Hello all,
I seem to be stuck between a rock and a hard place. This story begins a year ago, so forgive the long writing.
Last year, I met this guy. Call him N. I fell for him hard and fast, but didn't do anything about it besides hanging out. It took about three months, then he began to show interest in me. We didn't really date officially as neither one admitted anything, but we spent the next three months pretty much dating, being lovey-dovey, long phonecalls until 3 in the morning, that kind of thing.
Then he changes, decides I'm not as important as his friends, doesn't pick up calls, and only talks to me when he needs something. It hurt, but I didn't mind; I really loved him and hoped it was a phase he'd get past.
But then he cuts contact altogether, not just with me but with his friends and family. Nobody knows where he is. After three weeks of not hearing from him, his friend, call him A, asks me not to talk to N anymore. When I ask why, he says that N needs to shape up and start realizing he can't treat people this way. He also says it pisses him off to see N treat me the way he does.
I was doubtful, insisting N had his reasons, but under pressure agree. I start hanging out more with A and the rest of the N's group, all of whom are far, far nicer.
Skip another three months, and all of a sudden N is back acting like nothing happened, in contact with his friends and family. It's obvious he's starting to pull himself together and is working on it, but in the meantime I've realized that I've become rather... attached... to A, and not in a way one finds a rebound.
To make matters worse, A has a girl he likes, M, who is simply not fit to be with him-- not because of the girl herself, she's a lovely girl, but because I know her mother would rage if she knew.
It's breaking my heart to have to deal with both. Just the sight of N makes my heart beat, but being with A makes me happy and content. To top it all off, I've ended up in situations where I see both in the same day and it's not doing me any good.
Case in point: last Monday I was going to meet A at 3; not a date, a group thing. I arrive late, at 3:30, and see N on the way in... of course, I weaken and stay to talk to him for another 30 minutes, even though the first thing he says is "Oh, are you going to A's thing? Didn't that start like half an hour ago?" And still I stayed with him. Stupid girl, right?
When I get there, at 4, A sees that I'm upset and starts asking what's wrong. I feel like a traitor even though we're not really together, he clearly has his heart set on M.
To make matters worse, it's happening again! This Saturday, I've agreed to meet A at 7, then went and agreed to meet N at 4. I don't know how I'm going to handle this.
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The TL;DR of all of this:
I like and "dated" this guy N, but now I like his friend A, who is much nicer and shows real concern for me, though probably as a friend because he appears to like another girl, M. Going to see both on Saturday and uncertain how to handle it or which one to go for, if either. Help!
That's tough... I can understand A, but he should still understand that you're worried about N. If he's been gone for three weeks, that's serious cause to worry, I think N needs someone to talk to, and someone to trust like you used to be. Especially to talk about his disappearance.
Why do you need to choose? You're friends with both of them, and just because you're dating one, doesn't mean you have to give the up the other.
Sorry about M's mother!
Meowmew, thank you ^^
I think I'm just extremely confused right now. A is nicer to me as a friend than N ever was when we were "dating". I don't want to get back with N exactly because I see A's point; he just doesn't care. Now that's he's back, he's as cold and mean as ever, and I hate that I'm too weak to keep from approaching him >.<
As for A... I can see my mother liking him (in fact, she teases me about him every now and then) but I think my father wouldn't like him. But that's thinking too far down the line: just the other day, A talked about having commitment issues. I can understand that; he's only 20. I'm 23, so 3 years younger is really pushing it for me, but that's just how good a guy he is.
The point is he clearly doesn't see me as anything more than a friend, but still sometimes he does things that make me wonder... either that, or my concept of what constitutes "nice" has been skewed thanks to N. Thank you for returning my calls within 24 hours, A!
And yes, I'm very jealous of M, but at least she doesn't show up too often and even if it gets serious, hopefully her mother will draw a line somewhere ^^; In the meantime, A always looks happy to see her, so I have to be too. Ouch.
i will giv u all at one go
2.i think u still like N
3. worsely no one love you right now
4. good luck!
5. M (which refers to me) will pray for you.
>>4, you've hit the nail on the head. A is nice and clearly cares about me, but no more than that. I do still like N, even if I'm wondering why... maybe it's just attraction or admiration, because he's very mean and logically I shouldn't like him.
Thank you both, >>4 and Wonderfelt =)
I really have to wonder about A, though. Something just happened, which I'll explain here.
You see, I asked N to go out with me to a cafe that I know he likes. He avoided, postponed, "forgot", and then I just gave up for a few days. Then A comes to me and says, "Guess what! N says we should take you to that cafe."
I explain to A that while it's true I wanted to go to the cafe because I like it there, the idea was to get to see N and talk to him. A let it go.
A few days later, he gathers up the group (common friends between all three of us) and takes me to the cafe. He doesn't invite N.
Is it just me or is he saying "If you want something, ask me, because N obviously isn't going to give you anything."?
Confused!