Hey 4-ch, what's up?

I don't know if this is really a problem I can ask for advice on, but here goes...

I have pretty few friends. Outside of the people I talk to at work, I know about 4 other people really well. But, I don't think that is really a problem. I don't think you can measure someone's worth by the sheer number of friends they have. My problem is that while I have social phobia and few friends, I am hopelessly addicted to people. It feels like if I ever want to do anything, I need someone else to be there to say "HEY LETS GO DO THIS THING!" That rarely happens, so I don't do a whole lot. I want to be an independent kind of person who would go to the movies or shows or parties by themselves, but whenever I do that I end up feeling rather inadequate and lonely for not having gone with someone else. But I don't want to annoy my friends by badgering them to do stupid things all the time. I guess this is also why I have an internet addiction - to kind of feed my need for human contact without being intrusive.

I guess I don't really know what I'm asking. Is my personality something I can really change? Do you think if I keep trying to go out on my own that I will learn to not be ashamed of being alone? I know hikikomoris post here and I've been kind of intrigued by the lifestyle - not that I think it is really a desirable one, but a person must be phenomenally independent to be able to live like that, and that is at least one good side.

From what I understand, you like people, and want to do things with them, but are afraid to ask? Do you feel anxious/shy when around them or hesitant in developing their friendships?

Speaking as an introvert who enjoys going to the movies alone (say what you will) I rarely feel alone. I guess introverts like me have an active internal life; we keep ourselves company, so to speak. After spending time with other people (for whatever reason) I feel a need to pull away and be alone for a while. For 'alone-time' I guess.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds to me like any sane extrovert, you long for company and like to have people around. For whatever reason, though, it seems like you're afraid of these relationships, or feel inadequate, or don't want to bother other people with your needs. Why aren't you the person who says "Hey let's go do this thing"?

As for how to overcome social fears, I'm not the best person to ask, a borderline Hikki myself. I know that there are medications that can help aleviate anxiety and psychiatrists who are willing to take your money and slowly help you work through your problems. You might consider seeing one of them.

But I like to think that there are other solutions as well.

I am sometimes afraid to ask people to do things. I do sometimes, but a lot of the time I am under the impression that my friends aren't that interested, so I don't bother.

That I don't want to bother other people with my needs is a pretty accurate statement I guess. Like you, when I spend time with other people I need to pull away and be alone for a while. But if I'm alone for too long, I don't know what to do with myself and I usually end up in my room all day. Those are the times I need someone to come along and say "hey, let's do something".

I guess a bigger problem is that it isn't just traditionally social activities that i'm missing out on. When i'm in this kind of lonely mindframe I find it hard to do anything at all. I used to draw and paint a lot but I haven't done anything creative in over a year. My room is a mess but I don't want to clean it. I'll be hungry but reluctant to cook. Hell, I'm even reluctant to play videogames on my own. But I guarantee if a friend came along and said "lets draw together!" or if my roommate asks me to help clean the apartment, or to help him cook, I'd be all over it without a second thought. It's like I'm totally apathetic until someone else is involved.

I never used to be this way as a kid. I had an imagination that could keep me interested and keep me company, so I had no need to have good social skills. Whatever happened to that?

Thank you for your reply. I am probably being kind of confusing, but it feels good to be able to talk about this, which I never do.

Hah! That does sound like a Hikikomori in despair. I can relate. But you shouldn't expect to become less dependent on people just like that. It isn't really natural, or healthy, humans are social animals. Once you can comfortably lock yourself in your room and live your social life through the internet, you are truly a Hikki, and it becomes much harder to live socially and 'normally'.

I might have the opposite problem, I'm twenty, but I still feel like that eight-year-old kid who could spend the day just drawing, dreaming up stuff. The difference is now I'm a jaded "eight-year-old" who doesn't believe in himself or the utility of being creative. With that comes a sense that I 'skipped' a whole lot of stuff I should have learned growing up.

But the world is full of people who are depressed and feel they have poor social skills/lives and yet still need other people to exchange conversation, or play smash brothers with.