The porn he looks at is drastically different from what I'm like-- do I have a chance? (21)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-09-26 07:46 ID:pe0Zjv8O

[This thread involves pornography as a subject and for that reason may have been place on the sexuality board, but the focus is not porn itself but rather a potential relationship issue that pornography may factor in to.]

I've been friends with a wonderful guy for almost three years now. I developed a crush on him that eventually turned into full blown love for him, but I haven't yet confessed. We have a very close relationship and seem to do everything a dating couple does except that we don't have physically amorous relations. We've never kissed, we've never cuddled, we've never even held hands. About a year ago, however, he hugged me before we parted one evening, and we've hugged every single time we've ever parted after spending time together since then (about twice a week). As the year has gone on, the hugs have seemed to last longer and been tighter. I genuinely believe that he has the same feelings for me as I have for him, but I'm not certain if they're at the same level. I'm also a coward, and that's why I haven't made a move yet.

I've never dated before, either. This is the closest to a romantic relationship I've ever had, and I guess part of the reason I've yet to do anything in the way of confessing is that I'm scared and this is all new to me.

My birthday is in two days (09-28-09) and he offered to take me out to dinner to any place of my choosing to celebrate the occasion. He has also told me he has a gift for me, and I assume we'll go back to one of our places to tend to that. I decided back on his birthday in July that if he hadn't said anything by my birthday in September, I would make the first move because I feel like I'm going to explode if our relationship stays as it is for much longer when I want so much more out of it.

[Continued below]

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-09-26 07:48 ID:pe0Zjv8O

>>1
[Continued]

My plan is such: when he gives his gift to me, I'll thank him and lean over and hug him, and before I pull away, I can lightly kiss him on the side of the face. It seems like an innocent way to thank him and it seems like the least risky way that I could kiss him, having a good excuse for it. Hopefully, if he doesn't mind it, it could become a tradition like the hugging. Or, maybe it will lead to more. That or it could be awkward as all hell and make me wish I hadn't done it.

Tonight, however, my confidence was dealt a devastating blow by something I can't control, and I need to know if I'm overreacting. He accidentally left a notebook behind at work one night and asked me to pick it up for him while I was there and hold on to it for him (we work on different shifts at the same place). I did so, and even though I knew what I was doing was wrong, I looked through the entire thing, cover to cover without his consent.

He likes making lists, and in it are lists of benign things like his favorite television series, his favorite comic books, and his favorite 80s bands. One list caught my eye because it had the names of women listed from 1-10. It was titled "Top [Company Name] Models." By Googling the the company, I quickly found that they were all models on the same pay-porn site. They all share another common trait: they've all got HUGE BOOBS. Like, Gs and Es and DDDs. And the higher up on the list they rank, the bigger their bust.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-09-26 07:48 ID:pe0Zjv8O

>>2
[Continued]

My own boobs are small. I measure as a 32B. Learning of his preference for the more buxom sort of woman, I feel so inadequate I could cry. I've had insecurity issue regarding my breasts since puberty, and now I feel like my fears have been realized in the worst way. I feel like taking my shirt off in front of him would be like a joke, now knowing that what he desires are jugs more like the size of what sits atop my neck than what I'm sporting on my chest.

My family is visiting from an hour away today (09-26-09) and I'm planning to take them out to dinner at a local pizza place. He and my family have heard about each other through me, but never met or spoken. I invited him to join us tonight, and he accepted. I'm very nervous, but very excited that all of the people that are most dear to me can finally meet each other. I am worried now that when I see him, all I'll be able to think about is the glaring difference I've discovered between his "top models" and myself and there's no way I can discuss it with him; (not only would he know I'd looked through his book, but it would also be way too weird of a conversation to have with him anyway).

I don't know what to do with my head. I feel like I'm having a nightmare and I can't even tell if I'm just freaking out over nothing. I know he's not my "boyfriend" and for that reason I shouldn't even think about expecting him to do anything just to placate me, and I also know that he's free to have his own preferences and that most of that stuff isn't a choice any way; a person can't and shouldn't have to make them self like green beans if what they really want is ice cream.

I don't know what to do to feel more comfortable tonight and every time I see him from now on. Has anyone else been in this situation before or have any experience relating to my position? Do I stand a chance in every looking attractive to him?

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-09-26 15:34 ID:xC6NTAVi

You sounds fabulous to me. However the part where he left the notebook and ask you to keep for him sounds suspicious. I mean who could have resist the temptation to look into the "book of secrets." Anyway don't worry too much, watching porn is usually for pleasure only, that what i think. By the way when he hug you sounds like good news, BUT if your in the western countries then it nothing, i think.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-09-26 16:32 ID:Z1C3PWnI

porn is fantasy, and nothing more. Should he worry any time you enjoy watching a movie because of some hunk starring in it?

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-09-26 16:57 ID:Z1C3PWnI

You are definitely freaking out: I have always preferred dark haired women, but I'm happily married with a blond girl, simply because there are many other aspects in which she provides me with ample satisfaction. It's just one aspect, not the sum of things.

He seems to have had an interest in you for more than a year (he's patient...), and is inviting you for your birthday. What else do you need to accept he's interested in you?

One thing is certain: you will never be able to satisfy 100% of the expectations of any man living on Earth today. So quit fretting about it, it's distracting from what's really important: he's interested in you, accept those feelings and cultivate them.

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-09-26 18:33 ID:Em5npxH3

I can't speak for your friend, but I guess if you're really interested in someone, physical matters like these aren't so important.

Anyway, don't let this discourage you. From the way he behaves, it does sound like he's interested in you (although I have no experience in stuff like this).

Good luck.

8 Name: 43 : 2009-09-27 06:22 ID:qXYa3W/C

You'll be fine. Breasts aren't what holds a couple together.

Keep us informed.

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-09-27 06:28 ID:x1+ql0uF

i dunno how old you two are, but geeze...

guys like boobs. Some have specific tastes and preferences. But just because you like burgers doesn't mean you hate chicken biscuits.

Confidence and honesty overpowers pretty much everything. Porn is porn, but if he would date some empty headed chick (both in brains and in heart) just cause she had huge boobs, then what he loves are meat sacks and not people. That makes him a man-child, and you can treat him that way from now on.

Yes, I like big woobly boobs myself, but not to where'd I'd put up with a mental dwarf in a relationship. Nor does it mean a b-cup would be unwelcome, especially on a confident and honest girl.

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-09-27 22:55 ID:LI+yXj/J

>>1,3
You are overreacting.

Not only is this most likely of no consequence, you should understand that the average bust size of women in porn is much higher than in the real world. Of those not naturally busty, most get breast implants to further their career. Yes, men with a specific preference for large breasts outweigh those that have a specific preference for small breasts and there are many more that are in no way picky. But this also means pornography follows the laws of supply and demand. So if you checked again throughout that website, you'd most likely find only a select few small breasted women.

What this all means is that his top ten is of no consequence.

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-09-28 05:23 ID:Heaven

> Yes, men with a specific preference for large breasts outweigh those that have a specific preference for small breasts and there are many more that are in no way picky. But this also means pornography follows the laws of supply and demand. So if you checked again throughout that website, you'd most likely find only a select few small breasted women.

as someone who does have a preference for small breasts (and happens to be dating someone with large breasts), porn with women who have small or even average-sized breasts is very difficult to find, more difficult to find even than CP.
so the fact that the women in his top ten all have huge breasts probably doesn't mean anything at all. and even if he does have a preference for large breasts, that probably won't be a problem... guys usually don't care about breasts anywhere near as much as women think they do.

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-09-28 07:01 ID:pe0Zjv8O

Op here.

Thanks, everyone, for your advice and perspective. He ended up canceling on meeting with my family and I the other night, but that was reasonable as they arrived over an hour later than we expected to meet and by that time he had already fed himself dinner and had probably expected to be home for the night by then.

Our plans are still on for tonight and I am very excited to get to see him for the first time since midday three days ago.

I think what bothers me most about the list isn't just that the women on it are big-busted like most porn stars, but that they all have GIANT MONSTER TITS, and the ones that made the list are the ones with the biggest boobs on the entire site, with the biggest at the top and going down by size (and rank) from there. Indeed everyone on the site has big boobs so it makes sense that there aren't any more modest chested women on the list, but the astonishingly buxom ones are the only ones that made his list. (I didn't even know GG and I cups existed before the other night.)

I never wear low cut tops; t-shirt collars are about as low as I go. But tonight when I go to dinner with him, I plan to wear a shirt I never have before with a plunging v-neck and a tie in the back that tightens it around the breasts, really accentuating them. I wanted to buy myself new bras for my birthday anyway, and figure I'll buy a push up one today as well, just for that shirt. It's the first excuse I've had to dress up around him in about a year, so I don't think it will seem terribly unnatural, and maybe it will make him more open to a kiss as well. I am hesitant because I don't want to come off as slutty or throw what I have for a chest out there just for attention, but I hope that if nothing else it will make my own lacking bust at least palatable if not achingly desirable. Perhaps presenting this area of my body to him for the first time will cause him to find it attractive and actually become attracted to it.

Ultimately, I guess I can't change what he does or doesn't like, I can only hope he'll like me the way I am, the same way I like him.

I don't think anything will ever quell the insecurities I have regarding my own less than ample chest, but I do feel a little better now than I did two nights ago, and the comments on this page have been an incredible help, so I am sincerely thankful for all the constructive input provided.

13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-09-28 09:36 ID:dYCIipSg

One will always be willing to change for the other. That what i think.
Anyway i don't suggest push-up because i once watch this drama. There was a girl flirting with a rich guy who like big breast, so she wore push-up. In the end the push-up drop and it was embarrasing.

14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-09-28 10:44 ID:BgZPiGO2

>Ultimately, I guess I can't change what he does or doesn't like, I can only hope he'll like me the way I am, the same way I like him.

You nailed it. No need to wreck yourself and your chances with him because of this. Be natural. Study yourself, and wear what looks good on you, not what tries to make you look like something else.
It's not like he did not have ample opportunity to appraise your chest. Since he's still interested, why on earth would you try to make your chest look bigger? Just make it look pretty, that's plenty.

15 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-09-28 14:57 ID:IOOW9vXj

Happy Birthday, OP!

I suppose I'm a little late, but it couldn't hurt for me to throw in my two cents.

I think it's pretty obvious that this guy likes you. He's comfortable with how you look, so you shouldn't stress his opinion of you too much.

From what I've read, he thinks pretty highly of you.

16 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-09-28 21:46 ID:pe0Zjv8O

OP again.

I decided to ditch the low cut top and push up bra. I made that decision at the last minute and I think I'm glad. I am instead wearing a shirt that he's complimented before and that I feel very comfortable in. I made the decision before reading the thread, but what >>14 said makes a lot of sense; by now I guess he's figured out that I don't have triple-Ds, but if he's still enthusiastic about being around me, he must not be too disapointed. It's silly how really obvious stuff like that can never find its way into a fear-clouded mind until someone else puts it there for you.

He's going to be here to collect me in about forty minutes and after dinner we're going to come back here to visit for awhile before having to call it an early night due to both of us having to work tomorrow (he goes in at 6AM and can't stay up/out late).

I'll gladly update later on. I read loads of literature last night on how to successfully kiss someone in a non-threatening way, and unless I chicken out(which is very likely), I may finally do it.

Thanks again, collective Anons.

17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-09-28 21:51 ID:UW+pYSXJ

>>16
Don't chicken out! Push yourself, you can make it and kisses are innocent after all (that is, if you don't linger for ages on it of course haha).

Hope you have a nice time, and happy birthday!

18 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-09-28 21:52 ID:UW+pYSXJ

Btw, there are no Anons here - only Secret Admirers ;)

19 Name: 映画男 : 2009-09-29 05:03 ID:aWmTklJV

eiga wishes u all the best!! dont chicken out and u'll do fine =D

20 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-09-29 06:35 ID:HcSBvt+n

anxious about an update

21 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-10-05 13:28 ID:VL2in16A

OP, I just wanted to say that I can totally relate to you.
I am finding myself in an uncannily similar situation to yours, and although I can't offer any helpful advice, I am totally barracking for you.

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