Today I'm feeling down again... thinking about a girl from 6 months ago whom I got in love with (but only by chat & phone).
I feel so alone, I hate girls because they always have tons of friends around to help them..
and I think about my supposedly 'worst' years, when I lived as almost shut-in, and I can only remember the peace I had back then. I was resigned to fate, convinced that I couldn't ever have a g/f nor live in the real world by any means, all day watching anime, reading, playing, posting. It was peaceful, I felt I could live like that for ever, without worries, renouncing every worldly desire, like a sort of buddhist. It was my philosophy, anything could be solved by more fragging or more watching.
See, you hikkis and geeks, now I envy you, because I was one of you, but I went out, and I was beaten.
a couple of women changed everything. I became addicted to them, to the emotional support they gave, in our day-long chats, and then by phone. the first meeting failed miserably. but the second girl became my real world g/f. For some months, until I got bored. Me. Bored of a girl. The impossible had happened.
But they were a drug nonetheless. The affection , the caring , the sharing. I've been feeling mostly bad all the time since the breakup. I became a better man through these times, I really found some self esteem, I lost my love-shyness, I can talk to any girl now without blushing... BUT I also put myself into a battle which I fear I won't win, because I don't know how to find MORE people, MORE girls as the old ones are burned out.
having desires, is it really worth the deal? maybe as hikkis and nerds we are the smartest of
thanks for your support anyway, I like this place
I empathize with your situation, because I've tried jumping back and forth and also because I currently do have a real life gf despite spending almost all my time in a basement. When women got into the picture the whole equation got distorted. I was happily geeking away on IRC and learning how to script, about websites, about graphics. I got good enough to do graphics professionally, something I'm still pursuing. But it hasn't felt the same since I started falling in love with people, and sicne I got into that whole drama thing.
Shit sucks. I've been bored of her many times, but now I've just accepted her as my life companion. We've been with eachother for so long now anyway that she has become accostumed to me. Still, I feel a weaker man.
I want to find out how both can live side by side.
Bump because I like this thread for some reason.