Seriously, I suck at conversations. I can occasionally pick up a conversation about something around, but it dwindles quickly and then there's that silence. With my friends it's usually technical/games discussion evolving into something else, but I can't do it here.
I don't know, man. One of these days someone will make a flowchart for successfully navigating conversations with the opposite sex, and all our problems will be solved.
(I'd also settle for a Venn diagram illustrating common areas of interest)
I would also like to know. I have problem of being 'another girl' when I'm talking with the opposite sex and I suppose most of the time I am put in the friend zone because of this.
An Easy Way To Become A Good Conversationalist
Some time ago, I attended a bridge party. I don't play bridge - and
there was a woman there who didn't play bridge either. She had
discovered that I had once been Lowell Thomas' manager before he
went on the radio and that I had traveled in Europe a great deal
while helping him prepare the illustrated travel talks he was then
delivering. So she said: "Oh, Mr. Carnegie, I do want you to tell me
about all the wonderful places you have visited and the sights you
have seen."
As we sat down on the sofa, she remarked that she and her husband
had recently returned from a trip to Africa. "Africa!" I exclaimed.
"How interesting! I've always wanted to see Africa, but I never got
there except for a twenty-four-hour stay once in Algiers. Tell me, did
you visit the big-game country? Yes? How fortunate. I envy you. Do
tell me about Africa."
That kept her talking for forty-five minutes. She never again asked
me where I had been or what I had seen. She didn't want to hear
me talk about my travels. All she wanted was an interested listener,
so she could expand her ego and tell about where she had been.
Was she unusual? No. Many people are like that.
(I guess you don't want the 12 other examples)
So if you aspire to be a good conversationalist, be an attentive
listener. To be interesting, be interested. Ask questions that other
persons will enjoy answering. Encourage them to talk about
themselves and their accomplishments.
Remember that the people you are talking to are a hundred times
more interested in themselves and their wants and problems than
they are in you and your problems. A person's toothache means
more to that person than a famine in China which kills a million
people. A boil on one's neck interests one more than forty
earthquakes in Africa. Think of that the next time you start a
conversation.
***Remember that the people you are talking to are a hundred times
more interested in themselves and their wants and problems than
they are in you and your problems.***
"How To Win Friends And Influence People" is now free (first edition in 1936), take a look.