So right now I was beginning to feel bored and frustrated for some reason (needed to eat too tough), and then I remembered this board I had discovered yesterday, 4-ch. I searched for it, found it again, started browsing Personal Issues, and found myself very rejoicing and happy.
...I like hearing bad stories happening to people. I'm not some moron troll, thinking "ah ah ah what a bunch of losers", nor do I enjoy pain (well I guess not), but I'm so happy to see I'm not the only one having such stupid thoughts (cause they are, after all, objectively speaking), like "oh noes I have to kill myself cause I won't do anything in my life" or so. I hate happy people, they're always stupid, and I hate those I call "positivists" (I know that's not the term), who are always happy with what they have, never complain, always say "yes" to everything and finally don't change shit to shit.
That's a bit embarassing sometimes, I have a friend who have her moments of depression (even pretends to cut her veins sometimes, I know and she knows she won't do it, but still), and when she tells me this or that happened to her (she got dumped, for example, not long ago by her boyfriend, for a dumb but cute blonde, while she's more the smart-and-well-not-so-beautiful-but-it's-ok type. worst thing is, she had already begun to live with him.), I'm happy... -_-
I sometimes ask her to tell me a story of her life... Well I got an excuse, since I told her I'm more or less life-less, no social life no friends etc., so I guess that balances a little, but it's still embarassing.
I know, I should just not do it, oh well.
So all this to tell you (general "you") that these stories are making at least one person happy, and not for bad reasons. I don't think there's any moral to this, it's just funny, I guess.
It's funny to hear people say they have no friends and no social life when they mention of their friends.
If it makes you feel better about yourself and your life after you read from others unfortunate stories. Nothing can stop you from enjoying it. But the fact is if you are unhappy, you are unhappy, nothing can change it unless you change it yourself. Sure you can compare yourself to unfortunate people who are worst off than you, say the people from third world countries, or people who have disabilities, it may make you feel better about yourself, but you will not be happy, at the end your just living with the flow, waiting for something to happen or hoping someone will do something about your situation. No control over things. Time will pass and things just pass over you leaving you behind.
You ain't gonna be satisfied if you don't have some sort values you seeking after.
>>hoping someone will do something about your situation.
I think the older posters here can tell us that this never happens.
So, other people's miseries make you happy? Well good for you, you can be proud that you are finally happy. Give yourself a pat on the shoulder. Even better, get yourself a cookie!
>I hate those I call "positivists" (I know that's not the term), who are always happy with what they have, never complain, always say "yes" to everything and finally don't change shit to shit.
"Optimists"? I see myself as one, but being happy with what you have doesn't mean you have to settle with it the slightest bit. I'm always striving to improve my situation. I complain whenever I see fit, I am no yes-sayer (those are spineless people, really), and I'm not sure what you mean with the last expression.
>But the fact is if you are unhappy, you are unhappy, nothing can change it unless you change it yourself.
>>1, Listen to this anon, >>2 is very right. I used to be horribly miserable, then I actually did something about it. Now I'm actually happy with my (improved) life most of the time. That however doesn't mean I'm going to let my situation grow stagnant. Time changes constantly, so should you. Always strive to better your life and feel good about the things you do have in the process of growth, happiness will follow.
OP here, I was sure I'd get misunderstood. I didn't mean I like to see other people's pain... That's what I tried to explain with this :
>I'm not some moron troll, thinking "ah ah ah what a bunch of losers", nor do I enjoy pain (well I guess not), but I'm so happy to see I'm not the only one having such stupid thoughts (cause they are, after all, objectively speaking), like "oh noes I have to kill myself cause I won't do anything in my life" or so.
I'm not sadistic, I just find funny how people, INCLUDING ME, can end up with such stupid, as I said, thoughts, like killing oneself. I don't enjoy it, well not in this way, I just like that life can have darker sides like these too.
>It's funny to hear people say they have no friends and no social life when they mention of their friends.
Ok, so I sometimes talk to her on MSN, she never comes when I invite her to a movie, and apart from her I have only one real friend. Can I call myself friendless, now ?
I know my life and my attitude towards people, I know how many friend I have, and that I could have more, and what I should do to, etc... I know what I say, so please. My post wasn't about this anyway.
>>5, no, that's not "optimistic". That's just some term I use to describe certain people with a certain mindset, I guess since it's quite random and not completely clarified in my mind exactly what the concept is, I guess I shouldn't use it. I find sportsmen are often like this, at least here in France. I didn't say those people were any bad, nor that I'm better, it's just... well, like the "emo" term, which groups some people under some qualifications, even if they are completely different; it's an expression of mine.
...This said, I agree that I might be fooling myself in thinking I'm really not enjoying seeing people suffer. At least I know the opposite is true, I generally find myself uneasy with happy people (especially when drunk, I never got drunk). I always find rejected, I have this image in my mind that they will begin to leave having fun all together while I'm behind, and that they will forget me. Things like this happened to me several times. (I know, I should do this and that, I'm just realizing that now, at 20... :/)
So when I hear other people's problems, I find them more "human", I find out I'm not the only one, etc... I feel they're "closer to me" (not affectively).
I'm a bit embarassed by this cause of course 1) that's not a correct way to be happy, and 2) that's something far-right politicians use quite often, to be "closer to the people" and stuff, I don't vote right, but that bothers me to be like this... To put it bluntly, it's sort of I like to see people weak, because I think I am. (ooh that was harsh :.)
Last paragraph, I know I should do something about it and all that, I certainly will in due time anyway, I don't want advices, I posted this because I found what I explained in this board. I figured some might recognize themselves in this and find what they feel expressed in words, the same way it happens sometimes to me. Sorry for long post, hope this works.
>>6
Whyyy are you seeing yourself as some sort of outsider, and that everyone else is playing on an entirely different level from you? Are you suffering from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Complex_post-traumatic_stress_disorder
or what?
"Changes in self-perception, such as a sense of helplessness, shame, guilt, stigma, and a sense of being completely different from other human beings" etc. Read the entire page.
I think I can understand what you're feeling, OP. Seeing other people's heartaches and other problems kind of puts you back where you are: an human. It's way more "real" than the fake perfect life modern world wants you to believe in, as you may see it on TV or what else. And it's even more real than the fake "awful" life the very same TV shows you, with all its diseases, wars, and the like.
It's that average guy, that average girl, who might be any of us, and that suffers from its human condition. No, you're not different, because you too have the same feelings.
But I noticed something else. You say that as you think you are weak (which probably is true, not being offensive on that though - everyone has weaknesses), you like to see others might be, too. That seems rather rational: when you're late at a meeting, you're always comforted when you see others are, too. Well, I think that there is something more; I'll speak in my case. When I see other people showing anxiety, distress and the like, I try to help them whenever I can. And that feels great. As if by helping them, I'm helping myself a little. It's almost like I can put my armor and fight for them, you know, the knight that comes from nowhere to fight evil. That's the picture one might get; and this need to be a savior most probably comes from my own lack of feeling of safety. But, hey, everyone is winning, so why not?
I learnt something though: not being dominated by that urge to help other people. If you ever come through this, you imperatively have to know when to say NO. Otherwise, you'll lose yourself even more. Oh, and trust me on that one - 99% of the people you'll help will either turn their back on you (precisely because you've seen them when they were weak and exposed), or simply won't seem to care about you. The percent left might call you a friend. Remember the age-old phrase: "When you always put other people before you, you'll always stay behind."
And that's precisely what's so great with these anonymous boards: you need help, you ask - you do not have to fear to expose your weaknesses. You want to help, you do so; you don't have to involve yourself in a tangible way. You don't have to stand aside because of our natural tendancy to avoid problems, furthermore problems that basically doesn't concern us.
About being uneasy around happy people, well you seem to know yourself well about that and don't want advice, so I'll just quickly use myself as a reference once again: happy situations (being aroung happy people, that is) might be hard to manage if you rely too much on weak people to "know your place". Back to that old "Live and Learn" thing...
I think I understand what you mean when you talk about what you call "positivists", although I don't get the thing about french sportsmen. Clarifications, if you will? That interests me.
>>7
That is an interesting track. Yet I think that even if some trauma may be the cause of that "sense of being completely different from other human beings", it's not necessarely true. I believe that, for example, a lot of people with higher intellect feel that way; and not only because of their intellect and the social potential (ie through education & work) it confers them, but essentially because they don't analyse the whole "life" concept under the same angle. That's why basic emotions make them feel more attached to their human fellows.
That would also be true for people with certain philosophies of life.
Sorry for the long post, I might have written a nice load of crap, but that's how I feel these days; I won't give any scientific fact or whatever to back my sayings, that's what I think and feel. So whatever. Thanks to OP, anyway - this thread gave me some interesting thoughts.
>>8
A pal of mine, really bloody intelligent, has a really bad case of c-PTSD (he was seriously emotionally abused as a child, for over a decade and a half). He sounds a lot like OP. Way too much. Well, the way he used to be sounds like OP, at least. He's been getting some help the past year, and is slowly but certainly getting better. I know that there are tons of way to fall into that mindset, but c-PTSD was one of the ways I first thought of. Nobody is perfect, and I'm too well aware of that everyone is human (with all what that brings).
This is why I find it frustrating when others seem to be suffering from such delusions, that they're "different" in an inheretly inferior way, and need to get constantly reassured that it isn't the case.
>>7 no, I don't have any trauma, well no specific one, like child abuse, beating or something. The thing that might appear as a trauma in me is all the sum of little things I constantly (less now, but a lot when I was a kid) think about. I've been remembering stuff since some years, and that made me think (like that I used to get suddenly angry about stuff when I was a kid, and all the teachers were reproaching this to me, I had forgotten :. ). Plus, I tented to think, and still do actually, that bad stuff happened to me just because it was me, or just when I was doing it, while not the others :p I think this is quite common with children, isn't it ?
So anyway no real concise trauma, just plenty of things I overestimate or overreact to.
>>8 thanks for the long post, it shows my thread wasn't useless. As for helping others, well I'd like to, like everyone else, but I don't really get the occasion since no friends and all. The point is, I think I generally am not affected by the same things; where the majority (not the freaks :p) will get sad for some reason, like hearthache or I don't know, I will find it not so dramatic, but then I will fear things others have no problems with (best example being being extrovert and talking with people with a "cool" attitude), or so it seems to me.
...Uhh... So about this "positivists" thing, as I said I'm not sure I could explain it very well, but that concerns people who... who are, or seem to be, or want to appear to be, happy with what they have. Like, one year I've had a trip to the US with a group of people (a large group of children, with supervisors, I don't know the term in english), and it didn't go so well because several were complaining about this and that, like not enough food, too much walking... I'm not gonna say I entirely support this, but I find it at least funny. The others were like "you don't realize your luck, to be able to make this travel..." and all, while they were whining. Well, these, the others, are what I call "positivists". I know, they're right, and they're more "productive", but... I don't know, just "but". The excuse I got (when I want to explain this, but towards me too) is that you don't change anything by being happy all the time. Not being satisfied, and aiming higher makes you get higher. I know, that's not true, but anyway.
This thread is turning to a personnal psychanalysis, oh well. Still hope some people find something in it.
>>10
Jeez kid, learn this. Being happy all the time does not mean that the happy person has to settle. One never should settle when better is within close reach. You're using this as an excuse.
You're getting annoyed at those people for a reason, and that reason lies within you, not them.