Hi!! I'm Japanese.
I made a business letter in English and wandering if I my writing is correct.
I hope that someone correct my English witting. This is formal
Business letters that announcing company name change.
Title: Pre-Announcement on the Company Name Change
We sincerely appreciate your patronage over the past years.
In accordance with expansion of our business performance, we are planning to rename our company name as （新社名）replacing the current name (旧社名)as of (date)
This is to clarify our corporate identity and enhance the image of our company.
Along with launching of the new name and new corporate dentity, we will all focus on increasing the level of professionalism. We highly appreciate that your continued support as you have in the past.
We will officially announce the new company name as soon as it has been proved by a general meeting of stockholders on
(date)
New company name :XXXX
Effective data:XXXX
>Effective data:XXXX
I suppose this should be: Effective date: XXXX
>We highly appreciate that your continued support as you have in the past.
There's no verb in the second part of this sentence, it could be written better I think.
>as it has been proved
Probably it should be: as it has been confirmed
It's not a bad letter overall, but there are details that show its foreign origins. For example:
>In accordance with expansion
should be: In accordance with the expansion
名無しさん＠日本語勉強中-san,
Thank you very much for your prompt reply.
>as it has been proved
Probably it should be: as it has been confirmed
I was going to write 「it has been approved 」
Is this Ok or confirmed is better?
>There's no verb in the second part of this sentence, it could be written better I think.
I don't know how should I put a verb on the second part.
I appreciate if you give me an example.
名無しさん＠日本語勉強中-san, if you have any question in
Japanese, please feel free to ask me.
Thank you!
>Is this Ok or confirmed is better?
"Approved" is better than "confirmed" in that sentence.
>I appreciate if you give me an example.
Something like this:
We truly appreciate your continued support, just as you have supported us in the past.
Title: Preannouncement on the company's name change
We sincerely appreciate your patronage over the past years.
As a result of the expansion of our business performance, we are planning to rename our company name as 新社名, replacing the current name 旧社名, as of (date).
This is to clarify our corporate identity and enhance the image of our company.
Along with launching the new name and corporate dentity, we will all focus on increasing the level of professionalism. We truly appreciate your continued support, just as you have supported us in the past.
We will officially announce the new name of the company name as soon as it has been approved by a general meeting of stockholders on (date).
New company name: XXXX
Effective date: XXXX
I think it's ok like this.
>Along with launching the new name and corporate dentity
Just noticed a typo there, it (obviously) should be "identity".
Can you tell us something about your company?
>We will officially announce the new name of the company name
Huh? ...name...name...
Not very good writing, I think.
Also
>we are planning to rename our company name
is redundant.
Fixed a few parts mentioned in previous posts.
Title: Pre-Announcement on the company's name change
We sincerely appreciate your patronage over the past years.
As a result of the expansion of our business performance, we are planning to rename our company as 新社名, replacing the current name 旧社名, as of (date).
This is to clarify our corporate identity and enhance the image of our company. Along with launching the new name and corporate identity, we will all focus on increasing the level of professionalism within our organization. We truly appreciate your continued support, just as you have supported us in the past.
We will officially announce the new name of the company as soon as it has been approved by a general meeting of stockholders on (date).
New company name: XXXX
Effective date: XXXX
>Along with launching the new name and corporate identity, we will all focus on increasing the level of professionalism within our organization.
Expanded the end to smooth out the sentence. The flow of it seemed somewhat unnatural.
>We truly appreciate your continued support, just as you have supported us in the past.
The phrasing of this is awkward. Perhaps the part after the comma could be omitted.
Thanks very much for your help!!!!!
I think it's preannouncement, not pre-announcement...
>>11
No results found for preannouncement.
http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=preannouncement
>>13
http://www.onelook.com/?w=announcement
General (20 matching dictionaries)
http://www.onelook.com/?w=preannouncement
General (1 matching dictionary)
1. Preannouncement : Wikipedia, the Free Encyclopedia
Ahem.
>>14
Ok, thanks for the clarification! ;)