Conversation (18)

1 Name: Anonymous : 2007-09-24 22:04 ID:RIDAmTsB

Is it just my experience or are people afraid to express their opinions when asked directly in fear of being judged?

Whenever I try seriously discussing something with someone I always get answers like, "well, i dunno" "i'm not sure" "no idea," etc. It's really quite frustrating because I'm trying to get out of my situation but people are giving these ambiguous answers as if they are afraid to express themselves to a stranger. I'm not even discussing any advanced subject either and just for a reference point I don't look bad, I'm healthy, getting exercise, and my clothing style is generally casual, very inconspicuous, nothing to arouse suspicion so it cannot be that.

I'm making eye contact with them too and I'm fairly straight forward. so in otherwords wtf?

2 Name: Anonymous : 2007-09-24 22:37 ID:F1ApU9/c

> discussing something with someone
> I'm trying to get out of my situation


3 Name: Anonymous : 2007-09-24 22:41 ID:RIDAmTsB

exchanging ideas that will lead to an increased social life

4 Name: Anonymous : 2007-09-24 22:46 ID:F1ApU9/c

> exchanging ideas that will lead to an increased social life


5 Name: Anonymous : 2007-09-25 00:31 ID:iIr7FHv+

Usually it's just because they really don't know/don't care/don't have an opinion.

I'm usually one of those passive people, but it annoys me when I'm asked the same question over and over. I didn't know/have no opinion the first time, and I won't know/have an idea the second time moments later.

6 Name: Anonymous : 2007-09-25 13:45 ID:OmB9CynN

not everyone wants to have a groundbreaking debate every time they have a conversation. sometimes they just want to talk about crap they saw on tv etc. you sound like you are trying way too hard to have an "interesting" conversation about topics that usually wouldnt be discussed outside of, for example, a classroom. a good conversation is one where you come away knowing something about the other persons opinion, even if that opinion is as simple as thinking the OC is better than dawsons creek, or as complex as discussing quantum mechanics. its better to start off at the simple end so people feel more comfortable talking to you so are more likely to then open up about big stuff.

7 Name: Anonymous : 2007-09-25 13:54 ID:ff59n3UO

I think we can all logically deduct that OP is a conversation killer.

8 Name: Anonymous : 2007-09-25 17:26 ID:Heaven

>>6 the problem is my taste is completely unlike theirs

i watch jdramas, asian film, listen to classical and 80s

also i never discuss quantum mechanics or anything related to physics/science in general. I'm actually very concious of "geeky" topics and absolutely avoid all references b/c of the social stigma.

9 Name: Anonymous : 2007-09-25 18:03 ID:RIDAmTsB

>>7 hence why i am in personal issues

10 Name: Anonymous : 2007-09-25 18:13 ID:SiiXYI1U

>>6 here

So would the topics you try to talk about be just those that interest you? You may want to try learning a bit about the more "pop culture" things that are fairly safe bets to talk about. I'm not saying change who you are or give up on your current tastes (It's important to be passionate about something even if it's not something the majority are passionate about) but sometimes you have to try and meet half-way.

Having said that, well done on realising that it's best to steer clear of the conventionally "geeky" topics - that shows you're aware of social interaction roles and what actions best suit encounters with people who would look down on those topics. So you're not actually a social retard ;)

11 Name: Anonymous : 2007-09-25 19:14 ID:RIDAmTsB

>>10 What sort of "pop culture" things? I've seen shows like the OC when it first premiered, watched a few episodes of it and lost interest. I've seen "friends" and lost interest fast. What sort of pop culture things are you suggesting like actually learning the celebrities lives or to follow the pop media?

I think the problem is I'm not passionate about anything that I can really discuss with others. I'm really critical of myself and elitistic. I really can't help it, it's my standards/personality and I do live up to the standards I expect of others. I'm not really skilled at much except fixing my flaws and making connections to useful people. The problem is that once people find out what I am good at they attempt to exploit the situation by using me which is blantly obvious and I won't stand for that.

12 Name: Anonymous : 2007-09-26 00:08 ID:OmB9CynN

>>10 (and therefore >>6) here

Well the problem is that you'll need to find out what the pop culture favourites are in your area. I can give you an example from my life:

This year Big Brother was on TV again and I'd always watched it in previous years (It was a dirty little secret, lets say) but this year I decided I didn't want to waste my time on it. I watched the first two weeks, and that meant I knew most of the peoples names and could guess their personalities through first impressions. After that I never watched it again but when my friends were talking about it i could still join in because i had a basic idea of who was who. This was then pretty circular because they would then fill me in on any new people in the show, any major events etc so then I could progress on to talking more about the show.

I don't know how useful that example is but I like to think that it shows the main thing is getting a basic knowledge and (maybe faking an) interest. You might have to talk about things that don't inspire you to get into further conversation. I don't talk about my passions (music, guitar playing) with my friends that much - we just talk about whats going on in our personal lives.

13 Name: Anonymous : 2007-09-26 04:38 ID:Heaven

>>12 How would I go about finding that out if I can't really hold a conversation long enough to figure that out? I can't be blunt like, "so what're the current pop culture favorites".

14 Name: Anonymous : 2007-09-26 16:44 ID:SiiXYI1U

Hmmm that is a tricky one :/ honestly, I'm afraid I don't think I can answer that. Hopefully somebody else can shed some light on an answer :)

15 Name: Anonymous : 2007-09-26 23:53 ID:os7/uB7B

Ask them questions about music you like eg. 'Have you got James Blunts new album?' Your guiding the convo towards your type of music, without being to specific and coming off like a know it all twat eg. >>1

16 Name: Anonymous : 2007-09-27 01:23 ID:Heaven

>>15 lolwut

>>13 and >>1 are the same person

music doesn't work because if you would have read. 80s and classical aren't the two most popular genres. I'm pretty hard pressed to find people that like them around my age.

17 Name: Anonymous : 2007-09-27 04:05 ID:FZXPGV7v

somehow it always seems to be easier to get answers out of someone if you've spoken about something they're very interested in beforehand. It's often difficult to know what people might be interested in, but generally ifyou find a topic they'd probably like, and ask a question about it, often they'll then joy telling you about it, and feel pretty comfortable to tell you more about other things afterwards.

People want to talk about things they like, which they know about and you don't. They enjoy it, and feel clever.

18 Name: Anonymous : 2007-09-27 16:26 ID:RIDAmTsB

>>17 how would I in the first place find out what they would probably like without making it seem like I was obviously trying to find something like that?

Are you saying that I should try to assume what their interests are based upon their fashion, behavior, and how they speak b/c that's more or less all I have to work with.

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