Please judge me.
I started to deviate from the path of normal life sometime during second or third grade. I began to embrace video gaming, computers, and most other aspects of the digital lifestyle much more then the other children. I started to get terrible grades and so all the adults in my life (except my mother) just assumed I was a moron. The teachers thought that I should no longer go to their school anymore because I was not under their definition of intelligent (I went to a G.A.T.E. school at the time). They gave me a test to see where I stood on the “Smart Scale”, as it turned out I ended up having the same overall brainpower as the average middle school student, and the reading comprehension of a sophomore. From that point on I was watched closely all throughout my life during elementary school and got different treatment then the rest of my peers. I was allowed (encouraged actually) to interact with the other students during lunch and recess without the staff hovering over me, although even then I would be monitored from afar. Other children often rejected me because I didn’t like to participate in physical activities and also because I enjoyed having conversations about things they didn’t (and shouldn’t) grasp like politics. I was very socially blunt and would inform someone of something without easing into it, for example, if I felt attracted to a girl I would simply tell her as opposed to trying to construct a relationship with her first, which is why I was never able to build a healthy relationship with any girls at that time. I kept spiraling downward emotionally because I was constantly rejected; the pain eventually began to smother me. I completely isolated myself from outside life and dwelled on all the negativity flowing in my mind. I was depressed, and cried myself to sleep night after night, after a while my sadness turned into anger, then hate started to accompany my anger. Compassion was switched with fear in the hearts of those who tried to support me. By middle school I was completely devoured by hatred. I loathed the kids around me; I wanted them to murder them all. Teachers at my charter middle school started to get concerned because I was so anti-social and because they would occasionally find my grotesquely violent drawings and overwhelmingly disturbing writings depicting the killing of others with a variety of firearms. I did not associate the drawings and stories with one or two students, because they weren’t the only ones I wished were dead. I wanted a mass slaughter, the death of all mankind. I wanted my revenge distributed unto all people because it was humans who filled me with suffering. I would take my anger out upon the only person who loved me to no end, my mother. I would shout at her, tell her I hated her, make her weep, and felt no guilt for doing so. Guilt was not something I felt, because I believed that all the pain I delivered to others was completely justified. My history teacher would ask me “What do you think would help solve some of the problems across the globe?” every day after school even though I never gave a response. After about a month of him doing this I decided to answer him, I walked towards the exit, stopped right in front if the door, let out a sigh as I looked down at my feet, I rested my hand on the doorknob, turned and stared my teacher straight in the eyes. He again asked me “What do you think would help solve some of the problems across the globe?” and then met his eyes with mine, I thought for a second and then replied “violence solves all problems; no people, no problem” (I later learned that I had actually quoted Stalin).
OP, I am sorry.
My sympathies go out to you.
I can't imagine how life is like for you.
Let it all out here.
You reminded me of me back in HS, but I had to eventually dumb myself down to associate with the students, and failed miserable. Don't worry about this too much. Tomorrow is a new day. YOU CAN NEVER, EVER PREDICT THE FUTURE. I tried to, and was greeted with quite a happy future (now the present).
Whatever you do, don't EVER resort to violence. You never need to resort to murder or violence. You have 4ch to talk to.
You are too egotistical. There are other things in life than love/hatred of yourself.
If you don't like humanity because you think people don't love you as much as they ought to, then don't pay attention to humanity, and concentrate on other things,...
Hate of humanity is just a proxy of self-hate. So instead of complaining about yourself, find something you find really interesting to do, and get good at doing it.
In a couple of years you will realize that the world does not revolve around you, and that this is a GOOD THING, it means you have freedom to do what you want. Just don't blame others for your own failures.
Jesus christ, you sound like a total faggot. I grew up on video games and computers too and I turned out just fine. Have fun living a boring life and dying a virgin you piece of shit.
I'm not sure why you even posted this here. You're simply egotistical and self-centered, not unique or intriguing; learn to be humble. Without your psychosis you'd be as average as the rest of us.
Go kill some people or quit bitching.
You are right, mankind deserves to die = no life=no pain..but it has to be without any suffering, one blow and all is gone. B
The other posters here are Community sheep..they grow up how nature wants them to, girlfriend, friends, hell they feel good even if shit happens to them. But there are people on this world who never had any luck, or find happiness. Yes life is not fair, SO WE SHOULD MAKE IT FAIR and Blow everything into oblivion. No life, no problems..indeed
WALL O' TEXT
Yeah Mr.Smarty pants cant even develop paragraphs. Nice try faggot.
>>1
I like this. Sounds very much like me. I would like to read more about you. You are interesting.
the temptation to bel air this is almost unbeareable.
I thought it was totally in the cards when I read the beginning and totally stopped reading because I didn't give a shit.
OP, suck it up. Life is hard.
and thats just HALF of his story.
/r/ that second half of his life be broken down into paragraphs.
Some of you find interest in my life?
I thank everyone for the constructive criticism...
I will post the rest soon (with paragraphs).
Wow, it sounds like you're just a pussy faggot. Then again, I was a pussy faggot like that in elementary/middle school, but not in a totally misanthropic way.
Well, this half of your story is pretty identical to that of many other people, so at least you're not alone.
My own story has some similarities too. In these situations, where a person is being rejected due to differences, understands that, and doesn't like it, I wonder, why didn't they just put on a facade to some extent in order to gain some level of acceptance, if they wanted it? Wouldn't that have helped? sure i's shit to pretend and all, but if it was such a nuiasance being rejected, it would have been better right?
> why didn't they just put on a facade to some extent in order to gain some level of acceptance, if they wanted it?
Some might feel that if people only like you for who you aren't, then there's not point in trying.
Pretending to be someone else never works, you have to actually become someone else.
Unfortunately, when people do change, it's not always for the better.
>>19
I'm interested in hearing more about you. Unlike nearly everyone else, I am not into the popular ideal of a person. I like it when people are not thinking about killing themselves, but about killing others instead. It shows a deep character and undying self-respect no matter what.
Nice writing, at first I thought it might be copypasta, no offense, but I googled it and quickly found I was mistaken.
Do you still agree with your world view?
I'm pretty agnostic about such questions. As for me, when I was a kid, even though I was a loner myself, I remember victimizing a few kids that might be like you, in capable of fitting in or who were socially repulsive in some way. I was a normal kid who could probably have been plenty popular had I wished it, but I was far to introverted and found people tiresome. All the same, I didn't hesitate much to prey on those more pathetic than myself when they manifested their profuse faggotry in ways that made it irresistible.
I'm happy that I can count those unique occasions on only one hand, but they were there and I was an entirely guilty bully.
That's how kids are.
As for me, I've felt a kind of numbness to the rest of society, but never any real profuse hatred, at least none that lasted for some length of time. I think I might have been more nihilistic as a kid than I am now. You grow out of it, at least some people do, when you find things that interest you and the children's society quickly becomes irrelevant.
You say your teachers thought you were a moron, but you also suggest you were brighter and more interesting than the other students, talking about politics and such.
There were no people who shared your interests, often bright kids find others like them and form small groups of friends. At least if you're willing to talk to them you can. I was a loner who never spend much time with others, still am, but I did have some people who I was friendly with, even friends with at school.
Then again, I remember some of the jerks I would pick on at school, and I realize that some people are just fundamentally incapable of co-habiting with. They stay quiet, appear profoundly disagreeable from the start, sulk, and stay that way.
If you were being a jerk to them it's kind of obvious that they'd be a jerk to you. Also, your definition of "jerk" is way too sensitive. They weren't starting shit with you, were they? They probably had their own problems to deal with (because that's how kids are), don't take everything so fucking personally. I knew people like you in school, massively misaligned sense of self-entitlement, think people "lower" than you should either worship, cower or submit at some level to your self-absorbed bollocks. Fuck off.
Not that your problems are insignificant, in fact you should've probably seen those people you picked on as kindred spirits, or heard them out. Or at the very least fucking left them alone.
Who cares if this thread is 7 months old?
>26 "I'm a self-righteous hypocrite who thinks that everyone should conform to thinking the way I do, without me ever considering theri worldview. I'm also fat and have aids. BAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW."
Bullshite.
>>"I'm a self-righteous hypocrite who thinks that everyone should conform to thinking the way I do, without me ever considering theri worldview"
Oh, as opposed to what this bloke does? Give others grief because of his own problems? You sanctimonious fucking prat, put your glasses on.
>>29
No, not as opposed. You're in the same boat. But not on the same board. Does that make you feel better?
OP...I just posted a same piece on "I hate real life". Being an adult is way worse than being the outsider at school.
For some reason I can't seem to believe you. This looks more like boasting for attention than an actual accurate account of your life. If everything you said was true, I don't see why someone with your personality would bother posting this online and asking for judgment.
too bad, i would have liked to hear the second part of it
You sound like me, OP. Wait, are you me? D:!
A reply in kind.
I grew up to a single paranoid schizophrenic mother. I would have been taken out of her care very soon after birth except that my grandmother agreed to help look after me, which she did quite effectively until at around one year old my mother shut her out as much as possible. Growing up, I thought her faggotry was normal, and grew up quite (Fundamentalist) Christian (until I was nearly seven). I bounced in and out of my mother's, and short term foster homes for the first fourteen years of my life when I ran away from home. By about 5, I knew there was something wrong with my mother (she claimed it was as a result of treatments that my grandmother had forced her into out of spite, and I believed her as it fit everything I'd been raised to believe - a lot of conspiracies and so on). By 8 or 9 I'd worked out my mother was basically insane.
In the strictest sense, I'm probably a genius, but all the framework for social interaction that should have been built in conversation play was instead established by interactions with a violently delusional, paranoid and unstable schizophreniac, and her abusive drug addict boyfriends. From a fairly young age onwards I retreated from social interaction as much as possible into video games (video games have been shown to stimulate both aggression and introversion in the short term for adults, as well as in the long term for children). My retreat into video games further enhanced my social problems to the point where my few friends could all probably be described as desperate losers or outcasts who had no other friends themselves. As a twelve and young thirteen year old, I wasn't very big for my size and got bullied (never physically) by nearly everyone in my class, including the teacher. I had no one but myself to blame - while I lacked any social intelligence, I was still outspoken and self assured, more than willing to tell everyone how stupid they were. The bullying only ever made me angrier. At this point, I was probably not dissimilar to you, however where you lacked the willpower to move on any of your convictions, the only reason there wasn't a school massacre that ended in an hero was because I didn't have access to a gun, and didn't fancy my chances otherwise.
By the time I left my mother at 14, I had two convictions for breaking and entering and aggrevated assault, was a consumate liar (of sorts - to make it fair I never actually lied, but was never found out), and was failing at the private school I'd been granted a scholarship to many years ago. At said school I held a record for detentions (enough hours of them to take me through to a hypothetical year 14 doing two one hour detentions on weekday afternoons and a two hour saturday detention every weekend). I did all of this because I had come to realise that nothing that ever happened could ever affect me beyond what I let it, and I let things affect me very little.
Physically I was also very mature for my age, weighing 85kg and standing 5'8" with very little body fat. In year eight, I beat a year twelve up over a donut (he started it). Between thirteen and a half and fourteen I basically completely changed myself as a person, taught myself how to read people and manipulate them flawlessly, grown bigger than my former tormentors and completely reversed the situation on those who I most despised. Everyone who I wanted to liked me, and everyone who I didn't like was disliked by everyone accordingly. I had my very young sister taken from my mother's care not because she was at any terrible risk, but because I hated my mother. I was very successful with girls, to the point where some of those who I manipulated into falling for me are still utterly infatuated with me even now. Effectively, many of the same schizophrenic traits that, coupled with laziness, made my mother a totally worthless pariah, made me a perfect sociopath with only the inclusion of greater intelligence and substantial willpower.
Conclusion follows.
OP, you are not nearly as intelligent as you have been led to believe, and would like to believe. Your intelligence is both narrow and flawed. While your wit might be razor sharp, it is brittle and you lack the swordsmanship to use it for any worthwhile purpose. Not only are you likely still unhappy, but in your unhappiness you have failed to achieve anything worth mention. For all your clearly narcissistic degradation of humanity, you are no better than an animal yourself as you lack the ability to adapt your own nature in any way.
You are pathetic.
Harsh, but true. It's the anti-social narcissistic people that are the most useless. And I say this as a anti-social narcissistic tosser myself.
Pro-tip: Real geniuses don't get bullied. The really smart kids are the ones coming up with horrible things for the big kids to do to the anti-social ones like OP.