Welcome to Real Life (43)

1 Name: Anonymous : 2008-02-21 02:57 ID:R3M+6jvh

I just concluded Welcome to the N.H.K. While I don't consider myself a hikikomori, the term fits what I'm currently facing.

I'm 21 now, I do go out, but it's not to socialize, simply to buy food and my obligatory job. It's been like this for the last 10 years. I don't speak to people unless it's absolutely mandatory. I don't have friends. I don't have a family who cares about me. I've completely lost my social skills. I really don't have anything. I won't list everything that's "wrong" because I could fill up 3 pages.

But anyways, I fill my time inside all day. Anime is one way I fill the time (not that I'm a fatass otaku, I've seen maybe 10 anime in my life). I just recently finished Welcome to the N.H.K, and at the end I was very depressed. I realized how much of a failure I am. While I know it's just a show, the character was able to talk to people, go outside, talk to girls etcetera. I want to be able to do this, but how? It's been years since I've socialized with people, and back the I was just a little boy. I've lost any form of social skills since then. I don't even like typing online because everything I say is fragmented once I put it down and I figure nobody can understand what I am saying.

What I want is to be able to go out. I want to have a friend, a relationship. Anything. The desolate, isolated life I've lead for 10 years is slowly driving me insane. But then I begin to ask myself WHY do I want any of that? It's all useless in the end. If I have a friend or girlfriend, so what? I get nothing out of it. I'm going to die either way - perhaps tomorrow, 10 years, or 60 years from now. What will I get out of drinking with a mate or fucking a woman who's going to suffer the same fate as me? But the, why do I want any of it? These are the thoughts and desires that drive me to suicide or drinking over and over again.

How do I get out into the world? I'm too mentally misconfigured to go anywhere; I can't properly hold a conversation - even if it's something mundane like discussing the weather while waiting for a bus. I don't know what to do. Suicide seems like the only suitable option for me.

Note to mawds: I know there are a lot of hikikomori threads, but I'm not really a hikikomori (as I have a job).

2 Name: Anonymous : 2008-02-21 03:01 ID:YSWDB2q+

You could try talking to people online to ease yourself into communicating with people more readily~

3 Name: da PG king : 2008-02-21 03:11 ID:TaZHuibE


Do what I do, complete emersion...

you say you have a job, start there.

Talk to waitresses (ie. hello and shit, dont try to have a conversation about Macbeth) and other people who are obligated to help you so you can get a feel for different attitudes and emotions.

Watch any reality television. I swear on my great grandmothers grave that I knew a kid who went from a complete recluse to a very popular person, and credited it all to reality television.

If you think that people dont understand you, dont worry. Its only when you start wit shizz like dis cause people dont know what you be talkin about, ya heard...

4 Name: Otaku X Files : 2008-02-21 05:02 ID:zl0GyXtj

" I don't NEED a girlfriend but when watching an anime or tv show, you see them happy..i wanna be like that too!"...but trust me, TV IS FAKE! ANIME IS FAKE! it's not fucking real, do you really think every thing got a happy ending or something close to happiness? In real life , "HE" would have killed himself with the other "losers" on that island, yup. Even people who are in a relationship feel like crap, happiness is VERY HARD to find(or nearly impossible).

Even if you go out,socialize..Sure you become a "sheep" but you are still going to feel that empty feeling. you don't have to PROOF anything to NO ONE!

censored access: report 154 //c:documents/abort*abort*

5 Name: Anonymous : 2008-02-21 05:38 ID:gX9pNb2X

Where do you live? Let's get together and talk about how much our lives suck. Seriously. If it's someone like you I probably wouldn't mind.

6 Name: 红茶 : 2008-02-21 05:40 ID:DYDfjbuR

Agreed. Sometimes if you talk with people online that kinda just happen to live near you, you can meet up and sort of just talk and stuff. Or just conversing back with anyone that says something to you is pretty good already. Don't feel obligated to like go in depth about something they asked or tell them your life story... just something simple to answer their question or talk without being too brusque like just a yes or no answer.

The point of having friends or a girlfriend is to enjoy life now in your current point. True we're all gonna die in the end, but when you're at the point that you're really dieing, do you want to think to yourself, "Shit... I wasted my life :|"

7 Name: Kira : 2008-02-21 11:45 ID:gvUfyAjn

You have to decide on living a happy life for your self.
So if you want to be more active in your life, then look through your old phone book or something and phone a friend that you used to know or something, then meet with them.
Another step, join a extra activity program or something like
dancing, exercising, or like a foreign language, hen meet new people.
Yes it does take alot of work but if you want to be happy, then you need to work for that happiness.
Also practise alot in talking with someone (buy webcam too it helps talking with others on computer). Hope it helps.

8 Name: Anonymous : 2008-02-21 11:46 ID:Fl+lMboZ

Funnily enough I met my best friend like that. We happened to be in IRC at the same time and hit it off. There was an offline meeting and met him and his girl IRL, and I ended up going over to their place more often than not over the course of the next few years.

Before that I had been nearly completely isolated. I had a job which didn't require talking to anybody and I would silently commute to work, work, go home, play games, sleep.

The guy passed away and ever since then I have been withdrawing more again. Work now forces me to interact though and I force myself to see friends once a week. Still my head isn't completely right, I still feel it was unfair that the reaper took him and not me.

I read Welcome to the NHK shortly after the English translation arrived in the bookstore here. It's a depressing book but it really did wake me up. It's the sort of book which makes you want to do something with your life even if it sucks. Train Man sort of had the same effect but for me NHK hit much closer to home. Hell, I even used AMT for over a year straight.

9 Name: Anonymous : 2008-02-21 19:29 ID:IBKBF+ly

I'm going to add to the suggestions to start off online. I'm in a similar situation, down to finding a lot to identify with in WttNHK and being anchored in society only by college and a job. All my friends went to a different college or no college at all. It took me until Sophomore year of high school to meet people so well-fit to my personality, and I got so used to hanging out with them that I kind of forgot how to talk with regular people. I went to smoke some weed (after college started) with some kids I knew since middle school, and was familiar with the types of conversations they'd have, but forgot how to properly participate. I think I'd become too honest with my other friends.

Anyway, I participated a small amount in some PC hardware and music boards, but it wasn't until I found the chan boards a little later in my freshman year of college that I could feel comofertable talking. Take advantage of the anonymity! It took me months before I actually posted anything, expecting to get shot down pretty quick. But, surprise(!), people are actually pretty helpful and nice in a majority of my questions and I'll occasionally get lulz where I didn't even think I was being so funny. If you're not a dick, what you have to say has a good chance of being responded to in some meaningful way.

About not really caring, I find myself feeling the same way much of the time. I've looked into a lot of religion, and can't really believe anything other than God as consciousness, and even there I feel like I'd be forcing it to call myself religious (after all, if it's something we feel is true, should we call it religion or real life?). I've just found stuff like music, where there's always something new coming out or something old I hadn't found yet. It's not common, but I'll find a really, really good song or album often enough to anchor me to life - even if it's only once a week or month, feeling so excited for just a few hours about there still being something for me makes me kinda want to live. You just gotta find what that thing is for you and, like other posters said, try to find others with similar interests. It's not the same as making love to a girl you really like, but recommending or trading DVDs, comics, or whatever with others can be rewarding.

Good luck, dude.

10 Name: Mr. Z : 2008-02-23 07:33 ID:ac3zLZ0u

>>9 what good advice!

>>1 You're not alone. Someday you'll find friends. Those friends will be caring and protecting you at any cost. That's what a good friend is for!

No one is born alone in this world!

11 Name: Anonymous : 2008-02-23 09:19 ID:iOygqd1N

I was /am still sorta in the same situation. I spent years not socialising with anybody at all, then realised it was a shitty way to live my life and I should change it. I've pretty much done the things suggested here already, and things are working out pretty good so far. I began with socialising online and speaking a bit with people i'd interact with when buying my food, etc. I became more and more comfortable around people.
I started studying, which was really helpful. There were lots of nice people, and a few of them seemed to like me for some reason. I was even comfortable to go have drinks with them after class, and now that the course is over I'm still keeping in touch with a couple of them. In a few days, i'll start that course again, since i failed maths, lol. I plan to get to know the people in my class and hopefully meet some more good people.

12 Name: Anonymous : 2008-02-23 11:09 ID:aoemQaB/

Changing some of your fashion habits would help with your mood, a daily difference. That also changes how you interract with other people (and how they'll interract with you) :D

Even starting to think about how you want to dress is a change in what you include in your world.

13 Name: Anonymous : 2008-02-23 14:16 ID:Heaven

We're all alone in the end.

14 Name: Anonymous : 2008-02-23 23:39 ID:Heaven

We are never alone.
We are all of us, one.

15 Name: Anonymous : 2008-02-24 13:07 ID:Heaven

If we are all one, then that one is even more assuredly alone.

16 Name: Mr. Z : 2008-02-25 05:03 ID:ac3zLZ0u

I recall what I've already said -_-;


If someone feels lonely, someday he/she will meet his/her true friends (or even a couple)

17 Name: Anonymous : 2008-03-05 11:08 ID:N09yK6pe

Happiness is not found, it is made for oneself.

18 Name: Anonymous : 2008-03-06 06:04 ID:OrByUp1w

Hikikomoridom would be great if my computer wasn't broken...

19 Name: Anonymous : 2008-03-06 18:22 ID:Qt/bG6iy

>Hikikomoridom would be great if my computer wasn't broken...

I know how you feel

20 Name: Anonymous : 2008-03-06 23:49 ID:CUY+Dst8

Hikikomori's are pathetic. Just go outside.

21 Name: Anonymous : 2008-03-07 14:40 ID:Fl+lMboZ

To a true hikikomori, "outside" means the hallway.

22 Name: Anonymous : 2008-03-08 06:05 ID:5YnIIiIC


Hah! Amazing as it sounds, I actually agree with the da PG king. Jesus fucking Christ! Look outside! The rains of blood! IT BEGINS!

You've got a job, OP. Start small; say hi to people. You don't have to say much, so just start small and say hello to people you see every day at work.

You don't need to impress them with knowledge or wit or whatever. You just have to listen, and when they ask you questions, reply back, and then follow up with another question.

Be ready for rejection, whatever it is; if what you say is right, you're gonna freak the shit out of a few people at first. But you know, you'll get the hang of it eventually.

Start small, baby steps. And then, you know, move up from there.

23 Name: Anonymous : 2008-03-08 13:29 ID:Heaven

IT? What is IT? What if gazing at IT burns my eyes?

24 Name: Anonymous : 2008-03-11 19:01 ID:08TwlMm2


>You've got a job, OP. Start small; say hi to people. You don't have to say much, so just start small and say hello to people you see every day at work.

OP here. I've actually been doing that. I'm able to talk to a lot of people there more than ever. It's great, but also kind of sucks. Without trying to sound egoistic, I'm a good looking guy so lately girls are eager to talk more, and likewise. However, after years of social isolation it's kind of hard to keep a conversation with any of them. I can have the usual lunch break chat about the usual things, but if I'm working with them the entire day I run out of anything to say and tend to stay quiet. I don't want to come off as a weirdo.

25 Name: Anonymous : 2008-03-13 22:19 ID:x7jtMxED

>>24 This is my problem. Small conversation? OK, sure. Conversation at length? She/He had better be a philosopher, interested in politics, or have eclectic tastes in movies or music or something. Otherwise I end up talking about my likes forever, or often their likes forever (in the case that they're actually interesting and not the usual drones in society).

26 Name: Anonymous : 2008-03-13 23:21 ID:AofeEDsK

My advise is: go to a church (preferably a greek/ orthodox church) and try to speak to a priest, they don´t charge you and they keep secrets so you could speak about your feelings, get tips, someone who prays for you. Also try praying yourself and see how much lighter you feel. If you ask God for help you know that someone is there.

27 Name: Anonymous : 2008-03-13 23:50 ID:Heaven

Imaginary friends do wonders.

28 Name: Anonymous : 2008-03-14 01:55 ID:0+4MHZeg


That's not easy as it sounds if you really have had problems with friends, or society in general.

29 Name: Anonymous : 2008-03-14 01:57 ID:08TwlMm2


OP here again. I'm exactly the same. Sometimes I think I'm simply too smart to hold a real life conversation with anybody unless they're in the same boat as me. I just can't put my thoughts into words correctly.

30 Name: Anonymous : 2008-03-14 05:25 ID:gX9pNb2X

Same here :/

31 Name: Anonymous : 2008-03-14 06:11 ID:9k6Wsi6z


>Sometimes I think I'm simply too smart
>I just can't put my thoughts into words correctly.

32 Name: Anonymous : 2008-03-14 07:27 ID:Heaven


Unfortunately that's my main problem too. The only people I really get along with at college are the ones who are 50+ years old. That is, a physics teacher, and a librarian. Otherwise I have absolutely no contacts whatsoever.... Except for a girl in one of my honors classes, but my attempts at courtship are futile for two reasons: she's a sadistic moron (gee, student standards are just at an all-time low), and she has a boyfriend - whom of which is in the hospital. Actually, I think she also has the impression that I'm gay.

33 Name: Anonymous : 2008-03-19 03:25 ID:YLtMh27q

Ha, me to. I get lots of great comments on my essays and carry on okay conversations with all these 30-45 yr old anthropology professors. I'm just not really into the young adult world. Music's great, but I can't even talk to the people I work with at the college radio station. It seems like people have to be knocked down a peg before they quit acting like high schoolers. Shit, I even get called gay quite a bit (for being a 19-year-old virgin).

OP, if you're anything like me, it's being to analytical that causes some problems in conversations. I hate to sound stuck up, especially when I'm on the path to becoming a shut-in, but I feel like I'll look a few layers deeper than most people. Try keeping things pleasant. If someone asks you about religion, you don't need to talk about defense mechanisms, consciousness, or cultures as the new evolutionary "individual." Just shrug, give a smile, and say something like "Be excellent to each other." Being halfway jokey is a good way to avoid differentiating yourself from them as much.

34 Name: Anonymous : 2008-03-22 19:18 ID:Heaven

"Be excellent to each other."

Iie. Sore wa dame. ~_~

35 Name: Anonymous : 2008-03-23 07:05 ID:SBH2vWLo

try to force yourself to talk to others, if you can't- force yourself to stay away from the computer. It will take time to get social skills, but it'll come little by little. The most important thing is to stay committed, saying you want to change is one thing but actually doing it takes real effort.

36 Name: Anonymous : 2008-03-23 11:54 ID:SkORg1Lw

Talk to older people. I have the problem of finding it very difficult to talk to people my age most of the time nowadays (I didn't used to have a problem with this...) but I was saved by still having teachers to talk to. Now that they're gone... I have to practise with my family. I usually hate going out with them but now I attend their family dinner things a little bit here and there (only if it's a small no. of people)

Thankfully I look a lot older than my age (18) so when I'm outside I actually have 30-something-year-olds sometimes talking to me about things. I actually relish these very much, because as luck has it it's only interesting people 'round here who actually talk to you. And I would so like to talk to more older folks about, say, anime or the environment or abandoned/strange places around the area and stuff...

37 Name: Anonymous : 2008-03-25 17:00 ID:n5BZca4B

It's hard to begin, I know.
When you're somewhat more intelligent or analitic than others, it does get harder to make a small talk last long. Luckily, I had the idea of analyzing that too, and I also did it with people in the same situation.
Ya know what's our problem? We care too much about the meaning and subjects of our conversations. Notice that the people we usually wanna talk or just socialize don't give too much of a damn - I'd guess they're more worried about themselves, or not thinking too much at all. So, if it's not the proper time, try to "stay away" from your brains. Remember silly things, start throwing them in a little randomly, and you'll get the hang of it.
I began by talking to some colleagues about really small stuff, sometimes feigning a difficulty - "Uh, how'd you solve this?". Assholes aside, people usually like lending a hand, if it doesn't take them out of their way.
And since you've got some brains in you, use that to notice their reactions. If the person is getting uncomfortable, just stop it. If they're okay, you can keep going or stop while you're fine to keep it going later on.
Good luck and efforts for you, friend. In time, you'll know why it is worth to be with others.

38 Name: Anonymous : 2008-03-25 23:29 ID:2di1MCqX


>Thankfully I look a lot older than my age (18) so when I'm outside I actually have 30-something-year-olds sometimes talking to me about things.

I'm the opposite. I'm 21 but look 17. While it has it's advantages, it has its disadvantages. People never really talk to me because they automatically assume I'm just a 'young boy', and unwillingly ignorant. Completely the opposite, though.


39 Name: Anonymous : 2008-03-26 02:17 ID:n5BZca4B

It might make it easier to talk to younger people, then.
It isn't compeltely a disadvantage.

40 Name: Anonymous : 2008-03-27 12:57 ID:Heaven

Especially when you want to pick up a 16 year old girl.

41 Name: Anonymous : 2008-03-29 01:15 ID:n5BZca4B

Don't go that far, it ain't a good start.

42 Name: Anonymous : 2008-03-29 02:00 ID:ywKvzmDX

I'm thinking of starting a blog or resuming my facebook account so I can have something akin to meaningful conversation and human contact. Sound good? great.

43 Name: Anonymous : 2008-03-30 11:01 ID:Heaven

>>41 If I looked 17 I would definitely be hitting that shit.

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