Problem with approaching women (3)

1 Name: Anonymous : 2007-11-14 19:52 ID:q9ji7oW6

Okay, so that's how it goes: I'm confident, good-looking, and generally the kind of guy that could say anything to anyone. BUT! There's one problem. I can't get intimate with women. My girlfriend had to literally drag me into the bed to fuck me, and even then I chickened out and "jokingly" dropped her on the floor aikido-style. I did gave up in the end, though, and the sex part was fine. But the part before that - well, I always fuck it up. And since I left her about a year ago, it got even worse. There's that girl that obviously likes me, I like her, blah-blah-blah, but now I'm anxious even to kiss her. Or get kissed. I always respond violently. Is my head full of shit? If so, how do I shovel it out? Please respond, didn't have sex for a long time already.

2 Name: Anonymous : 2007-11-14 20:08 ID:i8Y0g9WF

Your head is full of shit.

Feeling better?... Now the shit in your head is called fear,... fear of jugement of others, fear of rejection, fear of being vulnerable.

You don't like women to approach you, beacause you feel vulnerable, and you react violently, because you don't want to get hurt.

This is like any phobia, an disproportionate fear of something, and is treated the same way: by gradual exposure to the phobic agent, to decrease the aversive response.

So invite her to a walk in the park, or a drink in a bar. Something that allows you to spend good time with her, without fear of things getting out of control. Gradually you will get used to her, and wil be able to spend time with her in a more intimate context.

Take it easy, by doing things little by little. But in any case, you will have to be brave at some point, and jump over the gap.

3 Name: Anonymous : 2007-11-14 20:12 ID:q9ji7oW6

Kay, thanks.

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