Onward and Upward (4)

1 Name: Cunning Linguist : 2010-09-13 01:49 ID:pHZqd3cc

Sup.

I'm a 25 year old female. I'm not ugly, or so I have been told. I'm not fat. I bellydance and do flamenco. I'm also obsessed with Star Trek to an unhealthy degree. I play video games, I always hit up the comic store on Wednesdays. I'm not straight- genitalia has nothing to do with my attraction to someone. That being said, I am not attracted to the majority of the populace.

I just started graduate school this August, and I know my time should be spent focused on that and dance... however, I met a guy over the internet shortly before moving to the city my university's at. Things were initially very flirtatious, and he hinted left and right at wanting to try a relationship. After a semi-drunk night of amazing sex, it turns out he's seriously hung up over his ex and doesn't want a relationship. We hung out as friends for a month, and I couldn't take it anymore. I told him that I liked him and wanted to see where it would go, but he replied that he never intended to lead me on ever.

Needless to say, I'm crushed.

You see, Anon, I used to be a total sadsack. I used to be afraid to leave my house. I persevered, however, and have come a long way, but... it has been a long time since I've liked another human being, and I know it will be a long time before I like anyone again... it is just wearing me down, you know?

All this shit makes for a good flamenco dancer, but it doesn't help the fact that I'm profoundly lonely...

Please tell me tomorrow will be better. My greatest fear is waking up at 35 with a doctorate, +50 pounds, bad knees and an inability to get someone who doesn't look like Danny Devito...

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-09-13 03:11 ID:abQO5XWC

Not too many success stories floating around here, probably the wrong place to look towards for optimism. Male quickly approaching 30 here, and although it's certainly not the expiration date for men like it is for most women, I sympathize with how you're feeling given that I -am- older.

Amongst my female peers, there are a handful still unattached. On the surface, none of them are particularly unhappy or lonely. A big part of the reason why said women are still unattached is busy careers and or pressing familial concerns. As they are rather attractive, I feel they could easily find partners if they were so inclined.

Nearly every female acquaintance I have around their mid-30s eventually found someone that they seem relatively happy with. My female friends in this age range are not particularly attractive.

Ultimately, despite the fact you have an expiration date, women are holding most of the good cards. If you are relatively attractive, you shouldn't have much trouble choosing a partner within reason as long as you're willing to take the initiative. Men are far more desperate than women. By definition, alpha males are few and far between. Any woman who describes herself as 'not ugly' is pretty much lonely by choice. Keep your standards realistic, and don't let a few bad relationships get you down and you shouldn't have many problems. 30 is still a good ways off for you.

3 Name: Mr Write : 2010-09-14 06:45 ID:R2CXdNP4

Sorry, kiddo, but things aren't going to magically get better. Life only gets better when you take the initiative to make it so; something I've learned the hard way, haha.

Th first thing you should realize, is that you can't expect love to fill your social life. I know that when all you want is just someone to hold, it's hard to imagine that you would need more, but it's true. Friendship is always terribly underrated.

Or do you have some good friends already?

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-09-18 02:48 ID:ROjxg+yF

>>3 went straight to the point.

Meeting potential partners is made much easier by opening up to possibilities. Being in a strong group (doesn't even need to be a big one, having a couple good friends is enough) will help you find those situations and might even give you better directions than we can do here.

Even though things didn't go as you wanted with that guy, it seems he was as honest as possible by not wanting to lead you the wrong way. You're at an university, right? The you've probably got some good opportunities there.

Be patient (and persistent, btw).

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