Aversion to touch (24)

1 Name: Anonymous : 2007-11-24 13:26 ID:BCqP5pqO

Physical touch has caused, and continues to cause, problems for me. What's interesting to me right now is observing the problems individually. It sort of comes in three types, and the degree of issues caused varies.

First, contact with strangers makes me really uneasy. For instance, when public transport gets cramped I start feeling really uncomfortable, and have often opted out of a bus ride if it looked like it would be cramped or get cramped later. When I have a seat next to someone I will either cramp myself towards the window or hang slightly into the aisle, in order to avoid contact with the person next to me. I don't understand how anyone could like this, so I started out by assuming it wasn't just me. But when I look around, some people are okay with it where I'm not so I've started to wonder.

Second, contact with friends. Occasionally a friend will attempt to hug me and I'll avoid it like one might avoid a plagued rat. Any of them touch me on the shoulder or back, and I'll temporarily go into panic or paranoia. I should trust these people, but obviously my body doesn't think so.

Finally and most annoyingly, I find it hard to initiate physical contact with women in general. This is particularly difficult when it's one I'm interested in because manuals say a certain amount of touching communicates interest, yet I feel uneasy actually doing it. As a result, the girl probably feels that I'm not interested and I end up seeming weird or something. If the girl takes the initiative then I can bear it but touch is such an immensely private thing for me so it's uncomfortable until much later on when I fully trust her.

I'm sure there must be others out there with the same problem. I'd love to know what the cause was, how I got into this state... but I suspect only a shrink could answer that.

2 Name: Anonymous : 2007-11-24 22:43 ID:IBoyx49s

I used to be like that for some time, maybe not as bad as your case but I'd certainly feel awkward when people touched me.

It was somehow better when I had time to prepare my self for contact, for instance in new years eve I knew I'd have to hug people so by hug time I was somehow ok with it.

Making friends has helped, the more you're exposed to it the better. Eventually you get used to it.

Also, I don't recall any bad event in my life that would make me that way but as far as i remember i always used to avoid touching.

3 Name: Anonymous : 2007-11-25 02:38 ID:+OT12LFg

I'm sort of in the same situation as you, except that I'm a girl.
I really don't like people coming up to me and invading my personal space. That is, if they sit unnecessarily close, attempt to hug me, or just hover around within say 30 cm. I always knew this was a self-confidence issue, and now I'm gradually becoming more open, and consequently more comfortable with physical contact.

4 Name: Anonymous : 2007-11-27 18:14 ID:uN8sJ//c

You sound like an aspie. Get it some therapy, and you'll be sweet.

5 Name: Anonymous : 2007-11-28 07:29 ID:Heaven


yes, all people with social problems have aspergers. circlejerking your way out of problems to blame them on some medical causes doesn't work in the real world.

6 Name: Anonymous : 2007-11-28 13:46 ID:BCqP5pqO

Honestly when I first read about aspergers I thought I had it.

Then I realised it was just a synonym for being a geek. They didn't solve anything, they just tacked a new name on something we already had terms for.

7 Name: Anonymous : 2007-11-28 16:44 ID:Heaven


no it isn't, read the DSM IV

your social inabilities have more to do with you not wanting to improve them/go outside than some medical condition which some people LEGITIMATELY HAVE

self-diagnosed aspergers idiots are just as bad as the fat people that blame their obesity on their metabolism and eat seven hamburgers, belittling the people that actually have a broken metabolism

8 Name: Anonymous : 2007-11-28 22:20 ID:f58YZFMv

Hypersensitivity to stimuli is often associated with giftedness and being highly intellectual. You're a genius!

No, I'm kidding, you're probably just have assburger's.

9 Name: Anonymous : 2007-11-28 22:44 ID:ND6ExhLH

Whats the difference between an assburger and someone whos just socially inept?

10 Name: Anonymous : 2007-11-29 00:40 ID:Heaven

People with Aspergers do commonly approach people socially - they tend, though, to be typically ignorant of the fact that the other people really don't care what they're talking about. They simply can't pick up on social cues.

They also often present with autistic quirks such as difficulties understanding language or speaking normally, tics, OCD-like behavior, and specific interest in a certain topic (though this tends to happen to a lot of kids).

High-functioning autism is still autism.

11 Name: Anonymous : 2007-12-03 12:20 ID:XoidMs9a

Can we drop the wikipedia assbergers and come up with some solutions that are useful for this guy?

I can't relate fully to your problem, but I do get kinda nervous if someone sat besides me in a subway and I wont be able to think about anything else that "ZOMG someone's moving besides me". same thing if a family member wants to give me a back rub, I instinctively jump up and avoid it.

By any chance... are you ALWAYS in clothes? Like do you sleep fully clothed? If so try hanging around alone with no clothing. just to see how you feel, or sleep with no shirts on.

12 Name: Anonymous : 2007-12-04 12:53 ID:BCqP5pqO

I sleep naked actually. As far as being comfortable with my own body, I don't think I have no many issues with it directly. I would hang around the house in boxers if only I didn't have housemates.

13 Name: Anonymous : 2007-12-04 15:27 ID:XoidMs9a

OK, then I don't know, In case some one has the same problem as mine: I figured that since my birth I have almost never been out of my clothing! And that was the cause of my sever discomfort with physical contact. I just tried sleeping without a shit on for some time, and it funny because it was very awkward at first, after some time loosened up a lot

14 Name: Anonymous : 2007-12-04 17:13 ID:FCr8ai9p


>>I just tried sleeping without a shit

I'm sorry, but I lol'd. I look like an idiot in my computer class now.

As far as the problem goes, I'm the same way when it comes to people I don't know. I can't even sit too close to them without being uncomfortable. I stutter, and get really nervous.

However, I don't think mine is as severe as yours. With people I know, I'm very comfortable. I'm more than willing to make contact with them.

15 Name: Anonymous : 2007-12-04 22:12 ID:h0qiEvCQ


"self-diagnosed aspergers idiots are just as bad as the fat people that blame their obesity on their metabolism and eat seven hamburgers, belittling the people that actually have a broken metabolism"

Exactly. People don't diagnose themselves with cancer, they shouldn't diagnose themselves with mental disorders.

16 Name: Anonymous : 2007-12-04 22:42 ID:0RirI5e3

sounds like OP might be just socially inept caused by extreme shyness.
i've had similar problems during my youth.

do you play any sports at all, OP? if not, i highly recommend doing so with someone you're comfortable with. just keep practicing physical touch sensors. practice shaking hands with people you meet. dont worry too much about what others think about you.
it'll be difficult journey, but in the long run, i think you'll grow out of it fine.

17 Name: Anonymous : 2007-12-05 00:19 ID:14ZSmsY8

I have a close friend who is actually diagnosed Aspergers, and while he can tend to rant about stuff, otherwise he is one of the most dynamic, fun, and amazing people I know. He is far cooler, funnier, and chiller than all the pseudo-hikkikomoris out there that self-diagnose themselves via Wikipedia.

18 Name: Anonymous : 2007-12-06 13:31 ID:BCqP5pqO

Yeah if it's people I know, I'm still uncomfortable unless I really trust them a lot. This rules out pretty much every male friend. A few female "friends" appear to not cause problems, but I've attributed this to me deep down wanting to screw them and I probably wouldn't deny it if it were so accused. Likewise when I had a partner I had no issues at all with her, not even in the beginning which is a bit odd.

Sadly I'm nearly 30 already so I don't really know about growing out of it... it feels like a problem I'll be stuck with for life.

I might see a psych though, just to get things off my chest somewhere other than in a textual medium...

19 Name: Anonymous : 2007-12-07 12:00 ID:0a0f/3FE

I don't know, I think I'd self-diagnose cancer by the time I found a large tumor aomewhere on my body.

20 Name: Anonymous : 2007-12-07 20:58 ID:/vDnFg9I


So you can tell if you have a tumour hidden away in your abdomen? Also, you may think a growth is cancer, but its up to the doctors to find out for sure its cancer. You can't just book yourself into surgey because you think you have cancer, it's doctors that actually diagnose it.

21 Name: ian : 2010-09-26 02:13 ID:AFciYmEn

im the same, i so hate people touching me, adults who touch me even to shake hands gives me the "walked over the grave" shivers and goosebumps, mind you children are naturally touchers and i dont find it so bad but after a few hours of play i need to find my own space and recover mentally whats happened...
i have also been known to loose sleep when friends "suggest" (dont actually do anything) but its not good, im 28 and if anything i feel its getting worse...
i am way hypersencertive on my back, not even i can touch it without prepairing myself mentally, even my cat has learned to only walk/sleep on my legs as he/i go flying when he does walk on my back when im asleep, i do tend to sleep on my sides or belly, cant on my back. waking up from surgery on my back the nurses found me to be striking out and shifting just before i come concious.
hows that for my messed up hypersencertive nervious system hahaaha.

22 Name: Anonymous : 2010-09-27 23:37 ID:uiITl2A3

Actually, it does work in the real world. They even give me pot for it!

23 Name: Anonymous : 2010-09-30 13:48 ID:zwOgwa6X

I was in the same boat as >>3. I'm a girl, and extremely dislike people invading my personal space. A large part of that is because of my lack of self confidence.

24 Name: Anonie : 2011-02-04 00:30 ID:mUtgJOkr

I have an older half-brother who is severly autistic, 6' 4" and extremely strong. He has the mental capacity of a 3 year old and the strength of a body builder. He's a lot older than me but still lives at home. All of my life he hurts me practically every time he touches me, especially hugs. I don't let him touch me now but I still get bruises and marks, so does my Mum.
I'm not socially inept, I have a lot of friends, I try to be a very open minded, fun and kind person. Seeing someone smile really makes my day and I'm a huggy person - or not. I do enjoy hugging people as it makes me feel appreciated and cared for, which is why it hurts when people reject my hugs, however I have this peculiar problem. I can't hugs boys. I can't touch them if they're taller than 5' 7", no matter close to them I am. If anyone comes up behind me I either elbow them in the stomach or punch them in the nuts. I am trying to recover from this, as I believe it is caused by my brother's treatment of me when I was younger. I can sort of relate.
Best of luck xxx

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