I'm not as isolated as I used to be. Still...
I know I have a very stand-out personality. I've got a green mohawk, wear strange clothing... I've always been like this. It used to be that I would dress like this and be really, really shy and socially isolated, but now the loneliness is too much, and I'm trying to get out of my shell. The problem is...
I'm a charming, funny, creative, goofy person. I can't help using my charm to go over the top and entertain people - everyone knows someone like me, right? The class comedian. But in reality, I'm using it to keep people at a safe distance. Only a few people know what I'm really like, without all the goofy behavior. Every time I get socially nervous - and that's in most social situations - I revert to this over-the-top behavior. It dominates conversations, and while it entertains people, it also pushes them away. I'm totally sick of this. What do I do?
My advice is pretty bad, but it's an idea. Take it with grain of salt.
Anyway, I'd suggest finding somebody who seems trustworthy and likes you. Do you notice them gabbing on about other people behind their backs? Do they act respectful of others' emotions, etc.
Then try and spend individual time with them. Eventually, your true self might show.
>>2
Yeah, I guess that sounds like the only reasonable way to go about it. Thank you for your advice. Maybe I can even feel comfortable being girlier, and less butch... I'm much more of a butch girl in public, which I think is a defense as well... :(
I used to be exactly like this in high school. Whenever there was a situation that was with friends of friends who I didn't know me and one of my friends (Who I know feels the same way) would act out and joke around, get naked or do stupid stuff just to show we weren't nervous. I've gotten over it now that I've matured. Now I would say I'm more on the shy side but I can contribute to nervous situations in a constructive way without showing my embarassment. So I would say it may just be something you need a few more years and a bit more life experience to grow out of. Just be careful not to start using drink and drugs to cover your nervousness. I used to drink to settle my nerves in social situations, and it worked, but then you become reliant on it to be social. You need to learn how to be relaxed by yourself in your head, rather than looking for outside help. Good luck, and remember there's nothing wrong with being outspoken if that is who you find yourself to be
Thank you. Yeah, I've seen my friends go over the edge with their substances, and it's not good. I don't drink or do drugs for this reason, though I toke on a joint every month or so. I know there's nothing wrong with being outspoken, I just... I need to learn to calm down, stop making things into a show, and settle down and share the conversation with others.