Okay following situation.
I got a LDR since almost 2 years now. We never met cause im a hikkikomori loser. Next week she will come to some city with her class, its somekind of school trip. That city is like 150km away from me. She asked me if we could meet there. Im sure she will be very dissapointed if i dont come. Sure, i love her, but like i said im hikki and got social anxiety. Leaving my house is a big deal for me. Cant even imagine me travelling by train alone such a big distance. Then meeting the girl who i really love and who i was talking to every day since 2 years. I dont think i can do it. But i cant dissapoint her eather. Is there any good solution except of becoming an hero?
Ok, first off...: You are perhaps shy, perhaps introverted, perhaps socially inept and awkward... but...
You are NOT a "hikkikomori", or "Hikki" or any nonsensical term like that...
Those are just terms the populace in Japan used to describe social introverts there; Call it what it is, if you are introverted, DON'T use popular buzzwords that sound trendy...
(Sorry about that, it's just an infinite source of frustration to see, when people (on here in particular) refer to themselves as Hikkikomori... We've ALL seen Welcome to the NHK, and it also sadly popularized the term, much as Densha Otoko was a fad... People on here just latch onto that "I'm Hikki" trendiness far too much...
Anyway, in regards to your question, of course you should go to meet her! If you really do "love" her, as you yourself admitted, and she obviously wants to finally see you, there's not even a question! I mean, assuming you do have a relationship, as far as she knows what you look like, you've called each other on the phone, you webcam chat frequently, that kind of thing... If it's just avatars online chatting over IRC or something, I must brutally honestly say that's not a relationship... The way you talk, it's been two years, so I assume it's reasonably something more than that;
LDR's are difficult enough, and I hope yours is more than just chatting & e-mailing, if it's gone on for more than 2 years, and if you ever want it to be considered a real relationship, you have to go and meet her!
It's not about being some kind of "hero", or any such nonsense, it's simply about going to see and spend time with the girl that you love, and who hopefully loves you back, if this has been going on for two years, that's all! So yes, of course, go and meet her, treat her to a nice dinner, enjoy the time together, until you're able to see her more often!
>>2 Thanks for replying.
I dont think it does matter how you call it. If i say hikki, everyone will understand what is meant. So its easier to call it that way.
I guess you know that for people like me even leaving the house is a big problem. That thing i got to do is a step farther than just leaving my house...
And about our relationship - yeah it started with an MMORPG. We just played together at the beginning. Then started chatting much.
Giving her my pics and phone number took me some time though. I was afraid that she wont like my appearence. And talking to a girl on phone was inconceivable for me at that point. After i finally did, she said im cute... Now we are talking on phone every day for hours, writing letters etc... And we do love each other so i think you can call it a relationship.
If i meet her next week i got to skip school. But thats not really a problem for me. The real problem is - i probably wont be able to be alone with her, cause its a school trip so i think ill have to stay with her class. Im really afraid of failing that whole thing. She knows me good, but she doesnt know that i cant socialize with other people. What if she wont like me IRL?
Im sure ill act like an idiot. Cause i always do...
Oh man, maybe i shouldn't say anything? This is one of those millstone moments in your life ; it could be the beginning of the end or the beginning of something beautiful. Either way, things will change for you in a BIG WAY. Goodluck!
Pfft you're a selfish brat.
You say you love her but won't even leave your house to see her?
Why don't you grow up.
I'd imagine he's afraid of disappointing her, nervous about giving the wrong impression etc. and is trying to get out of this self-absorbed, wrapped in anxieties mentality for the sake of his "relationship" or whatever you'd call it.
OP: I would do it. On a purely "selfish" level, just getting on the train and being able to meet her of your own accord could serve a boost to your self esteem - that you were able to muster up the independence and stability.
If you do have to stay with the rest of her class, then yeah I would tell her about your insecurities. But don't pour all your worries out, just say like "I'm feeling a bit nervous/shy actually". Would imagine it's natural to feel that way when meeting someone you've had that sort of correspondence with for the first time IRL, even if the actual extent of your anxieties isn't fully communicated - she'll get the basic idea, and might even relate to some capacity.
I decided to do it. I think it was the hardest thing i ever had to decide in my life. But i dont really have other choices i guess. I cant run away forever, so i will just do it. Got like 1 week to prepare myself. Any ideas how?
>Any ideas how?
Xanax, condoms, money. All you're going to need, baby.
Maybe look up self confidence / social anxiety / depression websites for advice on more positive ways of thinking? I know change doesn't happen in a week, but perhaps you can get some handle on the way you feel from looking into those things.
Try to worry as little as possible too, even if that sounds impossible. You don't want to cloud your perceptions and that, delude yourself negatively or overpositively (all-or-nothing thinking I believe). Hopefully reading this won't cause you to start worrying about worrying too much either... :X Just try and be sensible in your thinking patterns, don't romanticise this and take things as they come.
It's good that you're talking to her on the phone daily too - chances are there'll probably be a good deal of things for the two of you to carry conversation on, and it won't be awkward in that sense.
>>10 I'm so happy you decided to do it! I'm sure it will mean the world to her.
If she knows what you look like, and you talk on the phone daily, there isn't too much to worry about. Obviously tell her "I'm feeling a bit nervous/shy..." and she'll probably try to help you out.
Maybe come up with a code/phrase/gesture between the two of you so that if the crowd does get to be too much and you have to go, she can know it's not her?
Either way, you have our support, so go forth knowing that!
Dont need xanax and condoms yet, but money is a bit of a problem. Need 40$ for train only. And 10-20$ for food (maybe flowers) or anything else, so it will get expensive too.
I just talked to her, she seems to be more worried than i am, but shes also very excited and happy. Also she said that she expects me to kiss her. I dont even know how to touch her and wont be able to look in her eyes, and now im supposed to kiss her...
Well yeah shes a bit wild.
>>13 Yes, of course.
>>14 Thanks all for supporting me. I think i feel more self confident now...
Just do whatever feels natural to you. if you can get alone and the conditions are right for a kiss, go for it, of course!
It probably helps that she's even more worried than you -- so it's like you're the strong one, and she understands your feelings. And you know it's okay to be worried and also excited and happy.
anyway,
KISS YEAAAHH
yeah━━━( ´∀`)･ω･) ﾟДﾟ)･∀･)￣ー￣)´_ゝ`)━━━!!!!
Where does one meet an online girlfriend?
Good luck, OP!
I was in a similar situation once, but because I thought that that a LDR would never work anyway, and because I had many insecurities, I ended up breaking things off in the end. She was even going to come to visit someplace about the same distance away, but I made excuses not to be able to go there.
Luckily you'll succeed where I failed.
>>22
You missed your chance, i bet you regret it now. I thought about making excuses too, but it might be a lifetime chance for me and ill never forgive myself if i dont meet her. I feel like running away now though... But its too late anyway. We will meet on tuesday. That day will probably change my life. Im so nervous ._.
>>23
Been there, done that. The awkwardness will pass with experience, but kissing and touching will seem fundamentally bizarre for ages to come. Still, reflexes will make it happen automatically a lot sooner than that. The whole thing is still enjoyable in the mean time mind you.
I have also botched long distance relationships. A word of caution, if you've lied, come clean quickly or it will be a huge barrier to seeing her again.
so... did she turn out to be a dude?
oh this is a question for tomorrow. take your time to figure out if her photo is shoped..
She looks like a girl on pics. Sounds like one on phone too...
But shes asian, so you can never know...
>>28 Lol. That's true. Well good luck today or that everything went well today. Guess that depends on when you read this. And congrats on getting the courage to do it.
Okay now its done, im back. First i would like to thank all for supporting and encouraging me.
It was just great. Okay we were shy at the beginning, but after a while the ice broke and we hugged, cuddled etc...
Then we started kissing, and kept doing it for like... a hour? So it was a full success...
Never thought it would be so good.
Well i think im just happy now ^_^
Wow, congrats! I'm glad to hear it went well. Guess this shows that LDRs can have a worthwhile payoff in the end! I hope things keep going good for you two from here on out.
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OP, we're so happy for you! Now, aren't you happy that you gathered the courage to go out and see her? Imagine what you would have missed out on!
Yeah im really glad that i did it. But it was just the beginning i guess... Step 2 is going to be even harder. She want me to visit her in like 1-2 months when school ends. Ill have to meet her parents and stay there for a week...
You said you had to skip school, how old are you exactly, OP?
Im 18, she is 16.
Its better to be a little bit older than the girl i think.
Shes unexperienced. Well me eather ._.
>>33 Ill have to meet her parents
She's younger then you by a decent amount; the parents will most likely hate you, so be prepared for that.
>>36
I know that. The main reason her parents will hate me is that i dont have a job yet...
Are you looking for a job, or planning to hit college once you're out of school?
Either of those could score points with the parents, particularly the college option.