I need help bettering myself, to put it frankly. I have the desire, and I know I could find the drive, I just don't have to knowledge.
To start off, I'm an overweight, socially awkward, high-school-senior female. I have very light acne and it's clearing up, but I do have mild scarring. I don't know how to put on makeup, so I only use a really light powder. I shower daily, so I'm really clean, but because of the weight and the acne, I'm not attractive, and I tend to not try on things to make me look better, because I feel hopeless. I'm too shy to know a lot of people, so I have a very small, but very close, group of friends, but I feel bad if I complain to anyone I know, so I almost never confide in them.
I replaced my shoes a few days ago, and I'm going to an actual hair salon (not the $12 bargain cut I used to get) on Thursday, but I don't know what hair cut to get (I was planning on just asking "what would look good?"), and beyond that, I don't know what else to do.
TL;DR: I'm ugly and insecure, what can I do to fix those things?
I'm a guy, most of my motivation comes from unrequited love, or some such. Essentially believing that in doing something for myself it will benefit me and the person I think is hot.
But this is general advice, I suppose.
Ugly = Get over it, no one gives a shit how you look if you don't (supposedly)
not to say don't give a shit, I mean, dont care about being 'ugly', dont compare yourself to other people either
insecure = do exercise, really, it's a no brainer..you'll feel tonnes better when you've done it for a bit
walking. Just walk, it's easy, go for walks for fun, go to explore, walk between places, not fast though, just take it easy. slow walks are usually the best because they burn more calories without tiring you ou
you feel good, you get fitter and healthier
you have to apply a level of ignorance, I mean me, im fit and healthy, no severe problems, but I think im ugly sometimes(I try not to, because everyone just looves to see someone confident with no problems..)
Fact is if you think ugly, you'll feel ugly. Maybe you'll have a hard time convincing yourself of that, if you're fed up to begin with.
I think social situations are just a matter of timing. I see people who are utter mongs compared to me and they seem to have plenty of friends. It's just they're in the right situation, but they won't develop like that, not as people. If I could see more in-depth they are probably hollow friendships.
I think you need to work on self-worth the most, because everything comes from that. You ARE the most important thing in your life, and you need to realise that. (Sadly, many people do this and they become cunts, do try and avoid that)
acne....that sucks. I had bad acne for a while, and no matter what product i used, it wouldn't go away, so i can't reccomend clearil or anything. Eventually it went away on its own. Try drinking green tea- I think that helps a little bit. it's full of good stuff and helps keep toxins out of your system.
It's great you're going to the hair salon. If you keep your hair looking nice, that makes a big difference to your attractiveness, especially if you're overweight like me. It might be a good idea to dye yor hair a new color- that can be fun and give you a whole new look. Since you don't know what you want done with your hair it's good you're just going to ask the people at the salon what they think. Haridressers usually know what kind of cut and or color would suit people, so you'll probably end up looking great. Just let them do whatever they want.
make-up application is easy! Foundation is perfect for covering any little acne scars, and it's easy to put on. make sure you've got the right color for your skin- if you have trouble knowing which one that is, just ask the store people and they'll find it for you. They'll probably be very happy to show you how to apply it as well. Anyway, you basicaly just smudge it evenly all over your face, and rub around the edges so you can't see where the foundationed area ends. then you put a little it of powder, maybe a little bit of blush too. the rest is more fun- pick a pretty eyeshadow color and put it on, add some mascara and whatever else you want. An important thing is never to wear too much makeup, and also if you're wearing very noticable eyeshadow, wear none or only a little lipstick, and if you wear a bright lipstick color, only wear a little bit of eyeshadow. The focus should either be on your eyes and lips, never both.
I suggest that you accesorise as much as you can too. Things like a pretty handbag, and a couple of nice rings, flowers etc in your hair can really make you feel and look a lot prettier and more confident. I highly reccomend wearing a flower hair clip in your hair. flowers give any female a more sweet/feminine/friendly look.
Taking time making yourself look pretty can be a lot of fun, and you'll feel beautiful and more confident when you're done. But real confidence comes from inside. You've got to have good self esteem. if you don't have that, then there is endless amounts of websites about it for you to read so i won't ramble about it here. If you love yourself and your body, feeling pretty and at least a little confident shouldn't be hard :) Best of luck to you. oh, and of course, excersise!
Exercise is important. Make sure you don't overdo it at the beginning or you'll just end up sore and discouraged. Walking is great if you're in a safe area. If you live in the ghetto, I suggest staying in and doing a few sets of crunches and stretches every so often. If you like dancing, there are dance aerobics tapes. Personally, I like DDR a lot, so I play a few hours of that whenever I feel like working up a sweat. Exercising releases endorphins(sp?) in the brain, which will make you feel a lot better in general. A lot of inactive people get misdiagnosed as having depression when their real problem is just a lack of movement! <-- (Speaking from personal experience.)
>>3 hit the nail on the head with make-up. The only thing I can add is concealer. Most people will tell you to put concealer on -before- you put on your foundation. I find that it's better to put concealer on -after- foundation. Then again, I've been known to use concealer -as- foundation... (^_^);; That only works because I wash my face often, so don't take that piece of advice unless you wash up at least twice a day or you could clog up your pores...
On the subject of accenting lips versus accenting eyes, it really depends on whether your eyes are your best features or not. I have really nice eyes, so I always accent them and wear really light lipstick. My mom's eyelids are kind of droopy, so she accents her lips with dark lipstick and is really light with her eyeshadow. Also, shade the eyeshadow darker around the lid and lighter towards the eyebrow to avoid the old granny look... (^_^)
Go out and buy some clothes! Since you're overweight right now, don't try to fit into the tight-fitting or low-cut/miniskirt type clothes. When buying pants, look for "relaxed fit" style. These are tighter at the top and loosen around the leg. It makes you look thinner. Get some light, airy tops. Anything with a camisole is good, IMO. Avoid horizontal stripes, as these make you look wide and short. Vertical stripes, on the other hand, make you look tall and thin. Try accenting your outfits with scarves or hats. Some people don't look good with anything on their heads. Just go with your gut on that one. I look good in hats, and love wearing them! "Cabbie hats" are my favorite!
Jewelry is a nice touch. Get something that looks good with your eyes and matches the majority of your wardrobe. If you like light colors and khakis, try some turquoise jewelry and different bands made of dark leather. If you like wearing dark clothes, silver chains with trinkets look good. I don't like gold, personally. Choose things that appeal to you.
It all comes down to finding things that you like. Expressing yourself through your appearance is great! It'll also make you feel better about yourself because you are your own piece of art!
Indeed exercise is good for various reasons other than being fit: it produces endorphins that make you feel happy and to beat yourself helps you to build self confidence.
lol, i really hope that you know losing weight and 'transforming' into some kind of model is going to take months or even years, not weeks and certaintly not days. =x
>>1
What's your weight and height? What do you wanna weigh?
Also, maybe you can watch "Yamato Nadeshiko Shichi Henge." I hear they have beauty tips.
>>6 is right, but you can't let yourself get discouraged, either! In one year I managed to lose 40lbs through sheer determination. I'm still not perfect, but I fit into a size 6 now! I just need to get a tighter stomach and loose some flab on my arms and legs, and I'll be good to go!
Reading that in uk sizing terms you'd be a stick!
>>9 so true!
im no where near a size 6... let alone a 10...
>>6
Don't I know it... I tried dieting and doing exercise. I didn't see any results after a month and now I'm discouraged and back to bad food and laziness(not OP here)
Good advice in this thread so far, but don't fool yourself - walking is good for you, but not that good. You won't see too many results. I suggest a tougher exercise routine, like jogging or biking. Start slowly of course, but if you have enough drive and keep at it, you'll be surprised how quickly you can improve. I speak from experience - I walked back and forth from school about a mile every day for two years of high school, and it didn't help me get in shape at all. It wasn't until I started doing more exercise that I got better.
But also, as others have said, it's most important to be confident in yourself. Don't think you're ugly.
>>12
Signed. It can be really tough getting to the gym-- having the motivation or being intimidated by people there. So I lift some free weights in my room and bike all of autumn, spring, and summer. I find the change of scenery and the sense of exploration that goes along with biking (as well as being on the move instead of stationary) makes it a lot more fun that just jogging on the treadmill. During the winter? I use the gym as my "alone time"-- just to listen to music or watch some TV and de-stress. The other thing-- if you watch TV or movies (I take it you're probably an anime fan if you're hanging around here?), don't be STATIONARY while you watch! Get on a stationary bike or just do some sit-ups. Bumming around on a couch is time wasted.
Also, I too was never taught how to properly put on make-up so I kind of play things by ear and find out what looks good on me and, more over, what feels good with my skin-type. Honestly? I just use a bit of concealer and some powder day-to-day. When I feel like getting all gussied up? Mascara and some eyeshadow. Sometimes eyeliner, although it really is a bitch to apply. I naturally have very dark pink lips, so I tend just to wear some tinted lip gloss as a lip balm. Always carry some lip balm or lip gloss and a few moist towelettes with you. Basic upkeep. ALSO! Go to a department store and get your make-up done at a booth that seems to reflect your style. Buy some -nice- products. Sure, they're salespeople; they're trying to sell you things. But they also can make some really good suggestions about products. And can give you tips for application.
LASTLY, wash your face twice a day. Try an oil-free acne wash-- Neutrogena makes one that my acne-prone boyfriend swears by. Once a week, try an exfoliating scrub (Queen Helene makes a good apricot one for sensitive skin) followed by a mud mask (again-- Queen Helene's mint-julep-- cheap and works wonders)!
Best of luck. If your friends are really good ones, they'll care a lot about your personal development. No shame in seeking suggestions from them.
> Try an oil-free acne wash-- Neutrogena makes one that my acne-prone boyfriend swears by.
I just started using this. Looks promising. Not OP btw.
OP here! Thank you all so much for responding! All of this is a lot more than I expected. Sorry it's taken so long for me to respond, I haven't had time to be on the computer much this week!
As an update, the hair cut went really well, actually. It's not dumpy and poofy anymore, so I like it a lot better. I've also been trying some of those crest white strip things my mom got as samples, and they're helping a bit already!
>>3 Thank you for the makeup advice. It's so thorough! When I have a chance, I'll definately go pick up some makeup and try it out!
>>4 That's a good idea! My mom complains a lot about my clothes because I tend to wear the same things over and over (skirt and a t-shirt every day!), so even though I hate clothes shopping, maybe I should go out...
>>6 (x_x); Yeah, that's what's so discouraging.
>>7 5ft 7in about, and about 220lbs. I really need to work on it. (x_x); My goal is 130 or 140 ultimately, but I know it'll be awhile before I get anywhere near that.
>>13 Yeah, the being-around-people-thing is what's kept me from going to the gym in the first place. I get so nervous that I end up not going, even if I want to. We have DDR at home, so i'll probably begin using that on a regular basis, because we don't have any other equipment. I just switched scrubs, actually, to this product made my Biore. So far I don't see a big change from my old one, other than it makes your face insanely soft. I started doing "the regimine" that acne.org reccomends a month or two ago, and since that time my face has gotten a LOT bettr than it used to. I went from constant breakouts to occasional ones within a week, so I'd reccomend it to anyone with acne problems.
I'll keep reading everyone's comments. Thank you so much!!
Nothing will change in the end.
There is only one way!
Become a hero(in), but do it properly cause otherwise you will be retarded for the rest of your pity life.
i agree with the walking bit, it's good but not that good. i've always had a slow metabolism so i feel i need to work twice as hard to get any results.
i go to the gym 4 times a week and work out with a trainer. i've lost 6 lbs in as many weeks (i could lose more if cut out potato chips and chocolate candy) working out, halving my meal portions, staying away from oily food and fast food, and completely giving up soda and iced tea drinks.
i've gotten much stronger though, and i plan to keep up my regimen (lose at least 5 more lbs by end of october).
btw, i'm male, 30, weighing 204 lbs now. my goal is 160-170 lbs of lean muscle. i really just want to be healthy.
Work out, lots of fat chicks that are ugly can turn out alright. You just have to put effort in. Get a nice hair cut, some nice clothes and try to expand your circle of friends.
If you are really desperate you can try a almost scene cut as that will attract guys no idea why but it makes my penis hard.
> (i could lose more if cut out potato chips and chocolate candy) working out, halving my meal portions, staying away from oily food and fast food, and completely giving up soda and iced tea drinks.
I think once you've cleared your system of all that junk, by just one week, or maybe two weeks of healthy eating, it makes it all the more easier. You'll look back and feel slightly sick at how you could be putting all that stuff into your body. At least, that's just my experience. I eat junk food a lot less nowadays. Not because I don't allow myself to, but more because I don't feel like it. Though when I do, I always wash it down with lots and lots of water.
The important thing is just to get into rhythm. You'll feel more satisfied, want to see more results, and try harder.