Marriage problems (13)

1 Name: Anonymous : 2008-05-23 18:17 ID:aYIuFkm0

I have been having issues with my wife and I am not sure how to properly handle it. I tend to get angry quite easily and punching holes in the wall his not too difficult for me but I know it upsets her and I do not want our child to see it, so now I am non anti-depressants. That has improved my attitude but she still nit picks me on shit. I know some of it is being a wife but one day I was looking at a couple of web sites that had porn on them when working with a collegue and used her PC to do it. She hates porn (and she like it before we got married) and finds it now offensive and thinks it is cheating. Plus she thinks I do not spend enough time with her or the kid. I think she resents the fact I work and she is at home all day with the kid.

Also, I work in the IT field and I have to work at night sometimes due to short staff/head count reduction at the office. I use my PCs alot a night and she claims that takes away from "family" time but all she ever does is watch reality TV shows, which I cannot stand. It is like it is ok for us to do shit she wants but when I do something I want, I am neglecting the family. I am getting tired of it and now I am start to wonder how much longer I can put up with it.

Has anyone else had these problems?

2 Name: Anonymous : 2008-05-23 19:21 ID:ZvzYZMw9

She is being a crazy, manipulative bitch. How did you come to marry her?

3 Name: Anonymous : 2008-05-23 19:39 ID:aYIuFkm0

Seemed like a good idea at the time. We have a kid now so walking away clean is not an option. I do love her and want to stay with her but there is only so much more I am going to put up with. I want to fix the situation. Has anyone had the same problem and resolved it?

4 Name: Anonymous : 2008-05-23 20:15 ID:4jgp+9Cw

Why not write her a letter?

List problems as you see them. For example, if she wants more of your time, she either has to start working herself or the family makes do with less.

Go somewhere on vacation and leave it to her. Let her think it over.

It's unlikely to change anything, but as things currently are, nothing will change at.

5 Name: Anonymous : 2008-05-23 23:05 ID:dhOnAR+s

How old is your kid?
Is it possible for her to get a job?

Not for the money but as a mental stimulus to keep her life from revolting around house issues.

Also, maybe negotiate. Maybe you could allocate certain number of hour to your work and other to her and the kid. In exchange you could ask her to give up on reality shows or at least reduce the time she spends on them.

Finally, when talking about sensitive issues it is better to start your sentences with "I" (e.g. "I feel we.... I think you...). People tend to turn defensive when you approach them with "you" sentences (e.g. "you spend the whole day in front of the TV" "you don't ...).

Keep us updated.

6 Name: Anonymous : 2008-05-23 23:36 ID:UNDjhFIM

Negotiate. And get her into porn. It's not cheating, what the heck. Fucking with a porn star would be cheating; watching her fuck is a pretty innocent thing that could also lead to better/more frequent sex for your wife.

7 Name: Anonymous : 2008-05-24 00:31 ID:gdf4w3D2

Sit her down and have a talk. Whatever you do keep your voice calm and collected. Even if she starts yelling talk to her calmly, she should realize it's stupid to yell and talk more calmly. Explain to her what she is doing that is bothering you. Ask her how you can help her act more calmly. Insult her actions not HER.

Besides OP, you said "i want to fix the situation", if you're in a relationship, there's no "i". It's a we. You need to try and fix it together. It wouldn't be fair for you to do all the fixing by yourself anyway.

8 Name: Anonymous : 2008-05-25 03:03 ID:Y0PtD0ak

Have that calm, but frank talk with her. Beating around the bush probably isn't going to reach her in her reality show blur (Haha, I really hate those things too).
Definately, definately, whatever you do, DO NOT accuse her though. Women do not like being accused, and will often begin to yell and become highly emotional, making it impossible to talk to them rationally for a good period of time (I would know >_>;; ).
Simply point out what you think about the situation, and then ask her exactly what she wants you to do, and how she expects you to do it. If it's spending more time with her and the kids, decide on a compromise. Hopefully, she'll realize that you're not just blowing her "concerns" off, and that you're taking them into serious consideration.

Whatever you decide to do, we'll be waiting, OP.

9 Name: Anonymous : 2008-05-25 12:30 ID:VOmg+oqn

put your happiness first. you don't sound like you're happy with your marriage.
talk to a good lawyer (many will do free consultations) and find out if you'd get screwed out of money in a divorce.

10 Name: Anonymous : 2008-05-26 00:59 ID:z2YCYknA

Compare the things that both of u do , prove that she is doing the same and don't have the right to complain abt u
Then with a calm voice talk to her , what both of u can do , she will realize u really mean it a serious talk , try to undertand her side and try to also see ur side but if she loses the control and starts yelling , she is one making a fuss and not trying to see ur points = being unresonable

11 Name: Anonymous : 2008-05-26 01:05 ID:yxRAF+bV

Y0U C0ULD ALWAYZ JUSS R@PE HER.

12 Name: Anonymous : 2008-05-26 01:05 ID:Heaven

Y0U C0ULD ALWAYZ JUSS R@PE HER.

13 Name: Anonymous : 2008-05-26 01:07 ID:yxRAF+bV

Just joking.

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