Hopefully this isn't too deep for this board.
Lately the only emotion I have been experiencing is hatred. No one is good enough. No one is acceptable. When talking to people I get an overwhelming urge to push them on the ground and kick their head again and again until I feel their skull give and their brains slobber out.
The thought is satisfying but actually committing violence is antithetical to being true to myself. I'm repulsed by these violent thoughts but I have no outlet, no friends, very little to no comfort in my life.
I've considered killing myself but I just can't do it. Even worse I can't bring up these thoughts and feelings because two past attempts have been interpreted as drama rather than true attempts so if I actually do it then I'm going to surprise my small social circle.
Right now the only thing I want out of life is to smile as easily as other people. To have one or two good friends. To feel love and feel capable of giving love in kind rather than desperation borne of loneliness.
you're gonna say i'm full of shit, but-
take a boxing class. or MMA, whatever. something where you can go vent some of that pent-up anger without actually killing someone, and get smacked around a bit in the process. just something physical and requiring discipline. you'd be amazed... plus you'd probably be pretty good at it.
lighten up, faggot.
People generally dislike individuals who are cynical/negative all the time.
What you need to do is find some sort of passion or go out an experiment with life. When I was in HS I was sort of like you but not to the degree of wanting to beat them. I'm naturally elitist and don't find a reason to befriend someone unless they are beneficial to me everyone I'm friends with is either equal to me or has some benefit to offer me and vice-versa.
It's harder as you get older to meet friends because everyone has already established their peer groups, I suggest you attempt to change your outlook fast because that state of mind is really shitty.
Try to find something that's not really geeky/dorky and you'll potentially be able to meet a cute girl. I've found that girls into animu/vg/wap-shit either a.) have annoying mental problems that standout mostly really needy, I suspect this is because they've never really felt love either and don't get that you can't be clingy or b.) just aren't attractive.
If you don't feel love or don't find it you seek out hatred..i would know. Hatred takes alot of energy, it burns you out and in the end you are the one suffering.
I suffer from Avoidance personality disorder which is a real bitch as you hunger for relations but in reality you will never get it. So imo the best solution was to stop desiring,stop the disappointments,stop the suffering.
So make up your mind, live your life and experience pain,hatred and MAYBE some happiness...or stop feeling anything and MAYBE you will achieve inner peace.
goodluck!
>>2 Best post in this thread. Honestly you should take some boxing/kick boxing classes. I myself am pretty agressive myself, and sports, mainly agressive sports do help. It has a scientifical explainaition but its unnecessary for this. So its a fact.
Just take the damn classes and you'll see how you will find a passion inside the person you are, that will make you agressive when needed and 'normal' so to say, when with people.
Besides sports... gabber / hardcore techno parties are also good for letting the pressure out safely. Not the most acceptable form of music though and parties are not everywhere. Blast your speakers!
>>7
i think that's equally if not more likely to make a person even more of a misanthrope.
OP here, the one thing that I truly hate about other people is how subjective things can be. I'll be minding my own business, I won't be talking to anyone and all of a sudden a few people will go "Why are you so angry" or "What is up with you" being completely insincere and rude with their approach.