How do I be more social? (27)

1 Name: Anonimonte : 2007-03-04 14:35 ID:h48+6PJV

Hello. This is my first time here. I have a problem talking to people. When ever i want to talk, no one hears me. i am just one of those people that just blend in the background... It's just that I had an accident with an E-mail, and it really scarred me. I need some ideas that could help me get back on my feet. _|¯¯|O

2 Name: Anonymous : 2007-03-04 17:31 ID:+fudEZ/U


3 Name: Anonymous : 2007-03-04 20:00 ID:CRfv3q2f


4 Name: Anonimonte : 2007-03-05 10:07 ID:nLyS/Wcy

um... thanks...

5 Name: Anonimonte : 2007-03-05 10:08 ID:nLyS/Wcy

nice people you are...

6 Name: Nox Puss : 2007-03-05 10:50 ID:/1uAlvXI

Ignore >>2 and >>3 ^-^ I used to be one of those background people. Then, one day, I just stood up and decided that no one else had the right to push me around and ignore me. It wasn't overly dramatic- it was a slow process. I don't really know exactly how I did it, but it had a lot to do with deciding not to care what other people thought. I started dressing how I wanted to dress and voicing my opinion more. After all, you're a person too- you have a right to say what you want, and you shouldn't be afraid to talk to others.

7 Name: Anonimonte : 2007-03-06 10:23 ID:cMO8HFjx

Thanks! I will do my best to do talk to other people and perhaps I could obtain new friends. I hope life isn't too harsh to me..

8 Name: Anonymous : 2007-03-07 01:52 ID:Heaven

Sounds sort of like me. I'm somewere in the middle of that. I still sort of suck with the voicing my opinion part, because for te most part, I think my opinions don't need to be known.

9 Name: //Shock : 2007-03-11 01:27 ID:QLbcB16w

That sounds like the same problem I have. I talk to many people through im's and emails, but they are far away and it seems as though I can't make myself talk and voice my opinion when it comes to physically being face to face with someone. As a result, most people I meet think I'm really it takes a while for me to make friends. I'm in college and I'm trying to get to know people, but I still get so nervous and don't say anything, even when I have something good to say. I lend you my support, and I'll try my best too.

10 Name: Anonymous : 2007-03-11 07:37 ID:IhU7hNHx

"an accident with an E-mail" kind of confuses me, could you go more in depth on that? It would help us to understand your situation better, and if it traumatised you, maybe it would help to tell it online.

11 Name: Anonimonte : 2007-03-12 06:27 ID:TzmyMt8m

well, the email was a confession e-mail to some girl... i was not going to send it but when my best friend scared me... well, i accidently clicked send. and then word spread out... people started laughing at me, and i guess you'd know the rest... btw, it was in school. sheesh. High school.

12 Name: Warez Otoko : 2007-03-12 18:35 ID:oFXZjcZC

I always had serious trouble socializing. Basically every time I am in a situation where I could meet people, the experience and the results are completely ruined by my fear and the subsequent shy/introverted attitude. I am 26. I wish I could make friends with people as easy as everybody does. But instead I wasted my youth behind a screen. When people talk of social events, night life, travels, I don't know what to say and I feel I'm an outcast and that they hate me because of my diversity.
I have no hope left, not even the thought of a girlfriend can confort me, because I know that I could only get one with a past as sad as mine, but in that case, I also know that my own sadness is more than enough, and I'm better off alone than with another sad person like me.
I wish I know how to change myself and experience life as normal ppl do..

13 Name: Anonymous : 2007-03-13 07:35 ID:Heaven

>I am 26

You certainly sound 10 years less...

14 Name: Anonimonte : 2007-03-13 14:09 ID:fhQ0DqjL

i'd say 12 years.
anyways, i have improved from "Background" to "Mumbles". i'm still improving bit by bit. its harder than it looks...

15 Name: Anonymous : 2007-03-14 19:22 ID:60qPVbpL

Stupid advice: just be yourself (that is, someone you like to be, not someone you'd want to be). People will talk to you sooner or later. And don't try too hard either, this scares people away. Like people above said, this is a slow process. By slow, that means years, really.

But I'll tell you something really helpful and encouraging: college, or any superior school, or even work, or even moving to another town. As soon as you get the chance to go somewhere you've never been, meet people that never saw you and never heard about you, and that stuff, try to change dramatically. You'll see that people won't notice, as they do not know you, and will just take for granted you're like that. Be funny, and they'll come to you. Not a jerk or a clown, but one or two killer one-liners from times to times will get you to the rank of "that guy who made me laugh" in people's heads. Got it, you're not nobody anymore.

Sure, this is a way to do it amongst thousands of others. Sure, it may not work. But hey, it worked for me, so I thought I'd share that. I still have a lot to do, but when I look back at how I was when I was in high school (that was, some 5 or 6 years ago), and how I am now, I can't help but say "wow". Changes were subtle, I don't feel like I've betrayed myself or anything, yet my situation with people has changed a lot. From the "background guy noone really notices" to "the guy you sometimes forget about, but when you think about him you may want to call him or take him out for a beer, plus you are happy to have him around at parties". Well, that is how I felt, and how I feel I'm perceived. It's not that much, but I think it's kind of a good start.

Good luck to you. And don't blame yourself for the email. I never sent mine, and somehow still regret it.

16 Name: Anonymous : 2007-03-14 20:47 ID:2C2BMT9/

Stop caring and start talking. It's not as difficult as you make it out to me. If people can't hear you, talk louder. I use to be the shy guy, but I've learned to just talk. Open your mouth and let the words come out. If you're nervous, force yourself to say the first word, then everything else comes easy. I'm not the "mega ultra super popular guy" and I don't want to be. I have many friends that share my interests and when I say something, I'm heard. That's that, you should never let nervousness hold you back.

17 Name: Anonimonte : 2007-03-14 23:14 ID:TzmyMt8m

Thanks for the advices guys.

18 Name: Anonymous : 2007-03-17 02:57 ID:SK4SGYyH

someone once recommended reading this:

the terminology used is a bit old as it's written about a century ago, but the principles in the book, i found extremely helpful.
i'm still not as outgoing or the person i want to be yet, but i almost have no trouble making small talk with strangers now. (i used to be so shy/introverted i couldnt even stare at people in the eyes when they're talking to me)

i would recommend all shy people to read it.

19 Name: 映画男 : 2007-03-18 04:39 ID:mitX1B83

i have a very big problem socializing now, people find me avoiding them since i dont talk to people. i'm a very shy and quiet person normally and i dont seem to try to talk to people becausen normaly i'm either ignored or seen in a weird way.

20 Name: Anonymous : 2007-03-19 02:33 ID:Heaven

I doubt you're either ignore or seen in a weird way. Rather, you don't call attention to yourself, and people don't have many thoughts about you either way. The only thought they could have about you is that you're oddly quiet.

I've found that unless you obviously stick out in a back way, people probably wouldn't think you weird in any way. How coud they?

21 Name: Anon : 2007-03-31 23:11 ID:9gocWA5B

>>19 >>14 >>12
A webblog never helped? Some of you ever tried?
Excuse me if I came with an stupid troll idea, it's just that I am from the other side of the world and never felt into this kind of problems you manifest. On the other hand, I know that many people enjoy social (personal) contact with polite people as you are. Even myself, I'm constantly looking for people who blogs and wants to e-mail and personally know each other: That can't be rare, there must be people like that in your town/city, blogging your problems out might call them to attention of your value as a friend, and might be cathartic too.
Am I wrong? If so, excuse my ignorance, guys/girls.

22 Name: Anonymous : 2007-04-01 00:04 ID:xsW7bhyT

I like that idea.

23 Name: Anonymous : 2007-04-01 05:17 ID:Heaven


24 Name: Anonymous : 2007-04-01 05:38 ID:ImNRrwUk

Drugs is not the answer

25 Name: Anonymous : 2007-04-01 06:16 ID:sVNgME4l

drugs is better than the answer.

26 Name: Anonymous : 2007-04-01 18:11 ID:mM6LKMKU

I read a good answer just now:


27 Name: Anonymous : 2007-04-01 18:25 ID:Heaven


Doesn't have to be "illegal" drugs, but drugs have been and always will be solving just about everyone's problems. I'm not saying go out and consume 400µg of lsd, but just something to give yourself a small boost.

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