So, some of you might recognize the tripcode from /love/. I'm the paranoid, overthinking, unexperienced dude. This is not about my situation with the fairer sex; I have another problem. I seem to have developed a very strong sense of paranoia, which in turn causes me to overthink and not do anything about other serious things (like studying Japanese and working harder). I know that this is reversible, and I have taken some action for this. I recently started losing weight, and it is awesome. I still am obese, but my weight loss is going great, and I expect to be fit in about a half-year or so. This might someday reduce my self-esteem issues, however, it can't be the only way.

tl;dr: Paranoid dude needs to calm the fuck down.

Any advice? Yes, everyone says relax and be confident, but do not define such actions.

Try to calm down and think about things critically, Honestly I my self thinking pessimistically alot when things don't go my way or what not. I find the key is to discover something that you enjoy enough to loose your self into, and that can help you relax and lesses the strain of your problem. For me its music, when I get some nice Ambient Techno going I can relax and start thinking clearly about some of the more complex issues in my life.

One, First I like to congratulate you on your weightloss. I've been exercising in the gym for weeks and only today started dieting. A long road lies ahead - to get it off and keep it off.
Congratulations.

Now this may come as a shock but no weightloss in the world will raise your self esteem.

Your self esteem is something that's entirely an internal matter: it's a function of the mind.

You can lose a couple buckets of lard (if you're huge like me) and you can earn a million in gold, but it won't help your self esteem.

You can have the love of your life constantly re-affirming what a wonderful person you are, but that will only have a temporary effect, over and over, until your love gets sick of saying it over and over.

Self esteem, like Happiness, is something YOU do INTERNALLY. Do not look in the outside world for validation that can only really be found within yourself.

Go lie in your bed, nice and warm, and close your eyes. Listen to your thoughts. Undisturbed by the outside world, explore your mind like that. Get to know yourself better by observing your thoughts passively. Do this preferably several times a week for 20 minutes to one hour or so.

In doing this, strive to make peace with yourself on all levels. There are now things you did or didn't do that you may regret, but you will discover that there are deeper things underlying that.

As you there in darkness find peace with yourself, and get to know yourself better, you will come to love and respect yourself more. And loving and respecting yourself will raise your self esteem, not to the extreme of becoming an ego maniac but within proportion, because it has come from greater peace and understanding.

Know thyself, One.

>>2
Thanks for the music tip... I listen to bebop jazz on low volume by myself. Preferably a clean room so I can feel a little more peaceful.

>>3
Fact: Weight loss is 90% diet, so kudos for starting it!
What kind of exercises do you do at the gym?

Thank you for your post... it really is one of the better things I have read here. I think what you suggested might be the ticket. I need to improve myself very much before I keep at life. I also need to teach myself some self-respect, and respect for other as well. Do you know what gains are there when you improve self-esteem, other than peace with yourself?

At the gym I do ground exercises, weights training and cardiovascular exercise, emphasis on strength, agility and endurance.

>>Do you know what gains are there when you improve self-esteem, other than peace with yourself?

Heightened confidence, and as a result more success in business, love and your social life. If you value yourself more, people will value you more also. Life will run smoother if you enjoy it more.

>>5
Nice. I do hope it's free weights you are doing, best ones for fat loss and muscle development.

Also, I've noticed that I am starting to catch myself getting frustrated and mad and then I tell myself to calm down by thinking about something else, is this an improvement?

Congrats on your weight loss. I agree with >>3 to an extent. It is important to firstly be emotionally stable and develop a sense of self worth without basing it on the recognition of others. This is what I like to term "inner beauty". However, I think it is a great understatement when >>3 says;

>Now this may come as a shock but no weightloss in the world will raise your self esteem.

It will open more doors than you would think. A vital part of self-esteem is being happy with the way you look ("outer beauty"). This might sound shallow, but having people reaffirm your outer beauty does in fact give you a great boost of morale. The point that >>3 raises about this being a temporary boost is perhaps because more often than not, we dismiss compliments from our partner/mum/close friends as simple flattery. When you hear it from others (who wouldn't have a reason to lie to you), you feel more inclined to believe them.

I was in your situation not long ago. I wasn't overweight, but I was very insecure about my appearance. I had great self worth, but I was always paranoid about what other people thought of me. I was one of those people who were shy around strangers, but boisterous around my close friends. I had an image makeover one day, and that triggered off a chain of events that eventually has lead to the confident, sociable person I am now. I had inner beauty, but for some reason or another, I believed I had zero outer beauty. I needed someone to tell me otherwise. It was more of a wake up call. I don't have the need of someone constantly reaffirming it, but it was rather a realisation, like someone turned on the lights.

It is important however, to keep a sense of modesty. Although receiving supportive comments like these are always good, you should not depend on them entirely.

>>6
It is a great improvement in maturity.

Try to understand other people and stop thinking so much about yourself.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not implying that you're selfish or uncaring. What I'm saying is this: there are no inherently, completely evil people in the world. There are people that do evil things, and selfish, conceited, or simply malevolent in their actions. But at their root, people want the same things.

Try to observe people, not as "them," but as "us." This is a difficult perception to make, but it's important to do. "Them" is a word used to talk about the enemy; the bad guy; the person that is wrong because he's not like you. It's a word you use to separate a group or a person because they're different from you.

Well, everyone's at least a little different from you, and no one will agree with you on absolutely EVERYTHING. If this is a problem, then you might as well quit right now.

But honestly, if someone shoves past you in a hallway or cuts you off on a street while you're driving, it's easy to simply write them off and say "Well, that guy's just a jerk." It's a lot harder to try to picture a guy that has just done something you didn't like having a valid reason for doing such things. Maybe he just heard that his wife's going into labor, or maybe he's just late for work. Maybe he IS simply picking on you, but then you need to reexamine your views and try to decide why they're doing that.

The point is that a lot of the time when someone becomes paranoid, it's because they're dehumanizing everyone else. The exceptions would probably be as a result of guilt ("They know what I did, they're just not telling me,") or low self-esteem ("I'm just not good enough, and everyone knows it and wants to prove it,"). But seeing as I don't really believe that this is the case, then I would imagine that you would concede that you don't deserve to be harmed by anyone; in which case, there is no sound reason to believe that you would be.

If the evidence changes and the situation calls for a reevaluation of your perspective, so be it. But there's no reason you should simply assume everyone is going to try to do you harm. For one thing, it's actually someone conceited, if you think about it. It's rather self-serving to think that someone would go out of their way just to harm you. Remember that although you're the main character in your own "story," you're just a supporting role in theirs. Maybe you're a cameo. Maybe you're a co-star. But it's always going to be THEIR story. They have lives of their own, and I seriously doubt that they're going to drop whatever they're doing just to throw you off the top of a building.

So, the next time that you feel like someone's out to get you, ask yourself if you would bother being out to get them, if the roles were reversed. In short, I don't think you have too much to worry about as long as you try to understand and care about other people.

good for you on the weight loss. keep goin'!

as for your paranoid problems, sounds like obsessive compulsive disorder or generalized anxiety disorder to me. both very treatable. :)