I'm a very sensitive person, I live very intensely and this causes many problems. Often I am overloaded by the outside world and need to withdraw just to have the inner tempest calm down.
I've learned to live with that.
What pains me greatly is the social insensitivity and greedy selfishness of the majority of people in this world, which by my sensitivity is overwhelming to me. In many aspects it is a very cold, heartless, ruthless world we live in.
I haven't adapted to it and I doubt if I ever will. As a hikikomori I have been isolated for years. Re-entering the world online and physically, I am struck by the ugliness that exists in the world, how people lie, cheat, how shallow their care for others is even among friends and lovers.
As the center of my universe I lived my hikikomori years in what amounts to a fantasy world, filling in the voids of the people that were lacking in my life with dreams and ideals. And I can tell you that real life people so far in no way could live up to idealized images of what people could be like.
Can someone help me to arm myself against the ugliness of the outside world? How can I make it that if I encounter these things, it will not drive me back into solitude's comforting embrace again? I want to go into the world, but how can I keep it from tearing me apart?
If anyone has sincere helpful advice I would be most grateful.
My, the only thing I can do is to sympathize for I know this feeling too, but as for advices I don't have a clue. I don't think you can really get help from the others on stuff like this, it's quite personal and the best thing there is is experience.
Plus, they never will be really honestly willing to help, they'll just throw you stuff like "do what you want and don't listen to what you're told about yourself" in the face, which more or less means "go fuck yourself, I'm not interested".
Personally, I found in philosophy (well... at least thinking) a way to still keep in touch with ideals, without rejecting the world : what are these ideals, where do they come from, why wouldn't they work, what's the difference between the world and them... The thing is, you're not alone. If you can put what you feel in words, some people will recognize themselves in it.
Thanks for caring!
You are right, not rarely people feed you a word salad, that really is a smokescreen for a far less palatable message.
Throughout my life, with little outside world, I have developed a rather elaborate inner world. It is not that I reject the outside world but it often is a rude awakening, that tends to cast me into myself again, where I am comfortable and "safe"
>>The thing is, you're not alone.
Again, thanks for your support, and showing kindness to a total stranger. <3
i know that this world is rotten. i have seen a lot of disguisting people, i also stay near them.
but, don't suffer yourself before hikikomori, i thought i also got the symptom. good person are seldom exist. i just have met 1 really good person until now.
don't worry, you definitely will find it someday
Good people are not seldom to find. Good people are everywhere. Many people are incompatable with each other, and everyone has their flaws, but that dosen't mean that humanity is made of mostly people who are rotten at the core.
It's just that usually we only notice the bad in people. If someone is a stranger, you won't notice them if they aren't doing anything. If they do something small but nice like holding a door open for you, you probably wouldn't think twice about it. But if they do something accidentally rude, it's easy to get angry and think "Oh, people like this are so terrible and inconsiderate". But deep inside there are very few people who actually want to cause any harm to anyone. Everyone does think for themselves first, but that dosen't mean that they intend to do any bad.
>>1 + >>2 .. full resonance. you aren't alone like this...
i'm actually surprised you typed this... because i basically gave up on the world myself... but if we find other people like this, then it might not be so bad... although even though i have such dreams i doubt i am such a good person as i wish everyone was... what do you think about yourselves ?
but still, at least i'm not going totally rude.. and i understand pain... i understand the value of compassion.... it's so rare to find people who do...
>>4 rozen maiden you say... sounds nice if it's about the emotion discussed here. :)
there are people like us... who have been alone too much and have incompatible dreams and ideals... too sensitive for the outside world, we withdraw into solitude where we feel miserable, seeking human affection, and only getting stabbed in the heart again each time we try.
maybe we need to de-anonimize and set up some way to meet each other. :)
(4 mins later)
there.. i made a new gmail account just for this..
h.instr.seele@gmail.com
mail me there maybe we can talk.. share emails and maybe set up an irc channel or such.. that would be nice... it's very hard to find someone like this irl... especially for hikki. ~_~
(btw i don't type with caps because i am tired of the hierarchy in human society... somehow capital letters got glued in my mind with the idea that humans seek to dominate each other.. so i can't type them. sorry..)
>>5 you're lucky... i haven't met anyone who was kind to me in real life.
>>6 nice to write, but sadly it's not the experience of my life... in my life 95% of what i get from people is rudeness and hostility. many people have tried to beat me, two chased me with a knife (i had to run away through the yards, skipping over fences). i am lucky that i can run fast and avoid kicks and punches.. even 50+ year old women (that i never met) lash out at me with their fists... and disgusting insults... you normally don't see much physical violence from that category of people, no? i'm like a magnet for hate.
eh, my post was too long, i made an email there.. for hikki to meet each other.. then we can set up an irc channel. =)
h.instr.seele@gmail.com
or maybe if such a chan exists, plz be kind enough to invite me..
People maybe hate eachother or whatever.... But we are all humans aren't we... That's what I think... That's why I still have hope on humans... Well yeah there will be lots of bad people in this cold world.... But that made me think.... There are also good people in this cold world... Just waiting to be found. If a person never look for those kind of good people... then the hope is lost... So I think... It's not ok to be isolated... But that's my opinion right.
From: A none hikkimori.
You're not alone, I share most of your thoughts. How are still doing?
I too share how you feel, even though I don't physically detach myself from the world, I have socially detached myself. I have pretty much no friends, and only interact with people when I absolutely have to. It's a hard life, because you know that something is wrong and you need to do something about it. I try to find the good in people and try to meet people, but I end up disgusted a lot of times...
I once went to some sort of club trip, and one person had passed out in the bathroom, he could have stopped breathing or worse...but nobody cared. People were told to be quiet or help get the door open, but nobody did anything, they didn't want their good time ruined, they continued drinking and ignored the people as if they were just an annoyance.
I found myself so disgusted by this. However, I forgot that there were at least two people that cared about this person.
However, I don't think I exactly qualify as a hikki because I don't physically shut myself in...I just socially distance myself from people.
I went through the exact same situation in middle school and early high school. I had a nervous breakdown and everything. I was probably the sweetest and most senstive girl you could meet, but I had to adapt. It was hard as hell. These days I can stomache visiting /b/ and manage to have some empathy. You have to not let yourself let be affected by what other people do. You can't let those people control you from a distance. Those people don't even know you exist. Losing your sensitivity doesn't mean losing your empathy.
Number 6 is right. There are good people out there in the world. There is some goodness out there; I've experienced it.
Also, when nobody is doing good then do it yourself. Such as the experience in Number 11's post. The right thing to do is to try to get the person to the hospital yourself. Drag him. Call an ambulance. Do the right thing. Those guys might laugh at you, but who cares. This is why it's important to not be so senstive. Doing the right thing takes a lot of sacrifices and some people are just not willing to do it. Don't be that person.