This is going to take a while to explain, so get comfortable.
I've known a particular girl since the third grade. Since I'm 17 now, it's going to be nine years this January. Over the last nine years, we've had our share of fights and laughs, but now I wonder if we actually have enough chemistry to keep us together.
There are things that I loathe about this girl. She rarely called and never visited and when I visited her house, I usually wound up spending more time with her family than I do with her. That's not necessarily a bad thing since I think her family's alright, but I don't go to see them. If I'm lucky, I got to be alone with her, but I never work up the courage to say something romantic to break the ice. We both love video games and have other stuff in common, but I could never work out words to impress her that wouldn't seem cheesy and/or awkward. If we DID make plans to hang out together, something would come up. She also plays rough a lot, like shooting rubber bands at me (in her defense, I do things like that to her sometimes, too. Just not as often.).
She isn't all bad, though. She's drop-dead gorgeous and seems like an angel when she smiles. She's also tough, considering in elementary school she beat up almost every guy in our class, some of which were easily twice her size. When it comes to things like school, she's really smart, maybe smarter than me (which is a big compliment, since I'm usually the nerdy know-it-all that people go to for advice and help with homework). Whenever she notices that I'm depressed, she cheers me up and makes me feel like I'll always be happy.
The earliest in my life that I can really remember her, though, is in sixth grade, which is when I developed a huge crush on her. Most of the stories about her beating people up I had to learn about through other kids that went to our elementary school because I have trouble remembering things about my life past the last five years or so. The girl had to get her head shaved (for what reason, I don't remember) and people used to pick on her, so she'd hang out with another girl and myself. We were the only two people who didn't really give her trouble because we were outcasts, too.
I've made advances before and she's accepted them, but it never really went anywhere. As far as I know, she's dating someone else right now. I wouldn't really know since we got into a fight over something stupid just after summer vacation began, but she was living with him, so I assume they're still together. I ran into her again today and she didn't seem to be angry at me (I was the one who stormed off), even friendly. Over the years, I've never really known if she's seriously attracted to me or if she's just leading me on.
There are a lot of things about her that irritate me, but like I said, there are also a lot of things I love about her. We've had several periods of time where we wouldn't speak to each other, and it isn't all that rare for me to still think about her when I see other couples.
I keep wondering: is she worth keeping around as a friend? Maybe even dating somewhere down the line? Can a relationship (or even just a friendship) work out between us when I can't even say what's on my mind when we're alone together? The fact that she has softcore porn of women showing off their naughty bits in attractive positions plastered all over her walls certainly doesn't help. Something else that doesn't help is that I'm a virgin and get very embarassed when talking about sexual (or simply romantic) things. She's said multiple times that she finds that adorable about me, but that only opens up more questions.
Not being able to keep in touch with this girl won't ruin my entire life, but she's definitely left a strong impression on me after being one of the few people who would treat me like a human being during a time that I thought I had no one outside of my family.
Any advice on how I should (or should not) proceed with our relationship would be greatly appreciated.
Oh, and I'm sorry for making this so fucking long. DX
Fucking hell. I missed the part about Love and Romance. Sorry about that. Someone mind moving this?