First some background. I'll try to keep it brief.
I volunteer weekends at an animal shelter. I've been doing it about 6 years. About 4 years ago a girl my age who was a former volunteer became a full time paid staff member. I see her maybe 3 times per month when I go up there. I don't ever see her outside the shelter, so while we're pretty well acquainted, we're not really close friends or anything.
I've been interested in her for a while. I never asked her out because she used to have a boyfriend. She might still have a boyfriend for all I know, but I haven't heard her mention him for about the past year, so either they're really serious now (if they've been dating four years) or they're broken up. Or maybe she has a different boyfriend, I don't know. I happened to see her Facebook relationship status was single, but I know that can't necessarily be trusted.
Anyway, today I finally decided to try to make a move. While the two of us were alone working with some animals, I was making small talk, asking how work was going, if it was really busy, and asked which days of the week she had off (since she obviously works weekends). Then I asked if she would be interested in the two of us getting together outside of the shelter some time.
After a brief pause, she said "Maybe" then instantly changed the subject "Hey what is that?" referring to a something on one of the animals we were working with. A few seconds after that, she walked a few feet away to see the animal in the next enclosure over.
After spending a little bit longer with the first animal (not more than a minute or two) I got up to join her at the neighboring one. She immediately walked back to the first one I had just left.
She never said anything else about the matter after that, and I didn't push it.
So, she gives a non-committal answer, instantly changes the topic, then tries to put physical distance between us. That's how I'm interpreting it at least. Is this the brushoff it appears to be?
It's possible she just has a case of tsundere minoris, >>1.
>>2
Well she does make me think of Haruhi once in a while. But that's probably just the yellow headband she wears sometimes.
Could be. Could be she was undecided and needed time to think and didn't want to be bugged about it or for there it be an awkward silence. Could be she's just shy and nervous.
I would wait a few days and if she doesn't bring it up just be like "So you said maybe, could I get a more definite answer now?"
>>5
Do you actually think those are likely possibilities though?
Or are you just trying to come up with any kind of alternative explanation?
I think they're likely possibilities. It's hard to say what it meant because I wasn't there and I don't know her, so there could be lots of possibilities. People are weird.
She did say maybe though, so I thinking bringing it up again in a little while is warranted. She'll either piss around and give another vague answer, in which case she's not worth it, or give a definitive yes or no.
She doesn't want to date you, and saying "maybe" was her way of saying no. Don't bring it up again.
And don't be bitter and unfriendly either. There are so many different reasons why a girl might say no to a question like that: she might have a boyfriend, you might not be her type, she might not want to date anyone right now, she might be a lesbian, she might not feel comfortable dating a coworker...
>>8
This is what I thought initially, and I wasn't planning to bring it up again.
But after reading some of the other responses here, I thought I might ask one last time the next time I saw her, then let the issue drop after that.
But now I'm not sure I should...
Well I see it like this: If you do nothing, nothing will happen, if she does nothing, nothing will happen, if you do something, then maybe something will happen.
Is there anything to lose if you do something?
OP here.
Well, she has a boyfriend.
After utterly torturing me yesterday by taking off her t-shirt to work outside and wearing nothing but a black bra and jeans (there were extenuating circumstances, she doesn't usually do that sort of thing), today I saw her standing with a guy who was frequently stroking her head and rubbing her shoulder, so I can only assume he's her boyfriend since I've never seen her touchy with anyone else.
I actually think this is the same guy she was dating a while back. I guess her facebook status was wrong after all.
>>1: she's probably either a) the insecure type or b) still clinging on that ex that she dumped on the first place. at this point...i would bounce and keep the workplace relationship as co-workers only. however, if you still like her...i would try small talking with her. try talking about yourself and how the day goes. if anything, maybe try talking about your friends and family. when the conversation gets more and more insightful, she'll probably open up and mention y she's still wit her ex.
>>12
What makes you think she's insecure or that this guy is her ex?
The only reason I ever thought she was single was because her facebook status said "Single", not because she ever told me so.
I know plenty of people don't actually keep that status up to date, or even bother to set it, so it doesn't surprise me that much that hers was wrong.
Based on the fact that I think this is the same guy I saw her with a year or two ago, I'm assuming they've been continuously going out this whole time.
As much as it pains me, there's really no other option but to move on.
Except I don't really have anything to move on to. Meeting girls is ridiculously difficult for me, and she was the best option to come along in about the past 4 years.
good for you. moving on is better than just clinging onto helpless hope