I'm a 20 year-old male, and I haven't so much as shed a tear since I was maybe 13. I've had one or two crappy events happen to me during this interval: a death in the family, as well as a cancer scare of my own. Neither event prompted me to cry. The closest I come is when I'm watching a sad or emotional movie/show, I kind of feel like there's a lump in my throat, and my chest feels a bit heavy.
Lately I've had the urge to try to induce crying by watching movies/shows that friends have told me mad them cry, but none have succeeded so far.
My question is: is this a problem? Should I be worried about this? Am I emotionally detached from the world? Does anyone else have this condition?
There are times when I would like to cry but it just won't happen. Even when my father died I was unable to cry and I was eleven. Despite my lack of tears, I do not feel any less emotional or detached.
I really can't explain why you can't cry, I just wanted you to know that it isn't just you.
Guys don't cry much: fact.
And it's OK not to cry:fact.
there are times when I know I'm capable of crying, but can't, either... Sometimes it's okay to just shake, and maybe pound your fist against the wall, clench your hands, etc... my theory is that there's a mental block-type thing in most guys, that even when they're alone, says 'I shouldn't cry, I'm stronger than that", but everyone cries sometime, sooner or later
when something comes along that you feel like crying over, you'll cry, but the important thing is that regardless, you're still showing your emotions, even if not by directly crying, so i wouldn't worry too much over it
maybe you have had a time where you cried before you were 13. maybe that was so sad that your mind compares that moment with your moments later on, which could explain the inability to cry. i used to cry a lot when i was very young (4-9 yrs)and after that, i never shed a drop of sadness.
>>1
After the age of 7, I pretty much stopped crying. Very bad though, in my case. I was repressing a lot of sorrow, as well as most of my anger. I got some anger management, and improved my life. I don't really have a reason to cry most of the time, but when I do I have no problems doing it (such as when my girlfriend got into a accident and it appeared to be bad). Chopping onions doesn't make me cry, by the way.
If you feel you're bottling up any emotions, then yeah, you should fucking worry. You might just have tear-ducts that are wired that way, though.
>>7
I have repressed alot of my anger and sadness inside of me and i had taken a toll on me. i feel like my feelings are messed up. i laugh when i am in pain, for crying out loud! you would not see that every day where someone laughs at their broken leg. of course i don't have a broken leg...
Laughing is natural in heavy distress situations. Endomorphins and the like, plus the psychological "morale boost" - it's a sort of safety. When I hurt myself (no broken legs until now, but some heavy bad cut with lots of blood everywhere), one of my first reactions is more or less always to laugh and joke at the situation. Not that I do not feel pain, or that I do not realize the gravity of the situation - I really think it's just a way to dedramatize. Relativism, stuff like that.
And I have hard times crying too. When I was a kid I cried a lot (not really a crybaby, but quite emotive). As an adolescent I had to quickly remedy to that, because it was really embarassing. That, added to the fact I wanted to blend as much as possible with the mass, led me to repress a lot of anger, sorrow and anxiety. I somehow learned how to let go some anger from time to time, but sadness I never really could.
The main things that did bring me to tears though, are nostalgia and "human-made beauty" and inspirational stuff (not the image macro ones, the large meaning of the term). And I can tell that when you don't cry often and manage to let go some pressure, you feel incredibly good afterwards. Double emphasis on incredibly.
Oh, and I spent a night to cry really hard once, having drunk my brains out. I didn't even remember it, someone told me the next day. I was kinda embarassed, but I knew why I felt so peaceful and relaxed that day.
Not sheding tears is not a problem in itself, not properly dealing with your emotions is a problem. I, myself, haven't cried for many years, but I do deal with my emotions. I had this thought a while ago, but I realized that I couldn't cry because I felt the emotions of others alot better than I felt for myself. This is a problem for me, but realizing it is the first step to resolving it. I still haven't cried, nor do I expect that I really will. Maybe, you just need find your real problem. Until then, maybe giving yourself proper a vent short of full-on weeping will help relieve any anxiety you may have. Mine was watching thoughtful anime like Koi Kaze and I, My, Me: Strawberry Eggs. Your milage may differ.
You have REI COMPLEX
(Yay, someone else who didn't likes Koi Kaze & cried at the end!)
#12 here, oops, meant to say likes Koi Kaze & cried at the end!!
>>9
I totally do that. Everytime I get real nervous or something sad happens to someone I get this really inappropriate urge to smile. Not because I'm happy, but I dunno. To clear the air? I've never quite worked it out myself.
hijacking your thread.
When some one is about to cry, they usually have a weird feel in their chest and throat BEFORE the eyes start to well up.
So.. my problem is that for a few months I almost ALWAYS have that feel in my throat and chest and I just can't avoid it. I do however for get about it at school, but whenever i'm not too busy I start to feel it again.
I'm 19, I cried once when I was 17 due to a stupid reason, but that was the only time when I cried since I was 14.
I don't cry too often.
I only do when I am engulfed in fury, that makes my eyes hurt so much. >.<
But I remember I cried so much one time, about 3 months ago, when I returned from a long trip to another country, in which I had the best vacation in my life. I cried all night long, so much like never before. I felt quite homesick, even though I was home ._.
It sure does feel good after you cry. You feel refreshed, new.
I'd like to cry again soon, I've had a tough weekend and need to burst those tears out -_-
But I'll need something to make me cry, make me cry GOOD.
Any anime you recommend? Oh man, I suck x_x
I know exactly how the OP'er feels. He feels detached from the world. Numb is a better way of describing it.
I haven't cried since I was 17. I had a mom who had horrible mood swings. She had no friends and lived in a rural part of the county. That summer I got in trouble for drinking and was "grounded".
She took all her anger in life out on me, and constantly told me what a low life I was. Eventually I would be balling uncontrollably.
At first when the verbal abuse would start I would try to hold back the tears, but it hurt so bad, the pain was in my temples.
After I started crying I couldn't stop then she came to the rescue telling me she was sorry and she didn't mean the things she said.
That summer this sort of thing seemed to happen everyday. Until one day I became completely immune to her insults. There wasn't anymore pain in my temples, and I didn't care what she had to say anymore.
I learned to be sarcastic, and not to take the things she said seriously. Even sometimes laugh at the horrible things she would say.
For example: "You stupid fuck, you're just like you fuck father. Maybe you two should go live together and be butt buddies. I hope you have kids one day. I FUCKING HATE YOU!"
It's like I became desensitized to it all. Now I can't cry to save my life. It sucks because crying is a great way to release emotional distress.
There is no real alternative to it. For me the next best thing is finding a secluded spot where nobodies around and just flip out. Scream, and punch the ground until you're wear yourself out.
After I do this I feel great. It clears my mind an my anxiety goes away.
I guess you could call it a healthy alternative to crying.
I've noticed that I'm unable to cry for the really serious stuff,... but I easily cry for trivial things, and this has been so since I was a kid.
The first death occurred in my family when I was 4, and I didn't shed a tear. Since then quite a few people close to me have died, and I never cried. On the other hand, I always cry when I see war documentaries, or watch a drama. I cried a lot when my pets died.
The most interesting case was my grand-mother: I cried a lot when I dreamed that she had died, but not a single tear when she really died.
I think that when the pain is too high I just totally block it. I don't feel numb, I just don't feel anything. I'm sure this is not good, since it basically means that I never accepted death, but I'm totally unable to do anything about it,...
Dude, I go through the same thing!
The last time I cried was when I was 12, because I was afraid that I was gay, and now the only time I cry is when I beat a really good game.
I don't cry either anonymous. I'm pretty mellow most of the time.
When a good family member died I didn't feel much at all, mostly embarrassment for my other family members who were grief-stricken, and me pretty chill.
Donno, I don't think it's a problem. Why should you cry? Crying is a sign of intense stress, it's not healthy imo. If you can live life without that stress, that shows maturity and a healthy perspective as I see it.
Of course I don't know, there might be some situations where individuals build up a lot of emotional stress while supressing an urge to cry, maybe in those cases, a therapist would recommend inducing tears, donno, not a shrink.
I feel like complete scum sometimes. I didn't cry when my best friend died unexpectedly. I had to watch stuff like Air and Kanon to get it out of my system. But I guess I'm lucky that works of fiction can still trigger it.
>>22 Same here, One scene that ALWAYS make me teary/cry is the ending of MGS 3 Snake Eater, Shadow Hearts 2, and other rpgs/movies... But yeah i need media too.
I can't cry but I sometimes tear up at really stupid shit on T.V or movies.
Like for example I was watching that movie Midnight Run. (awesome movie) The part at the end when he lets the dude go instead of turning him in for the bounty made me tear up.
My grandpa dies and nothing, but THIS makes me tear up. WTF?