I am an 18-year-old senior about to go to college. I live with my mom and 16-year-old sister. I get straight As in school and
help out around the house regularly, without compensation of course. I save my money, and save our family's money by being frugal in grocery shopping.
My sister, on the other hand, is a delinquent. She is fifteen years old, and has failed algebra twice. Her GPA is under 2, she never does her homework, and never helps around the house unless she gets paid to do it. She is consistently irresponsible; for example, she did not take proper care of her fish and just let them die. She just buys whatever food he wants without regard for our family's financial situation.
In short, she is a spoiled brat. My mom waits on her hand and foot. She has asked for both an XBox and a Wii in the past year, and received both. And now, today I learned that she's getting a car, plus a year's worth of insurance, and driving lessons.
Our family doesn't own a car, and I haven't even finished learning to drive, because my aunt, who is supposed to be teaching me, never shows up to teach me anymore. But my mom's precious daughter is different, of course. She's going to get official driving lessons from a driving academy.
Her rationale for all of this is that she financed a two-week trip to Japan last summer, and so it's only fair that my sister get something as well. But I've taken three years of Japanese, so the trip was educational. (I'm not bullshitting you guys, it really was.) I haven't asked for anything big since then.
To make matters worse, my mom has told me that I have to get a job once I graduate high school. (She doesn't want to help pay for college.) Now, I'm fine with getting a job. But how the fuck am I supposed to get a job when I don't even have a car? Why should my sister get one when she is not responsible enough to get one herself, and will probably just crash it?
I am really fucking pissed off, as you can probably tell. I have worked very hard to be obedient and responsible, yet I never get appreciation for it. I want my mom to be proud of me, to actually recognize my accomplishments (she just ignored my straight As), but she just blows me off for the younger, superior daughter. (She's not even prettier than I am since she loves to eat and eat, and never exercises.)
4-ch, help! What do I have to do to get some attention or recognition? I've brought it up with my mom a number of times, but every time she just calls me a spoiled brat because I got to go to Japan. I just don't know what to do.
It's my experience in these kind of situations that those behaviors are very entrenched, and that it will be really hard for you to change them,... Your mother has developped a way of dealing with your sister that is unlikely to change in the near future.
Nevertheless, there are things that you can change and act upon. For instance, it's pointless to expect total fair and equal treatment from your mother, it's just her personnality. On the other hand, you probably can get more out of her by being more assertive.
For instance, make a deal with her that in order for you to get a job, you'll need to be able to drive, and that even though she does not plan to help you for college, she could help you to get your driving license, so that she does not NEED to support you later.
Also, don't get A grades for your mother, but for yourself, that's the only good reason to get them. Although you feel it's unfair, it's taken for granted that you get good grades, and so you get less "perceived" recognition for that. I always had excellent grades, was never congratulated for that, and did not expect it, because it was just "business as usual" for me.
Finally, you see yourself as being well behaved within your family. That's all fine, but please do that because you think it's the right thing to do, and not to get appreciation from your family, because otherwise you will get frustrated. You are not doing your family a favor, you are just behaving as you should, so don't expect anything special for that.
Don't allow what you perceive as injustice enbitter you and sore your relationship with your family. I have the hunch that your mother also loves you, but has different ways of expressing it than for your sister. Think about it, if you behave as a more frugal person, it's normal that people will think of ways of satisfying you other than stuffing you with game consoles, etc. It really seems that your mother thinks that supporting your trip to Japan was a wonderfull gift, and I basically agree with her. And your way of reducing it to "bare educational necessities" strikes me as quite unfair.
I'm not saying that there is no unfairness within your family, but maybe it would help you to take a step back and evaluate from another angle what's going on, and how you perceive things.
I think >>1 may be an overreaction, but I shall give a little tale of warning. As much as I'd like to agree with >>2, I've seen something like >>1's story before.
The undeserving daughter received everything while the other kids did not.
This never ended. All are now in their 40s, and... I'm one of the very few people who has seen the testament (Will) of their rich parent. It's going to be ugly when he dies, because he gave everything to the daughter and completely passed over the two sons (one son made something of his life, the other fell into drugs and crime despite a promising start -- I blame this on the daughter in fact), just like he's always been doing. I honestly expect the criminal son to murder the daughter when the testament becomes known, even though such a ridiculous testament is legally unenforceable.
As for the hard-working son, he's had to watch the daughter receive everything his whole life. She received fancy houses and cars on a platter while he's still working on paying off the first house. He's not happy, but what's worse is his wife is not happy either because she also sees this. I don't know what's going to happen with their marriage when the father dies, since they're otherwise a happy couple, but they would have been so much better off if the son's family didn't exist. Monetary issues are one of the foremost causes of marital stress.
My advice? Get as far away from your family as possible once you can stand on your own two legs (in other words after you have a viable degree -- before would probably be a mistake). Find other people to invest your affections and trust in.
And stonewall your current family. Do not talk to them in any fashion. If you do, it'll tear you up inside and it'll probably damage any marriage or other personal relationship you're in. Your success is within your hands; you don't need other people whom you don't like destroying that and your life.
I don't think it's an issue of love or being nice either. The daughter treats the father like shit. He still gives her everything. Your mother gives everything to the 16-yo daughter, and that probably won't change either.
If it's any condolence, it looks like you'll be going places with your life. All the more reason to avoid your family once you can.
Also, while I greatly encourage doing some work while at university -- work experience is a great asset when you graduate -- your mother's refusal to help with your education is a BIG FUCKING DEAL. This is something you cannot just let slide. Your education is your future, but she's wasting money on cars? Total WTF right there.
I think you're both spoiled brats OP. Enjoy your fat sister.
Don't depend on your parents.. I didn't.
If you have a problem with your parents/sibling screw them or move out. You can't expect to get everything, just a some undeserving folks get stuff they won't be even using 100% of the time.
Get a job, move out the house that's my last option. BTW >>1 I'd bet that your sister is gonan have a tough life after she moves out (as I assume that your/her mother can't support her to her 30's)
Unless she gets some BF that has a stable job and earns pretty much. Depending on her skills (like cooking whatever household/other IRL stuffish she might not know, depends on what the guys wants her to be able to do. Unless he only wants her to get laid)
Again, grades don't matter much (at least not here in Sweden) since I got a stable job, while my friends who had higher grades than me are still living off their parents while I moved out when I was 17 (due to a fight with my moms "new" BF)
I still don't regret moving out, getting self supporting.. it's great I tell ya'
So in the end, spoiled brats often end up with a fucked up life when they move out (unless they get support from their parents)
> Also, since it seems that your education is going to be messed with, thats just horrible, do what you need to do to convince your mother that what your younger sister is doing is wrong.
I just wanted to reiterate what >>5 said.
Your mom is spending money on cars and xboxes and not education: that is retarded to the extreme. You should not let this slide, even if you have to become the black sheep of the family. That car is your future down the drain. The Xbox and Wii would have paid for a subject in some countries, and for an entire full-load year in others.
Let me put it like this: cars do not go up in value. Once you buy them, that's it. All that money is gone and its value will sink like a rock. In a decade you'd be lucky to get 1/10th the money for it.
Education is an investment in the future. The money you put into it will be returned many times over unless you pick something like philosophy. It's the investment that keeps on giving. Not only will you life be far better in a decade's time, you can buy several cars if that's your thing. And the Wii3 and Xbox1080.
Hey guys, thanks for all your good advice! To tell the truth, >>1 is my girlfriend. I wrote it from her perspective for fear that otherwise, all the replies would be "it's not your business, don't get involved."
Anyway, >>1 is kind of exaggerating a bit. I think the underlying problem isn't really the money, but that just that my GF doesn't get any attention from the rest of her family. Thanks everybody, once again.
>>8
ha ha oh wow. this invalidates the entire thread.
>>8
Wow, a story distorted by youth, inexperience, family ties, AND the rose-coloured glasses of love.
FOR "TL;DR"- Tell your mom how you feel, and not just in a "Oh, well, I think you're being just the slightest bit unfair..." kind of way. If she yells, yell back. You're eighteen, you don't have to put up with shit. Move out if you really feel that way.
She'll miss you doing shit around the house, that's for sure.
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Don't be a pushover.
My friends say I'm spoiled, because I'm open with my parents.
I know the difference between a parent giving punishments, and a parent being an asshole.
My mom, about a year ago, used to go crazy on me. She was always stressed out, and I knew that. She was always having troubles with my father, not to mention financial struggles.
She would yell at me, for no reason.
Now, this is where my friends would get surprised.
I yelled back. I told her not to yell at me, especially since she's just mad at her husband. I knew she was stressed, but that is no excuse to go apeshit on me for no reason.
Now, one of my friends has parents that push him around. No, I'm not saying that they are actually parenting, they are going over the top.
When his mom is mad, he's usually the one that gets the shit end of the stick. I tell him to stick up for himself. He never does. So she just keeps on doing it.
The point I'm getting at is that if you don't call her out on it, she'll only continue with that.
If anyone really had an issue like this, take heart!
Most families are unfair, anyways. If you run out and make something of yourself, they will come to you asking for money. What you must do is spend more time out with them, to scare the ghoulies.