Lack of Communication (14)

1 Name: Anonymous : 2007-10-16 17:49 ID:Fa2K+P34

Sorry ahead of time for the long post.

I'll try to make this as brief as possible, but it's going to be difficult. My mother has Multiple Schlerosis. She can't walk very well, she can't drive, she can't leave the house. She basically just sits infront of the TV or the computer and yells at inanimate objects all day ("WHY DID YOU FALL ON THE FLOOR YOU BASTARD" etc etc). I grew up with this, and as my father often goes on business trips, my older sister of three years basically raised me. I never got close to my mother, and any time I tried to talk to her, I was shot down and called a liar or stupid. When I was 14, I just stopped trying, and stopped talking to her altogether. Now nearly 18, my elder sister has gone away to college, and my father is traveling more than ever, leaving me alone with my sick mother. I'm getting my diploma online, and I don't leave the house often, so it's just her and I.

The cyber-school I'm going through requires a guardian to supervise my work. This means checking to make sure I'm doing things, and relaying messages to me from the school. I guess they got fed up with me not receiving any of my messages, and they finally figured out that my mother and I don't speak.

Some sort of student counselor called me today, basically to tell me that I need to talk to my mother for the sake of my schoolwork. He sat there ranting about how I should be lucky that she hasn't thrown me out of the house, and how I should be taking care of my sick mother.

Is he right? Should I be taking care of a mother that I've basically never known? I certainly don't put any weight on her. The upstairs I live in, which she can't get to (Stairs v MS), is nearly entirely self-contained. The only thing I go downstairs for is doing laundry. I'm pretty much like a tenant. She has all of her food mailed to her (Some sort of diet program?), so I do all of my own grocery shopping and cooking.

I really have no desire to speak to the woman. Why should I get close to someone who is going to die in a few years? That would just make me depressed when she's gone. However, my schoolwork comes before my happiness. I really don't think that I could just talk to her about schoolwork. Either I block out everything she says or nothing, and I'm not sure it's worth it to listen to her screaming all day. What should I do?

2 Name: Anonymous : 2007-10-16 18:38 ID:TWSfDK46

You shouldn't feel guilty about any of this. its not your fault. your consular defiantly doesn't understand a thing.
If its anyone's responsibility, its your father's who runs away from the situation with business trips.
what you however did do wrong is getting a diploma online. get real education man.

3 Name: Anonymous : 2007-10-16 18:39 ID:NJlhtxbq

Any school that forces you to form superficial bonds with a mother that was never really a mother to you is quite silly. You should reason with the cyberschool more; show them that you are a responsible individual that can supervise your own work.

4 Name: Anonymous : 2007-10-16 20:59 ID:qR3vRboK

That counsiller sounds like a bit of a dick. But..

>Why should I get close to someone who is going to die in a few years? That would just make me depressed when she's gone

Wouldn't it be better to at least try? Because otherwise there's a good possibility that a few years after she's gone you regret not talking to her and there's nothing you can do in that situation.

5 Name: Anonymous : 2007-10-16 21:41 ID:m6NbdxsY


Why don't you speak about your school problem with your father? Maybe you can find together a suitable tutor?

6 Name: Anonymous : 2007-10-17 01:54 ID:zTVU+QpS

I think maybe you should inform your school that your mother couldn't supervise you if she was able to understand that she had that duty, and, given the circumstances, a little understanding would be nice.

7 Name: Anonymous : 2007-10-17 02:15 ID:MVQfuRo1

No, he's not right. He's a douchebag who doesn't know shit about you or your situation. People who haven't lived in your hosue as long as you have have no right to judge you. The woman's been nothing but cold and or crazy her entire life, and shows no signs of changing. About your schooling though, is there some way you can pretend to be your mother, have somebody else pretend to be, or something like that? Since it's an online course, I'm assuming these messages are sent online to somebody who's supposed to be your mother, which to me means it wouldn't be that hard to fake.

8 Name: Anonymous : 2007-10-17 03:08 ID:Fb9judyS

The guy defiantly shouldn't have told you that you had to talk to your mother, but if I would you, I would try maybe once a week or so. Be as nice as possible at least, she has a reason to be mad at anything after all.

9 Name: Anonymous : 2007-10-17 05:22 ID:Fa2K+P34

OP here. First of all, thank you all for your responses. It really helps to read these opinions.

To >>7 , although it is an online school, they call every Friday. My mother is... sort of the old-woman type, who if you call her on the phone, she won't stop talking. It would be hard to trick my supervisor at this point, as I'm sure she'll remember her voice.

10 Name: Anonymous : 2007-10-17 09:41 ID:i/txcof8

Father. Talk to him and explain that you need this solved for school. Hmmm... if you can get a hold on him? Then there's your sister, maybe she can help? Would your mother actually understand what it is you want to talk to her about?

11 Name: Anonymous : 2007-10-17 10:08 ID:Fa2K+P34

>>10 My father is away on a business trip until mid November, and is unreachable. As for my sister, she is... not a very reliable person. She only come into town when she needs to hit my mother up for drug money. I'm not even sure how my mother would respond to my trying to talk to her, as I haven't had any communication with her in nearly four years. I'll be graduating in the Spring, so I'm considering just avoiding the problem until then.

12 Name: Anonymous : 2007-10-17 19:39 ID:LWW3g9PX

>>11 :O_o"" Now that's a situation... I'm sorry, out of ideas other than tough it up and talk to mother.

13 Name: Anonymous : 2007-10-17 22:23 ID:TWSfDK46

The school should understand your situation. If all fails talk to the the school's authorities. Don't tell them your life story, but state the fact: My father is out of reach, mother is unable to do what she is supposed to do and suffers from this and that.
Be factual and strong, don't talk about your feelings.

14 Name: Anonymous : 2007-10-18 05:43 ID:Yk0vSYtI

OP here. I think I'll take >>13's advice. That's probably the best way to go.

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