First off I am a 19 year old NEET living with my mom which isn't a great situation. Secondly I am am idiot as seen through my own writing for some reasons proccesing in certain situations is slower than most, I have a bad memory with EVERYTHING from where I put someting to 1+1, socially I am inept, also correct grammar and spelling evade me. I am a failure as a person I know I haven't done anything in my life even worthy of mention if I died while writing this. l just don't know what the hell I am going to do with my life I can't get a job because I to fucking afraid of changing my routine boring life. Also I live in a high crime area so I guess I have a good excuse no I don't my mom takes a fucking almost 2 hour trip to go a job which she hates to feed my lazy ass but I still sit in front of a fucking computer all day long doing nothing cept fapping, watching anime, and other useless crap I feel horrible about this but do nothing to change it. As I have said before I am quite the stupid fuck my grades overall were bad and math skills were abismal in grade school I never went to english and now can't even write I damn essay properly if I wanted to the only I did reasonably well in was in history but having such knowledge is useless in this world the one guy I did know that went to college for history ended up dropping out soon after and ended up becoming a damn pothead. I've never had a damn job in my life and I don't want to get one of these shitty food service jobs or end up doing physical labor because I am one weak bastard. I can find my way around the inside of a computer but I have neither enough exprience or knowledge to consider making it profession. I really just don't know what the hell to do. I could take small steps but in what direction? I am too stupid to go to college also I am too lazy to get a job.
Knowing all of this suicide has definitly came up as an available option within my mind. I also know I could improve my life but in reality I don't know how to go about making myself a better person. I am probably not going to jump in front of a bus tommorow or anything but I right now I don't know what I might do in this state.