Topic title says it all. thank goodness for anonymous forums...
Anyway, I'm 24 years old. I'm basically doing okay in life. I wouldn't call myself a great success yet, but I'm doing well enough. I have good friends, a promising career (though the money isn't much at the moment), and life is basically alright.
But... sigh... for several years, now, I've wanted to be a girl. There, I've said it. I have a ridiculous amount of gender confusion. I see myself, at my core, to be more female than male. And I just don't know what I can do about it. I kept thinking that this problem would just go away if I ignored it, but if anything, it's gotten worse.
It's not a sexual thing for me, which of course makes things more confusion. As far as I can tell, I'm pretty much heterosexual. Although I really haven't ever sought to date people. It's just not my style...
I don't know if I should even be talking about this, because I'm sure it must be disgusting to hear about. But it feels better than doing nothing.
More than anything else, I wish I could get a sex change. But for one thing, I simply don't have the money. I don't know how much it would cost, but I'm almost certain it'd be too much. And here's where it gets silly and arbitrary: I don't want to jump through all the stupid hoops a lot of doctors want people to do with this sort of thing. I understand why they do it, but I don't think I could dress up as a girl without actually being one for a full year. And yes, I know that I wouldn't technically be one after a sex change, but it just doesn't seem like the right way to go about this to me. I don't know.
At any rate, I just felt like saying all of this. Sorry if I creeped anyone out; it wasn't my intention. Sometimes you just need to hear yourself say something, you know?
Why should someone be creeped out or disgusted? If they are it's their problem not yours so stop being so down on yourself and apologetic about your post.
I think it's good that you expressed the way you feel somewhere, it's healthy, if you do it more often you might feel better about yourself.
I wouldn't worry so much about sounding creepy to us, in case you have missed it we're a pretty creepy lot ourselves.
I really can't offer you much advice apart than actually talking to someone who's been through it all themselves. Hope you'll be happy with whatever choice you end up making.
Everyone is different. You can't expect everyone to be the same don't you? It's good that you express yourself to the world.
Everyone that has hard time in life for you have a steady life. But you're beginning to feel some emptiness right? You want to do something different and trying to go out with a girl. Don't worry, your time would come.
And hell, don't go for sex change. Be happy and proud of yourself as a male. Lots of prayers would help.
-All the best- :)
>>4 LMAO, you are probably one of those people who believes Gay reform centers work..jeez pray? To what? Pinky the Dragon.
Don't listen to him OP. If the feeling gets stronger it must mean something. You probably cross dress right? I bet there is a club or something like that. You might meet some people who you can ask about your "feelings".
The Sex change, dunno. Do you still get orgasmes? Or you can go through like a shemale, those are pretty hot too (imo).
Whatever you do, DONT IGNORE IT..sooner or later you gonna have to come out.
Thanks, everyone. I really do appreciate it.
As I said before, I don't necessarily see myself as gay. I still think females are attractive, but I picture myself in that gender role more than anything else.
And yes, I have cross-dressed, but as I said, I have this strange arbitrary feeling about it being ultimately unsatisfying to go partway on this. It doesn't feel right to just dress as a girl.
Thanks again for everything. I still have some thinking to do about this, but this is helpful.
>>6 So.. maybe try to go as close to real as you can, waxing, behaviour, make up and all that. I'm guessing its also better to go partway than it is to not go anywhere at all right?
Is it, >>7? I really wonder.
Say, for instance, that I'm not convincing as a girl. I run the risk of being hurt or humiliated by the whole experience.
Or say that I AM convincing as a girl. What if someone wants to go out with me? I know the odds are really strong against it, but still. I'm not entirely sure it's a risk worth taking just for a change of clothes.
That's the main reason I feel so strongly about this "all or nothing" mind set. I understand why doctors want such a long waiting period. After all, the removal of a bodily organ isn't something to be taken lightly. At the same time, it should be my decision, not theirs.
>>8
Try dressing up in a place far away where no one will recognize you. Also, the Native Americans thought of transgender people as special as "two-spirited". Look up more if your interested.
>>9 True, Homosexuality or transgender wasn't a big deal in many parts of the ancient world (even something to admire:japan,greece;America,etc etc until the CHRISTIANS came...
But yeah i know you are straight (like female), and he's right..maybe you should travel there in "man form" and book into a hotel or something and change?
That sounds like a crazy idea... but you know, that might actually be something worth considering! I'll have to give that some thought.
REINCARNATION
You get me wrong, I recognise gays but don't support them. What I mean is that he thinks he may look disgusting. Pray to what? God of course. If you wana flame, fine with me. No loose or win here.
Just be happy of yourself to keep it plain simple. It's better to get good advice from adults or experts or whatever to see which path you take. I would prefer you go out with a fine girl. Just do your best. You are a MALE. BE STRONG.
>>You are a MALE. BE STRONG.
Maybe he's not male. Maybe his body does not resemble his soul.
OP, I can only hope that you'll find your way and happiness. Don't be ashamed, there's no reason.
Maybe this site is something for you? http://www.gisg.org.au/
Transsexual transition is not easy. Even if you're flawlessly passable and stinking rich. It carries many health and social consequences.
I took female hormones from my sixteenth birthday until Jan. 2008. That's two years. when I left home, I realized how difficult life can be. You basically have an option between sex work to pay for your lifestyle/surgeries, or a dead-end job that pays barely enough for you to live. My detransition was a result of not wanting to do sex work, and clearly not having the money to continue. Sad but I am finally enjoying the many facets of life as a male.
Oh, and the hormonal changes are not reversible. I look pretty underage and still get "ma'am" with short hair. Also, boobs. Caution is strongly encouraged.
Is OP were a female trying to be a male, what would you say to him (er her?) BE FEMININE?
This is fucking ridiculous; OP should be who he is, ot what someone else thinks he should be.
You should go into therapy and after a few sessions ask your therapist if your mentally prepared to become transgendered. MAKE SURE YOU GO TO A THERAPIST THAT SPECIALIZES IN THIS SORT OF THING. Any other would probably screw you over.
Until then weigh the pros and cons of being male and female before you making your decisions.
baump
Thanks for all of your advice, everyone. Even the advice of people that don't like anything about this is helpful in its own way, and very much appreciated. As cautioned in this topic, I have no intention of rushing to a decision. I still want to raise some pros and cons about everything in my mind and see what I decide. Thanks again, everyone.
You shouldn't ignore the feeling at all. There are many people who go through their whole lives with the same feeling that you have and then regret they never did anything about it.
If you do go for the sex change, just be sure it's what you really want, because while they can give you female parts, the male parts are harder to get back. You can get orgasms and feel everything else you would should you undergo the procedure. Just be sure it's what you want and you do know what your doing.
I agree with >>16 see a therapist. Not because your crazy - but to help you with the transition or to see if it is what you really want to do with your life - as I said before it is hard to go back from a decision this big.
Also maybe see if you can get in touch with people who have had the surgery, see what they think about the whole ordeal.
Good luck to you!
Hey OP, same age, same boat. You're not alone.
I read the first post, and was worried I was drunk posting here or something at first.
Accept yourself and learn to love yourself for who you are. That's the best thing you can do. If you love yourself and accept yourself, things will slowly get better. If you feel that surgery will complete you, get the ball rolling and see a psychologist that specializes in that sort of thing. But be careful, >>15's issues are very real, it's hard, since even in the most progressive areas the only jobs available to the transitioned, are either low income or the sex industry. Respect for our community is still, unfortunately, years off.
Crossdressing, at first, or really, dressing, since you're just being yourself, seems wrong or off, or not complete. But give it time and practice. Muster courage to shop well, try things on, even shop dressed. Feel good about yourself and how you look. Find accepting friends, they are out there. Some friends you might not expect to be accepting might be more accepting than you would expect. When you look in the mirror, and see a woman staring back at you, it doesn't matter if the breasts are inserts and that you're tucking your package. When you go shopping and the person behind the counter calls you "Ma'am" sincerely, it doesn't matter that you're stressing your voice to sound feminine. If you're not quite ready for full transitioning, don't give up entirely on crossdressing.
Just a small update, I'm going to see a specialist regarding this issue next Saturday. I'm not sure if this is the right step, but I figure talking about this with someone that understands the subject is better than doing nothing.
I am only 20, a heterosexual, and an occasional crossdresser. Your sentiments are very understandable.
It's good that you're going to see a specialist! They will help. But, ultimately you have to remember...... it has to be what you want. Honestly, I'd say wait at LEAST a year or three before making the decision, as it is obviously a BIG ONE. I know of someone who underwent a full sex change, and less than a year after the final stages (everything... including vocal surgery) decided it wasn't what they wanted... but wow, what a process to go through, just to decide it's not what you want.
Also remember that finding a long term lover will also be even more difficult. It's really hard to find girls who can accept my cross dressing, I can scarcely imagine how hard it would be to find someone as a trans-gendered person.
Anyways, best of luck. No matter what your decision, I hope you find fulfillment, contentment, and love. My thoughts are with you :)
hey sorry to hear about your misfortunes, hope everything is better for you now:)
You didn't creep me out. I actually think this is very interesting.
I can't possibly overstate the importance of speaking with a psychologist (particularly one who specializes in gender identity disorder). I've been seeing a psychologist about this for a while now, and it's been really helpful. Actually sitting down with a professional and discussing these issues is the only way to uncover some semblance of truth. There's usually so much shit surrounding gender-related issues, that you might uncover something you hadn't really thought of before (i.e. various reasons that you may feel more feminine than masculine, etc.).
The road to sexual reassignment surgery is unmercifully long and painful, and you can't undertake it until you really sit down and do some introspection with someone who will listen.
The surgery costs thousands of dollars. And it doesn't actually turn you into a woman, you know. You'll need to use lube because you can't get 'wet' naturally and you'll never have a period or children or menopause.
And why all the trouble? What's wrong with being a man with feminine tendencies? I'm male and I keep a garden and speak softly and politely. The idea of a mental gender is absurd. This is the 21st century and "metrosexuals" and "tomboys" are everywhere.
>>13 gender identity has nothing to do with homosexuality. two completely different issues. it's not a issue of sexuality, it is and actual psychological condition.
there was a recent special on tv about children with gender identity disorder- very intriguing stuff.
anyway, OP- i send you all the support in the world. i am happy you are going to talk to a specialist.
btw, if you have a chance, you should read about Dr. Marci Bowers- she is a pioneer in gender reassignment etc. my husband- a speech pathologist- has actually emailed her about doing transgender voice therapy.
she's a pretty awesome person, read her wiki:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marci_Bowers
oh, and for a recommended list of therapists, look here:
http://marcibowers.com/grs/therapists.html
What I'm curious about is WHY you want to be a girl?
For example, do you just appreciate feminine beauty and traits more than male ones? Or do you want to take up feminine gender roles such as feeling dependent and passive?
I get this feeling that you could be very well off simply being a pretty boy.
Perhaps it is because I grew up in an Asian background but I feel nowadays there is a GREAT DEAL of acceptance of guys who look like girls. And I'm not talking about metrosexuals who wear tight jeans and shirts, I'm talking about guys who grow out long shiny pretty hair and enjoy wearing frills and skirts and stockings in front of a camera. I'm not a girl and I'm not gay but I think guys who do that are really cool.
Alright, so, late response.
I think I understand the situation at least a little; I'm a vagina-haver who has had some gender confusion in the past, though not as severe as your situation.
I'd like to repeat >>31's question; why do you want to be a girl? I'm not asking because I think you shouldn't or that being female is bad or something, but what part of it appeals to you? Is it physical; as in, do you want girly-bits because you think you'd get more pleasure out of them than what you currently have, or is it because you think you fit the "female' role better?
If it's the latter, don't get a sex change. The "female" role is a myth, as is the "male". The only difference that matters is the genitalia. While men often have different hormones/traits/whatever than women, everyone's different. Focusing on how a weenie or lack there-of affects a personality never has anything good come out of it (in my experience, at least).
You're feminine? Great! Be yourself. You don't need tits for that. Wear the clothes you like, and just relax about it. Find a community that accepts you - they definitely do exist. It'll definitely be hard at first, but it's worth it. It's cliché, but few other things are worth as much as having the confidence to be yourself.
The problem with getting a sex change with the expectation it'll suit your personality better is that often, the female role fits just as badly as the male. In my experience, you'll find yourself a lot healthier mentally and happier if you don't try to define yourself by gender.
If you just want the equipment, well, sure, go for it. Make sure you understand what you need to do to get the operation and what sort of side-effects it might have, find a doctor that can help you and save up.