just wanted to say i'm new with the whole 4ch thing and have been lurking for a couple of weeks now. please bear with me.
i'm a polar opposite of who i was 3 years ago, which was the time i was in grade eleven, i was quite popular with friends in the wrong crowd, drugs, sex, gang violence. until the time i was arrested for assault and battery w/ weapons. i saw what it did to my family, my mother affected me most, for them i did my best to change. i had let go of all my friends, transfered schools, but no matter what i couldn't avoid them. the threats started quite quickly so i began skipping school and staying at home. only time i got out is in the evening for a few minutes - 7eleven run. i'm afraid of being out for too long, i don't want my history to catch up to me. meaning 'those' people finding me.
it's '07 now, and i'm sure you've all made your resolutions, most of you anyways. in mine, i plan to get out and stop being afraid, getting a job and finishing school. i was born late in my parent's timeline and i do realize they are getting older, thanks to the movie 'click' with adam sandler. all i want to do is make them happy before they go. its hard enough as it is getting a job, i've already tried an endless amount of times with my resumes but they don't seem to get the job done. i hardly have any support, no friends. i feel so alone, when i walk around seeing people with people, its been awhile since i've been out for a long period of time so i act differently from everyone else. they 'know' and they stare at me, i can't help but feel out of the picture. i feel so fucking alienated, like a freak and for this first week of '07, i'm still hiding in my room. what do i do? i want to change so much, but it makes me almost want to cry every time i step out into the world. sorry for letting it all out but at this point i feel that if i don't, i'd be digging myself some very 'grave' consequences.
i dont get why a person who had once got many friends now find it hard to make friends with new pple. well i do understand u r looking for some friends of different kind from what u had before, but if u really have changed and become a nice guy, why do u find it difficult to get new friends??
usually, someones friends are like a mirror to see what he/she is like. if someone sees his/her friends, then he/she would know what kind of person he/she is. you know what i mean??
u r not wanted by any kinds of pple if u dont have any friends at all, or uve just never got a chance to get to know new pple(what u say sounds more like this) so try to be a better person or dont afraid of getting interaction with other pple. and these are the only solution to ur problem, i guess.
>>2
I cant fucking understand a single line of text you just typed because you type like shit.
>meaning 'those' people finding me.
Are they trying to hurt you because you got arrested or something?
If I were you I would get a steady economy and move to another part of the town or another town for that matter.
Finding a job and/or hobby to keep those negative thoughts as far away from priority one as possible would be the first step.
Hiding in your room wont make things better, trust me.. i know.
Good luck.
>>1
In any case, go out and try. If you're only hiding, nothing will change. Seriously, you seem to have at least the wish to do something, that's more than some of the other people on this board seem to have.
If you are really afraid of some people finding you, do what >>3 said: Get some space between them and you.
From my experience, talking to people is something that works better the more you actually talk to people. To start, try finding people who have the same interests or hobbies as you, try to find people who like to do the same things you do, who like to listen to the same music as you, who like to play the same games you do.
A lot of people probably don't even really think of you as a freak or something, and even if some people do, you probably don't want to have anything to do with those. Find some people around which you feel comfortable and which feel somfortable around you, talk, meet a few times, and things will easily work out just fine.
You can do it, good luck.
well being a freak king myself i think many ppl can think of u as a freak but will not tell u under any circumstances, but eventually u learn that from third sources
especially women are extremely bad at that because they talk among them of any man in their environment and are very cruel often about poor lonely bastard motherfuckers like we are
but anyway mon, my point is that u will eventually find that some ppl dont give a damned fuck if ur a freak. some will think ur idiot but stay with u anyway, some will even liek u b'cos of stupid stuff u say, after all freakiness means originality
so mon dont be afraid of the world, most ppl are idiots anyway, difference is u know u are, they don't and think they're kings while they're only poor idiots who follow the herd like stupid sheep, and they feel they're someone but in reality mon u can belive me when i say most ppl are in fact nothing more than emotional shipwrecks ready to sink at any given time
we lonely poor fucks are indeed shitty but at leasy we already lost everyhing and hardly have anything to lose anymoar. they can insult us, speak badly of us behind ur shoulderz, but what can they rly do abut ppl who don't have anything to lose?
I understand you perfectly man. Once you change yourself, the people and things around you change as well...friends for example. You say you were into the drugs and craziness, then dropped all that for the good of yourself and the ones you really cared for. Props just for that, man. That's what I call rollin' your own in this day and age.
It truly is hard to find sincere and honest people to talk to when you go straight like that. I just got out of the military and WOW! has it been a huge undertaking for me to get used to civilians again. The lifestyle change alone was a huge transition, or hurdle I should say.
Just keep on being proud of who you are and where you're from (what you've come up from) and what you want to be. Confidence is a very bright light. Shine it on everything you can. As far as "those ppl" finding you, you can't live in that fear forever. Eventually something has to give. Grudges end lives only if you let them. Forgiveness, regardless of pain, is next to holiness.
Do not show fear to the people that threaten you if you have some fear about them at least back your own morals even though your old friends may not agree with it. Look at your morals and back them don't falter in the slightest and simply do not fear what they might do.
i just got back after my isp has been messing around me for awhile, just finished reading through the replies and i truly appreciate you guys giving me the advice. i haven't been able to get out of the door yet, maybe for those midnight 7 eleven runs or a ciggy on the porch. but i 'have' been submitting my resumes through a local internet job site in search of a job. glad i found 4ch. =)
>>3
"Are they trying to hurt you because you got arrested or something?
If I were you I would get a steady economy and move to another part of the town or another town for that matter.
Finding a job and/or hobby to keep those negative thoughts as far away from priority one as possible would be the first step."
they're trying to hurt me because of my past, i used to roll with the wrong crowd, played a big part in it too. i left them behind me because i just wanted to change.
>>5
"especially women are extremely bad at that because they talk among them of any man in their environment and are very cruel often about poor lonely bastard motherfuckers like we are."
another great reason for me being effed up. hehe
>>2
i dont get why a person who had once got many friends now find it hard to make friends with new pple. well i do understand u r looking for some friends of different kind from what u had before, but if u really have changed and become a nice guy, why do u find it difficult to get new friends??
i'm scared, man. i'm sure if someone, after a long period of time not socializing with people except the family at their own house, well i'm pretty sure that would have an effect on themself.
It has been 3 years. Those guys who were up to no good probably grew up and dispersed. Moved away, got in trouble, whatever.
Christ man, sitting in your room won't do jack shit.