Hi dear people, I hope I can borrow some of your time.
I am in a rather difficult situation for some years. To be short I am a male to female transsexual and have lived as female full time since about 7 or 8 years.
While I am happy I have followed this path, it makes dating a bit hard. I am now currently in a relatioship with a very sweet boy and I have to tell him about my past soon. I do not wish to hurt him in any way, can you give me advice on how to go about this.
I specifically ask this here because I would love to see the situation from your point of view.
Wow, that is a sitiation and a half.
I would first figure out if he is homophobic. I know it sounds silly but many men think they might be gay if they have feelings for a transwoman. This can give them a conflict and might make them violent.
Be confident when you tell him. You are the same woman he fell in love with. You have not changed a bit and he has to realize this.
>>1
I'm sorry to say this, but when you tell him this it is going to hurt him and you (if you've invested enough emotion into the relationship).
Unless he's into that sort of stuff, there isn't much you can do to keep a relationship with him and the best you can do is break it off with him without him knowing because there's no telling what he'll do when he finds out about you.
I'm probably being too negative, but these sort of situations don't usually work out.
>You are the same woman he fell in love with.
he was never a woman and never will be stop trying to perpetuate that kind of flawed thinking into these people.
>>4
Uh Nuh.
1>>
Apologize for keeping it from him, and tell him straightforwardly, do it in a public space but with some privacy, or have someone there to support you, because with something like this you can't be sure how they would react, it would definitely be a shock. Be ready for it not to go the way you would like.
The biggest problem really, is keeping it from him, I would be able to deal with it if it was handled openly and honestly. If it was kept from me I would feel as though I had been deceived.
My point of view is kind of skewed because I'm bisexual, but if I were your boyfriend I wouldn't be phased in the least.
Someone's butthurt.
I basically agree with what everyone else has said, but to throw it in you might want to explain why you hadn't told him up until now, that as a trans person you've faced rejection, anger, and danger when you've come out to people, but that you do want to be honest with him, which is why you're telling him now.
Thank you for your replies kind people
>>3
I don't think this is the best way because just breaking up will hurt the both of us. It is cruel to leave someone in the dark without telling at least why. I want our relationship to progress and for this I feel he has to know about me. I want to give him the chance to learn about me.
Thank you all for your methods. I did try to find out if he is transphobic and watched a transmovie with him to figure out his reaction towards it. So far so good.Coming out will indeed be best in a public place, maybe the mall or a park
hey wow, an actual interesting thread on this board. havent seen one of those in forever.
count me in as another guy who wouldnt be fazed much by it. although unlike the other poster im not bi, i consider myself straight as an arrow. if i thought you were hot enough that i didnt even realize you were trans, i would shrug my shoulders and roll with it. i realize im probably in a very small minority there though.
i halfway agree with coming out in a public place. i think a crowded place like a mall might be a terrible idea and pretty hard on him if his reaction is negative. a park bench with relatively few people in the area would probably be the much better idea.
i know im just repeating things that were already iterated, but definitely go into this expecting both of you to come out hurt. the world we live in just isnt that accepting yet. if it works out, fantastic, and i hope it does. but this is the kind of situation that most typical guys joke about being the ultimate nightmare scenario.
i know i wasnt super helpful but i did want to chime in and say good luck.
Thanks, this gives me a bit of courage.
I have been reading a lot of coming out stories on forums and think that coming out in a park is the best for both of us. it gives me the safety of having other people around and it gives him the opportunity to just walk away with the leas amount of emotional bonds around him.
I don't have anything to add, other than good luck and let us know how it goes. <3
Additionally, fuck off and die, >>4
This is fucking disgusting. I would never forgive my girlfriend if she turned out to be a dude. Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you? You should have told him this a long time ago.
>>12 not exactly the easiest thing to throw out when a relationship has started. its not like transgender people walk around with it stamped on their foreheads. honestly, think about it for a second and you have to realize theres no good time for a transgender person to just come out with that when the other person is already attracted to them.
anyway yeah, like i already posted >>12 is how your average guy is going to react.
Oh, I don't know, could it be because trans people are still beaten to death for being trans, and they have to be very careful about who they tell unless they want to be killed, beaten up, raped, or harassed?
Or maybe it's because shitty people like you still exist and sometime trans people just get tired of being called "disgusting", so they keep it to themselves(Which, by the way, isn't that a common rhetoric you people use? "I don't mind gays/bisexuals/transpersons, as long as they keep it private and don't flaunt it around in public" Well, she did what you asked!).
Or maybe it's because she's sick and tired of her old body and sex being used as a weapon against her, ruining her present relationships and opportunities.
I don't know, man, take your pick.
>>14
There's always going to be stupid people like this. It's better not to bother acknowledging their existence. Trying to change them is like trying to teach a pig to sing, you waste your time and annoy the pig.
By the way, Atia; I'm surprised that your boyfriend doesn't already know. I know how flawed our current reassignment treatments still are. If your boyfriend couldn't tell that you're transsexual already, then you must be quite a beautiful girl indeed :)
Thank you all for your support kind people.
If you wish to know, the reason I do not disclose myself upfront is because I am stealth. I do not wish people to know about my condition. Because when people know you are trans they often start acting differently around you.
Disclosing on the first date tends to attract chasers and scares away good and honest men. When I engage in a relationship with a man I want him to know me who I really am as a person so that when I disclose myself to him he is able to make a decision based on me and not on the negative stereotype provided by the media.
>>15 I am blessed with my looks, it is an assumption that many transpeople don't pass. You simply do not notice us because we blend in, we walk among you. You could say I am trans by paying attention to details, but one way or anothere people tend to look more at the general picture, the way you present yourself. Confidence and presentation are the key to passing in public. The only people who read me the last 2 years were fellow transpeople. Very little people know about me. My close family, very good friends, doctors and my employer.
>>12 Well sweetheart, I was never a man to begin with. I always had a female brain. If this puts you off then you are one of those people who prefer the body over the personality. Not that there is much out of the ordinary about my body so it is only the idea of what I once was on the outside that puts you off.
In all honesty, that is a pretty close minded idea.
Today I disclosed to him in the park sitting on the grass. I took it very slowly while holding his hands and looking straight in his eyes. Easing him in on the subject really helped because I did not have to explain to him what transsexualism is, and there is already enough going on in his mind at the moment. I explained him why I told him so late and that I did not decieve him. It is always helpful to present things as positive as possible. So instead of apologizing I said he means so much to me that I trust him with my deepest secrets.
He took it fairly well and was just quiet. I gave him a copy of the book "True selves" and said I will answer all his questions. It was obvious he needed some time alone so I gave him a peck on his left cheek and left with telling him to rest a bit and that I would wait for him on the other side of the park. The hardes part for me was not to cry during this. It is very emotional for me but I do not want his judgment to be influenced by my emotional state.
I sat on a bench thinking about what just happened when about an hour later I felt his hand on my shoulder. I was so happy, he did not run away, he was not angry!
He took me to a cafe where we talked a long time about my past and about our future. He said that he wanted to have children of his own, but that it would be against his judgment to leave a woman just because she is infertile. He told me that despite the difficulties he wishes a relationship with me.
Right now I am over the Moon, thank you all for your support!
I'm so happy to hear that! Congratulations!
thats great OP, im really happy for you. i am just about one of the most cynical people you could ever meet, so frankly im utterly shocked that things worked out for you. its good to be wrong sometimes i suppose.
>>16 Your story gives me hope, i kept thinking this worls is a piece of junk, maybe not so anymore.
>>16
you were always a man broseph ,deny as you might
never understood why you people want to take your sexual fetish and try to spin it into something its not
you guys are worse than furries
though most furries aren't so delusional to think are actually animals
Nayll I think a better group to compare your kind Is otherkin, people who think they are animals, I knew a guy who honest to god thinks he is a werewolf
fundamentally you're not diffrent from him
>>20
It's already over with.
Let this thread die already.
really? i wasnt aware we had werewolf reassignment surgery these days. things worked out for her buddy, sorry that upsets you. im sure youll find another thread to take your insecurities to though.
Don't you know? Women are mythical creatures, like unicorns. They're based of a Chinese myth, which Europeans adopted to scare little children.
>>22
so what you are saying is what makes transexuality different and more legitimate than the otherkin is the fact that their exists a surgery for it?
what about a hundred years ago when the technology for such a procedure didn't exist?
or what if through the miracle of mad science "werewolf reassignment surgery" did in fact exist? would you still deny that it is on the same level? well thats just silly
the fact is otherkin and transexuals are the same damn thing
transsexuals=people who claim they are actually the opposite gender despite their biology
otherkin=people who claim they are actually animals despite their biology
to deny this is simply a sign of your own bigotry toward otherkin, the same kind transexuals claim the rest of society imposes on to them.
ironic isn't it?
>>24 this is bad trolling even for this board. ITT, homophobes are afraid their girlfriends were born with penises so they bring up straw man arguments.
Superb straw man sir. You should just copy pasta that post right into the wiki entry for it.
Oh goddess, I won't let my goog mood get ruined by closeminded and loveless people like you. Even on 4 chan I encountered better forms of trolling.
Just for the record, it is very possible to end up with a female brain in a male body and vice versa. This has been proven by scientific research. it is just one of the many ways nature can screw up a pregnancy.
Now, please explain us how to get a werewolf brain in a human body the natural way.
Is is already a week later and we are still doing great. I was afraid he would stay with me out of guilt, but he has been real great. There was no hestitation when he first kissed me afterwards.
>>16, 28
Bisexual guy here who posted earlier. I'm very happy for your situation and the acceptance your wonderful partner has shown! May you have many happy years to come!
>>24
Your post (and thought process) reeks of fallacy, so I feel kind of bad for how I'm about to disown you.
>transsexuals=people who claim they are actually the opposite gender despite their biology
>despite their biology
Thought is a biological medium. It is also the seat of control for the ego, for that which first and foremost makes us who we are. The body is secondary. For example, if you are a self-loathing, obese male whom on the inside wishes himself thin and beautiful, why should there have arisen the conflict of body and mind unless you preferred the image of one over the other? Who are you really? Would you look in the mirror and say "This is not me.", accepting instead the image you dream of?
Now shut the fuck up.
I just wanted to say that the majority of you posters really give me hope for the state of the world. The vocal minority show their pathetic ignorance and blind hate. I love your story, Atia, I'm so happy it turned out amazingly well - you sound like an absolute sweetheart and I wish you all the very best for your future.
I teared up... Thank you for your courage, Atia. You're wonderful.
wow, your story made me shake due to flash of emotions, good luck with your relationship in the future!