Crushing depression (35)

1 Name: Anonymous : 2008-02-20 01:21 ID:Ji/e8tdE

Sometimes I sit and feel completely empty, like nobody cares and there is nothing worth anything (why walk when you'll just get cold and have to come home, etc). I don't know why I'm feeling this but it's so hard. I'm not depressed in an emo/kill self way, but just in a lifeless nothing matters way.

Also, I just feel like crying at times, seemingly over nothing at all.

The reason I bring this to you and not my friends is because:

  1. I don't want to seem needy/helpless
  2. If they laughed I would be so crushed.

What do I do to bring myself back up to wanting to care?


2 Name: GDMFSOB : 2008-02-20 01:24 ID:vwu7y4qA

If they're your friends, then they won't laugh. And there's only one way to really find out--that's to actually speak up. Communication and trust are the first things you need on your way to self-esteem.

As for the nothingness of life, a lot of people have asked me to look into religion for that matter. It really helps some people. It didn't phase me, but it is a suggestion I still have.

3 Name: Anonymous : 2008-02-20 08:46 ID:Ji/e8tdE

That's actuaaly a really good suggestion, but the problem is, which one? There are so many and although similar they have different morals. I'm a very liberal, fun kind of guy, so maybe Buddhism?

Also, I trust that they probably won't make fun of me buy if I lose my friends I will have nothing. Like right now my phone is ringing and I'm so happy because it makes me feel wanted.

4 Name: GDMFSOB : 2008-02-20 20:29 ID:vwu7y4qA

Hell if i should know. you learning about stuff like that yourself would make stuff more personal.

5 Name: Anonymous : 2008-02-20 23:04 ID:Heaven


> 1. I don't want to seem needy/helpless
> 2. If they laughed I would be so crushed.

If you're male and your friends are male, I think it's a wise decision not too. Depending on their age, attitudes and experience, they can have a serious lack of empathy.
It's better too talk with your family, a certified counsellor, or maybe try group therapy.

> but the problem is, which one?

not scientology

> I'm a very liberal, fun kind of guy, so maybe Buddhism?

Doesn't really matter, take your own path.
Despite the political clout of Religious Conservatives, there are no shortage of Liberal Christians. Indeed, in the east you may find yourself swamped by Conservative Buddhists.

> right now my phone is ringing and I'm so happy because it makes me feel wanted.

Are you employed? Getting a job where people rely on you might help you feel like that everyday.

6 Name: Anonymous : 2008-02-21 11:26 ID:SaBGlxTb

I have used the buddhistava's teachings to guide me through this horrible thing we call life but you must look into yourself to guide you. I wouldn't take my suggestion really because I am tripping on lsd right now sitting outside of a hot air vent outside.

7 Name: Anonymous : 2008-02-21 14:33 ID:H0ldNtD1

You have more luck than I am, for I don't have any friend whatsoever to even think of asking for advice. So it's not correct that nobody cares about you unless you have no friend who you can rely on. I always go out alone from shopping, eating to movie. Nobody calls me or sends email to my mobile. Every time I tried approaching others they just come chilly and rejective. I tried acting cheerful, with all what courage I had, but it just did't work and always ends up me being treated as a nerdy fool. I'm now so used to be responded on as such that I'm just so fucking tired of anything. All the efforts I have made so far proved no good. I'm now completely at a loss what I should do to make a difference. I have never felt like I was accepted by anyone, except my parents, for whom it is just natural to love me.
I've been through this ever since I was in elementary school. Nowdays I think about nothing else but to die. I feel not worth exsiting even the slightest. I was only good at studying though, which left me fairly nice title and educational background, but after all these are just the things shown only in my fucking C.V., which can be easily offset with my considerably boring and unattractive nature as a person. Sorry for making you all feel dismal by my rather depressive texts, but this goes quite well with the title and hope >>1 will be mended by knowing there are people on the globe who is much less worth existing. By the way, I'm a Japanese male. I haven't met any foreigners who get that gloomy as I am or other Japanese males of much the same nature, the number of which is not few at all if you peep in 2ch.

8 Name: Anonymous : 2008-02-21 14:47 ID:SaBGlxTb


9 Name: Anonymous : 2008-02-21 23:15 ID:cnDeVct8


>>hope >>1 will be mended by knowing there are people on the globe who is much less worth existing.

Doesn't work that way, at least not that I've known. In fact, usually you feel like even more of a failure knowing that you want to kill yourself even though you're better off than many others.

I mean, success is totally supposed to make you happy, right?

10 Name: da PG king : 2008-02-22 01:12 ID:nl7WbF0z

Want to be happy?

Wait for a perfect day. a few clouds in the air, warm, sunny, just a little wind, and the grass feels just right. Just lay in the meadow, and look at those clouds. Feel the wind gently fill soul as it moves about you. Breath in the beautiful scent of the grass. Enjoy the warmth given to you by the sun. And then, while your laying there, you can gently wash away all your fears and sorrows.

11 Name: Anonymous : 2008-02-22 02:21 ID:wdxu5dPT

Also use that moment to build a ressource anchor, when it feels just right. So that that precise moment of elation can be used later.

12 Name: Anonymous : 2008-02-22 04:10 ID:Ji/e8tdE

First off, thank you all for responding.

I think I should tell you that maybe the main reason for my depression right now is splitting up with my 5 month girlfriend. It's such a blow even though it was mutual but I miss her so much and would give anything to have her back (which doesn't look likely).

Also, I have a problem with dealing with stress. So both things add up and now I feel 2 foot tall.

What PG king said sounds good, it would nice to have a day where I just relaxed, maybe even going to a health spa (they invited me to go and have a cup of tea with them).

One last thing, I've been having crippling headaches recently where everything gets really bright and I have to relax my limbs. That's not normal is it.

@ >>7
I think you need councelling my friend, you sound like a good person with an inferiority complex. Don't let minor setbacks affect you too much, keep on trying and I know you will get somewhere in no time.

13 Name: da PG king : 2008-02-22 13:06 ID:nl7WbF0z

Oh damn, I have that when Im lying down and I get up.

The headaches are just changes in blood pressure.

dont worry though.

14 Name: SpireAtlanta!SGRPrwhmGE!!DwFbhmLv : 2008-02-23 02:00 ID:RWH3d0Og

OP< if you're 18 or younger, it could just be your hormones making you feel weird. Seriously. Try to just throw what you expect others and life to be like out the window and do the things you enjoy. Also, take some risks and have fun. Talk to random people. Everyone changes after high school and often even the first years of college. Life won't be the way it is right now.

If you're over 21, we'll have to approach the situation differently.

Also, about religion, don't attempt to throw your everything into religion. It very often can leave a larger gap than what one tries to fill it with. Personally, I Do think that life has no inherent meaning. Meaning is what we put into it. Feelings of spiritual experience can still be good, though.

15 Name: Anonymous : 2008-02-23 04:50 ID:Ji/e8tdE

I'm 17 so I just about fit in to the first category, though in the UK we finish school at 16. I would like to go back to Bardados on holiday again. It was 2 weeks of bliss, everything went right. I met a beautiful girl, had free food and drink, friends everywhere, we were right on the beach, everything was perfect.

After coming back 6 months ago I've never fully recovered, I remember crying after taking my shoes off and seeing a little sand still left over.

Maybe what I need is to get everything back I can, it will never be non-stop sunny here but I can find a girl (I hope), and I'm still popular, but money is an issue (as with most students).

I just need something to last me until I go back. But what?

16 Name: Anonymous : 2008-02-23 11:34 ID:cAxMpAd4

I am most insanely depressed when my blood sugar is low. Coincides every time. If I feel I'm going to jump out of a speeding car, I go get something to eat.

>>7 Don't have white walls in your home, it is very chilly. Try a beige. Also, wear warm colors, also a warm texture or pattern. Put something warm in your daily environment, adjust with something brown or green, something hopeful.

That's the only kind of help I know. Please tell the other Japanese guys, :)

17 Name: Anonymous : 2008-02-23 16:02 ID:Ji/e8tdE

I'm wearing a red stripy top and blue stripy bottoms, warm and cool at the same time :)

Oh, and my walls are near enough white, I've been meaning to redecorate for months, but again, no money.

18 Name: Anonymous : 2008-02-23 17:15 ID:H0ldNtD1


Thx for your advice, but unfortunately I'm already past thinking that the real cause of my depression is just problems of minor setbacks or misattunement of colors. The fact is I'm always set, or feel set, out of place in a group. Let me share one experience I recently had. I was in a restaurant with my Japanese and German, let's say, "acquaintances". In this group, one German girl was about to move to central Tokyo and one Japanese boy(in the same group) seemingly offered her to live in his apartment with him. They seemed to love each other, and it is no problem for me. What made me feel sick is that, when I asked her about her moving process(she had told me that she would live alone), the Japanese boy said, "She cancelled". You know, it was easy for me to infer from the conversation of the rest of the people that they are gonna live together, and it is nothing to hide about or nothing confidential. He can just say, "She is gonna move to my apartment". After a while, I asked again about where her new location will be, and then the boy was so quick in changing the topic, although I was able to easily hear him talking to other people in this group about her moving to his room. It's not at all that I'm jealous or something. I was just sad to feel myself more of an acquaintance than a friend because living together with a girl is nothing to try to hide about and it is not so important a matter that you need confiding. All the reasons I can think about, regarding him not talking about this to me, is clear; he doesn't think I'm a friend and for him I'm not a person entitled to step into just a tad deep, so to speak, conversation within friends. The fact that I can't even reach the state of a mere friend made me so sad and feel out of place. I'm always like this, an outcast in almost all the groups I belong to... Yeah, this single event is a minor setback, but all of much the same (countless) experiences piled up to make me feel I'm not worthy to anyone.;_;
I don't want to sound self-pitying. I just can't stand such situation surrounding me wherever I go. I just want to feel more close with others like ordinary people do.

19 Name: Anonymous : 2008-02-24 01:15 ID:XDBT0eTE

MAYBE guy is jealous of you o_O. Doesn't want you to be able to find the girl. You should look at it that way :D

20 Name: Anonymous : 2008-02-24 15:50 ID:Ji/e8tdE

Let us be clear that 18 isn't OP.

21 Name: Anonymous : 2008-02-25 03:02 ID:Heaven

>> 18 Don't know why the guy is acting so weird about it. While it is possible that he wouldn't tell you because he doesn't trust you and therefore thinks you'd make a big deal out of it to someone, or doesn't want to talk about it with you because he doesn't think it's worth the effort for someone who isn't a friend, I don't know how viable those options really are.

Perhaps he does think you like the girl and he's being defensive, or perhaps it's simply that he didn't care to explain it again.

I think the best option is that he doesn't want anyone questioning the girl, either because he doesn't want her to think it over again, or because he's being protective of her. (The whole "Girls don't have to explain" thing.)

But maybe I'm wrong.

22 Name: Mr. Z : 2008-02-25 05:38 ID:VvsvUpWr

..emm, the OP here (the one this thread is about) is ID:Ji/e8tdE so >>18, I recomend you to make a new thread so we can focus on your problem and help you ^^.
By the way, >>18 you should "participate" more frequently with your groups, so you can let them know your valueable precense.

Now, for the OP here... I kinda feel like you. Depressed in a lifeless way. But you should do as I did: start doing things you enjoy the most. Not caring if it's "worthless" for you. Being happy with what you like to do not worthless.

23 Name: Anonymous : 2008-02-25 14:00 ID:VmHWSgg8

>>22 So, what do you enjoy doing? I only get interested in having frozen yogurt. Luckily, I have high metabolism. Sadly, it's cold where I am.

I tried looking at pretty scenery, since I loved that, but then the sun sets and it seems that my days are a perpetual twilight.

This probably isn't helping the OP much.

>>1 I'd say, the first thing to do is to not care what others might think. It does wonders. Then start to work out the depression.

24 Name: Anonymous : 2008-02-26 00:49 ID:lgYl4hJe

>The reason I bring this to you and not my friends is because:

At least you have friends.

25 Name: 18 : 2008-02-26 12:28 ID:H0ldNtD1

I'm sorry for disturbing this thread with my posts which is a little offtopic from what the OP has brought up.
Maybe this kind of behavior also helps keep others subconsciously away from me in real life.

26 Name: Anonymous : 2008-02-26 22:20 ID:Ji/e8tdE

I didn't even think of that, you're right. There are people out there that would kill to have friends that laugh at them, let alone supportive ones. I guess sometimes you need someone else to make you realise how lucky you really are.

I am going to tell someone tomorrow and report back at night, wish me luck!

27 Name: Mr. Z : 2008-02-26 22:41 ID:VvsvUpWr

No problem (sometimes I do the same with others threads n_ñ). Anyway, I wish you luck and I hope my advice could help you ^^

that's the spirit ^^. I believe your friends will help you, good luck with that >_o

28 Name: Kira : 2008-02-27 09:47 ID:e3IX4rQ8

To the original poster.
Some people are like that... It's because they sometimes that the world should be more than what it should be.
That is why you feel that life is empty and you would want something/someone that would fill your void.
However, the only one who can feel the void is you.
Tell this to someone that would understand you (that is not online). If they were your friend then they should respect your problems and such... If they think your problem is funny then.. I guess you have some shallow friends (no offense).
Talk about this problem in person, since you feel all bottled-up.
Also seek for answers... If the world doesn't seem to care much, then make them care.
Sometimes it's ok to be needy too by the way.
This is because everyone is needy inside.
It's human's nature so sometimes let out your emotions.
I mean we are called humans, not robots.
Anyways go do some soul searching.. Because this problem is about you and not me.
Good luck.

29 Name: Anonymous : 2008-02-27 17:22 ID:Ji/e8tdE

Ok here's an update. After college today I don't want to leave home again. I struggled all day not to cry (and only just managed it) but I just can't take the stress of the working - ie. working hard and still failing. One of my biggest fears is not being good at something, and right now I suck at my course.

Everything is building up and I don't know what to do, I'm only 17 for God sake, give me a break. I want to be happy again, not have to fake confidence because deep down I know I'm losing my touch, be able to stand talking without needing to close my eyes to hold the tears back.

I just want to live.

30 Name: Anonymous : 2008-02-28 02:34 ID:y1Wovs04

>1) You'll grow out of it. 2) People change after HS, including you. 3) Read up on how to be more sociable/social networking, and put those ideas to use 6) Talking down to yourself is the worst thing you can do. Always think of yourself as a work in progress, not a final project, and think of what you can do next/improve next.

Adding to this, don't be so concerned that you're not meeting up to your usual level. Your "usual" isn't the issue. The content may be more difficult, or you may simply be going through some changes of another sort. What's important is that you don't set goals too high or too low, and that you keep improving yourself.

Go for it!

31 Name: Anonymous : 2008-02-28 08:46 ID:aikgidx8

>>29 I was 17 when I first entered university.

With my friends/classmates I was alright, and we handled classes seemingly alright, but I was so messed-up emotionally that I even felt physical effects, like my arms were going to fall off from my elbows.

I couldn't figure it out at all, because I didn't THINK I was sad. It's wierd that I could be crying tons and listening to heavy metal to help me fall asleep, and still not figure out that I was SAD. It all seemed to go away when I got up to face another day.

I was a very happy person in high school, I also got pretty good grades. College-level classes were stressful and my scores dipped a lot more than I was used to, it didn't make me feel better about myself because I wasn't used to those scores.

And then my roommate started going nuts- but that is a different trilogy of a story.

You know what I learned from all this? It isn't that college-level classes that were stressful, it's the ENTIRE CAMPUS environment.

The school upped the credits for each class (from 3 credits to 4) since they get more government money if there are more credits taken at the school. That meant each class gave more (unnecessary) homework, while the school gets money and still greedily ups our tuition. I felt like cattle.

I LEFT. On campus, I felt weak and broken and raw, tortured. Now, 2 years later, I'm rosier and healthier. I can't say leaving was easy, but I took some time away and went to learn a practical skill, and I'm covering my life expenses alright. Pretty proud of myself.

32 Name: More Updates : 2008-02-29 03:36 ID:Ji/e8tdE

Yesterday I got a 10 minute bitching at for arriving a literal minute late to a lesson (no, really). I handed my work in at the end of the lesson and went home. The next day (today) I come in to find out he told everyone he wouldn't accept it because I didn't hand it directly to him, but left it on his desk (I left early because as soon as you were done you could go). So I confront him about it and he lies right to my face and says he hasn't seen it. I knew something was wrong so I asked him again and he totally ignored me until he saw that my teacher was was him, and went red while telling me to "JUST GET IT TO HIM".

I know this isn't a huge deal, I gave it to him again in the end and he has accepted it, but things like this can easily validate any fears I have of rejection.

Why is this only happening to me?

I think I may follow in 31s footsteps and leave, working part time to allow me to have fun while earning living money. But eventually I want to be paid a reasonable amount for what I do to support a family.

33 Name: Anonymous : 2008-02-29 08:30 ID:Heaven

>>32 This is why Deans and other superiors exist. Complain in a reasonable and calm manner.

34 Name: Anonymous : 2008-03-02 06:12 ID:Ji/e8tdE

He's the head of my course. Finding the head of college is hard and getting her to listen is near impossible.

35 Name: Anonymous : 2008-03-02 06:18 ID:Heaven

>>34 This is the purpose of e-mail.

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