ITT We discuss about our attempts to get back into the society
.......
Wow, good thread man.
I've been this way kind of for a while. I did some stuff to TRY to get back into society and then I just reverted back to being an odd shut in.
I guess the only thing you can do is try harder. I've taken to working out every day and trying to re-enter the old rat race. I've learned a lot in my time as hikikomori. I'd like to share them:
First, you are going to die. Yes, that's right. You are going to die and nothing will ever change that. Dying is not a bad thing, really. It's necessary and you just aren't alive if you can't stand the chance of dying. I said that, to say this. Your life will run out one day, and it will be confusing and will hit you all at once. Remember that song "Cats in the Cradle"? It's more true than it is given credit for. So don't let somebody sway you the wrong way. Listen to other people, learn from THEIR mistakes as well as your own, but remember that at then end of the day you are YOU. Not them. Screw them. They don't care. So I guess what I'm trying to say is that life is too short to listen to dickwads, but you just don't know HOW short it really is so make the most of it, but you have to be comfortable so do what YOU believe in and enjoy.
Second, there is no such thing as a free lunch. Take what you can, don't be selfish, and take pride in what you do. Remember that every night you go to bed with your demons. That's what I do, go to bed with my demons. Try to come to an understanding with them.
Success is also relative. You do not need to be a millionaire or keep up with the Joneses. The Joneses are buttholes who are putting on false pretensions. You don't even need to be that wealthy. In fact, money isn't the most important thing. Neither is sex. Neither are women. Women come and go. Success is not measure by a stopwatch nor is it measured by a "life plan". You DO need structure in life, but time should be on YOUR side.
There is a fine line between a rut and a finely crafted niche.
Niches are good.
Oh yeah. I know it can be hard, but try not to be a dick.
Seriously, it's going to happen. There are going to be moments where you are just going to be a dick. Learn from those moments, and try not to repeat it.
Also, remember this: You are already an outsider. This is the life you have chosen for yourself. A lonely and reclusive outcast from the mundane, mainstream society. This can work against you or it can work FOR YOU. It can give you a better insight into the widespread hypocrisy of "the system" and how it must be used, but not worshipped or conformed to.
Also, do not conform. Merely adapt. Dammit, life's too short. If I did anything in my hikikomori time besides spanking the monkey it was watching a LOT of Azumanga Daioh to where it was unhealthy. But I remember the line "ONE LIFE ONE MEETING". I admired that. One life, one meeting. That gives me a license to exact my own nihilism towards my favor.
Plus I did a lot of stupid things like wasting money on a stupid Hotaru doll. At first, I thought it was what I wanted. I should have gotten the Barrett M82 instead. But no, I got a realdoll. It was fun at first, but then I found Jesus. So now I have a sex toy that I don't play with and can't resell.
That's another thing that's helped me. Finding Jesus. Jesus Christ, not Hey-Zoos. Jesus Christ has helped me through a lot of times, remember footprints in the sand? Thought it was cheesy? Me too, but then I remembered, "hey, you know that's right. Jesus DID carry me". I mean I'm blessed, I'm educated and skilled. Don't be overconfident but FIND your confidence that you have and USE IT. So instead of having a .50 rifle I could shoot I now have something that is a symbol of my wayward hedonism.
Sometimes the best lessons are the most costly. But I've learned from it. That's the best way to stop Hikikomori, LEARN FROM IT. Learn from those hours you spent whacking off, playing video games, watching the same DVDs over again, and wasting time on the internet debating foolish things. Remember when you still WERE in the world and the things you've done. The REAL things and try to recapture them.
The world is horrible, and it is a fight. TRY TO STAY IN THE FIGHT. You'll never win, but you can let the world know you were here.
Be your own person. Don't settle for less. Use the edge you got as a mysterious, depraved loner and CAPTIALIZE on it.
Don't ever give yourself away. That's a line from a porno I saw on Skinemax one night. It was spoken by this guy who had like a weird mix between a southern accent and a Brooklyn accent. He said "Don't ever give yourself away". I remembered that.
Because in time, you will be old. If you are lucky to be old, you don't have to be feeble. Work out every day. Don't be lazy. Keep your health, read and feed your mind. Laugh at the tragic, mourn the unchangable, and LIVE.
So Don't give yourself away. They'll be out in droves saying that "Oh well he just fears EMPLOYMENT" or "He's a bum".
No man, you just fell a little. You are trying to stand back up. You were down, but not out. And the best part?
You'll end up being STRONGER than they are. They aren't strong because they fell. They just aren't because they didn't put themselves out there like we did. No. We went out there and we tried and we FELL. WE FELL! And it hurt. And we had to lay there and regain ourselves but now we rise once more and we know what it means to be down. BUT WE ARE GETTING BACK UP.
WE KNOW DEFEAT! So we can appreciate all victories large and small.
And one more thing:
William Shatner said it best.
"GET A LIFE!"
Parsimonious and true. You just have to find it.
But you won't find it sitting on your rear end.
Try EVERYTHING.
...I think you just gave me a huge confidence boost... Thank you.
I lolled
Really there is nothing wrong with being a Hikikomori, hikikomori's are really hermits, but the japanese media came up with hikikomori which give hermits a bad name and lots of other stereotypes, Not all hikikomoris who shut themselves in have the same problem effecting them. There are many reasons why people decide to shut themselves in.
There are those who are actually scared but there are those who choose to shut themselves in because they disagree with the majority of the poeple in their world. We live in a democractic country , where the majority of people decide what goes, but that does not mean all people agree with what is decided, you have the freedom to disagree. Meaning we can disagree with how people are living outside.
The only problem with disagreeing is that your chances of survival in the natural world decreases. No matter what kind of system we diagree with we can't avoid eating..sleeping, shelter. We hikikomori like to stay away from other people but if we do this it will be harder for us to get our food and shelter because we are all alone.
this is why we are always unsecure and think our lives are unstable. We don't know if we can survive in the future if we hold onto our stance. Is there such thing as a job where you dont have to talk or interact with anyone? We might still have to go college where we might have to interact with people... somehow if we can find a solution to the shelter problem then we wont be so insecure, and can be left alone to do whatever we want.
Contrary to popular belief, religion can help people. When you lack someone to talk to, it's nice to be able to believe that there is still someone who understands you and wants to help you. Which could be Jesus or Mohammed or a Buddha or whatever, the basic principle remains the same anyways.
>>10
I talk to Yuki all the time. It's kinda one-sided but I like it that way anyway.
I'm somewhat of a hikikomori myself.
Although there have been times I've gone out with my friends, if no one talks to me throughout the day I'll simply sit in my room and detach myself from reality. I'm still not sure if I can say I'm hiki since I have been outside, but then again it's rare occasion and if given the choice I'd rather stay home most the time.
Anyway, I'm just posting to bring up a good point that a hikikomori anime character raised. Satou (NHK ni Youkoso!) probably put it best. "If you're striving to accomplish something, you aren't really a hikikomori."
I'd think of hikikomori as someone like myself, who's main thing to "strive towards" is finishing a series or leveling up. But even if you stay inside for 3 years straight, if you have something you want to truly put your heart into, I don't think going outside means much.
In other words, I (like many other people) have gotta get off their butt and do something with all their spare time instead of wasting everything.
But it's a bit harder than that orz
>>If I'm not mistaken, you are the same person with the Hotaru doll? Well, one thing is that you seem to give the attention to those two, the doll you own, the other being the gun you want to own, which others could identify it is you by mentioning it in almost every thread you post. Ironically, in this post you said about your dissatisfaction in the Hotaru doll you purchased, whereas in your other posts you praised it like it is most important you have owned in your life. I can tell that you are confused and you not sure whether you made the right decision. You seem to regret alot about the way you are. But what can you do? You can't rewind back to the past and change it.
You've made a few points that I agree with. But in keep in mind that nihilism can be made to go against you if you are not careful. If you believe that no truth is to be found, then don't you think life is pointless? If there is no base to anything.
If nihilism you ment destruction or total rejection of social and political system by means of anarchy or whatnot, well there are something that are ment to protect us like human right laws and the police and security system structure and social welfare.
Just what are you going to fight for if you believe in nihilism? I'm not arguing against people who believe in this, but I'm curious on your take on what you plan to do?
Fight for what? Your existence?,, even when nihilism comes into play?
Just curious, how old are you and what do you do in your life?
Don't forget that hermit isn't to far off better in comparison to hikkikomori. But the term is way cooler than hermit, atleast to me. The term Hikkikomori is defined differently than hermit. It's definition is localised in Japan.
I can understand not wanting to communicate with others for many reasons. Although I don't like communicating with people due to differences in views, interests, etc, but it cannot be denied that we are human, social beings who needs to interact with others. Sometimes it cannot be helped that at times we need to communicate with those that we don't like to interact with, as you have said, we need to survive for food, shelter, etc.
I think we need to cope with this., thus far I could cope with the social situation at work. You just need to pretend and put up a facade to get by.
Insecurity is the main concern, financial issues and the like you need to think ahead on how you going to make a living. Unless you invest, you can't simply free yourself without working. And to invest you need money. Maybe make a compromise between working and doing things in your free time.
Although I'm a hanbun hikki and an otaku, I have something I want to do which I want others to follow. I can't simply look at the possibility of my future prospective to be left alone and doing things that nobody could appreciate in my entire life.
I have some plans but I don't know if it's feasible, I can't predict if it would work and how it would turn out. Like you mention about insecurity, this is a world where we have to work to make a living, some people got it easy by having all the money since they were born, whereas others like me had to work to make a living and can't simply go and do what we want. There is always insecurity in our lives that we need to cope. If you want to do the things you want but you need the opportunities. Maybe the place you live in offers none, and there is no one you know that could get you there. That seems important if you want to get to where you want, you need to know where to get it.
I'm really looking forward to NHK ni Youkoso. This is the anime and manga where I contantly check for updates.
You just need to be content about yourself, you need to be satisfied. But sadly this world wants us to do more than we can, choose it or leave it. Constantly I'm being bombarded with contantly thinking to impress others and be successful. We need to cope with this also.
I actually do have a Steyr AUG, I do not regret that as I enjoy it very much. Unless you meant the Barrett, in which case yeah I wanted to get that one.
I do regret the Hotaru Doll, now. I thought it was important to me, until I was reintroduced to the Lord. Then I realized it was very sinful to have a Hotaru Doll like it was a real person..
I'm not saying I am a nihilist, although sometimes I can feel very nihilistic. All you can do is believe in Jesus and try to beat it.
I used to work for Sandline and Blackwater, but now I've decided to do something different.
That's something else, you have to understand what is most important in life. It isn't an object, no, your riches are in Heaven and the only way to get rich is to believe in Jesus.
>>17
Find self motivation? I'm a hikikomori and not religous (or motivated) at all, but at least I know that the first step to getting anywhere is to want to do it, and have a reason for it.
What I did to get back into society:
Meet up old friends
Go out with them
Look for a job/working
Working out since I was fat and meeting people with this (fitness studio or whatever)
But to do that, you need to have a goal, a motivation, or a kick to the head to realize that you waste your life alone in your room and won't get anything done in life.
What pretty much rescued me from my hikki-life was Gantz. I really could identify with the main character, and the story helped me to reflect on the huge waste of time that became my life. From that point out, I improved, myself, and my life. It was a pretty rocky way up until now, with many setbacks, but I pulled trough and didn't give up.
Work for your goal in life, your dream, or whatever you want to call it. Don't waste your life being shut in your room. There are infinetly better ways to spend your time on earth than alone in a dark room. Just realize your problem, and have the guts to start solving it.
Fuck that. I don't think the rewards are good enough. I'll either live my life completely alone or I'll kill myself before I turn 25.
Get good at video games and go win tournaments. You're sure to, at the very least, have social interaction, even if it's only with possibly the most annoying kind of nerd.
Life is not a bed of roses.
Which is good because eeeeevery rose has it's thorn, just like every cowboy has a sad, sad song.
But seriously, being hikikomori is lame. Everyone should do it just once, but that's it.
>>23
I believe it's just like every night has its dawn
>>23
its not like people choose to be a hikikomori...
>>25
So you are close to 25? It was 18 for me. Now it's 21. I am sure, it will be 25 pretty soon.
No, I'm currently 22. The thing is, I have absolutely no desire to become "old." I think it will be terrible, so I'd prefer to die at a younger age. I don't really know at what point I'll become "old," though, so I just chose 30; it seems about right.
( ﾟ ヮﾟ) In order to help get back into society, I'm browsing this board at my school's noisy computer lab with people all around me.
( ﾟ -ﾟ) ...I hope no one sees me.
If you expect to die at age 30, I think you'll be dissappointed unless you have a deadly illness, commit suicide, etc.
If you hold on to that way of thinking and believe that you expect to die at that age to justify not doing anything now to solve your own problems, then what if you didn't die by that age?
I can see that you fear of seeing yourself failing and you fear of being made shameful by those who expect you to succeed. If you were to live past 30, and you done nothing up to that point, what do you think people would look at you than if you did something back then?
Why do you have to accept defeat when you haven't tried?
I know I may sound like a hypocrite, I don't have much confidence in myself, but for some reason, I ain't gonna accept defeat, this is last thing I wouldn't yield, not even a when I'm about to die. I know my being loyal to my reason will one day win, I ain't gonna abandon my reason, because that reason is something I identify myself with and I worship it.
If your past experiences affected you now, just put that bad experiences down, and become a new person with a revelating reason to go on. Put the past behind you and carry on with a new reason.
Think of what you want of the world, the reality, how do you want it to be. The obstacles are things/people that object and suppress you from fulfilling your wish. This obstacle comes in all sorts forms, be it laws, social rules, common rules, TV, radio, magazine, media, arguments, subsconcious level of thoughts, others views, visions, religions, political stance, philosophical views, culture, traditions, all sorts of people be it your neighbours, schools, family, relatives, friends, people you see everyday, etc.
A lot of people think simply joining and becoming what others expects them to be would make them successful if they follow what others deem is right. It's like taking life from granted, people telling you to be whatever they want you to be. Are you going to be the one who decides who you going to be or you let others decides for you?
Many people put others down which they think are better since they think that belonging to certain group or ideas that society deems worthy gets them the right to. They think they are safe and secure by following it even at the opposition to their own ideas and reasons. They are made to believe its right. Some of them are aware that themselves don't agree to it but fear to object it. They fear that they lose the security if they go against it. There are superior and inferior ideas, the most people who believe in the ones are to be made superior, and the ones less are inferior, but they are subjective. There are strong and weak people, weak people are determined by those who won't do anything to change what they believe in the face of superiors. Strong people would try to change it, some may succeed or some may not, but they are determined by trying. You may see those who looks down on and make fun of others, usually these people simply follows the main system of ideas and not their own. They simply get fed by others directions and believe they are superior. Strong people may look inferior as a result of following their own ways.
I respect those who have the will to disagree and change for whatever reasons they hold, even if they don't succeed, they've made an effort to, should be respected.
The battle never ends as long as you live. Life is like a never ending battle. There are as many enemies as there are people, including yourself. I can't find a better phrase than Shinku's way of putting it, "To live is to fight." There is no choice but to fight if you are living. There is no way out.
Whether you are willing to prepare yourself is your choice, but you end up in the fight anyway, being defeated or not. The chance of being defeated is less if you prepare.
Old people rock. Seriously. I wouldn't mind being and old person and doing what I please and saying "young fellow" to anyone in their teens. Awesome.
So long as you're still physically capable of going about your life and not in diapers, right?
>>If you hold on to that way of thinking and believe that you expect to die at that age to justify not doing anything now to solve your own problems, then what if you didn't die by that age?
I'll deal with that when the time comes.
In any case, it isn't a matter of defeat; it's just part of my current life plan. I have zero interest in growing old, so I would like to die at a younger age. There are other factors involved that brought me to this decision, too. This may change in the future, but it is what I believe at the moment.
I assume then you live life to the fullest in a short term since you are 22 and have no interest in growing old past 30 years of age, which you still have 8 more years before your times runs out?
I mean living life to the fullest in a short term is having no responsibility at what you are doing and you don't care about your future but the present. You can do anything without considering the impact and consequences of your action.
How would you deal with it?
Do you have anything that you would prepare as a backup to fall back on in case you are going to live past 30?
What plan? Believe in what?
Oh my god...
Life Sucks then you die.
Lifes a bitch then you marry one
Don't let the Sun blind your eyes.
Live every day like it's your last.
Plan on living forever.
You're close. Basically, I do what I feel like doing. I'm being like the boy.
I dick around, not doing anything of real "importance," because I'm just waiting to die. There's no backup plan, and I have no future prospects.
Don't say that. I know deep down that you don't want that. No human being would want a fate like that even though we know the fact that we are all gonna die at some stage.
I know something may have occured in your life that may have cause you make that decision. Rethink it.
If you have read NHK Ni Youkoso, throughout the chapters, there seems to be an underlying message to give courage to readers, though it is honest and explore the relationship issues sincerely, and have tons of things to reflect on. The chapter Welcome to the Starry Sky, has something about having lost everything.
All I know is that some people have to be enemies of society and renegades and misfits.
The crazy loner who lives in a dingy basement, jacking off all day to internet porn and hentai, while caressing a love pillow and cleaning an assault rifle will surely be the salvation of the modern world.
WAY TO GO HIKIKOMORI!!
>>The crazy loner who lives in a dingy basement, jacking off all day to internet porn and hentai, while caressing a love pillow and cleaning an assault rifle will surely be the failures of the modern world.
Yep, most likely.
"hentai" is not a word to describe ecchi mangaka btw.
This 4-ch place sure has... interesting people in it.
>>37
Hahahah...
That's what I felt like from around the age of 11, to until I hit 22 (due to psychological abuse from my grandparents who took care of me from a very young age as a result of my parents dying in an accident). At that point I finally grew a spine and came to terms with that my life is mine, and that lack of 100% control does not equate to lack of control. I got tired of being a living dead, being too much of a coward to end it all now, and too afraid to try to make my life better as I feared it could all be taken away from me at any second, just for the sheer amusement of other people.
Here's a very useful quote:
“Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.” -Charles R. Swindoll
Your life is yours, your own. You affect not only your own life, but the life of many others.
I'm doing a lot better these days. I have plenty of good friends, I'm actually not only very happy most of the days, but also quite productive. I even had a few girlfriends (though not simultaneously, except for two consenting chicks for eight months at one point - that was very weird), and I've been engaged for the past half year. My academical results are good, my future's looking bright, and the best thing of all is that I know that I could be back where I am right now without too much effort (although possibly in a different way), if something unfortunate were to happen to me (say, an accident).
If you've got a good thing going, even though your life may suffer a lot of drawbacks, you'll bounce back quick, AND your life will be a bloody lot better than the pathetic semi-dead state you're currently in. Focus on the possbilities, not the obstacles.
For speech class Friday, I was put in a group with 4 women (I was the only dude).
I think I played it off pretty cool, pretending to be social. Chimed in with ideas and comments every now and then.
...I wish I could be like that with all group situations. :(
I'm not a Hikikomori but I wish I were. I want to kick the few people I still see out of my life, lock myself in a room somewhere, and disappear from all society. I just have no source of income if I don't keep going to work. True Hikikomori are lucky ass bastards.
>>46
I think it's the NEET that are lazy... Hikikomori and NEET as well, by definition, but it's usually more of a mental thing than just laziness.
I did very much enjoyed being a hikikomori for two month, and yea , kicking that few people out of your life is really pleasent, specially when all you got is two casual friends that you make small talks with...
yea i agree with the person on top. your life is yours, if u want a better life u should go a pursue it u noe, dont just sit there for the rest of your life and be misserable for the rest of your life, because if u dont pursue your own happiness then who will.
do hikikimoris don't get bored? how?
i watch anime for one season straight and dont want to see any for the rest of the week. i play a good H-RPG and got all the endings. The next thing i want to do is to bluff it among my friends.
being a loner is boooring. I'm a gamer and i have learned that the most challenging and realistic game is called "life". If you can get happy ending with that, you are one of the greatest gamers ever.
note: [you can't gameshark or savegame "life"] add the challenge level
Part of my problem is my roommate owns the apartment I live in (given to him by his dad I understand). He hasn't left the house to do anything but walk to Taco Bell or each Saturday night to buy groceries for the last 3 years, I'm not kidding. His only friend is me and we don't talk much anyway. I'd gladly give up all human contact to live like that.
My social life is better spent on the internet. People here can't get anything from me and I can't get hurt from some stupid girls playing those damn mind games.
Er, oops I meant I'm #46, not #47
I had myself locked up in my lifingroom for more then 7 months, since I lifed with my mother I hadn't so care about anything and I also had internet there so I saw no need to go out. (And hey, if you write a clear list even relatives can buy you the right Manga and DVDs ;))
The thing was that my mother took the internet and my mobile away so I had to go outside to communicate with the bunch of people I knew from the nets... and she didn't buy me anything new to read and watch... ^^'
However it's been some years since them and now I'm all outside and cannot really imagine beeing locked in again. However I don't know if that wouldn't change if I had internet at home surfing from work...
I've been a half-hikky 6-8 months now. I don't talk to my friends even though they are easy to reach. I stay the house all the time only going out either to walk my dog or out of necessity. I loath unexpected contact from family members, friends, or anyone else now.
I haven't done a thing to truly get back into society. I stay in front of a monitor or walk around the house the majority of the week. One good things is that I'll be starting classes soon at my local college so I guess I'll have to go back into the fold of society.
4 year hiki here, still a hiki, doesn't look like things will be changing anytime soon.
I need to be strong.
Stop being afraid; I no longer need to defend myself with clutter.
They won't hurt you like they did before as long as you don't provoke them by clinging onto the past irrationally.
Scared, I hate feeling vulnerable.
I want change but the healthy changes to my life feel horribly unsafe, when run by the protection I needed in the past.
Things aren't the same now as they were, but I'm terrified they'll flip back in crucial ways in a split second during an unguarded moment.
It's not supposed to be a wound, it's supposed to be a faded scar. Why does it hurt so.
i know this isn't myspace or lj. i just needed to dump out some stuff lingering in my mind. i've been too much of a hikky on and off from time to time during this past half decade. i hide from life in my room for months at a time. not exclusively, but too much.
i still live with my parents, the cause for my problems as well the reason for why they put up with me now is because they treated me badly, when i was younger. they abused me, only it wasn't on a daily basis physically. they feel guilty, yet they refuse to admit they did wrong and apologize. i have severe problems with trying to feel they never will ruin my life, as they don't really grasp the full extent of what they did to me, as they didn't intentionally nor systematically hit me, so i don't feel i can trust them to not be bad to me again in an unguarded moment. Both of them grew up with their parents threatening to kill them when their parents got really angry, so my parents don't understand why i didn't comprehend that they were just saying stuff they didn't mean when they were fuming angry and physically threatening me with occasional violence and way too short fuses. both of my parents were beaten up frequently by their parents when they displeased them. they never severely beat me up, nor hit me frequently, so they feel that i shouldn't complain.
i managed to stay out of my shell so-so for half a year this past year, then i crashed. this is really bad for my studies. i will have to re-take so very much. i'm still hiding, but i am trying to take care of some things that have bugged me for decades.
>I don't talk to my friends even though they are easy to reach.
too true -_-;;
>>9 Religions are carefully structured, organized lies - lies that we want to believe so badly that we will take just about any leap of logic to justify them. The problem is that illogical beliefs lead to illogical actions, and illogical actions can be harmful.
Here's a mission that one of you hikki might want to take on - it's something to build determination, strength, calm mind, and a feeling of self-worth. i did it for about a year, during a very hikki phase of my life, and it did me a world of good.
Take up Western calligraphy. It's easy to learn but nearly impossible to master, is calming and centering, and is very beautiful. Practice it absolutely every day of your life, no exceptions. You could, if you like, have one day a week you take off from it. Your session needn't be long - half an hour is fine - but it should be done rain or shine, even if you're vomiting. Start with a basic script such as Italic, and transcribe favorite texts. Start with quotes, then work up to poems. Eventually, you could transcribe whole chapters in calligraphy - if you're religious, psalms are great. It doesn't matter if you don't think you're that good. Just doing the calligraphy in itself is beneficial, and when you go through the pain and difficulty of making yourself do it every day, if you go into it with a calm, focused and constructive mind, you will become much, much stronger. Once you acquire some skill, you will have something to show to others and to yourself to show that you ARE good for something, that you are worth something. And, of course, you'll have a skill you can keep for the rest of your life.
It won't be easy, but it will be satisfying, and it will be worth it.