Trouble With Social Situations (15)

1 Name: Anonymous : 2007-12-27 23:08 ID:6+MGb5No

Well, I have a lot of friends who are into the whole party/club thing and whenever one of them takes me a long with them I find myself not having fun because I don't talk to anybody. I usually just stand by my friend the whole night while they talk to people or something. Even if I get introduced to people I still feel like I don't have anything to say to them and keep quiet the whole night. It's gotten to the point where I hate going to these events because I feel totally out of place.

I've discussed this problem with my friends and they all just tell me to act like myself or something like that. I've been told by my friends that I'm a pretty funny/whitty guy and that's why they take me with them, however around new people I'm just so shy. I really don't know how to work out this problem so I'm interested in some guidance or something.

2 Name: Anonymous : 2007-12-28 00:24 ID:akawfNDE

I know where you're coming from, and wish I could help but I too am very cautious around new people and it takes me far too long to warm up.
It's something I have to work on as well.
It might get easier for you the more you put yourself in these situations.

3 Name: Anonymous : 2007-12-28 04:59 ID:ZkIIodpc

I find some nights I tend to be very quiet, other nights I am completely open and the centre of the party.
Looking at it now, most of the times I'm really sociable and having a great time, I have been completely drunk?
Maybe you should do more social drinking? It is a social 'lubricant'

4 Name: Anonymous : 2007-12-28 13:10 ID:Z/7Ewp2S

>Maybe you should do more social drinking? It is a social 'lubricant'

It may work for some, it really depends on the reason you're "shy". If it's just normal shyness, then yes, it may work. If the shy behaviour is due to social inexperience, then don't drink too much, you'll only end up making a fool out of yourself. Just put yourself in those situations more often.

5 Name: Anonymous : 2007-12-28 14:37 ID:spB5T79u

Yeah alcohol is good and all, but it's easy to have too much if you aren't an experienced drinker/can't stop drinking even when you've had enough. I'd say have a drink or two, nothing major, and just try to force yourself to go out on a limb a bit. Being around drunk people can be good because they will be more open, but you also don't want to be meeting people who are completely out of it because they won't be the best conversationalist.

6 Name: Anonymous : 2007-12-29 12:20 ID:gA4++yev

>>3 yep. alcohol and marihuana make shy people socialize since the dawn of man.


>If the shy behaviour is due to social inexperience, then don't drink too much, you'll only end up making a fool out of yourself.

Well, a neat thing about embarrassing alcohol induced situations, is that you can blaim anything on the alcohol! this depends on the group you're socializing with, though. some groups assume a personal responsability regardless of intoxications. other groups hold the value that alcohol excuses most stupid behavior. you can figure this out by observation.

if you're really sick of being shy, social skill training is a pretty good form of psychological therapy with high effectiveness. ask your doctor if you're interested.

if you're not that desperate, i'd advise a combination of continued exposure to these social situations plus working out. having your daily dosis endorphins diminishes anxiety and shyness, and of course it has other advantages as well.

7 Name: Anonymous : 2007-12-29 13:52 ID:spB5T79u

>>5 here

I'd say that marijuana is not good for shy people to use to socialise. When I smoke nowadays it just makes me so paranoid that I don't want to say anything, and I worry that everything other people say is some kind of secret dig at me. This was after I'd smoked everyday for just under a year. It's still there when I smoke, even if its with my friends, after 3 years of not smoking. That's just my experience though.

8 Name: Anonymous : 2007-12-30 18:51 ID:Heaven

> you can blaim anything on the alcohol!

For the worst things, this is never the case.

9 Name: rlr : 2008-01-01 19:59 ID:+7h77avY

I find that my anxiety decreases when I make an effort to become comfortable around one person at a time. When I meet someone new, I hang around them for awhile and get a good sense of who they are [even just by listening to their conversations with other people]

10 Name: Anonymous : 2008-01-03 15:06 ID:6zDpTi5E

>>5/7 marijuana makes some people shut up, others it relaxes and helps them be more social. It's different for everyone.

haha, i'm really bad around new people too... wish i could help. a couple drinks do help me a bit. Too much is bad.

11 Name: Anonymous : 2008-01-03 15:08 ID:6zDpTi5E

oops, 10 here.
I wasnt going to mention it, but ecstacy is the ultimate anit-shyness thing for me and lots of other people. But I wouldn't really recommend taking a drug like that just for the sake of helping you be less shy.

12 Name: Anonymous : 2008-01-03 15:14 ID:spB5T79u

>>5 >>7 here

Yeah I was tempted to say ecstacy, especially in club situations; but really that's silly. Although psychologists did experiment with it as a therapy I believe? I don't necessarily go up to random people and start talking to them when I'm on it, but usually if they come up to me I will act friendly but generally I don'd do the whole "we're best friends now!!" kinda thing some people I've known do.

13 Name: Anonymous : 2008-01-04 18:13 ID:ilSoFUxf

Aren't there other social situations you could try? Parties aren't everything the world has to offer.

14 Name: Anonymous : 2008-01-05 02:32 ID:lt5dinYK

>If the shy behaviour is due to social inexperience, then don't drink too much, you'll only end up making a fool out of yourself.

Yeah, this is the case with me. I've made a fool out of myself plenty of times enough without the alcohol.

15 Name: Anonymous : 2008-01-05 13:48 ID:dJ0OH4q5


>If the shy behaviour is due to social inexperience, then don't drink too much, you'll only end up making a fool out of yourself. Just put yourself in those situations more often.

There's another thing to this: it may help you making a fool of yourself, and getting in an embarassing situation. For certain forms of shyness, this is actually a therapy - it worked for me, although alcohol wasn't used in my case, but rather work teammates that setup something I couldn't walk out (improvisation in front of 40 kids, dressed as a female, with a foreign accent).

Once you get over the shame, you'll notice that it's not that much of an embarassment anymore. It even makes memories with the people there, and bad things often turn to good in memories - provided what you did wasn't too bad.

Then, it'll encourage you to do things that are less weird, but as you did the hard thing first, you'll find it rather easy. There's still work to do after that, lots of work. But seriously, the more stupid you looked voluntarly, the less you'll care in the future of what people think about you.

Heck, they might even find you amazing for some stuff you had the balls to do.

This thread has been closed. You cannot post in this thread any longer.