Hi, I'm an 18 year old male with an intensely confusing character and a paradoxical need for aloneness. I have no friends, or none that I can call my friends but I wouldn't be able to tell if they call me their friend. I'm a relatively hardcore nerd, so getting outside always makes me interested in the experience, yet it also causes a lot of emotional confusion with respect to a girl I talk to that is really the only person I care about in the universe.
I think for the past two days or so I have somewhat ignored her in a familiar suddenness that occurs when someone wants to drive you around somewhere and perhaps become intoxicated. Our mutual decisions to not speak to each other, which are born from childish arguments that often claw much farther than they should, are usually a cause of this. I have made several appointments with her, had been whirled about in a strange confrontation, and almost habitually ceased communications with her for sometimes hours or more.
In these hours, I can online imagine how it is that she feels towards my obvious injustice.
My general question is addressed to anyone who can give me advice on how to talk to her and ask forgiveness. I am clearly (as I should) going to cut the shit out with going and smoking weed, because quite frankly I only do it to get invited to someone's house and play games. So I'm going to go back to (what is actually my comfort zone) living a quieter life, which only just involves talking to her, reading, and generally indulging myself in my own pure, undrugulated fantasies and thought.
Also I suppose I should ask something else - How, if at all, do you feel socially impaired, and on what level? I know that quietness and introversion are all too common. Though the results of such behavior are almost never noticed by the sufferer. Is anyone else just utterly unable to talk about things because they feel unable to put them in a "simpler" convention?
If it need be that other aspects of my life are disclosed for purpose of an assessment, then feel free to ask.
God, that was too well-written.
...Nothing at all? :/
Well, what I'm pretty sure other people would say is:
Just focusing on her will cause problems for both you and her. Go out and make more friends, ones that don't just smoke weed and that you can relate to. The reason you're having trouble with her is probably because you value her too much and don't really know how to deal with the situations you get into with her. Once you gain more experience with people you'll find it eaiser to deal with her as well.
That said, I'm worse than you, OP. I don't even have a girl to talk to or friends to smoke with.