Some of you may remember me as the guy a few months back pursuing a lonely looking girl in the school library, I gave her a Valentine's day card, etc, then just realize I didn't like her...
I've got a new love pursuit now! I posted this on 4chans new advice board but I found the kind of responses I got here before were much more considerate and helpful. Anyways, here's what's already happened that I posted on the /adv/ board:
"Alright /adv/ here's my tl;dr predicament.
I put myself in a 2 person group in my sociology class with a girl I like (we picked groups via signup sheet). She had already chosen a group so I just decided to pick whatever one she would.
The thing is, the subject is "Cheerleading". I could have picked anything else so I really need to come up with an explanation for why me, a straight male, has picked this category.
The teacher said to pick something that really interests you, so maybe I'll say something like "in case you're wondering why me, a straight male, picked cheerleading, it's because it really seemed like the strangest thing on there...I really can't begin to comprehend how their minds work so I thought I might learn a bit, after all the professor did say to pick someting that you find interesting. Also it sees like it will be incredibly easy." Might take out this last sentence.
Anyways, is that convincing? If not what should I say?
I'm not 100% sure but I definitely got a few looks from her in some of my classes so she may already like me (I'm at least a 7/10). If not, how do I get her romantically interested in me so after this project she won't just think of me as "that funny guy who picked cheerleading". Although I have looks and confidence, I am indeed a virginfag who has not even gone out with a girl for more than a day. Any sort of tips, jokes that always make girls laugh, something to get her definitely interested in me, would be helpful.
She is the goddamn cutest girl in the world...wears very little makeup and definitely doesn't need it, so please don't let me screw up this opportunity!!
Pic...somewhat related..."
A few days later:
"Alright, given the two minutes our teacher gave us to exchange contact info with our partners I think it went well. I found out that the cheerleading presentation was also scheduled to present way into December so I said "Yeah, cheerleading really isn't my thing in case you were wondering." and she laughed and smiled and shit. But after she gave me her phone number and I gave her mine she just kind of went back to her seat.
We present our project on December 1st, and it's really nothing in depth (many people are presenting next week, we're just at the end of the list). I was thinking of getting an early start on the project with her saying "we might have a ton of projects by the time December comes around". We'd meet in our school library to work on it
Anyways, the little I did learn about her in those two minutes is that she plays soccer (from her shirt). I've met fellow female nerds, "femanons", and weeaboos and have to say they generally disgust me. I think I have found truth in the phrase "opposites attract". I'm not an athlete or anything but I love the outdoors, camping, and hiking. I've already imagined snuggling in a tent with her-but I'm getting ahead of myself!
Now comes part 2: how do I get her romantically interested in me and not just "that one guy I did a project with"? The time and place to talk to her would be doing the project in the library. My current plan is maybe starting in October, we'll work on the project once a week but spend most of the time talking with her and just doing little bits of work. I have good looks and confidence but besides that I'm your typical virgin who hasn't been in a relationship more than a day. I need like a fucking checklist of things to try and shit. Halp me here."
And that's the story so far...I never thought I would fall in love with an athlete type girl.
Also from the thread on /adv/, one post stood out that a few people quoted:
"say you picked it cause she was in it and you wanna get to know her, shes eiher inerested or not dood"
Is it really that easy? Just go up and admit I picked the project because I was interested in her?
>>Just go up and admit I picked the project because I was interested in her?
That could go one of two ways: It could flatter her, or it could weird her out. If she was just a small interest you had or something, I would suggest doing it. However, you seem very unwilling to ruin a chance with this girl, so I would avoid most risks, if at all possible.
I would suggest just talking to her; have casual conversation. Don't be boring, but don't talk too much, either; just be cool.
Yeah, never trust 4chan responses. I'd agree with >>4; act cool and collected, start with some small talk and let it evolve into something deeper. You can ask her about soccer and maybe challenge her to a match after a bit of conversing; it'd be a good way to get closer without the need for verbal communication, even if you're not all that good at soccer yourself. If you can, try and make her laugh with small offhand jokes or sarcastic remarks - try to steer away from having it sound like an insult, though. If you start to run out of topics at hand, turn to your work and while doing it think about what you could say that'll spark something up again; maybe something she had said before.
Thing is, you don't want to seem like you're wracking your brain for conversation topics, so a period of silence is okay too. It's easy to feel comfortable when your conversing actively, but it takes a deep connection to be able to feel comfortable when you both are silent. Good luck and report back to us with any new info on the situation.
Don't tell her you joined the project because of her, that would amount to a confession. She will feel pressured and you might end up repulsing her. The flattery will only last a second, the embarrassment much longer.
What you want is to use the time you spend with her to get to know as much of her as possible. What are her interests, likes and dislikes, etc. With that information, you should develop activities with her. She likes movies, borrow her this or that dvd, or later go watch a movie. Same for music (CDs plus concerts), etc. Don't fake interests, she will hate you for that, but use interests that you could share. Your aim would be to spend good times with her, which is the basis for a relationship.
If you see that she is receptive to you and spends time with you, then you will be ready for the next phase.
Thanks guys, just like I expected much better quality posts from you guys than on 4chan. Like I mentioned I won't be starting to work on the project until October but I'll report back to you then.
Good luck, OP.
i dunno...
alot of people seem to think there is an element of 'tricking' her involved that necessitates dancing around the issue.
if you REALLY only picked the project because you were interested in her and have no interest in trying to do it well, I don't see the point of not confessing to her. I mean, if you're so afraid of rejection that you can't act, you've already lost.
But there's a big difference between declaring your undying love, and just suggesting that she seemed like a neat person that you wanted to hang out with.
Who knows, she might weird you out after you hang with her...
I find more girls that are worth knowing, and are able to go to the next step after physical attractiveness, tend to have more interest and respect for guys who can demonstrate proficiency and confidence.
I'd show her you are going to take this project seriously. YOu don't need to railroad her and be all gung-ho, but don't blow this off as an opportunity to show off your ability to be a man and do something. Guys are defined alot by guy peers and smart girls by their actions and decisiveness. If she gets an 'A' because of you...
...but, being wishy washy is only cute to a small percentage of girls, and usually not for very long.
Okay, OP here again. I don't really think I made this clear when I said I was a virgin, but I should say I've NEVER been in a relationship before (more than 1 day). I'm probably going to use 75% of time we meet just to socialize with her, so assuming things hit off well, how do I take it to a physical level (what kind of ways should I get touchy with her and stuff) and how do I know when to take it to the physical level. I don't mean kissing, just like tapping her knee or something like that (I have no idea if knee tapping is an appropriate gesture of affection to the opposite gender, just saying).
Physical contact is a big taboo if you are not an acquittance of her. Also, a boy-girl relationship has some physical zones that you may avoid: Legs and Chest. If you ever try to go there, you must be sure that she is very, very, VERY comfortable with you, or you'll get a slap... Try with the arms zone. Hands are okay, and touching her hands smoothly is romantic, but socially acceptable. Like "Hey, I hadn't realized that you had such cute nails" smooth touch
Keep in touch OP.
OP here again, talked to her for the first time for more than 2 minutes. Went and told her we should start the project Monday, then I walked to her next class with her and just talked about random shit. Feeling really confident because she was smiling the whole time and laughing at a lot of the stuff I was saying, hell I wasn't even trying to be funny so maybe she likes me already.
Anywho, my plan is probably go back and forth between actually working on the project and just talking with her about shit Monday, any other tips or specific things that would be good conversation topics?
I should also add one of my greatest fears is the dreaded "friendzone." What sort of things should I do to show romantic interest and not end up like this?
BALLS. OP here (my ID changes when I'm posting on campus or at home). Anyways, I worked on the project with her...and that was about it. I didn't really talk about anything, just kind of did the project the way I always do when I meet with someone to work on a project...fuck! She said we could meet again in a month or two to put finishes touches on it since we aren't presenting in a few months (it's actually a relatively easy project, ours is just due the latest).
Anyways, maybe I should sit next to her and greet her in my sociology classes, then talk to her as she walks to her next class to get to know her better, and eventually ask her out someplace? Chances are she won't be in any of my classes again next semester so I think I'm still going to try.
I wish the best for you OP, but I can't help but think that you tend to overestimate yourself. I've read your other thread where you tried to pick up "library girl", and I have to say, you're quite the egoist.
Anyway. If you want advice, I would just walk up to her in sociology, and take the seat next to her. Follow it up with a "Hey." "How was your weekend?"
Being friendly in this intercourse should be the best way to approach, since you are just "project mates". Act cool and friendly, and keep her confortable. A good sign of this, as you allready have noticed, is that she smiles at you.
Keep it cool, keep it real.
Oh, and don't be overconfident or egoist.
Thanks, and yes I'm aware I'm quite the narcissist, but I realize chicks don't care about guys who only talk about themselves and whatnot so I keep the ego flexing to a minimum . Also, last class there was an open seat right next to her and I didn't take it! Goddamn me! Hopefully it won't be weird that I didn't sit next to her last class when I do tomorrow...
Alright...well, I seem to be having deja vu of sorts. I had plans to ask her out to go hiking at this really cool place, but just like with the shy library girl, I began to lose interest in her. She really is just a soccer girl, I don't think this kind of relationship would work at all.
Fuck, it appears I have a new problem...finding a girl I still find interesting after two weeks. I think what's causing this is the fact that neither girls really had many interests shared with me (literature, drugs, indie music/films). What I want is a girl I can just have endless sarcastic arguments about pointless things with and that shares interests in the aforementioned items. My college is a rather small sized one and not academically prestigious in any way, I'm guessing all the smart/interesting chicks got to go to better colleges...fsdfj[iagoajgf
I dunno. What I do.
No offence but it seems like you are just running away from something that you don't feel comfortable with i.e. dating and relationships. Asking her to go hiking would be a little much though it's too exclusive and scary sounding from an objective perspective I mean unless its like a a park or something where a lot of people go asking her to go off to a sucluded place together when you barely know each other sounds creepy. But this isn't really what I wanted to say. The thing is how do you know she is just a soccer girl maybe she already likes the things you do or over time maybe she could like them. Similar interests are good and all but I mean finding someone who has different but complimentary interests is good too you know like the whole opposites attract thing. You can learn a lot from them and they can learn a lot from you. Not only does it provide a bunch of things to talk about it also can bring you closer together by sharing and experiencing fun new things. But everyone views relationships differently and this is just my opinion so good luck with whatever you end up going for. keep an open and optomistic mind
WELL anyways it seems my prayers have been answered in the form of girl #3. Went out to buy a video game yesterday at this local game store and this chick from one of my classes, who I did not expect to like video games at all, was working there!
New thread here, the soccer girl is dead to me.
Gamer Girl is too weird...and definitely not cute like the soccer girl. Well, to be honest the main reason I've moved back to Soccer Girl is that she was wearing makeup today...think I mentioned before she's cute even though she wears no makeup, but man with makeup SHE WAS THE FUCKING GODDESS OF CUTENESS. She's far cuter and I like her personality much better than Gamer Girl...blah blah blah, anyways...
Anyways, I had originally planned on inviting Gamer Girl over to play video games. Soccer Girl on the other hand probably does not enjoy video games as much as Gamer Girl, what sort of activity should I plan with her? Far too shitty weather to go hiking now, and that didn't sound like too good of an idea anyways. Coffee and dinner feel too much like a "date" to me, although if there are no better options I may go with them.
We are going to meet to do final touches on our slideshow sometime soon, I was thinking of saying something along the lines of "now that we finished this major project, we should celebrate by having dinner" and then I'll say something along the lines of "actually, you just seem like a pretty cool chick and I wanted to get to know you more" so I won't be admitting a romance or anything, just stating clearly that I am interested. How's this sound?
Jesus Christ, you take every girl you see at face value and chase their tail in a moment's breadth. Before switching girls because of petty details such as makeup or games, try and get to know them a bit better first - at least attempt to get attached to one of them, or you'll just keep switching. It's not fair to yourself nor these girls to change interests so quickly. What if one of them likes you and has noticed your interest in them, only to find your going after another already just because you noticed your previous choice looked a bit cuter that one day?
Well, I have gotten to know Gamer Girl a lot more from talking to her in class, and I have to say personality-wise I don't really think I like her as much. Besides having an interest in video games she's really...a generic sort of girl, no other way to describe her. She also listens to hardcore, ugh, I don't think I could ever date a girl with a taste in music like that.
Soccer Girl on the other hand is very modest, polite and giggly. She definitely has interest in me judging from the fact that she left class 1 minute behind me and caught up to talk. Gamer Girl is a bit odd, one day she seems interested in me and the next it seems to want to avoid me, could have been because I said "what is that?" when I looked at her drawing something. I meant to be sort of teasing but I think she thought I was saying it out of disgust for her drawing or something, she seemed kind of hurt and closed her notebook :( fuck me for being socially awkward.
>>23
Why bother? this guy is obviously as superficial as they come.
It would be good if he'd stop posting thread after thread with the same bullshit though.
QUIT ACTING LIKE YA'LL KNOW ME BEOTCH
After talking to them both for the past weeks we know each other pretty well. They really have their ups and downs, its really tough to decide.
Obviously one of the main positives of Gamer Girl is that she games. The thing is, my other friends have girlfriends who they introduced gaming to and they grew to like them, so now I've begun to realize that maybe having similar tastes isn't as important as it just feeling "right" when talking to them (conversation is much better with the Soccer Girl).
That being said, I'm going to try hitting things off with Soccer Girl, hence me bringing back this thread.
Really though, instead of judging my decision (which is MY decision) please give me some advice. Posted this paragraph in my last post but got no feedback:
We are going to meet to do final touches on our slideshow sometime soon, I was thinking of saying something along the lines of "now that we finished this major project, we should celebrate by having dinner" and then I'll say something along the lines of "actually, you just seem like a pretty cool chick and I wanted to get to know you more" so I won't be admitting a romance or anything, just stating clearly that I am interested. How's this sound?
>How's this sound?
Sounds okay.
>the rest + other threads etc.
You know, when posting on boards etc. you're only the person who transpires through your posts. And honestly, even if I didn't post it, when I saw your "finally I liek her more" post I rolled my eyes and thought "man, grow the fuck up".
I'm not saying you're wrong and all, or that you're immature, but really that's how you appear to be after your background of posting. Also, seeing how your interest waxes and wanes and sways all over the place, I'm not absolutely sure you're ready for a relationship that will last more than a week before you get bored of your "new toy".
I mean, at least you could have your own thread with your interests and such, but you actually decide to make a new thread each time - in an "erase and rewind" kind of gesture, like if the other one didn't matter at all anymore.
See what I mean?
> you're only the person who transpires through your posts.
That's not true; What about weed guy?
You know, the guy that believes marijuana is the solution to every problem. You can see that guy coming from a mile away. Don't ever argue with weed guy about the endless benefits and zero drawbacks of pot, he'll come at with with religious fervor in defense of the chronic.
>>28
Yeah, and? That was my point. You only see of him the part that will post about marijuana. That doesn't mean you know him and that he is a living sack of pot with nothing else in his life - but for the BBS's purpose, you'll see him as "the weed guy".
I SAID IT ONCE AND I GONNA SAY IT AGAIN:
DON'T ACT LIKE YA'LL KNOW ME BEOTCH
You're the type who makes too many judgments without thinking. A man drops an ice cream cone and you think he hates ice cream. He really has arthritis, but he's not going to wear a shirt saying "I am a victim to arthritis" so judgmental people like you won't go around making baseless assumptions about people.
Anyways, this thread is about me and not the logical incoherency of judgment...I may have made it sound like I went back to Soccer Girl because of her looks but it was really more than that. I AM NOT A JUDGMENTAL PERSON, but I am human with emotions, which make you do things that even logic cannot decipher. There were things I was beginning not to like about Gamer Girl and Soccer Girl putting on makeup really made the final cut.
I could go on and on about the details of why I chose the Soccer Girl over Gamer Girl but that is not the point of this thread.
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THE DEFENDING OF MY EGO IS OVER, THE THREAD MAY RETURN TO IT'S ORIGINAL CONTENT.
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Anywho, I was going to try asking her to the mall to see a movie sometime soon before bringing up dinner. First of all, when I said I have zero experience dating women I was serious. I have no idea what kind of movie I should pick, a comedy maybe? Secondly, any advice for how I should act on the way to/during/after the movie?
everyone judges to say that you don't is very arrogant and hypocritical in a certian sense I mean you did call gamer girl generic which is judgemental you can never know a person enough to put them into something so ridiculous like catagories and states of being. I'm not condeming you for switching girls but you should choose your words carefully it seems like since you aren't planning on dating the gamer girl you aren't going to talk to her anymore...? that seems kindof silly you could still be friends you know. Being shy about something you create like sketches is natural and not a reason to condemn anyone. there is also the idea that sometimes people just don't want to be bothered which is also what could have happened.
Anyway for the rest of your post you go see the movie she wants to see obviously and just be yourself and don't try anything romantic yet just be friendly and try to show off as much of your personality as you can without being loud and obnoxious or overly talkative. but a movie isn't really the best idea there is a lot of silence so things can get awkward fast in fact I don't even like taking my girlfriend to the movies and we've beeen dating for a while.
>I have zero experience dating women
Tell her this then try to hold her hand with your nervous twitchy sweaty hands. Works 100% of the time.
Thanks, and I'm still planning on being friends and even hanging out with Gamer Girl, I never said I was gonna stop talking to her. She's the only friend I've made in college so far who's into games. Also, of course we're all judgmental in real life but you have even less information to judge people on over the internet so I was just criticizing him for ACTING LIKE HE KNOW ME
Hey, I may have no experience with women but my narcissism gives me an endless supply of confidence.
>you have even less information to judge people on over the internet so I was just criticizing him for ACTING LIKE HE KNOW ME
If you don't like it then don't ask the internet dimwit. You are asking people to give you advice based on limited information, you can't pick and choose what kinds of uneducated judgment you want others to give you. You just want advice that agrees with your bloated ego.
>You're the type who makes too many judgments without thinking.
Says who? Interestingly enough, no, I'm not. I only said you appeared to be immature, and you say I am judgmental.
>my narcissism
I thought you were a narcissist in the sense you liked yourself a lot, but now I'm starting to think it's more of a flaw than a quirk trait. Again I'm not "judging", but maybe you will go defensive over anything that doesn't brush you along the flow. It's a thing to have confidence and a solid ego, it's another thing to be full of oneself.
Yeah, I might not know you, but from what you've shown and how you're reacting lately, I think I don't really want to after all. If you let out these kind of vibes IRL... well let's just say a lot of people will be driven away. I'm not telling you to do anything, maybe you can just think about it.
And like >>34 said, you can't ask people their opinion based on limited information and then blame them for that same lack of information. Especially if you don't care about their opinion in the first place because you're so awesome.
GET OUT OF MY THREAD MAN THIS ISN'T ABOUT MY EGO ISSUES!
Nobody would know I think so highly of myself in real life, hell I don't even talk about myself at all. I know that people like it when you ask them about themselves, they don't really care about you so much. And with chicks, if you don't tell them much about yourself you seem really cool and mysterious.
I've actually learned this all from this website, has lots of tips about conversation with women and other things (scroll down and read through step 1, 2, etc)
http://www.jbspencer.com/djb/index.php
It's not a quick lay or a PUA site, it's just a site with lots of tips and things that are very useful in trying to get a women. All of them have helped, I suggest you guys check these out too.
Just because I act all high and mighty on the internet doesn't mean I'm like that IRL, of course I know that people don't like people that only talk about themselves and are huge ego-inflated dicks.
But PLEASE STOP DERAILING THIS THREAD!! Any other tips and things about the Soccer Girl would be appreciated, as of now I'm still trying to decide between taking her to a movie or going for a hike. Leaning more towards the latter since there's a lot of room for conversation, although after the movie I could take her to the food court at the mall. Any tips or things would be appreciated instead of criticisms of my textually-perceived personality.
>>36
It is good usage to try and show how you are/act when asking relationship advice, because it is one of the things that are taken into account for said advice. I was trying to help (okay, and taking a few gratuitous shots at your ego in the move, I'll admit it). I hope you realize that you don't give much room for advice, though. "I think I'm gonna do this", well, just do it man.
Anyhoo
>GET OUT OF MY THREAD MAN
Consider it done. Fun fact, I had given you advice you've appreciated in the past, I'm not just trolling you for kicks. ALSO CAPS LOCK OLOLOL11!1!