Dear channel 4,
I got a moral question for you.
Helping someone in need is good. But when the other person is crying for help, constantly, what can we do ?
Thanks in advance.
>>1 it sounds like they might have developmental issues, not enough information provided.
details requesting~desu
It's for a foreigner girlfriend.
First she was cute : "plz help me i don't understand that cry cry"...
But she needs more and more and more help :|
(can you get me this software ? can you teach me ? can you translate this ? can you call my bank ? can you ask the owner to fix my broken door ? etc etc).
We have many arguments.
I still wants to help her, but help her to change and make some effort.
And i don't want to loose her. It's my 1st GF, I really don't know what to do.
"Helping" someone all the time (all the more if it goes as far as calling her bank in her place) is in fact not helping them at all. Truly.
You're only comforting her in a dependancy state, which means that the day you're going to be sick of it (as you came for advice, it seems that this is not so far from now), she is really going to get lost.
So the best thing to do is to just "push" her. Motivate her, show her you are on her side, but just do not do things in her place. She wants to learn/install a soft? Direct her to the good FAQs/Forums. She wants to translate something? Show her babelfish, or even better show her how to translate - just don't simply do it.
It'll be the best you can do for her, and for yourself because you will have less of her weight to carry. I mean, you must have your own stuff to do too.
If you don't do that I can tell you what will happen: one day you'll send her to hell with her problems, because you'll be in a bad mood and she'll piss you off; she will hold a grudge against you for this, will probably be hurt real bad and cry a lot, until some other guy helps her and the cycle starts over, except you won't be there. Which may or may not be bad, depending on how much you like her.
In short: help her get out of this parasitic circle before it's too late if you really care for her. Otherwise, run away.
>>1 How long has she been there? How is her language skills? Can you motivate her to learn your language better?
>>an you get me this software ? can you teach me ? can you translate this ? can you call my bank ? can you ask the owner to fix my broken door ? etc etc
All of those, expect the first one need fluent speaking of the language you speak in. As some one who came to Canada without knowing to speak a word in English, I had to go through many hardships and it was frightening. I am not saying you are wrong to be frustrated, but tell us about your girlfriend's situation's too.
stop helping her solve her problems. talk to her and figure out together what her strengths and resources are. then build upon those and get her to help herself by using those resources and strengths. don't do things for her, just help her realize that she has the resources to help herself.
Thanks for your advices, Anonymous.
I'll try to motivate her and don't doing things directly, and if she is too proud to accept that I can teach her, or if I can't, I'll run away, I guess.
>>5
She is a 36 years old japanese, without children. She has come in europe after her divorce. I'm a 20 yo student. It's difficult to understand each others.
We are together since almost one year now, but we can't find a stable relationship (I mean a relationship without arguments every 3 days).
This thread is better suited on Love & Romance board. Besides you're 20 and she is 36?
Are you out of your fucken mind? Or are you so damn desperate?
>"Helping" someone all the time (all the more if it goes as far as calling her bank in her place) is in fact not helping them at all. Truly.
Truer words are hard to find.