Inspired by this: (http://web.archive.org/web/20040630030755/http://www.hallmundur.com/goodle/goodle.htm ) Let's make a thread full of stories that don't actually exist, but would like to see. Make it look real as much as you like, but keep it to this thread so we don't get fake items mixed up with real ones.
Microsoft moves to UNIX
http://4-ch.net/news/kareha.pl/1125114777/2
Microsoft (N:MSFT) announced on Friday that it would be searching for a new software strategy, only after last week announcing that Windows Vista would be their last OS to be released under the Windows NT core. Chairman, Bill Gates announced in a press conference that to keep up with the competition they would be looking at UNIX as a replacement. Gates also denied rumours that they would be choosing Linux.
World Bank Cancels All Existing Debt
http://4-ch.net/news/kareha.pl/1125114777/3
Under immense pressure from the UN and Global Community, the IMF and World Bank has cleared all 83 nations on it's books from making any further payments in billions owed, in an attempt to help remove world debt. This comes as a "hell freeze-over" when Altria Group announced it would pump 50 billion dollars into world aid.
Aliens Attack Planet Earth
http://4-ch.net/ascii/kareha.pl/1120966540
WASHINGTON, DC. (dqn) -- In the early morning hours, extraterrestrial space forces have carried out military attacks on the capital cities of the major nations, including Washington, DC.; Berlin, Tokyo, Beijing and London. The alien forces have not yet issued any demands or conditions for a surrender of humanity but are at this hour continuing to wrack havoc on the human population by letting fire rain on the bigger urban areas without stop.
Starcraft Becomes Newest Olympic Sport
http://4-ch.net/news/kareha.pl/1125114777/5
BEIJING, CHINA. -- In response to intense pressure from both Koreas and nerd lobbyists worldwide, the International Olympic Committee has added the best-selling computer strategy game Starcraft™ to both their summer and winter rosters, with plans to embrace more electronic 'sports' in the near future. "We can no longer deny the fact that in today's world, people sitting on their ass and going 'kekekekeke' are far closer to the common man then synchronized swimmers or ice skaters," spokesman Henri Petomane scribbled to us on a Fritos-stained napkin while waiting for the guy on the other end to unpause. "Competitions that involve no actual physical effort will paint us a clearer picture of every nation represented."
The People's Republic of China, site of the highly anticipated 2008 Summer Olympics, embraced the decision. "At this very moment, we are fielding a team of China's best and brightest to master this innovative new sport," Olympic liaison Tai Mai Shu text-messaged us using Red Dragon Instant Messenger (the only IM program coded for the proletariat, unlike those capitalist pigs' AIM and MSN.) "We are confident that we will be able to zerg rush the competition."
Not all considered it glorious news, however. Dick Smallberries of the Sovereign Union of Counter-Strike (SUCS) told us while AWPing a noob, "All those Starcraft fags do is click, click, click. Whereas in CS you have to click on the guy's head. It's clearly the superior test of skill. Can you get a head shot in Starcraft? I think not!"