Hello, I am a 17 year old loner. I do go out and do have a lot of good friends whom i dearly care about, but sometimes i just feel like staying home thinking or going out for a walk by myself, and when shopping, for example, sometimes i find it more relaxing by myself.
Then again, i do have a boyfriend that i love in a way i have never loved before, but he himself is somewhat a loner, and we fit that way, because we hang out when we both feel like it, and we do love each other and are faithful. And things like traveling or getting a job far away aren't really a problem, we both think that what matters is yourself, and your own personal accomplishments.
As a loner i became the obsessive/paranoid type, i am very anxious and stressed, yet i don't look like it. My body is relaxed, strong (done a lot of martial arts in my life). And i wonder why am I so attached to sports ? It's more than well known that it helps someone relax, and that the mind is focused on the sport itself, i get that feeling when doing a martial art, it's more than focus it's giving your mind and body to overcome your own limits.
When i was around 15 i stopped doing physical activity for various reasons and that was the worst time of my life. Not only was I a teenager with jumping hormones i have always been this way, so i obsessed more and more each day, passing my own boundaries (emo ? Hahahah looking back it does look emo doesn't it ? truth is i am emotional and sensitive, most people call it an "artist's soul", and that's what I'm studying btw, arts). Becoming something i was getting scared of.
So yeah, i seemed to have always had an easy life, with some problems like a wacko mother, but nothing that really got to me, i could always deal with it just fine, since i outwardly grasp the situation and seemed calm, while obsessing over it in my mind, it works.
So what is my problem ? I am afraid that this life I've been having is leaving my unprepared, i am afraid of my future, my life seems to be too easy and all the challenges I came upon weren't the right ones. Is my challenge to overcome this fear i have over my future ?
Looking back i can only remember good things that make me smile, although i know i had really bad times, and even when i think about the times when i was so paranoid that i would kick walls just to wear myself out and... stop thinking, I can't think about it but as a good thing, something that made me understand who I am, that made me who I am today.
I am happy with myself, i have a great boyfriend but ...
It's this whole past life that seems good, when facing the future i become scared. Is this only because I am in fact 17 (near 18), and it's only natural to feel this way ?
Anyway, I would like to hear some life choices you have made, and your opinion on this, even if that includes insulting me hahahah.
I would have to say I'm a loner too. I have a great bunch of friends. Too many actually that I can't really keep up. I like to keep my personal and social life quite separate, so like you I prefer to shop by myself and spend time alone. I have a boyfriend who's kinda clingy which can be a bit of a problem but he's learned to respect my needs though.
I do miss the past and there were a great many things that had happened during high school. I'm actually looking forward to the future. But I'm also trying to live out the present as much as I can. I'm quite the opposite to you in this respect. I look forward to becoming an adult, owning my own home and establishing a career. The fact that it is unknown and there for you to create, the fact that I can chose my own path and what I do in my life, I get butterflies sometimes thinking about it. There are endless possibilities and even if the majority of us are controlled by expectations and parents, there are always ways around it.
Anyways. I find that the future is like a blank canvas. You can create anything from it. There really shouldn't be anything to be afraid of.
The future isn't a conspiracy. XDDD
Yes >>2, you are right, it's a blank canvas ... But I've recently lost myself, and have planed to much for my future, I want to be too many things for my own sake, i want to be an artist but then again i love physics, i love poetry too (though one can write poetry without a degree... yay! but to be an artist one needs to know technics, and that involves studying, same for physics obviously...)So i get anxious and i can't stop but getting paranoid after weeks of giving thought to this...
Yeah... I'm going to do the best i can to accomplish all of my decisions, yet i can't help but to be scared, i would really like to hear the opinion of someone who has gone through this ...
you are too self-centered, if you think more in what can you do to make this a better world and stop thinking in "oh im so emo and i fear my future" you will be more free and relaxed 'cause the center of youre world would stop bein JUST YOU and your feelings
let's suppose i do stop being self-centered, as i did before many times. things always get worse for me. i stop caring only about myself, and people i know (not my close friends) think it's great. But i care about the whole world, i feel miserable and i feel like I'm nearly hopeless, and there's nothing i can do. Yeah, it's a burden that weights tons and sometimes i need to feel it but ... Imagine you can feel all the people in the world, it's painful yet beautiful and joyful.
being self-centered doesn't mean I'm arrogant you know, it means that i trust myself, and that i care about myself because i believe in mankind. and i believe that everyone is capable of something big, so each one of us should actually care more about themselves and become stronger, smarter, whatever they want, it's possible with dedication. if you truly put your mind and heart into it. thinking desperately about other people and how to make the world better is what i think. expect i think it through me, and not through others....
Because... Feelings are a chemical reaction to the surrounding world, by interperting them you become aware and conscious... of the world you live in, some people are sensitive to them some aren't.
but yeah, I've been having a rough time deciding where to direct my feelings and so my melancholy arose, and i'm getting tired of being like this so i tried here to see if someone could say anything about this. I am growing tired of feeling like I'm wasting time.
after seeing these two posts it made me think that... who knows me better than myself ? it's no point asking you guys, but thank you, specially to >>4 for the self-centered question, made me realize i was trying too hard to make other people like me, I've decided not to run against the flow and let things happen naturally. I trust I'll make the right decision.
>>5 a burden is a 17 yo girl in pakistan being raped by 6 sauvages, an african girl being castrated in the most unsanitary way, a 6 yo nicaraguan girl beig sexually molested by her own father and getting pregnant...
how in the world can you say "it's a burden that weights tons ..."
in which world do you live?
>>6
Clearly not in pakistan as a 17yo girl, that's for sure.
I think you are in need of a life-changing experience. Preferably detrimental because they're all that more effective.
>>1
You are so long winded..please don't try and sound deep and reflective because your babbling does not make sense (especially for an 18 yo).
You say when you stop being so self centered, you feel the burden of the entire world. Oh please. Do you really expect us to believe that anyone is able to go between those two extremities without being schizophrenic? If you seriously felt that way about the world, you would actually DO something about it. Not just moan your ass off.
Once again, I seriously do not see the point of this thread. Sports, boyfriend, life choices, world being a burden. This stuff belongs in your diary, not here. It would save us from reading your immature gibberish.
Nah, i was actually just joking, i am a bored 15 year old.