my share :O I've hugged, kissed, and cuddled with men, kissed women.

Style: Comfortable, sweats, basketball shorts, v-necks, guys shirts. Occasionally I'll dress girly in order to try and mask any rumours of my sexuality.

Friends: Easy Going people, we're a big group

Activities: aside from illegal things, what DONT i do? I'm very outgoing. I love naps :D

Skills: Musician, artist, dancer, poet, clean freak, baker, oxygen converter specialist(haha) ,

Extras: I don't really need/want a relationship. But if there's any advice you can give about breaking up, please feel free :)

Lately I've been unable to open up to people, one of the reason being an ex who frequently contacts me although he's found a new love. I don't mind it and all, but if this keeps up I'll never be able to move on.

This is an anonymous thread, so I guess this should be ok...

32 Name: Subject No. 02 : 2009-09-05 22:34 ID:0wWRAmT/

It's been awhile since I posted here, but it is as I said - things started to move as soon as school began. First of all, I did some progress in a matter of that girl of my past, that I couldn't forget. I just wrote to her, talked for a while and realized that she chose to be completely other person and that it didn't really interested me what she had to say about herself. This I consider a big step in my evolution because I hope I can finally move on now.

Other thing is - I met a girl. And we kinda shared a moment, dancing together, I hugged her little more and she responded. That's all, but I don't want to rush things. One thing is that she recently broke up with her boyfriend and on the other side - I'm not really sure what I want. How do I feel about her? The other day I said in my head: ,,There's something about her." Of course, it's pretty natural that we have to get to know each other to develop something, the real problem is, I find having a girlfriend too troublesome. There are just too many problems and it's really time consuming. It sort of prevents me into fully diving into this. And of course, all I experienced were some sparks for a moment, I'm not expecting anything, but this is more general problem.

I also realized other thing - I'm too demanding. I'm used to getting things of top quality. Not that my parents spoiled, it's like... for example, I rarely watch movie when it doesn't have good ratings from various sources. Or I spent month choosing my notebook collecting informations about brands and performances. And the girl I met... she's a person. And like every one of us, she has her own mistakes, so I know how ridiculously stupid I'm thinking. I have to stop having these thougths and also stop caring about other people opinions.

Subject No. 7
From what I picked in past years, the thing about breaking up is... just do it. Do it in person, not through e-mail, IM etc. and never give false hopes.

Well, I'm also interested in how are you all doing, so keep posting if you have some updates. And thanks for letting me getting this out here, few my friends have their own love problems, so I don't want to bother them.

33 Name: Subject No. 5 : 2009-09-11 08:32 ID:kTc/h/Yt

>Subject No.7

Don't worry about not being able to move on. I broke up with one of my exes like 4+ years ago...well, it's kinda weird to call him an ex now, since he's now one of my closest friends and confidants. I think you should talk to one of your female friends that you think you can trust. It'll strengthen your friendship at the very least if you can build up the guts to tell her your thoughts.

>Subject No.2

I think you should probably keep in contact with that girl, regardless of whether you're interested or not. You like her enough for it to pique your interest, but a steady relationship might be a bit much for you now if you're feeling flippant. If you keep her as a friend, it might prove beneficial, either by finding a more solid love interest by proxy, increasing your affections for her, or just by making a new friend and confidant.

Dang, I feel like I'm in a 4kids show, making all these friendship speeches...well, anyway, here goes entry two.

-----------
Entry No. 2
-----------

So I met up with that friend of mine that's pretty much forgotten I exist about a week or so ago. She's broken up with her boyfriend, which was a long time coming since she tended to initiate a lot of arguments with him. Granted, occasionally he had it coming, but it was for the most part her outrageously overbearing personality. She's a nice girl, but she's really forceful, and trying to force a boyfriend who's normally a doormat by nature to be a little more opinionated will only confuse him. She'll probably end up realizing she took it for granted and then ask him out again, especially with them being on speaking terms again. Unfortunately, this sort of thing takes time, so even if I can accurately predict exactly what'll happen between those two, she wouldn't listen to my forecasts. She's really forgotten that I exist by now, and only remembers when I put in the effort to call her.

In other news, I did some more job interviews, but I haven't gotten any calls back at all. I'm really getting desperate, but I don't want to do a job that I know I won't be able to do well, like substitute teaching or something. I don't really hate kids, I just don't want to deal with the nightmare ones that'll no doubt exist in a classroom environment. If I go into a job like that, there's no doubt I'd be fired, or the chance of worse things happening could occur.

I really wish I was more attractive; maybe then I could attract a rich boyfriend and my money troubles would end. It's not like I'm so butt-ugly that mothers hide their children for fear of them looking at me; I just disappear really well and I'm, for the most part, forgettable. I think at this rate, I'll probably just become more and more cynical and eventually give up with my luck being as horrible as it is.

Here's to things turning around soon, if I haven't already jinxed it.

34 Name: Subject No. 00 : 2009-09-15 02:10 ID:9pDpka5T

Entry No. 5

Well it has been far too long sense I made an update report. I’d like to say it’s because I’ve been so busy with college, or even better that I’ve been seeing a wonderful young lady. Unfortunately neither is the case. The sad truth is that I have been slipping back into my old slacker ways. However that is not a path I want to stay on, so I pulled myself together to make this report.

Firstly I have to mention that this semester is an absolute flop as far as women in my class go. Many of them are 30+. The rest are ether annoying or hipsters. There are exactly two girls that seem worth talking to. Unfortunately one of them has interests that are almost the exact opposite of mine (rather urban but she is a nice girl), the other doesn’t talk to anyone in our class. In fact I’m the ONLY person besides the teacher she has talked to. The plan of making a female friend would be out the window if I had not resumed contact with an old classmate from my first go at this college. We haven’t managed to meet up yet but we have been texting a lot. For the most part I’ve given this fall up as a bad job.

I also tried to venture into the world of online dating. Back around July I set up an OK cupid account. Needles to say it was a waste of time. Every woman I messaged failed to respond one way or another and the one IM conversation I had the girl practically fled from. I finely got sick of my inbox being full of useless messages and deleted my account. Another bad job.

Things aren’t all bad though. On the health side I’ve managed to get my weight down to 256.5 lbs. It’s not much but it is a start. Also I have discovered that while I don’t like coffee I do love tea, hooray for new points of interest.

I’ve also decided that if the place I live is completely devoid of a social scene I’ll just have to make one. I’ve been developing a plan that involves the woods, a sheet, some fire, hotdogs, a projector, and crapelly entertaining movies. I’ll have to see if this works out or ends up as a flop.

Subject No.2
Congratulations on having a bit of luck. Stay calm and see where it goes.

Subject No.5
I'm sure things will get better and turn around soon. just keep moving towards your objective.

35 Name: 35 : 2009-09-15 04:39 ID:sEyh5l+8

This seems interesting, and I'd like to get in on it. However, I'm pretty content with my situation, so I'd like to just give my honest opinions on this experiment and its subjects.

Subject No. 00: I think you'll be fine, you seem to have a nice drive for yourself. Just don't let that apathetic feeling sink in, and I believe you will do great.

Subject No. 5: I don't know, if I were you I would just accept that your friend is a ticket out of the house; maybe you could try to strengthen the relationship, but from what I can tell, you can at least experience new things through her.

36 Name: Subject No. 09 : 2009-09-15 09:14 ID:s7iXl2Gk

Stats
Subject No. 09
Sex: Male
Sexual Orientation: Heterosexual / Celibate
Age: 24
Nationality: Asian-American
Education: Pol sci
Work: tutor
Income: (not disclosed)
Living Situation: Parents
Knows How to Drive and Owns a Car: Yes
On Computer: (6)
Weight: 160
Smoke: No
Drink: No
Drugs: No
Virgin: Yes
Physical Experience: limited
Style: casual/cool
Friends: limited
Activities: weights/gym
Skills: computer/audiophile enthusiast, exercise, academics
Extras: Skeptic theoretician.

37 Name: Subject No. 01 : 2009-09-16 04:38 ID:Bx4i63vf

Entry 2 - Prepare for a block of text...

So its been a while, and I finally had the chance to read up on what everybody has been doing. All in all, I just have to say keep going! Nothing's going to change if nothing is done!

Well for the remainder of my summer I spent it on catching up on all the video gaming, manga, and anime that I missed since school was beginning. Since school started I've regressed back into my headphone wearing self that blocks out the everyday noise and annoyances. If you've played "The World Ends With You" its kinda look why Neku wears his. My classes have been keeping me pretty busy despite being jobless and such. If you remember I said I took more classes than I usually do to "push" myself forward a little bit. But Socially nothing happened until the Clubs and Organization fair.

I finally took Japanese like I was meaning to, and so far its been great. So when Sensei was at the table, I decided to step out of my shell and ask her if she needed any help. Somehow I got roped into helping the Japanese Club gather potential members. Since there wasn't anybody to lead the club, I did another crazy thing, I volunteered to be president! So here I am, becoming more assertive and pushing myself into the spotlight (atleast for the club). Since becoming President I've been tasked with doing all the administrative stuff, which forces me out of my shell. So much so that I've been interacting with people to the degree that surprised my friends.

So far we've got a meeting coming in a few days, and I'm incredibly bored with the way things are going. Maybe I'll use the club as preparation for socializing and leading! Nvm the maybe, I WILL DO THAT. At this point I feel more like Haruhi then myself o_O

38 Name: Subject No. 00 : 2009-09-18 03:45 ID:9pDpka5T

Well things are looking a bit up with the girl in one of my classes. For identification purposes I will call her “Phones”. When she came in this morning I just decided to take the initiative and I greeted her with a friendly hello. She actually returned my greeting with one of her own and a friendly smile. During the critic and lecture section of the class I sat next to her and made some small comments and observations that she seemed agreeable to. We left class at about the same time and had a little conversation about our work exchanging small compliments and then parted ways. All in all it was a nice little experience. I don’t really expect anything to come from it. It would be nice if something did, even friendship, but I won’t get my hopes up. It’s strange that no one else in the class has actually talked to her. Aside from me I think only one or two people have said more than a few words to her in this class. Still she seems nice and has a rather good personality. It felt good to take control like that and just do what I felt like, a major confidence boost.

39 Name: Subject No. 09 : 2009-09-23 05:48 ID:WMh0TPGP

>>38, sounds like you got a good chance with her. I like the fact that you "took control".

40 Name: Subject No. 00 : 2009-09-25 02:39 ID:9pDpka5T

Well I suppose it’s about time to make another report. This has been a rather average week with one truly good day. I guess I’ll start with the basic stuff. First on the list of small changes is that I have just recently discovered that I like tea, a lot. As far as character traits go I think it’s a rather good one. I’m going to have to look into the subject more as I don’t think there are many 21 year old men who like to drink tea over coffee. Second I have started paying more attention to my hygiene. I have never been dirty mind you, but I have fallen into that subpar state that often afflicts college students. I have also started organizing the files on my computer. It’s chalked full of images that I will never need and I feel that getting my computer organized is just as important as my room.

Now for the Good stuff. I had class again today with Phones. I decided to take a risk and start sitting next to her. I was worried that this could freak her out a bit but she took it well. We spent the class talking and joking and it went rather well. At the end of the class we walked together to the parking lot. Before we parted I confirmed I had her name right and she told me to just use the shortened version. I still don’t know if she has a boy friend but who knows, maybe I’m lucky. To be honest I’m a little apprehensive about this. To start off I had no intention of becoming interested in someone beyond friendship this semester, I wanted to develop myself more before returning to the battle field. Second because if I fuck this up I think I’ll be missing out on something good. I still have a lot to learn about her but I like what I see so far. To be honest I don’t know how to accurately describe her. It’s very different from attractions I’ve felt before. It’s not a blind head over heels “nice guy” infatuation. It’s more like a sense of potential, like if the situation was right this could be something good. Well either way it’s something new and I want to see where it goes. I’ll have to act sooner than later to stop from getting Friendzoned here. For now I’ll just play it cool and see what happens.

41 Name: Subject No. 10 : 2009-09-28 23:30 ID:NdRvti4L

Subject No. 10
Sex: Male
Sexual Orientation: Heterosexual/Involuntary celibate
Age: 26
Nationality: American (at least that's what it says on my passport)
Education: BA Communications
Work: Yes - freelance, currently seeking more regular work
Income: Negligible I make approximately $8/hr when you break it down. Work is not on a consistent schedule, so monthly income varies.
Living Situation: Parents
Knows How to Drive and Owns a Car: Yes but do not own, use parents'
On Computer: approx. 6 hrs/day
Weight: about 126
Smoke: No
Drink: Social drinker, rarely and reluctantly
Drugs: No
Virgin: Yes
Physical Experience: Hugs, long hugs, been pecked before, but nothing romantic or affectionate, so I've never kissed a woman in a romantic fashion
Style: casual - music related apparel, witty shirts, polos, plaids, I'd like to give my wardrobe an update, but lack the funds. I especially like layers, but lack enough top layer shirts to pull this off often.
Friends: 1 really good friend, but she lives far from me. However, we do hang out from time to time. 1 friend close by, but real life prevents us from hanging out very often, 1 friend from my town that moved away and haven't heard from since.
Activities: currently taking Chinese class, 1st year, so don't expect much
Skills: writer, poet, lyricist, guitar, media, photographer, somewhat computer and tech savvy compared to the average person, singer, able to notice the subtext in mass media
Extras: My father is a compulsive hoarder. It has consumed our lives. Ask me if you want more specific details on this and maybe I will oblige. For an idea, just do a search on it. It affects every moment of my life. Needless to say, I come from a dysfunctional family. I shoulder a lot of the burden of responsibility. I have no concept of family. Love is a strange emotion to me that I have extreme difficulty expressing and receiving. Pretty much everything I have learned about love has been from two sources: the media and other people, one really bad source and another that can be.

I'm that typical "hopeless romantic" that's been brainwashed into thinking all those romantic gestures you see on TV and in movies actually work in real life. They don't, they just make you look like a creepy/needy/desperate stalker, because those are the types of people that write these stories. I've paid a heavy price for my idealistic, foolish, and naive outlook on romance. Despite my inexperience, I know that I can charm the pants off a woman once they've let me into their life. I basically did this once with someone over the net, but there was no physical attraction when we met. It's just the initial hurdle I trip on and fall flat on my face over every time. I'm not good with first impressions, essentially.

I am convinced my mother raised me to be a girl, as she wanted one, and my father was almost absent from my life, even though he lives here. I never had a male figure to look up to growing up.

I am a social drinker, because I have an embarrassing reaction to alcohol due to me lacking the enzyme that breaks it down. This reaction makes the impact of alcohol much more intense than the average drinker, and also much worse for my health than the average person. Plus, it's only fun till I start sobering up. Then I get extremely depressed.

I suffer from clinical depression, and so do both of my parents, but I'm the only one that tries to do anything about my problem. They do nothing about theirs. However, I come up short due to lack of money, willpower, etc. I refuse to take meds for it, too many side effects. I will overcome this through therapy, when I can afford it. I had been going to therapy when I was in school, but that obviously stopped when I graduated. I have been unable to get a job that puts my education to use where it belongs, due to the economy, my major, and not knowing what I wanted to do till I was almost done with school, thus not properly preparing for my career choice of television and film production.

Continued

42 Name: Subject No. 10 : 2009-09-28 23:33 ID:NdRvti4L

My faults include no self-esteem, self-sabotaging, severe shyness, overthinking, paranoia, depression, comparing myself to everyone else and holding myself to impossibly high standards, extreme pessimism, and lack of trust. I am an extremely cynical bastard about many things, but I'm also a naive, foolish idealist at the same time about lots of others. I am a defeatist. I expect the unfavorable outcome almost every time. This can range from not getting excited over things I should to remaining silent when I should speak up to doubting my own and often correct conclusions and/or second-guessing my right and appropriate actions. This is how I self-sabotage myself.

I have been hurt many times when it comes to pursuing women. This has greatly contributed to my distrust of them. I also have control issues with women, as in I cannot stand being attempted to be controlled 100% and won't tolerate it. There are many things I can resolve logically but not emotionally, such as my distrust of women or overthinking. I also have a guilty conscience. I don't think of myself enough, but can have a selfish streak once in a while. I have trouble accepting random acts of kindness. I see most things in a very extreme way. There is very little gray area with me. This type of thinking also contributes to many of the issues I have already listed.

At my age, I feel like a failure professionally, personally, romantically, financially, and so on.

On the upside, I have a strong sense of morals and ethics. I am very loyal and trustworthy, kind and caring. I'd like to think I respect women. I can be a typical guy about things, but for the most part, I'd put my behavior at closer to ambiguously gendered on the continuum, because I enjoy things or possess personality traits that the majority of straight males associate with unmanliness such as singing, dancing, theatre or sensitivity. Although, women love a guy that can dance. I can be quite creative and make people laugh with my brand of sarcastic and random sense of humor.

I'm the guy from <a href="http://4-ch.net/love/kareha.pl/1252361702/">this thread. Right now I'm looking for a better job. If I have a better job, I can make some money, as well as get out of the house, and feel better about myself in some capacity, so then I can straighten up my personal living environment. I really let things go since I graduated. I already attempted to clean, but I was dragged away on a family "vacation" and lost the motivation once we returned. If I get benefits, then I can resume therapy, where I will hold nothing back this time. All other times I have held back my living situation. I'm also trying and hoping things will work out with the girl I'm pursuing currently. There will be no more assuming things. I will let go and make myself trust my feelings this time and not allow my insecurities to ruin a good thing before it even has a chance to get off the ground. I have never been so fascinated with a woman before. I still feel good about her. I will provide updates on all aspects of my life I've highlighted here. The link to the thread is just so you can get some background on one, if you feel like it.

43 Name: Subject No.11 : 2009-09-29 01:12 ID:+JutJJe4

Stats
Subject No.11
Sex: Male
Sexual Orientation: Heterosexual
Age: 20
Nationality: American. Heritage is Native American
Education: Junior College. Planning to transfer to Cal Poly Pomona for Computer Engineering
Work: Part Time
Income: Varies. Rougly $250-$300 a month.
Living Situation: Parents
Knows How to Drive and Owns a Car: Yes, I own a 1989 Mazda MX6
On Computer: Depends on schedule. I'd say 3 hours average though.
Weight: ~125
Smoke: On occasion
Drink: No
Drugs: No
Virgin: No
Physical Experience: I've had sex only with my current girlfriend.
Style: None, really. Shirt and pants. Although I enjoy wearing a long sleeve during the summer as well as the winter.
Friends: I consider a few co-workers to be good friends. Another one goes to West Point but I haven't seen him in 2 years.
Activities: Besides school, I enjoy being with my girlfriend, spending time with my old man riding dirt bikes, on the PC when I get the chance, and working on my car. I also enjoy the history of molecular physics and astronomy.
Skills: I can down-shift quite well on my bike. I know how an F2T operates and I can tell you what the Higgs Boson is.
Extras/My Story: I've been lurking here for some time and this is the first time I've posted. I can relate to all of you guys and gal here. I never had a serious relationship, nor even kissed or hugged a girl since I've met my girlfriend. I met her at work (I work at GameStop) and she's the best thing that I have in my life. I was always nervous around girls and couldn't ever really muster the will to ask a girl out or even to do something. I've been working with, lets call her Rai Chi, her Chinese name, for around 2 and a half years. After talking to her and getting to know her for about a year, one day, I just asked her. Though it was in a form of a text.
I'm in no position to give advice as I feel I'm not experienced enough to give it out, but sometimes, you just gotta let your heart out. Go for it and you'll be surprised of how much you can achieve, be it asking that special someone or something else. We've been together for almost a year and yes, we've had ups and downs, but we work through it. “Be brave. Take risks. Nothing can substitute experience.”

Life has been well to me and although I've had downs, I've sure as hell had way more ups. I always remember that “You drown not by falling into a river, but by staying submerged in it.”

44 Name: Subject No. 10 : 2009-10-01 19:57 ID:NdRvti4L

So I went to an event at the school with my friend. Since I couldn't get through to her when I called, I asked my friend to call, but she got no answer either. We went to get a bite to eat in the dining hall and my friend got up and ran into her and told her to say hi to me, so I saw her, but only for five minutes.

It was worth it. I wasn't expecting it at all. I was kind of clumsy and nervous in front of her, but she didn't seem to mind. I expressed a little concern for her, and she did admit she was kind of hiding. She had a lot of Facebook messages waiting for her from people. I was a little down and lying when she asked me how I was doing, and she mocked me for this, but it seemed to be in an affectionate/just kidding kind of way, so I told her I was looking for a better job and why. I spilled my drink, and was kind of compulsive about cleaning it up, she made an observation related to this, that I might be a little OCD, to which I denied, then sort of admitted, but I made sure I was paying attention to her. She was going somewhere, so she didn't stay for long. I asked her when I could see her again. She told me to let her know whenever I was around.

My friend told me she's in a show. I guess she forgot to tell me about this, so I'll have to find out when it is straight from the source so I can see her again. There is also a costume ball coming up. Maybe I can get her to go to that.

I also received a message from her this week. Let's just call her M, cause that's how I refer to her in my own thread. In it, she admitted to being distant again, but she also admits not liking it herself. She says she's been busy with school and involved in some drama and thanks me for offering support, saying it was sweet of me.

That day, I did some cleaning, very little, but it was something and a minor cosmetic difference. I guess the message put me in a good enough mood. I haven't done any since.

I also discovered I need to start guitar all over again from the very beginning, because my technique is horrible. I found some great videos by an instructor. Lessons would've avoided this but couldn't afford them.

Yesterday, I wrote a response to M but didn't send it out till today. I complimented her hair, cause I forgot to do this in person. She dyed it and cut it. It looks good.

I advised her not to let the drama consume her and asked her what she does to unwind. I also asked if she's taking a lot of credits, trying to keep a conversation going here. Then I explained spilling the drink wasn't a big deal, mostly cause she was there.

I noticed updated her pic, and she put another color in her, so I complimented her on this. I mentioned I might be around again soon cause of the costume ball and ended saying I hope we would see each other again soon.

45 Name: Subject No.00 : 2009-10-01 23:35 ID:9pDpka5T

Hay No. 10 and No.11, its good to have you with us.

Its once again time for another weekly update. Most of the week has been completely boring. In fact if it weren't for today there really wouldn't be anything worth posting. I had class with Phones again. We spent most of the class talking about our class work. We still had a good bit of fun and there were smiles and laughs not much different from last time. I'm trying real hard not do do this like i want to be her friend, but part of having no experience is not having a good idea of what counts as flirting and what counts as friendly banter. I did make one small step forward in the way i interact with her, I touched her for the first time. One thing that I have been hearing a lot is that if you want a girl to see you as a potential partner then you have to touch her. It was only a touch on her arm and shoulder couple of times but it was still a big step for me as I've never had the initiative to just touch a girl when i wanted to. After class I asked her to go to DC with me to check out art museums. Unfortunately she works weekends and declined. On the upside she was not put off by the invitation. I think I'll Invite her to do something smaller next week. I fell kind of stupid for not asking for her number though.

As far as improving my self goes I have two points Ive decided to work on. First GET A JOB. I cant take a girl out if i don't have money. Second I took a look around my room, and the otaku factor is way to high for my taste. I don't have to loose everything but cutting back on the "Manga Library" would be a good idea.

46 Name: Subject No. 10 : 2009-10-02 01:21 ID:NdRvti4L

>>45
No. 00

It's good to work while you're in college, but beware, your grades will most likely suffer. It is essential though to avoid the quarter-life crisis. I would recommend not just getting any job though. School is important. When you're not in school though, you should be working to build your network and skills in the real world, but you need to be working jobs related to your studies or this most likely won't do you much, so intern if you have to, work for nothing, just stay busy between semesters doing something productive. Sitting around ended when you graduated high school. Yeah, you can take the last month off if you worked all summer, but that's just about it. Don't kill yourself. Life loses meaning if you become a slave.

Also, I don't think you have to sell your manga and anime, just don't buy anymore or drastically minimize purchases. Should you ever be in a financial bind and need the money, then you could sell it off. It's an investment to a certain degree now.

Remember to ask for Phones' number next time. If you've established a friendly rapport, this is the next step. I think things have been going well so far, but what do I know? I have no experience! I do tend to have insight into other people's relationship/romantic issues though for some reason, just not my own.

Looking forward to your next update.

47 Name: Subject No.00 : 2009-10-02 03:32 ID:9pDpka5T

>>46

My reason for wanting the job is not just to have money to spend but also because my family needs it. I live with my mom and shes been out of work for 2 years so I kind of need to help out.

Also I don't plan to sell my anime or manga. I'd like to think that I'm rather well adjusted for an otaku but I still love my collection. I just plan to put things away in the basement.

And thanks for the supporting words. I think I'm doing better than usual but I still have a long road ahead and I can't sit back just yet. I'd really like to find a way to spend more time with her outside of class. As I only see her for 4 hrs once a week it makes progress slow and I'd like to learn more about who she is.

48 Name: Subject No. 10 : 2009-10-02 04:27 ID:NdRvti4L

>>47
That is unfortunate that the family needs the extra cash, but you do what you have to, right? Still, remember what I said for work between semesters at least. It won't be easy but it will pay off when you graduate and have a decent job that puts your skills/education to use instead of sitting at home, feel like your life is going nowhere. Of course, there's no guarantee you will, but you chances will increase dramatically. I know this commodifies everyone, but make connections WHEREVER you can with WHOEVER you can, because it's not only important who you know, but who THEY know as well, because if your connections don't know anyone, they're not much good now, are they? Most degrees of separation are greater than 1 but less than 5. I know this is extremely difficult for us introverts, but basically the mantra is network or perish. This applies to all fields, of course. I'm not sure if any one more than the other, however.

Also, start paying off your loans once you get a job. You'll save on interest this way. I only began paying off mine because I was going to default. And I have no steady income, so my account is shrinking. My family could use the extra money too, but my priority is myself now. They are helpless as far as I'm concerned. I can't do anything for them until I fix my life.

Yes, spending time with Phones is important, but do not lose patience. I'm in a rather similar situation. And no, you cannot grow too complacent, but you seem to be aware of this.

I suppose putting your anime and manga out of sight is good, but it is kind of hiding who you are. Maybe leave a piece or two out, then it's kind of like you're borrowing from your own personal library but still acknowledging your interest. That's your call though.

Good luck.

49 Name: Subject No. 01 : 2009-10-03 09:12 ID:Bx4i63vf

Its nice to hear that everybody is doing something for themselves. Hang in there everyone!

Time for another one of my sporatic updates. So far being a spontaneous, but semi-competent club leader has forced me to open up. I've had to talk to a lot of people about so many things, whether its administrative or club activity related. I even find it easier talking to some of the cuter girls in the club. Still, I know I'm still not confident or brave enough to ask any of them out. I'm not sure if I even have the qualifications to be a good boyfriend at this point Orz.

Although, through one of my out of the blue projects I created for the club I got into contact with one of the girls. So far at this point its just friendly back and forth emails. I'm really nervous though. I think I might be coming off as a little eccentric or otaku-ish! I really hope I'm making a good impression...

50 Name: Subject No. 10 : 2009-10-03 14:07 ID:NdRvti4L

Well, what kind of signs do you have to base your standing with this girl? Does she seem friendly and receptive? Are you able to hold a conversation?

If everything's been going well so far, then just go with it and enjoy the ride. Don't start overthinking things. You must let go and trust your feelings. However, don't expect anything to happen either. It's a delicate balance, I know. As you build a rapport with this girl, your confidence should build as well. I wouldn't say ask her out, but just try to get her to spend some time with you first, see if there's truly anything there, then eventually you'll have to see her alone as well if you haven't by then. I know seeing each other one on one can be intimidating at first, especially if she's shy as well, so I would recommend a group setting for the first encounter outside of the club. Good luck.

Hey, you're the guy that can cook, right? Maybe you can setup a potluck dinner with the club members and display your culinary skills.

51 Name: Subject No. 5 : 2009-10-04 09:52 ID:kTc/h/Yt

Good luck to ya, 00. It really seems like you know what you're doing, and everyone else seems to have said anything worth saying, so I'll do my part and believe that your efforts will be rewarded somehow.

Anyhow, it's about time I made another entry...

-----------
Entry No. 3
-----------

I got a job! I start training on Monday. It's a receptionist position that should be pretty simple, hopefully. With this, I'll start saving money with even more vigilance. At some point, I want to take a trip to go see my friends in various places. While I'd like a new PC and at least one of the latest generation's gaming consoles, I think it's important that I spend my youth on things that I'll look back on without regret.

Life really feels like it moves slower after college. The anxiety I felt when doing a paper the hour before a deadline feels weird as a memory. I wonder if that friend of mine that no longer returns my phone calls will feel the same way after she graduates and desperately searches for a decent job.

I think it'll soon be time for me to try finding some new friends and new romantic interests, but before that, I'd like to know what kind of person I am. I don't have any self-confidence. I have talents, but sometimes I feel like it's pointless to try. I don't feel like I have any motivation to really put in anything more than a half-hearted effort into things. What's keeping me going is the fact that I hate the idea of stagnating and doing absolutely nothing, but to only put in the minimum effort feels vaguely wasteful. I've recently started several new projects, artistic endeavors that should keep me occupied and somewhat motivated for the time being, but I think what I need is a real boost of self-confidence. I criticize myself so much in an effort to better myself that I can't find anything I create attractive anymore, but if I ever stop being so critical of my own flaws, I wouldn't be able to fix them. It's a dilemma, but eventually I'll get past it. I hope.

52 Name: Subject No.00 : 2009-10-09 18:41 ID:9pDpka5T

Well it’s time for another update. This week was rather a boring. I mostly did school work, although I did get some reading in and that was nice. I also managed to choose the mangas I wanted to put away. I replaced the empty space with videogames, I figure those are a little more respectable than mangas, although I still have a whole 6ft book shelf full of mangas left. In the realm of money things are worse. My mom failed to get the job she was hoping for and I still haven’t found anything myself. I gave my last $12 to help cover bills.

Things with Phones weren’t so greater thins week. It wasn’t because anything bad happened between us, It was because of the emotional roller coaster I went through. I started off the week building my confidence. I was hoping I could step things up this week and try to be a little more outgoing. I spent all week psyching myself up and becoming confident. Finally Thursday rolls around, and she doesn’t come to class. Well all that confidence boosting did a 180 and swung back around the other way. My mind started going to the darkest places possible.

“I thought we were getting along, did I scare her so much she skipped class to get away.”
“Fuck, why did I even think I had a chance with someone like her.”
“Even if she doesn’t hate me, she’ll forget me by next week.”

Thoughts like this flooded my brain. I know we had been getting along but my old lack of confidence had come back with a vengeance. I was even afraid that she may have been hurt or something (I’ve always had fears like this when I don’t see people, I don’t know why, it’s just some fear left over from childhood I think). The most likely explanation is that she was sick of course.

Since I know where she works I was thinking of casually dropping by to say high and maybe invite her to get something to eat. I’m worried about wither or not this is a good idea though. On the one hand it could come off as confident that things are going well with us. On the other hand it could be just plain creepy. I’ve been trying to avoid being unintentionally creepy but I really have no idea what I’m doing. I figure I’ll go say high and talk for a bit if it’s not a problem. If she seems freaked out I’ll just leave and apologize in class for making her uncomfortable. Still she seems rather chill so I think it will be fine.

I would also like to take the time to say thank you to everyone who reads, posts, and participates in this thread. Your advice has been very helpful to me and I hope I have been able to help some of you as well. Let’s all continue to do our best in our respective attempts to improve ourselves.

53 Name: Subject No. 10 : 2009-10-09 19:21 ID:NdRvti4L

I don't think dropping by where she works is a good idea, unless she knows that you know this. It sets off my stalker flag.

>The most likely explanation is that she was sick of course.

See, you said it yourself. It's tough to control the voices in your head, I know, but you can't let them get the best of you. I find the best way to do this is to simply get your mind off the person for a little while. You'll feel better after you have. You might do something stupid otherwise, and that's the last thing you want to do. We do a lot of stupid things when our emotions are deeply involved.

Good luck with everything. Look forward to your next update.

54 Name: Subject No. 10 : 2009-10-10 20:48 ID:NdRvti4L

I wrote on M's wall, asking if she was in any shows and to let me know so I can come see her perform, because I'd figure she'd notice a wall post sooner than a message. She hasn't gotten back to me yet, but it's only been about a week. If I don't get a response, soon though, I will attempt reaching her by phone. E told me the dates of the show. It's this weekend and next weekend, but I'd rather M told me she's in it herself, when the dates are, and that she'd like to see me, unless this is what she intended, for E to tell me or for me to find out myself. It's not a big deal as long as she's just as happy to see me as I will be to see her, and putting myself out there like this fully knowing that she may not know is absolutely terrifying. And I'm bringing a flower, of course. I haven't decided when I'm going to see it though. I think once is enough, so probably the second week, closing night if I can manage it.

I have been tempted to call her a few times but I've resisted. Mostly cause she probably won't answer anyway, but I so want to talk to her.

I felt like I should step up the Facebook wall/pic/video comments. I've been holding back on these for fear of overwhelming her. I sporadically let one out now and then. I have to make sure I look interested, because I am indeed EXTREMELY INTERESTED. I asked E, and she said it was OK as long as I didn't spam her, so I left a one on her then most recent status, which was about an anime she just discovered and liked, saying it was adorable. It was a ridiculously adorable status. She responded back with a smiley.

But just last night, she posted a note about love, particularly her fears of it. She's scared of sharing secrets with someone she deeply cares about. And when she does feel that spark with someone, she becomes totally numb. This seriously distresses her. She doesn't think a relationship would go very well with anyone it seems.

I too am deathly afraid of sharing deep secrets with someone I truly care about, ESPECIALLY someone I have feelings for. I'm afraid of being judged by them (being completely inexperienced and much of the other stuff I've posted) so I sort of understand where she's coming from with that. However, I've never "clicked" with anyone. They don't give me a chance to. I'm not gorgeous like she is. She holds all the cards. She could get anyone she wants, but I don't know if she knows that herself.

It's a little difficult to understand, not sure if she's actually experienced this or she has only thought it. Whether this is about me or someone else, or no one in particular, I'm pretty certain there is someone else in the picture, and I won't be one-upped this time. Should I say something about what she wrote?

I'm really in it deep with her now.

I just commented on her most recent status, saying it was kawaii. Because she watches anime, it's safe to use, I think.

Oh, I found out closing night is the same night as the costume ball, so I guess she won't be going. But since she doesn't know I know this, I'm going to ask anyway if I don't hear from her about the show soon.

On the homefront, any time I bring up changing things around with my dad, he becomes extremely hostile. My mom just seems to be numb to everything. Recently, the gas company came to install a new meter. We put this off for as long as possible, but they finally gave an ultimatum: let us in to change the meter or we cut off your gas. Well, they were missing a part and couldn't install the new meter, and my dad didn't think to tell them turn the water heater back on before they left, so we've been without hot water for about 3 weeks now. That means NO SHOWERS. We tried lighting it, but it won't stay on. Luckily, I go to Chinese school with my friend almost every week and her family has been kind enough to allow me to shower there, but I feel bad about this. It shouldn't have to work this way.

Continued

55 Name: Subject No. 10 : 2009-10-10 20:51 ID:NdRvti4L

The most likely cause of the problem is the thermocoupler. Basically, it's a fail safe so gas doesn't leak into the house. However, my dad tried to relight the pilot with a blowtorch, so he probably fucked the entire thing, like cutting vegetables with a machete, which would mean we'd need a new water heater, and money's tight as it is. I read a post on a message board that supports this outcome, but might as well try the "easier" solution first, except it probably would be easier to just replace the whole damn thing in this case, but not cheaper.

Maybe this part should go in Personal instead.

In a normal house, I'd have no problem trying to fix this myself, but not here. The floor is absolutely filthy with wet newspaper, looks more like the dirtiest paper mâché you've ever seen. The floor beneath your feet goes "squish, squish" most of the time. Sometimes it actually gets fairly dry.

Many years ago, the sewage line burst between the basement and ground level. so we've been without a practical sewage system ever since. The line is from the upstairs bathroom, and it had been leaking for some time before we discovered it. My dad hooked up a "temporary" solution, but it's been "temporary" for years. His idea of a temporary solution is one that lasts just as long and doesn't require the effort of a REAL SOLUTION. He HALF ASSES EVERYTHING. It's basically a plastic sewage pipe tied to the broken sewage line and stuck in the downstairs toilet. It's not even tied that well. There's a significant gap of few inches between the two pipes. The idea is the force of the water flushes the other toilet. This doesn't always work, which means raw sewage spills out onto the floor, into the living room, and finds its way to the basement through what's left of the bathroom wall.

I was already quite a germ freak. I never liked getting my hands dirty when working on cars, but I managed to get over this enough to work on them, as it's impossible to avoid, but grease and grime are nothing compared to raw sewage or decay. My father's hoarding has multiplied my adverse reaction to dirt and grime. So this is why I refuse to get into a prone position to touch that damn water heater. I found a way to light the pilot without getting down, but it doesn't matter, cause it won't stay lit. Otherwise I am working blind, groping for parts. It's not easy to do without a visual.

Either this won't be fixed for a long time, or it will never be fixed. I'm betting it'll never be, but I'm hoping I'm not right. I can't take living like this much longer. What's next to fucking go?

Oh, and calling someone to fix it isn't an option. My dad HATES hired labor and absolutely REFUSES to let anyone in the house, for obvious reasons. But even when things weren't bad, he was like this. However, he had a stroke a long time ago and lost the function of his left arm and leg up to his thigh, so he hasn't been capable of fixing shit himself for a LONG time, yet he still insists this is the only way. Only recently did he start conceding car repairs to a garage.

There are many other things wrong with the house due to neglect that I'm not getting into right now and might not, depending on if it's relevant to this discussion.

Yeah, I know, why don't I just move out? Well that requires a JOB with a LIVING WAGE. At $8 an hour, I can't live on my own. I'm in a prison with no bars and no guards. My guilty conscience prevents me from notifying the authorities, as well as the fact that our neighbors hate us and they'd LOVE to see us busted for something or some grave misfortune to fall upon us. I'd be a traitor. But maybe when I'm out of here I can do that, and I've made this known to my parents it will happen.

Continued

56 Name: Subject No. 10 : 2009-10-10 20:54 ID:NdRvti4L

It's not like I haven't been looking for a job though. I can't even get hired at the local pharmacy though. I never get any responses to any applications I fill out or resumes I send. Although, I could be looking better and more. Job hunting is just so depressing though. I don't need more of that shit. I've considered having my resume professionally revised, but it's expensive. I looked into it and need to think it over. Basically, I would need two different ones. One targeted towards jobs related to my career, and one targeted at just getting a fucking "job" job.

My environment is a HUGE contributor to my depression, causing a vicious cycle and the self-fulfilling prophecy to go on endlessly. Happiness does not exist within these walls, nor love.

I'm sorry this is such a long update, but as you see, I live a very complicated life. No, "I'm sorry's" or "sucks to be you's" please. Those say to me, "whoa, glad I'm not YOU!"

57 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-10-10 23:21 ID:XgpG7EkD

SN10,I must say it sucks to be you @_@'

Joke aside, it sucks to be alive, so you are in good company. Well, I guess you don't give a dam about that, do you? ^_^ Apart from all that negativity, I must congratulate you on the smiley she sent you, I can only speculate on the magnitude of the internal struggle that led to the emission of that single ideogram. This back patting being complete, I must warn you that you should not underestimate the fuckness of her circumstances. Having a nice face is no protection against life shittiness and internal mindfuck. If she complains, assume she has good reasons to. After all, if it was so easy, she would have solved her problems long ago, don't you think? Thing is, you both seem to be love idealists. That makes things even more complicated, but at least you should understand each other quite well...

As for the home front, it seems to me things are pretty simple,if not easy. Your father is in full dereliction mode, and on a mission to crash through the bottom of the pit he threw himself in. Likewise, your mother seems to be waiting for something to crack, and dutifully doing nothing until then. Because you seem to have decided to not leave the house (you should realize that this is a decision, and take responsibility for having taken it), I think it's way past time that you kill your father. Of course, I mean the metaphoric kind of killing. Take over the running of the house. Just check that your mother won't oppose you, and then relieve your father from household responsibilities. You don't have to be confrontational about it, it's enough to be assertive and act. He's way too weak to resist you in any practical way, although he'll give you hell just for sports. You live in that house, so you have the right to do what is needed to make it a livable place. I don't know how the money enters your household, but it would be good to secure the access to the lines of income, at least as much as possible (your mother's welfare, if not your father's). Your mother could be your ally. She seems to be a wimp, so you should get there with some diplomatic arm twisting. You should also establish some strict rules about where your father can hoard his junk, and parts of the house which are commons and hence forbidden for junkyard purposes.

As for your application documents, why don't you publish them so that we have a look at it? Obviously you should anonymize the parts that could lead to your identification, but without taking so much that it renders the exercise worthless. I can't promise anything will pan out of this, but at least you may hire one or two brains to provide you with useful input without disbursing much. Use something like google docs to convert your CV, resume, etc into an online format.

Finally, since I feel whimsical and you spend your daily 6 hours in front of the computer, why don't you waste some of that time reading about personality types as defined by the enneagram model?
http://www.internationalenneagram.org/system_and_types/index.html#subtypes

Read about the different personality types, and try to find where do you see yourself fitting the best. I'm pretty confident it will be the personality type 6, but see for yourself. If interested, you can see typical patterns of alienation or development for type 6 personalities:
http://www.enneagramspectrum.com/styles/style6.htm

It's not like this is going to save your butt, but you may feel somewhat relieved to see that your dysfunctional life and personality fit into well known patterns. This may in turn make you try to learn of adapted strategies to get out of your hole. At the worst, you will be somewhat entertained, it's quite fun stuff, like reading your horoscope for laughs ^_^

58 Name: Subject No.00 : 2009-10-13 16:54 ID:9pDpka5T

Well, In the end I did not go see Phones at work. Like No.10 said that would be creepy and she was probably just sick. I've been doing a lot better since then.

I got a small bit of practice with a girl at the local organic supermarket. She was a cute red head working the bags at the register. Our eyes met when I got in line. When I looked at her again I caught her looking at me and this made me smile. To my surprise she smiled back and quickly looked away. I figured I'm to big of a coward to take this to far but why not play for a bit. I spent the next little while making eyes with this girl. It went well and when I left I told her to have a nice day with my best smile, she seemed to like that. I guess the moral of this is that its good to smile at people for real. It was a huge confidence booster.

Still, I'm starting to be a little nervous about Phones again. Its not crippling and mind numbing like last time, but it is a nagging little voice. The odd thing is I'm not just afraid of getting rejected, I think I'm also afraid of her liking me back. I think "What if this works and we start going out just for her to realize I'm boring." Still This is just a small concern I'm trying to ignore. I think what I feel most of all is impatience. I cant wait for Thursday so I can see her again. ^___^ I think things may actually be heading back up hill for me. I've had enough bad luck with romance and I think it my be my turn for once.

59 Name: Subject No. 10 : 2009-10-13 20:22 ID:NdRvti4L

>>57
Negative! I cannot do that. You are living in a fantasy world. It's too late. I can't do this on my own. I need help and they're not going to pitch in. One person could not possibly tackle this on his or her own. I have assumed quite a bit responsibility, but there are many things I refuse to do, and reprimand them over. It's not my fucking house. The deed isn't in my name. I refuse to allow them to pass all responsibility on to me, and they certainly would if I did.

I would have no idea how to secure the lines of income. My mother works for a fast food joint. I have told her many times she could do better. She has useful skills, but she hates computers, and this is pretty much what holds her back from a better job. She's also preoccupied with caring for my younger, autistic brother and my aging father who I for the most part, won't touch with 10ft pole, and I've become increasingly adverse with caring for my brother. My father is retired. They are waiting for his disability to come through, because he had an accident at work not too long before he considered retirement. I do not know if this is what you meant, but we are not on welfare. We are working poor. We live paycheck to paycheck. If you meant the other kind of welfare, then I don't understand what you're trying to say. My mother is not an ally. She is an enemy. She is an enabler. She is weak and of no use. She has learned to be helpless and is awaiting rescue that will never come. Her only focus is to survive. I want to THRIVE. There is a big difference. She is of no use as far as changing things. She used to keep my dad's hoarding in check, but after he had a stroke, she just stopped and slowly the junk continued to come in and amass and pile up everywhere, along with repairs to the house, but those are relatively more recent.

It's a choice only in the sense that there is always another option, but this alternative was EXTREMELY unfavorable. My friend however offered me not too long ago to talk to her mom about getting me out and taking me in. I told her to hold off on that just yet. I had to see if this was a completely hopeless situation, and I'm pretty convinced it is now, so I'm considering talking to her about it. I have problems accepting random acts of kindness. It's a foreign and unnatural concept to me, at least receiving it is.

I have read up on how to handle this, but every time I confront with the suggested methods, there is either no reaction or he tells me to leave. The other times, I'm downright hostile, and that of course gets nothing done. He loves his fucking junk more than any of us. I am probably too emotionally involved to confront. And as long as I live here, I AM PART OF THE PROBLEM as well, and therefore, my opinions matter much less than someone looking in from the outside. My older brother has his own place with a good job. He's married and just had a kid recently. He doesn't want to deal with this though. I talked to him about confronting, but he just sees me as an annoyance. He deals with us like an extension of his work, like a fucking business. He doesn't want to deal with it, and his wife wants nothing to do with the family cause of it, and in turn neither does he, cause he obeys her every word. Confrontation requires many people in this case, and if I'm the only one that gives a fuck, who's going to help me?

I am not at all comfortable with publishing my resume, even with all the personally identifying information omitted.

I find the enneagram type descriptions so vague, that I could identify with nearly all of them somehow, someway. Granted, some a little more than others. You are basing your diagnosis of me on what you've read in this thread from me most likely, and that's very little to base anything off of. I also steer clear from self-diagnosis. As if you are looking for something or a problem, you will find EXACTLY what you're looking for if you spend enough time.

Continued

60 Name: Subject No. 10 : 2009-10-13 20:26 ID:NdRvti4L

She didn't send me a smiley TO me. she commented on her own status with it. She has yet to write on my wall or comment on a picture. I don't know why. But I need to start stepping things up with her, even if it's just something small, like this. I don't care if she's screwed up, and yes, it does help to be pretty, at least there's a chance people will actually approach you. We're all fucked up, just to varying degrees and some people handle it better than others. I don't care if she is, I am too, so who am I to judge? And I'm going to get her. I will succeed this time! I cannot fail!

I don't think it took as much effort to respond with a smiley as much as it has to see me in person, three times, or as much effort as it will to invite me to this show she's in, cause it highly unlikely I will go without an invite. I need to know she wants to see me, so it's not awkward or creepy even when I show up with a flower for her. The event's been posted on Facebook, but she hasn't invited me yet. If I don't hear anything from her by next week, I will have to contact her again. I should've just asked her if she wanted to go the Halloween Ball instead of just mentioning it to see if she would express interest. Not like she can go anyway though. I'll bet she hasn't even read the message.

Since my last post, I consulted with E what to do about M's post. She could identify with it and told me to do what I felt was right, so I left a comment, saying that even though I can't understand what M's going through, because I'm not her, I've been there and have an idea what it's like. I also said to find someone to talk to and that I would listen if she would like to talk to me and closed by saying she'd be getting a bigger, longer hug from me next time we see each other.

Even though I put myself out there a little bit by saying I've been through some similar things, this unfortunately probably leaves me open to friendzonage. If I was going to leave myself totally open for assault, it certainly would not be in a public Facebook message. I'm not comfortable with showing my vulnerabilities. I have been taken advantage of by doing so nearly every time. I probably should've said something like love involves risk and no one is ever truly ready, no matter how they feel, but it's too late to say this now. It'll look weird if I post another comment on that note. This is unfortunately the best way to contact her and assures the best chance she'll receive my message promptly. If I send a personal message, it'll sit in her inbox till she finally gets around to reading it, and by then it might be too late. Time is of the essence. Timing is everything in these things. She's been posting lots of updates recently, as well as a video and some pics, but I have resisted the urge to comment. As I don't want to be saying something about everything she posts. That could come off stalker-like. One of her recent statuses involved being annoyed with people saying certain things over and over again, running them into the ground. This might refer to the comments on her note, but I can't be sure.

There was a martial arts demonstration I saw once with a knife and the instructor said, "a knife is like a woman. Hold onto her too tight, and you'll suffocate her. But if you hold her too loose..." He swipes the knife from his assistant in one swift motion and puts him in a hold with the knife against him. "She'll leave you for another man."

Well, that's what I need to achieve, balance, and I have a problem determining this with women, ESPECIALLY when there's little to no personal FEEDBACK to base anything off of. I can't go around interpreting every thing is directed towards me, because I will go frickin' crazy then. If it works out with her, it's all worth it. I understand what I may have to go through, but it's all worth it for her. You meet people like her once in a lifetime, if you're lucky.

61 Name: Subject No. 10 : 2009-10-13 20:28 ID:NdRvti4L

>>58

>The odd thing is I'm not just afraid of getting rejected, I think I'm also afraid of her liking me back. I think "What if this works and we start going out just for her to realize I'm boring."

I have that same fear. I don't know which I fear worse. All I can say is to live in the moment and not focus on the future in this instance. No sense in speculating if nothing happens, right?

>I've had enough bad luck with romance and I think it my be my turn for once.

I also feel this way, but don't let it turn into a sense of entitlement. That will get you nowhere.

Good luck.

62 Name: Subject No. 00 : 2009-10-13 23:02 ID:ejF1EASi

>>61

I definitely will not let it turn into a sense of entitlement. Its more of a feeling like "Ok I've failed enough times that I can see some of the places that I have messed up before. And besides, statistically speaking I should have some form of success soon." I think the events in the organic food store show that its not impossible for me to interact with women on a more than friendly level.

Sense you bringing up martial arts in relation to women there is something that I learned that may help you. You say that you are afraid to let people see your weakness. A smart worrier knows that by intentionally leaving one weakens open , he can provoke the enemy to attack it. Knowing how the enemy will attack the worrier can then counter and thus achieve victory. This works with women to. A man can some times show a small vulnerability to a women to make her feel closer to him. A man with no vulnerabilities is perfect, an nobody likes a perfect person, they just make others jealous. Its the character flaws that make people interesting. We don't love Bat Man because he is perfect, we love him because he is damaged but still keeps going no mater what.

63 Name: Subject No. 10 : 2009-10-14 02:50 ID:NdRvti4L

>>62
Hey, I didn't mean any offense by it. I understand how you feel. I feel and think the same way. I've screwed up enough times and hopefully learned from my mistakes that hopefully, I won't screw up this time. No, I won't screw up this time. It will happen.

And it's good you flirted with the girl. I flirted with some girl at a pizza place while I was stuck on my parents' "vacation." I smiled at the girl and she smiled back, and it's very hard for me to smile. I always feel it's not genuine and I hate my own smile and how my teeth aren't perfectly white. This could partly be fixed by better oral hygiene, but it takes me anywhere from 45 - 55 minutes to floss, and that's with one of those wands.

Have you read The Art of War? You're absolutely right about flaws. Many of my favorite characters I like because they're so messed up. And that includes Batman. That's why I can't stand Superman. He's too damn perfect, and he could easily be turned into a character with a whole lot more depth. The Matrix sequels largely failed because Neo was made to be too damn infallible of a character. Prince Zuko is so awesome because he's so damn conflicted.

Well, do you think I've left enough of an opening? I would think the messaging we did at first showed something, but I guess not. I suppose the next step after my last post would be to just tell her, when I get the chance.

64 Name: Subject No. 11 : 2009-10-15 00:44 ID:fAn4DIT5

Stats
Subject No.11
Sex: Female
Sexual Orientation: Pansexual
Age: 16
Nationality: American
Education: Highschool
Work: Yes- Student~
Income: None. :/
Living Situation: Parents
Knows How to Drive but does not own a Car
On Computer: Two hours
Weight: 195lbs/84kg
Smoke: No
Drink: No
Drugs: No
Virgin: Yes-Men / No-Women

Physical Experience: With most of my close friends I feel very comfortable holding hands or sitting with our arms around each other. I love physical contact, even if it's just standing close enough to touch with a friend. I'm a teenager, so of course I've been to those 'spin-the-bottle' parties, and I've kissed more people than I'd like to. Unlike a lot of my friends, I'd rather not aimlessly make out if you're feeling that 'need'. I'd rather have feeling behind it. :/ I haven't been very far with boys, but I guess it's easier with girls when your parents don't know you're gay.

Style: Anything that's really comfortable. I like dressing up, but only if it's comfortable. I'm pretty tall and don't like wearing heels, or uncomfortable shoes. I don't mind fitted shirts, as long as they are not too tight. I have somewhat of a belly, which makes me nervous to wear tight shirts. I'm not in the 'latest fashions' but I'm also not onto the old ones. I wear what I like. c; What's the use of being uncomfortable all day just so that some people you'll never meet think you're well-dressed?

Friends: I don't have that one friend that you can tell anything to, but I have one close one, and a lot of people that I know I could say hello to, and they'd reply, but they wouldn't ask me to their house or anything. I'd love to have really close friends, but unfortunately, people don't like getting too close to me. I used to have a close circle of friends, or at least I thought I did. However, since they didn't want to tell me much, I kept telling them about me, until they knew me so well, and I barely knew them. These friends wouldn't invite me places, until the only times I saw them was when I invited them places or at school. Eventually I told them this, more than once, since it never got better, and so I told them I wouldn't try anymore, such as inviting them places. They were really hurt at this, saying I was 'the one that I knew wouldn't complain' if I was left behind, so I said I didn't want to be friends. And I left them behind. That's where we are now, we don't talk much, and they're still kind of pissed off with me. It's tough because they were a large part in my life, even though I was treated poorly.

Activities: I'm really into music, I'm in the band, jazz band, brass and wood wind quintets, marching band, symphony orchestra, pretty much anything instrument related at the school and I'm there. I also enjoy swimming, tennis, and soccer, though I don't have much time with school work, and band.

Skills: I'm very good at thinking clearly in a situation, unless it's something that I myself have to act towards. (Like confessing to someone) I'm averagely blessed in academics, but I'm able to see all sides of a situation or argument. I'm terribly loyal, but at the same time, I want to help someone. If they tell me that they're doing drugs, I'll try to break them of their habit, and if I can't do it, I'll let someone else know. This might be the reason some people avoid me, since I try to help, instead of sympathizing with them. No teenage girl will want to tell you what's wrong, if they know they're going to help you get better.

Extras: If you want to see my situation now, look at one of the other threads in the romance section, the Guy-fried help :/, thread, which is mine. I seem to like the very tragic romance, where there's no chance for me to be liked in return.

65 Name: Subject No. 11 : 2009-10-15 00:48 ID:fAn4DIT5

(1st post was too long)

Changes- I'd like to be more affable, I suppose. I'm tired of people avoiding me, or hating me because I tell them that they treat me like shit. There are some physical things I'd like to change too, but it's hard to be one of the 'cute' girls when you're tall, very broad-shouldered, and muscular. :/ If I can't be more likable to people, I'd like to at least not care when I get rejected again and again. I want to have someone where I can tell everything to, and not have to worry about rejection

66 Name: Subject No. 12 : 2009-10-15 14:49 ID:6MLRG7Kc

I meant to post this a while ago, so I guess I'll just do it now. I'll divide it.

Subject No. 12
Sex: Male
Sexual Orientation: Heterosexual
Age: 18
Nationality: African-American
Education: High School Graduate
Work: No
Income: $0.00
Living Situation: Parents
Knows How to Drive and Owns a Car: No (Working on it, slowly)
On Computer: Takes up a lot of my time.
Weight: 220 lb (I'm 6'1", and also I want to lose weight)
Smoke: No
Drink: No
Drugs: No
Virgin: Yes
Physical Experience: I've been hugged a few times, but nothing other than that.
Style: I dress in clothes that feel comfortable.
Friends: I haven't had contact with anyone I've known in High School for a few months now.
Activities: Listen to music, watch anime/read manga, browse, play games, and occasionally, draw.
Skills: Okay with drawing, decent with tennis... I've also have 3 years of experience using programs like Photoshop and GIMP to make small designs (mainly backgrounds).

67 Name: Subject No. 12 : 2009-10-15 15:01 ID:6MLRG7Kc

Extras: I graduated last June, and I still have no idea what I really want to do. At the moment, I want to find a job so I can save up for college, which I plan on going to next year. I've also grown rather lonely since graduation and I haven't had much contact with other people offline in quite some time. I haven't had much luck when it comes to relationships, either. I also have some self-esteem issues, which may or may not be related. I've been job hunting since before I graduated, and I still haven't found anything. When I was still in school, getting a job didn't seem that bad. Lately, I've been finding myself afraid to do just that... Although I miss social interaction with others, I seem to be scared to leave my "comfort" zone.

My problems may also stem from the fact that I have very, very little motivation to do anything. I'm also become rather close-minded when others try to help me... I always try to make excuses for things, which just wastes whatever time that they have.

Changes: I want to become more confident in myself. I want to be a little more out-going with life. I know for a fact that it doesn't just come to me, yet I sit here and do nothing about it. Joining this would help me keep track of my own process and help you guys as well with the little experience I have.

68 Name: Subject No.00 : 2009-10-15 22:27 ID:9pDpka5T

Hay everyone I really don't have the heart for a long update today. Firstly Id like to welcome No.11 and No.12, I hope we can all help each other out.

Things with Phones were shit this week. She came back to class today, Terns out she was just sick. We had a rather good time talking and working togeather. I was at the top of my game. No anxiety or any thing. Unfortunately as we were leaving class the course of our conversation lead to the discovery that she had a boyfriend. Feels like shit. The worst part isn't that shes taken, it's that for the first time in my life I thought I could do it, get a girlfriend. The way things are now I Don't have any chance of getting a girlfriend for the rest of the semester. Its like "OK, now I know how to deal with girls, but there aren't any girls around." still I guess we could be friends. REAL friends, not "I'll just wait till they break up and then shes mine" friends. I'll post some other stuff later, need to go sulk and do work.

69 Name: Subject No. 10 : 2009-10-16 01:06 ID:NdRvti4L

I'm sorry to hear that #00. Unfortunately, this is a fact of life. I have heard of women dropping the word "boyfriend" just to discourage guys, but I think she's telling the truth. There are ways to sneak in the question of the boyfriend without just flat out saying it. They slip my mind at this moment, however. Also, do you really think you can be her friend without it affecting you? Consider this before doing so, because once you are friends, it will be hard to not be friends, making any feelings you have for her that much harder on you. You may become the guy she turns to with all her relationship problems.

Are you in any clubs at your school? If not, you may want to consider joining one or two. It'll help in meeting people.

On my side, I noticed someone wrote on M's wall that they weren't invited. She replied that the invite thing is screwy, so there is a perfectly reasonable explanation for why I didn't get an invite. I'm going to call her to wish her luck, and if she doesn't answer, I'll text her, because I want to make sure she actually gets this message. Also, I'm strongly considering asking her out next time I see her, but my resolve's not as strong as it was this morning when I decided this. Mainly because my friend, E's, reaction was like, "oh wow, you'll do it?" This made me think I should wait a little longer, ask her if she wants to go to the concert with me, and then make my move after we've gone to that, I guess.

I hope I don't wind up like #00.

70 Name: Subject No.00 : 2009-10-16 22:30 ID:9pDpka5T

At my lowest point in a while an attractive, single, female friend calls me, Out of the fucking blue. She wants to go see were the wild things are, RIGHT NOW. She called because she wanted to see it specifically with ME. She lives half a tank of gas away, a half a tank I can not afford. The only way I could see her is if my friend drives us. Ether way I'm to tied up with school shit to go tonight. I HATE EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW!!!

71 Name: Subject No. 10 : 2009-10-16 23:06 ID:NdRvti4L

Hang on, if this is THAT important, see if your friend will take you. It's worth a shot. You'll owe them big though. If not, what did you say to the girl your reason was you couldn't go?

72 Name: Subject No.00 : 2009-10-23 02:59 ID:9pDpka5T

Hay. I know my last post was a downer but things are better I guess. I know today is my post day but I'm dead in the water. I'll make a real post tomorrow. For now I'll just say I'm back on the hunt, leveling heard, and getting stronger every day. I'll post for real in the mourning.

73 Name: Subject No.01 : 2009-10-23 05:28 ID:Bx4i63vf

Hi guys, long time no report. I took a risk, and it paid off!
Although I can't go into specifics I did it! sorta! anyways I'll still be a lurker and advice giver from now on. First I gotta catch up

74 Name: Subject No. 13 : 2009-10-23 07:14 ID:6Awwro5G

Stats
Subject No.13
Sex: Female
Sexual Orientation: Bi sexual / Celibate (I'm attracted to both, but I hadn't even kissed in, like, 3 years)
Age: 20
Nationality: Argentinian
Education: ended High School with pending coursework
Work: No
Income: $150 (around 39 USD) (unemployment benefit)
Living Situation: Parents (mom, my sister, and her boyfriend)
Knows How to Drive and Owns a Car: No
On Computer: 12 hours
Weight: 60
Smoke: Yes
Drink: Yes
Drugs: No
Virgin: Yes/No
Physical Experience: I had a one night stand with a girl, there was no penetration (that's why I can't answer if I'm a virgin or not)
Style: I always wear black clothes

Friends: I'm pretty selective when it comes to friends, or that's what mom says, currently I have 2 female friends I know I can rely on, one of them is my ex GF (failed relationship, I felt too embarrassed to go to second base) (let's call her friend no1) and she's the most good person I know. Then there's this other girl, she's gorgeous and I admire her very much, we have a lot of things in common, though, before I actually met her, I though she was a bad person, I got carried away by the gossips of a friend of mine (whose I'm not friends anymore, because I discovered she talks about people she doesn't actually know) (let's call her friend no2)
My high school friend was brainwashed by her mother and now she's a fanatical evangelist, it's like my old friend dissappeared

75 Name: Subject No. 13 : 2009-10-23 07:14 ID:6Awwro5G

>>74
Activities: sit at the computer and lurk /cm/ and pixiv for moar yaoi, I also do some nail art I'm going to sell with friend no2 (she designs clothes)

Skills: I didn't find any yet, I can't call nail art a skill because most of the designs aren't mine

Extras: I have a VERY BAD memory, once a therapist said it was because (and started when) my dad killed himself, around 2003, he was schizophrenic due to drug abuse. My brother got paranoid due to drug abuse and killed himself last year, in the same year my grandmother (on mom's side) died of cancer, and my mom's friends (who I loved her very much) died of cancer too, speaking of death, my older sister died of cocaine overdose when I was little.

last week I got deppressed over a mmorpg because I hadn't sleep in all night and I forgot about a portal, because of this, my friend's character almost got killed, and the douchebags who locked him in that room called me a n00b all day.
then on weekend, my mom was in a very bad mood and she screamed at me and my sister because we're lazy, my sister has a reason to be lazy, she works all day, but I don't, then I got more deppressed
at night everyone went out for dinner while I stayed here, when they came back, my (other) sister (I have 3, I'm the youngest) and my mom were arguing, I don't know over what, but my sister ended up telling her "IT'S NOT MY FAULT YOU HAVE SUCH AN INCOMPETENT, USELESS DAUGHTER!!" that was the last straw, I tried not to break up into tears because it was no use, she was right.
then I decided to kill my aunt and myself, why my aunt? because she's the greedy bitch who made my father psychotic for him to kill himself and get more of my grandfather's inheritance (lots of houses), and tried on my uncles too, she wasn't the reason to kill myself though, it was because I made this reasoning:
Father, drug addict, deppressed, schizophrenic = viewed as a problem in my family
solution = kills himself
Brother, drug addict, paranoid = viewed as a problem in my family
solution = kills himself
Me, NEET, good for anything = viewed as a problem in my family
solution = I must kill myself
and since I did not want to leave this world without doing SOMETHING I thought of elimitating another of my family's problem, my greedy aunt. I had it perfetcly planned, at first I thought of buying a gun, but it would take too long (I must be 21 to buy one) and will not pass the psychology test, so I thought of buying a katana or a wakizashi, cut her throat, and kill myself on a seppuku way. now, how to met her? one of these days my sisters has to met her and my uncles to sign some papers, I'll go first and kill her.
and yes, I have thought of my family's feelings, based on the previous experience, there's a lot of grief, but eventually we moved on, I'm not that loved anyways.
I gave up when I saw my little dog, it's funny how I gave up because of my dog's feelings and not because of my family's, no one will take care of her as much as I do, and I've heard of dogs who die out of sadness because of the loss of the owner, althought I would not see that happen.

sorry for this mess, and sorry for my bad english

76 Name: Subject No.01 : 2009-10-23 07:35 ID:Bx4i63vf

Okay so after a long reading of everything from my last post to my most recent one I have to say that I missed a whole lot.

For your individual situations I can only say do what you think is right and tell you what worked for me. This might be a little long too.

  1. Before even thinking of finding a girlfriend/boyfriend take steps to self improvement: Whether it is a job, physical appearance, or school. Do it for yourself so you don't find a girl/boy as the motivating factor. Using them as a motivation loses glory as soon as you hit a stride with them. As the army says be all you can be. Plus even if you don't want to do something force yourself to do it. "I don't feel like going to the gym today," but go anyways. Kick your own butt in gear.
  2. Put yourself out there: Get into situations that you're definately not comfortable with. Whether it is starting awkward conversations with strangers to having to stand in front of a group of people and leading them. Be an initiator and doer! I know this might seem like a snake's poisonous bite to the shy, but if you keep letting it bite you you'll develop an immunity. Again do it even if you don't want to. The next step and this one come hand in hand so 2 and 3 are worked on at the same time.
  3. Development of the aloof heart: Whatever outcome good or bad, don't care about recieveing either. If its good, then congrats. If its bad, then move on. This doesn't mean turn into a being with a heart of stone. Just know when to care and when not to. I love this quote that I read from my favorite manga GTO: "You can't spend all your time bitching and moaning about the past... cuz you cheat yourself out of the present." The human life is really too short to be dwelling in the dark past instead of creating a bright future. If ever you doubt yourself on a big choice, just say screw it and do it anyways after that deal with the consequences. Step 1's self improvement most likely will help here.
  4. Care enough, know your boundries but show that they're special: You don't have to be a saint to win a girl over, but that doesn't mean you shun them. After you built up an electronic communication line with them use it as a means of communicating if you can't directly in person. The advent of electronic contacting has made us forget and avoid the value of face to face encounters. This doesn't mean always go out of your way to see the girl/boy. Just let it happen if you see them every so often. If not, invite them to lunch or some other casual event. Thats where 2 and 3 come in handy. Be nice to them, but don't over do it. Go halfsies or have them pay for their own. Treat them every so often. As both of you build up relationship points its okay to up the ante more often too.

77 Name: Subject No.01 : 2009-10-23 07:36 ID:Bx4i63vf

Okay so after a long reading of everything from my last post to my most recent one I have to say that I missed a whole lot.

For your individual situations I can only say do what you think is right and tell you what worked for me. This might be a little long too.

  1. Before even thinking of finding a girlfriend/boyfriend take steps to self improvement: Whether it is a job, physical appearance, or school. Do it for yourself so you don't find a girl/boy as the motivating factor. Using them as a motivation loses glory as soon as you hit a stride with them. As the army says be all you can be. Plus even if you don't want to do something force yourself to do it. "I don't feel like going to the gym today," but go anyways. Kick your own butt in gear.
  2. Put yourself out there: Get into situations that you're definately not comfortable with. Whether it is starting awkward conversations with strangers to having to stand in front of a group of people and leading them. Be an initiator and doer! I know this might seem like a snake's poisonous bite to the shy, but if you keep letting it bite you you'll develop an immunity. Again do it even if you don't want to. The next step and this one come hand in hand so 2 and 3 are worked on at the same time.
  3. Development of the aloof heart: Whatever outcome good or bad, don't care about recieveing either. If its good, then congrats. If its bad, then move on. This doesn't mean turn into a being with a heart of stone. Just know when to care and when not to. I love this quote that I read from my favorite manga GTO: "You can't spend all your time bitching and moaning about the past... cuz you cheat yourself out of the present." The human life is really too short to be dwelling in the dark past instead of creating a bright future. If ever you doubt yourself on a big choice, just say screw it and do it anyways after that deal with the consequences. Step 1's self improvement most likely will help here.
  4. Care enough, know your boundries but show that they're special: You don't have to be a saint to win a girl over, but that doesn't mean you shun them. After you built up an electronic communication line with them use it as a means of communicating if you can't directly in person. The advent of electronic contacting has made us forget and avoid the value of face to face encounters. This doesn't mean always go out of your way to see the girl/boy. Just let it happen if you see them every so often. If not, invite them to lunch or some other casual event. Thats where 2 and 3 come in handy. Be nice to them, but don't over do it. Go halfsies or have them pay for their own. Treat them every so often. As both of you build up relationship points its okay to up the ante more often too.

78 Name: Subject No.01 : 2009-10-23 07:37 ID:Bx4i63vf

my bad for double post

5. Information: This one is short and simple, remember every freakin detail. If you don't be honest in your screw up and apologize sincrely, but hey if you can pull off forgeting as a joke kudos to you. Get the right information early so you don't find out if she's taken late in the game. Remembering minor details like her being left handed when he/she is impressive if you use it correctly, just don't be creepy about it.

6. Know your timing: Cliche I know, but it helps. Sometimes feeling like its too soon is the right time, and when its the right time it might be too late. Go with a gut feeling instead of your thoughts. You won't know the results of a jump until you actually do it. Oh if you fail, step 3. If the hole was deep, climb out. Taking risks is good, but knowing when to do it makes you wise and not reckless.

7. "Don't think, feeeel": Gotta love Bruce Lee for that one. Over analyzing a situation can put more roadblocks then the actual amount thats there. Just go with the flow. Forget if thinking what if A) then B) happens. Thats what step 1 is for. You have the ability to deal with it somehow. Preparation isn't necessarily a bad thing, but being over paranoid is. A simple go with the flow and improvisation goes a long way.

8. Be true to yourself: Before someone else can like you, you have to like yourself first. More cliches! If you're afraid of something, don't be afraid to admit it. You're only human, you're not perfect so admit it. Superman might seem perfect, but he has his own flaws despite his strengths. If you're an otaku, admit it. Be sure to know your limits and when to break them. Besides if you're hiding something more often then not it'll come out. Maybe this should be with step 1 huh? Show youre likes and dislikes openly and proudly. It makes you unique.

Thats everything that I did and picked up while not posting. It takes up a while to do all of that and a lot of patience to execute. Heck it takes a lot of patience to read all the way up to this point in my post haha. I feel like I've leveled up and "evolved" to my second form, but I still have more to go. Hope this helps and good luck

79 Name: Subject No.01 : 2009-10-23 07:51 ID:Bx4i63vf

>>75

Subject No.13, I hate to sound rude... but are you freakin serious!? This sounded like something that needed to be up on the personal issues board.

If you intend to kill yourself thats not evolving, thats extinction >_<

All life is precious, don't waste it. You're still 20! You can do something with your life still! Don't be stupid and it now. Use your time on the Earth to make something of yourself by your own hands. And if what they say about 2012 is right, we're all screwed over equally so there you go.

80 Name: Subject No.00 : 2009-10-24 04:08 ID:9pDpka5T

OK, so it's not the mourning but better late than never right?

No.13 I'm sorry to hear that things are going so poorly for you. Definitely listen to No.01, he has the right of it.

No. 01 I'm really glad things have worked out for you. Keep up the good work and thanks for the great advice.

Well I've mostly gotten over "phones" maybe we can be friends, maybe not. I've been working very hard to get out of the house. Sadly the only people i seem to meet are old women, mothers and couples. sadly my town has no social scene. I think I may start hanging around campus more often. As far as my evolution goes, I'm a lot more comfortable dealing with women than I used to be. I think I'll be able to make better progress now. I've also lost about 11.5 Lbs since the project started. I don't know if its because I cant afford as much food or if its because I'm actually eating better, but I don't plan to look a gift horse in the mouth. Its strange but now that Phones is a no go, rather than feeling disappointed for months, I now feel exited. I want to move on and try again. I've always thought of courtship as a lot of trouble and pain. But now It seems kind of fun. I think I'll eventually find the girl who's right for me but I've given up the idea that there is just one girl out there some were. There are lots of great girls out there, I just have to find one of the ones who will like me back. Lets all get out there and do our best.

81 Name: Subject No.01 : 2009-10-24 05:24 ID:Bx4i63vf

Sounds like you're starting to develop the "aloof heart" lol. Its nice to hear that you're not letting what happened a few days get to you and living for the moment. Try joining a campus organization! Try to turn attention to yourself in a good way. Good luck No. 00

82 Name: Subject No. 10 : 2009-10-24 06:27 ID:NdRvti4L

>>75
No. 13, if you're serious, don't kill yourself. It is a selfish thing to do and you will create problems for those you love. Perhaps what you need to do is live on your own. It will take a while, but moving out and being completely autonomous sounds like the best solution to me. And there has to be a better solution than killing your aunt. Has she done anything illegal? Get her arrested then.

Well, shortly after I posted >>69, I got an invite to the show the day before opening. The day of, I sent her a text message, expressing surprise and wishing her luck. I also mentioned the ball and said I didn't know if I was going yet, but that this pretty much meant she wouldn't be able to.

Last week, I decided I was going to ask out M. My resolved faltered a little over time, but it's back, and I have the support of E, my friend. We've talked about it in detail. She says I have to be assertive, well, that one's obvious, and straight to the point, no tiptoeing around the subject, casual but not TOO casual. I asked her about touching. I feel like I should do something like this. I have to send a CLEAR signal that I'm very interested in her, but one that won't scare her off. I'm going to see E tomorrow before I go to the school, so she's going to give me a primer on safe, non-creepy touching. From what we both know of M's personality, she needs a little push to do things. E had to walk her over to me last time I saw her.

M has been rather active on Facebook. She recently posted a video performance that was her best yet, and it turned me on, of course I left that part out. I have been commenting more on her posts, but not every other one, been keeping myself in check. When the show resumed, I wrote on her wall wishing her luck, and by then I figured out when I was going to see the show, so I mentioned that. I had to change the day though, so I had to make another post. She even commented on one of my statuses, to my surprise. I responded with an explanation, no response from that. I guess she had nothing to say.

This is it, tomorrow I ask her to the concert. I hope she says yes. I'm absolutely terrified. My friend says I should be. She damn well knows like me you don't meet women like M every day. No pressure, right? I've failed all my life with women, but this time I will prevail!

I'm going alone too. Almost every time I've seen M, my friend has been present. I need to get the point across that E and I are not a couple, because we're not. She might as well be my cousin. That's the kind of relationship we have. I'm also bringing a flower, and it's not a rose. Since it's closing night, I'm not expecting M will be able to do anything afterwards. She probably has a cast party. Also, I've made arrangements to stay with E overnight, and her mom is strict, so even if M DOES want to do something, we won't have a lot of time.

83 Name: Subject No. 12 : 2009-10-29 23:31 ID:NA/I6IJ8

Hey there. I haven't updated in two weeks. Not much has happened to be honest. I went out to play tennis last week and had planned to go play again yesterday. Unfortunately, it rained.

My resolve to do anything is sort of dying day by day. I find myself unable to do some things that I enjoyed before... I've been going outside a little more (went for a walk today, too.) Seeing some school buses go by made me realize how much that I've taken for granted... I miss going to school and interacting with others. I miss all of the walking I did in the school buildings. I generally miss being around others and I didn't realize how much it mattered to me until it was over...

I may need to follow No. 01's advice... Well, I already know what I must do. Getting myself to do it is another matter entirely. I've always had motivation problems, so it's going to be so much harder to stick to something. Hopefully I can get my life going again before I break down...

84 Name: Subject No.00 : 2009-10-29 23:48 ID:9pDpka5T

This world runs on money, Filthy, Stinking money. And I have none. Still no improvement on the money front, and of course every girl I know wants me to come and spend money with them. Well maybe not "every" girl I know, but the fun attractive ones yes.

Well now that that's out of the way time for my update. Huge improvements on the confidence front. Recently I've just been feeling more confident. Yesterday I looked in the myself in the mirror, and rather than thinking "I'm so fucking fat" I thought "Holy shit, If I get rid of this, girls would be all over me." I've never felt like that before. My wight is slowly creeping down as well. I've been doing a bit of reading as well. I found a website that has all the works of H.P. Lovecraft on it and I've been reading each story one buy one. I've also changed my video game habits. I'm playing less than I used to and I'm actually trying to beat some of these games I've had for ages, I just beat loco roco last week. Things have been fine with Phones. We talked a lot today and it was nice, I think the being friends thing could work. I don't know if it's my new found confidence or just the fact that I'm getting better with women but it was not hard to talk to her today. On the flip side I tried going to the cafeteria in hopes of finding some human contact but it was a no go. Hopefully things will continue to improve.

85 Name: Subject No.00 : 2009-11-08 06:21 ID:9pDpka5T

Well every one, it’s a little late but here is my update. Lately I’ve been thinking that everything in life is balanced on a scale. As some things get worse others must get better. Money is tighter than ever, and things are on the edge of a knife. I’ve heard that people often become desperate in this kind of situations, when life gets harder, and things seem almost hopeless. But I don’t feel that way. If anything, the best in me seems to have come out. Over the past week or so, my confidence has increased greatly. I don’t feel so uncomfortable around the few women that I see. I feel like I see things more clearly. My weight has gone down some more. Another week or two and I’ll hit 250lbs. I also beat another game this week, Okami. When I got to the end I was very tempted to go seek out every little side quest to complete. But instead, I simply sat down and finished. For most people this probably would not be so big a thing. I almost never finish a game. I’m always flitting from one thing to the next, so I never finish what I start. I think this is a start of fixing that. I want to be someone who finishes what they start, even if I’m afraid of how things end.

You know just writing this I think I know one of my problems with women. I’m afraid to start because I’m afraid of the end. I’m scared of it ending in rejection, I’m scared of her saying yes and turning out to be crazy, I’m scared of fucking it up. In general, I’m scared of endings, so I never start, because you can’t have an ending without a beginning. Maybe that’s why I’ve always had such ridiculous standards for women. In my mind I tried to set standards that would result in a woman who was a sure thing, a safe ending if you will. But love isn’t like that, It’s a mine field, and your perfect women might not seem so perfect once you have her. When she only lives in your mind she can change with your every change of heart. But real women aren’t like that.

People say the dream girl doesn’t exist so don’t look for her. I’m not sure they have it right either. I think there’s no point looking not because she doesn’t exist, but rather that you won’t know it’s her till you meet her. I’m still going to keep high standards, but I’m not going to try to match girls up to a check list in my head. I’m just going to look for a quality girl. It will still be hard to find her, but I think it won’t be so bad if I just trust my gut. My “perfect girl” could be someone who would never fit my mental checklist of the things I think I want. The road ahead is still a long one but It will be worth it to find that unknown someone, and hopefully when I reach the end I won’t be scared any more.

Well that’s it for this week. Let’s all keep trying reel hard. I’ll try to have some cool stories for you next week.

86 Name: Subject No. 10 : 2009-11-09 17:02 ID:NdRvti4L

>>84

>This world runs on money, Filthy, Stinking money. And I have none. Still no improvement on the money front,

I feel your pain.

I'm tired of rewriting. I'm just going to post a slightly updated version of what I post in the other thread.

Well, I went to see the show last weekend. It was...interesting, the director took it in a completely different direction. Anyway, at first after the show, it seemed like I was the only one that came to see her, which would've been a lot less pressure on me with her, but some other guy showed up a few minutes later. I figured it was a friend of hers. She talked to this guy for a little bit, and then I talked to her and gave her the flowers, single stem, so it still counts as one. She didn't have much of a reaction to them, but later on I noticed that every other actor had the standard red carnation you can buy for someone at the table, attach a message to, and send backstage, so I was pretty convinced I made her feel special. One of her fellow cast members said they were pretty. She hid behind my flower a few times though. There was a time where there was just silence and we were looking at each other, so I smiled (it is very hard for me to show a genuine smile) and she responded by hiding behind the flowers. She did this a few times after the show. M mentioned she didn't think I was coming, so I guess she didn't see the message I left on her wall about coming closing night. I was originally supposed to go the night before.

I had decided before that I should touch her in a non-platonic but non-threatening way. Unfortunately, E didn't have the time to give me a crash course in this, as she was just leaving for dinner when I arrived, so I was on my own. I couldn't think of anyplace to poke her that was non-threatening yet not platonic in our current situation, so I poked M in the shoulder. She responded with a swift kick to the air aside from me. I think this was in jest though, as we continued to talk afterwards. Still, I remarked that wasn't the response I was expecting.

I confirmed with her that she'd have some free time now that the show was done with. She mentioned not being home in a long time. Then I brought up the concert. She asked for more information, so I gave her more info about the band and event. Then she said she'd have to see if she was going home that weekend. I told her I'd send her an invite on Facebook. I goofed and told her the wrong town but corrected this in my invite.

The director came out and the cast flocked around him, so while this happened, I talked to the other guy. I found out he hasn't known her very long, just through a friend, same as me. Competition? That's the last thing I need, given the physical distance between me and her.

M had a cast party, so nothing was going to happen afterwards. I told her to be safe and before I left, said she looked adorable in her dress. I get kind of tongue-tied around her and completely forget to say things I wanted to. She told me to shutup, but in that "you're embarrassing me" sort of way.

Apparently, invites have a character limit, so I had to post the rest on her wall, and it was probably longer than it should've been. I told her this is one of the few all ages shows they play and to check out their music, cause there's no point in going if you don't like the band. I also told her I'd like to spend time with her and get to know her better, things I should've said when I asked her in the first place in person, as well as asked how the cast party went.

Continued

87 Name: Subject No. 10 : 2009-11-09 17:04 ID:NdRvti4L

I received no response, so midway through the week, I wrote on her wall again, asking if she figured out if she could go. Still no response, so last night, after some discussion with E, I decided to call her. Of course she didn't answer, and I didn't bother leaving a message. I considered calling her again the next day or the day of the show, but I didn't want to annoy her, so I didn't. I'm beginning to feel like I need a personal messenger to correspond with her. Nothing it seems is effective in reaching her other than face-to-face meetings. I'm also thinking she doesn't have a clue I'm into her. I asked E about calling her again, she has no idea. I'm completely lost. What the hell do I have to do to get to this girl?

I am not giving up though.

As far as the homefront, well, I've been forced to start paying off my loans or face default, so I've begun applying for jobs in the "service sector..." McJobs. In doing so, I feel like a complete and total, utter failure. Fine investment my college education was. It's around the holidays, so most likely any employment I do get will be seasonal, and I'll be back where I am in January, which doesn't do me a whole lot of good, just prolongs the inevitable. Default is inevitable without a steady job. A while ago, I found out my loans were sold to other banks, so I contacted one of the two banks, to see if I could work with them instead of Sallie Mae, but no luck. However, I did find out they consolidate private loans, so I applied and am awaiting approval. I private borrowers have next to NO RIGHTS. At least federal borrowers have some sort of protection. It's also a lot easier to consolidate federal loans and A LOT more companies out there do them.

We also still don't have hot water. I did some research and found protective coveralls for a decent price, so maybe I can actually do this myself, if I could just get off my ass and do something.

88 Name: Subject No.00 : 2009-11-10 03:49 ID:9pDpka5T

I don't know if this is really an update but I just kind of needed to get this of my chest. I had a dream last night. I was siting at a college cafe talking to a girl. She was cute if a little chubby. She was one of those girls that likes to play video games casually, loves the BBC, and doesn't really care about fashion or waring make up. We were just sort of talking about nothing when suddenly she starts blushing and says "hay you want to bounce later?" I should have realized that this was a dream after that strange sentence but my brain just sort of rolled with it and translated bounce as [to hang out with connotations of dating]. She Looks away after asking me and I could tell she was thinking something like "What the hell am I doing? I'm just 'one of the guys'. There's no way any one would want to go out with me" I just sort of sit there for a bit, thinking about how lucky I am that a girl would not only like me, but like me enough to ask me out. I of course say yes. And just as I'm hitting the peek of my joy, my mind reminds me that this is to good to be true and that I rely should just wake up. I do of course, and find myself sitting alone in my bed. Felt like shit. Like I said, not really an update but I just had to vent, feels better now.

>>87
I hope things ge better for you soon, I know this kind of thing can be heard. I don't remember if you've ever tried just asking her to go do something but that might not be a bad thing to do at this point. It seems like you've been interacting with her for a bit and if she isn't willing to try something by now it may never happen. I know you want it to be a sure thing before you ask her out but the sure thing doesn't exist. Just ask her to do something casual and let her know that you want it to be one on one, make sure she knows that it being one on one is important because this will show your interest without you having to just blurt out that you want to date her. Stay casual and be smooth, I know you can be. As for the McJob, don't think of it as a dead end, just a first level forest full of lvl 1 monsters. Level up and move on.

89 Name: Subject No. 14 : 2009-11-10 06:57 ID:sx2eIFUC

Stats
Subject No. 14
Sex: Female
Sexual Orientation: Heterosexual
Age: 20
Nationality: Asian (Filipino)
Education: 3rd year in Molecular Biology and Biochemistry
Work: Yes, I work with the Aldo group
Income: Not a lot
Living Situation: Parents
Knows How to Drive and Owns a Car: No and No
On Computer: A lot
Weight: 105 Ibs
Smoke: No
Drink: Yes, occasionally
Drugs: No
Virgin: Yes
Physical Experience: I actually have never dated anyone before. I think a guy just held my hand once..
Style: chic-- skinny jeans, a nice top, either boots or flats
Friends: I have 3 best friends-- 2 I talk to all the time. I have a group of Filipino friends that I also hang around occasionally but not as close compared to my best friends.
Activities: School, work, go online (watch random asian movies and dramas and also active in another forum--- been on that one for almost 5 years now).
Skills: I don't really know. People say I have good people skills-- outgoing and friendly.

My story: To be honest, I have never dated anyone before (never had a boyfriend). It's not because I don't get asked out (because I do), it's just that I keep rejecting date proposals. I feel that it's wrong for me to waste someone's time especially if I'm not fully attracted to them. I think recently when my best friends were in relationships this year that I started to feel left out. It's not that they don't talk to me but I guess you can say I feel a bit jealous that they found that someone they can be with while me on the other hand, hasn't. I guess it was kind of a slap in the face which depressed me for a while. I thought of attempting suicide a lot (not only because I feel lonely but other things that I don't fully know myself). I'm sick of being alone but I know that it was my fault too. I attract guys that I don't like and having to constantly reject them is a pain. I start to think that maybe it's me-- something is wrong with me that I can't even have a decent guy to be attracted to me. I don't know what else I can do.

I guess my school is also a factor of my suicide attempt-- pressure from parents and don't fully know what I should do or what I'm doing is "right" for me. I just keep going though-- put on a fake smile and just keep moving forward but having to feel like that everyday, it's tiring. I have a dream that I really want to succeed but I feel like I'll never achieve it because school is so damn hard. I wish that I can give everything up but I can't with all these constant expectations and the feeling of quitting-- I hate it. I thought of dying a lot but I just don't have the nerve to hurt myself.

90 Name: Subject No. 5 : 2009-11-10 08:29 ID:kTc/h/Yt

Entry No. IFORGETSOITS5NOWKTNXBYE

---

It's been a while since I last made an update, but I've got two jobs now. One's at a nursing home with unsteady hours and relatively decent pay, another's in a retail job with more hours and minimum wage. The past month or so has been pretty rough, since I've worked almost every day without much of a chance to properly rest.

I think I've gotten pretty attached to this guy I'm always talking to online; he was interested in me when we started college, but it didn't last long. We've both graduated, but he lives pretty far away, across the country even; this was the major reason that things didn't really work out in the past. I don't think I'll really get anywhere with him, but I guess I'm lonely and desperate. Or maybe I like him? Who knows. Honestly, my goal right now is to get the heck out of the area I'm living in right now, so if ever asks me to move near him, I wouldn't be able to stop myself from saying "SURE WHEN?". In fact, I've pretty much said it already.

Or maybe I should try looking for a date here? I don't have any faith in the guys around here, though...

91 Name: Subject No. 10 : 2009-11-10 15:03 ID:NdRvti4L

>>88
I have asked her, and when I get an opportunity again, I will ask her again. Did you at least skim back and see if I did? No, there is never a "right time." But in my last update, I said I got no response about the event I suggested. I'm not giving up. She seems to be the type where you just have to keep hammering away because of how she's unresponsive to outsiders. I am however, holding off on flat out telling her that I like her until we spend some time together, but I'm reconsidering this, since that plan has gone nowhere.

E has told me to lay off for a while. I interpreted this incorrectly and read it as "give up," so we got into a fight. I have a problem with seeing things in extremes. There is very little gray area with me. When I was in therapy, we were working on that, but I've completely regressed since returning to the house. Now I don't feel like I deserve my friend. She cares too much about me and winds up getting hurt cause of the way I think of myself: scum of the earth that doesn't deserve love or happiness or a home.

>As for the McJob, don't think of it as a dead end, just a first level forest full of lvl 1 monsters. Level up and move on.

Don't give me that RPG bullshit. It might work for you, but it doesn't work for me. If we go by that, then I've been stuck in the level 1 forest with level 1 monsters where many of the monsters give you NEGATIVE EXPERIENCE POINTS, since I started working my first job when I was 16, nearly 10 YEARS AGO. I have been "trained;" I'm a college graduate, so therefore I should've "leveled up" by now, at least to a fucking job that pays a decent enough wage so I can live on my own or that permits me to work towards it so I'd be well on my way to autonomy. What is wrong with this picture?

Obviously, I don't deserve any higher level of employment, cause otherwise I'd already be there, same goes for love, happiness, and a home.

Yesterday I got called for a job interview at a store in the mall. I hope it's not a seasonal position, but I won't turn one down, just that I'll be back in the same place in January and the job search will still continue.

>And just as I'm hitting the peek of my joy, my mind reminds me that this is to good to be true and that I rely should just wake up. I do of course, and find myself sitting alone in my bed.

This sounds like you're capable of lucid dreaming, where you can control your dreams. If you're curious, I'd suggest reading up on it.

Well >>89, you must be pretty, if you're having to reject guys constantly, so what are you looking for in a guy, both physically and personality-wise? Do you even know? This might give some insight as to why you aren't attracted to the guys that approach you. As a man with no experience, I "think" I have a pretty good idea what I'm looking for in a woman, based on my own failures and those of people close to me, but I'll never truly know until I experience a relationship for myself, and I believe this goes for anyone with little experience. Lucky for you, the world of double-standards plays in your favor, as romantic inexperience won't repel guys in droves like it does women when a man is inexperienced.

92 Name: Subject No.01 : 2009-11-13 08:06 ID:Bx4i63vf

Hey guys, just checking in... looks like a lot has been going on! From reading back on what everybody is going I don't have much to say but this: Try to live life without regrets rather than regret not living. The past might be holding you back, but you can't let it. Do what feels right and the moment and don't hesitate because of fear of being turned down. Sometimes it requires that leap of faith for you to reach what your heart desires.

But if you do fail... you can't let it be the end of the world... It may feel like a thousand knives stuck through the heart, but you can't let that stop you from finding that right person whos been near you the whole time.

93 Name: Subject No.93 : 2009-11-14 16:42 ID:mJ5mRmlV

Stats
Subject No.93
Sex: Female
Sexual Orientation: Homosexual
Age: 18
Nationality: Spanish/French
Education: Drop out working on getting a diploma
Work: I'm a starving artist.
Income: Less than 300 USD
Living Situation: Parents
Knows How to Drive and Owns a Car: No
On Computer: 5/7 of the day
Weight: 130 lb
Smoke: No
Drink: No
Drugs: No
Virgin: Too complicated.
Physical Experience: Nude skin contact.
Style: I don't stick to one, nor do I have a main style.
Friends: N/A
Activities: I'm a shut-in.
Skills: Voice, writing, and art
Extras: N/A

94 Name: Subject No.00 : 2009-11-17 21:39 ID:9pDpka5T

>>89
Hay, welcome to the group. I don't know how you feel about this but you might try going after guys rather than waiting for one to want you. A lot of the nicer guys are shy and would love for a girl to ask them out. Where are you meeting these bad guys?

As for not knowing what you want to do, try looking for something that involves things you enjoy or are good at. I'm 21 and only recently found my direction in life.

>>90
Congrats on the job. I would not suggest moving in with a guy before you've ever met him in real life. It could end very badly as people are often very different to how they act on line.

>>93
OK... Nice to meet you!?

Well Things are moving along as life always does. School is going great. If I wanted to I could slack of on every other project for the rest of the semester and would still pass with flying colors. I'm planing to go job hunting at local stores later this week and see if I can find anything. I am also planing to start taking 1 hour walks every day to help get in better shape. Confidence is still nice and high. I cant wait for winter break as some of my friends will be back in town then. I've also managed to improve my hygiene. I had sort of let things slide last semester but now I'm back on track. My hair and skin are in a way better condition than ever before.

On the down side we still have no money and now no cellphones, could not pay the bills. This makes getting in touch with people hard. Shit suck man. Still no contact with any girls other than Phones. Its easier to interact with her than I thought it would be.

95 Name: Subject No.00 : 2009-11-21 21:40 ID:9pDpka5T

Well there's good shit and bad shit all around. to start of the bad shit I got a $75 ticket for blowing through a red light. I did not have enough time to stop and it turned red just as I entered the crossing. I don't have the money to pay this.

Now for some happy things. First, the semester is almost over and my grades are great. Worst case I expect to get A A B B. Also my friend has introduced me to the world of ocarinas. There rather fun little things. Yesterday I tried to make my first one, it did not work out so well. Once I make one that works I'll learn to play it. BEST OF ALL, I think I may have found a new girl. There is this waitress that I have gotten to know a bit at a local restaurant we'll call her Hana. She actually goes to the same college as me and I think I may have a chance here. I'll post more on her another time.

96 Name: Subject No.15 : 2009-11-22 06:47 ID:16RhZr78

Stats
Subject No. 15 (I think 93 mistook the line)
Sex: Male
Sexual Orientation: Heterosexual
Age: 21
Nationality: American (Italian family)
Education: In College, Computer Science
Work: No
Income: $0
Living Situation: Parents
Knows How to Drive and Owns a Car: Yes
On Computer: 10+
Weight: 255 lb (6'3)
Smoke: No (allergic)
Drink: No (vowed not to touch the stuff)
Drugs: No
Virgin: Yes
Physical Experience: I've kissed, but it can't really count it was when I was in 5th grade. I've been on the receiving ends of hugs. I've slow danced, you know contact there if that counts.
Style: Casual? I wear lots of custom hoodies that usually draw attention, I wear shorts (from khaki to the now 'in' plaid shorts) and flip flops. When it's cold I just wear blue jeans and hoodies.

Friends: My friend circle is more like an electron cloud everyone is kinda near me but not really. Pretty much, I've lost contact with those I was close with in high school. They've moved or we just don't see each other there fore don't talk. I've been friends with a few people online that I've gamed with for 6+ years and two of which I consider like family, so they're the ones I talk to about personal things. At college I only have "friends" in class, if you know what I mean, we're facebook friends but don't make any contact outside of class.

Activities: Game duh. I try to keep up with guitar, I draw alot.
Skills: I don't think of it as such, but drawing seems to have become my skill, I write as well but just comics.
Extras: I used to weigh 330 lbs and over the course of 6 months was able to lose 70 lbs.

97 Name: Subject No.15 : 2009-11-22 07:10 ID:16RhZr78

Separate post for room.

Sorry to butt in, I felt this was interesting after reading a lot and wanted in on it.

My story: I've lead a pretty hiki lifestyle. Growing up I wasn't allowed to go to other kid's houses or bring them over, it wouldn't seem to have such an affect on social status but apparently it did for me. I went from being one of the most popular kids to being that quiet guy. In middle school I went to a public school, and it opened up a whole new world for me. Basically it exposed me to real life and poverty, everyone was a dick, and I was stuck up for not talking. I never became close friends with anyone, I was oblivious to any crushes some girls have had on me and I sex was a taboo thing to me.

Sure enough in 7th grade everyone was having sex, except moi. Really young, I know but my school basically had no discipline and everyone there was a "problem child". High school came, didn't know anyone and the school was even shittier than middle school. There were prominent gangs in high school, so there were always fights and someone who wouldn't to be a tough guy.

Me being tall, I was able to ward off most conflicts, but one day someone picked at me enough I snapped and took him down. Oddly enough it got me probably the closest RL friends I've had. I was a good kid though, had decent grades (straight c's) but I always got mixed up in troublesome things in high school because of my friends. Vandalism, fights, etc. I guess it did well to bring back my popularity but it wasn't what I wanted, I was a momma's boy.

I gradually became more of a loner through my high school years, in 11th grade I only talked to the friends I made in 9th grade; as such we had different schedules I was never able to meet with them. We had a field trip to another city to visit museums, and no one I knew went with me so I just went about my own business while there. There were tons of schools visiting this one museum, and I was last in line for my school to go through security, I was pulled aside, all the lines were stopped and I was surrounded by guards because they thought I had a bomb in my bag. No joke, but it was just an empty bottle, in turn I got in trouble with school and was suspended, relevant because that is a part of my life I won't forget.

12th grade I dated the first girl I've really ever liked liked. I liked her A LOT but I wasn't obsessed with her, I didn't call her all the time or constantly look for her at school or anything. She would talk about our future and I'd just got with it, we had one particular special moment where we slow danced, cheesy as fuck, while listening to my iPod in a parking lot. Beyond that, no physical contact.

We broke up, or she broke it off with me when she got prank calls and thought it was me, or at least I assume she thought it was me. All I know is, she and all of her friends and my friends (irl) flat out ignored me after she mentioned the prank calls. I was too much of a pussy to persue.

After this I got a job (from end of high school to 2nd year of college) with a contractor in which I was hired out to the local naval base to do classified work. It was nothing big, just involved autoCAD. I made no good social links there, and had a lot of trouble communicating with my boss. My contract ended, I was pulled back into the job a month later for more work but their lack of organization was too much, I quit and they finally went under about 2 months ago.

College years, failed every class my first 2 semesters, but had taken college credit classes in high school to make up for it. Spent a year going for a degree to become a History Teacher, changed my mind and turned to Computer Science. The math is hard, I'm terrible at math period. I failed Algebra 2, 3 times in college and 3 times in high school before finally passing. I think I'm going to fail Calculus this semester, and I need it for my next CSC class, so I have to talk to the dean or head of the dept about it or something.

Ah 2:10 am I'm not usually tired but for some reason I am tonight; so hello n' goodbye.

98 Name: Subject No.7 : 2010-02-04 05:34 ID:uKxkXdad

I fell in love with my best friend

now i've stopped returning her hugs and just letting her embrace me. it really bothers me when she hugs me and then says "i just wanted a homo moment, teehee"

I can't tell her though. I'll just be watching her from afar, listening to her rants. :)

I just felt the need to post this. sorry for bumping this thread up if i did

This thread has been closed. You cannot post in this thread any longer.