I may need help. I feel useless, I just recently came to realize what my life really is and how it seems. My rose colored glasses are off. I'm a 20 year old guy still living at home, not enrolled in school and I have no job. I'm currently trying to enroll, but I'm now facing the reality that I procrastinated too much and now it may be too late to even register. And even if I did register, I might night be even able to pay for college.
I have a goal, but it seems so far off. I can't prioritize at all. And I tend to drown myself in anime/manga, tv, and video games.
I have no girlfriend, I've had some before, but to be honest, both were over the internet. I've only had two, and I've been single for over a year. I'm a loner. So meeting a girl isn't very easy. And even if I did meet a girl, she wouldn't be interested in someone like me who's in this current situation. I'm striving to get a real life girlfriend, but I'm just not one for the social environment. And even if I was, I'm pretty sure my standards are way to high. I'm too old fashions for most girls, or atleast for the type of girls I want.
I came to the realization this weekend that I'm really useless. That I'm embarrassing. I'm not someone that my mother and father could be proud of. I tend to put my family first instead of myself. And Thats why I didn't go to college right off from high school, because I didn't want to burden my family with money, I know, I realized, that I have to be selfish now. but even then, I need to work on my procrastination. I have things that are on my list that I should have done a long time ago, but it may take me two-three weeks to actually even think about it, and even then, I may stop and not focus on it for another week.
I got into an accident almost a month ago for example. And I have to file a police report, but I haven't done so yet. I don't want my license suspended, And I know I should work on it, but I've been stalling all this time.
I think I'm depressed, my mother thinks the same, and she thinks I have ADD as well, She wants me to call this doctor. I think I will. but, I guess I just can't put effort into anything.
Hell, I'm even thinking about suicide, but I'm not that far gone. Suicide just isn't the answer for me.
I really just don't know what to do. I need direction, I just wanna be a kid again. I don't wanna be an adult. I'm gonna have to grow the fuck up.
Don't procrastinate never again, if you want to do something do it asap.
Go to study something and enjoy doing it.
Girls are shit, liars and the most powerful weapon to destroy a man. Stay away. That include chats.
Don't suicide, is a coward decision.
Search for a friend to talk about all that.
>>That I'm embarrassing.
You're only as embarrassing as you make yourself. SO STOP FEELING BAD ABOUT WHERE YOU ARE. Shit happens. There is no point in wasting time at fretting over fictional, alternative timelines (ifs and buts). You are where you are. Now salvage the situation, handle the consequences.
Regressing into ignorance isn't the answer.
http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/ is excellent, as long as you ignore a few of the posts from lately, that are a bit too hippie/philosophy oriented. Go through the archives, and stop by the large forum to speak, discuss, get moral support and help, from its fairly large user-base.
http://www.lifehack.org/ "Daily digest and pointers on productivity, getting things done and lifehacks"
http://www.lifehacker.com/ productivity and software guide
Both of the above links are excellent as well.