Where to start... Well i dont really have anyone to speak with, so ill just wright everything down here. I got a GF, since like 2 years. She looks nice, but got some problems with herself. She dont have any selfconfidence, and seems to have social disorders like BPD, also shes hypersexual. We really love each other, but i just cant be happy with her. I always thought about why a girl like her loves a ugly, dumb loser like me. The answer is - She needs me. I give her selfconfidence, the feeling to be needed and loved. Nobody else does. Thats why she loves me. But im too scared to lose her. I know that someday we got to break up, it cant last forever. But she thinks completely different. She thinks that we will stay together forever. I want that too, but i know it wont happen. She always talks about how nice it will be when we are married, have children, growing old together. But how can i trust a girl who is just 16, with mental issues? No matter how much she loves me now, someday she will just find a guy who is prettier, smarter and who got more money than me. She wont need me anymore. But i cant share my thoughts with her cause i know that it would really hurt her and she wont stop crying. So i just tell her that we will get married, get children etc. for sure, just not to hurt her. Also a problem is our relationship is LDR so we cant even meet often. Sometimes she cant control herself and is like i mentioned hypersexual. Isnt it obvious that she is going to cheat on me sooner or later? I really love her, and know how much she loves me, but i just cant trust her. She cant even trust herself, cause of her lack of selfconfidence. Since 2 years i got the feeling that i never will love someone else than her. And i also dont want anyone except of her. But i cant trust in our relationship. Its just like i cant live without her, but also know that we dont have a future together. I cant lead a relationship, knowing that it will break in a few years, but cant break it at that moment eather cause i love her too much. Fucked up situation, but there is nothing i can do i guess...
LOL--
>16, with mental issues?
Don't listen to what she calls herself. 16-year-olds are well known to self diagnose themselves.
Sorry, but i just can't see that happening. If she really had the problems, she wouldn't know it; a doctor would tell her and she would be on medication by now (most mental problems show signs in very early teens), and you wouldn't even know.
Also, if she's 16, watch your expectations. You may be 16 as well. Just remember, overall, the phrase "unrealistic expectations".
Also also, yes, she is going to cheat on you; she is 16. At that young of an age i don't think she will settle with just one person. She will get curious.
i think u should go for what your heart believes =]
You're too young to even be considering things like marriage, etc.
Im 18, and im not considering marriage. But she does.
OP, why don't you make sure she realizes that it is unrealistic and inappropriate to be considering marriage right now.
I dont want to hurt her, destroy her illusions. She is very sensitive and crying about almost everything. If i say things like i dont believe in our relationship, i cant even imagine what will happen then.
The packaging/delivery of the truth is up to you, but if you can't communicate with her without her emotions exploding, then you should probably slowly dissociate yourself from her.
Relationships are all about communication. If you can't properly communicate, you aren't going to last long, bud.
poor OP... sometimes decisions are tough to make in reality. at times u need to look at it from a different perspective. what about trying to disconnect yourself from her for a few days, get out and have some fun with your friends, and carry on with life? see how that goes for a few days.
if u can't seem to forget her these few days nomatter how hard u try, then i suggest u should give yourself some time before doing up the oficial breaking up.
if she so happens to ask y u aren't talking to her much these few days, say something like "i can only be there for u to a certain limit. you're young and beautiful and i'm sure you're capable of finding something to do when i'm away now and then." but don't let her get suspicious that you're trying to get her use to u being away n finally her letting go.
distancing yourself is a great way of cutting off a relationship slowly. and dw, time heals wounds...
I had a friend(17) who had a similar problem with a girl(16) who was also a close friend of mine with the same described symptoms the marriage thing, bipolar low self esteem etc. The guy who was crazy ridiculously in love with her in the begining in about two three years lost all interest whatsoever he said he just didn't love her anymore the girl was crazy possibly crazier than the girl you described and he tried for about 5 or 6 months to end it without hurting her. in the end he gave up and just told her exactly how he felt or rather how he didn't feel the girl lost it she shaved her head alienated herself from everyone and it was terrible she still isn't quite right after a year apparently she is joining the marines and dating some drill sergeant who recently divorced and has kids(probably a lie but whatever that is what she claims). The guy last time I saw him seemed a lot more relaxed and in a much much better state than he was in. The thing is in this type of situation you can't win completely love will fade thats the way it goes at that age I would stick with her eventually she we leave or you will that is inevitable but to end a realtionship like this where you both care about each other is not the way to go. If you really can't stand the uncertianty and fear >>11's method would be the way to go it probably wouldn't work but its just the way that it goes
lol tell u something. i use to have low self-esteem n it really tore my heart when my bf broke up with me.
he was the one who was suppose to encourage me, support me, be there for me, help me when i am feeling down. i relied so much on his presence with me (even though it may had just been IMing bak n forth to each other at night). we had separate lives- he lived in the suburbs whereas i live in the city. but still, i counted on him to protect me, give me happiness, n provide me with daily jokes n interesting stories.
well, when we broke up, it felt like my heart was being sliced open (not to b overtly dramatic). the feeling is exactly like being stripped away from your security blanket. a cold, horrible feeling...
well, that's how the girl u love is feeling n will feel if u break up with her. after reading this, what do u say?
Yar - har - fiddle-dee-dee,
Being a pirate is all right to be!
Do what you want 'cause a pirate is free,
You are a pirate!
I'm kinda confused. Why exactly isn't the relationship bound to not work out? because it seems OP is overly pessimistic.
If the issue is that you feel that she's dependant and that frightens you, that's one thing but breaking up with a girl because you don't think the relationship will last for arbitrary reasons is just kind of a bad thing to do. In fact it makes me feel that you have some sort of low self esteem which is making you fear success in the relationship.
I do agree that talking too much about marraige isnt the best thing right now but there's no good excuse not to stay in a relationship with someone you love and that loves you to see if it goes to marriage or a breakup.
I never considered breaking up with her. Cant start trusting her eather...
sorry from the tone it seemed that thats where it was leading. also everyone else was kinda going "break up"
but either way, Just talk to her about your feelings. Especially since the fact that you love her and not willing to start trusting her are feelings that are corrosive to each other.
don't assume that she's going to up and dump you someday or those images will haunt your relationship. just love and support as much as you can.
@ OP
There are times when we have to make tough decisions that we would never think about it or even consider, such as breaking up with your GF. Judging from the way you described your situation, breaking up may very well be an option you need to consider seriously, as there is no trust in your relationship, there is little chance that it will last.
From my own experience, when a girl has no self-confidence and can't trust herself, she will slowly start shutting you out of her life. If she was open to you to begin with, she will gradually close herself off to the point where you simply become another friend. Try as you might, there is nothing you can when girls like your start turning to this point, or rather they don't want people doing anything for them. These types of girls are lost causes.
I've been through this process before, and I can say that the longer you cling onto her the more it's gonna hurt you when the relationship ends. Don't go thinking things like love can overcome anything or everlasting love, as much as we like to believe in these things they simply don't exist. You love her a lot now but I'm sure overtime that love will fade. My advice to you: GIVE UP ON HER, if she has that low of self-confidence then she won't go far in life. In my opinion it probably isn't worth trouble trying to save her.
Of course, your case isn't the same as mine and you may be able to save her from that side of her. To you she may be worth saving, but I personally wouldn't think so considering the circumstances. Well please let us know how it goes.
>>18
She had a best friend before we met each other, but when we started to get closer she started to shut that best friend out of her life. Just like you said. She started to spend all her time with me and didnt care about that person anymore. That ex-bestfriend got depressed, cried a lot cause she realized that she is losing her and wont get her back. Ive always feared that it would happen again. That she will dump me like her best friend 2 years ago. So its obvious that she will dump me as soon as she finds someone better than me. And about breaking up...
i dont really want too. Things are going quite well for now. What should i say? "Hey i really love you, but im breaking up with you cause i dont trust you enough and think that our relationship will break anyway. Sorry for taking 2 years of your life, breaking your dreams, your heart the rest of your self-confidence and everything else you had."
Okay, so a similar situation happened with her ex-bestfriend. You're right to worry, if it happened to that person there's a good chance it can happen to you too.
I'm not advising you to break up just for the sake of it, I just think the way things are it may be for your own good, as I don't anyone to end up like what happened to me. Ending a relationship is hard at first but eventually you should be able to move on.
HOWEVER, if things are going quite well at the moment, hold off on that option. But can I ask you if you think the current status of your situation in that 'things are going well' is going to last? From the way you're putting it you don't believe it will.
I don't think you should break up the way you put it by saying all that stuff, but sooner or later you're going to need to have a serious talk with her about the future of this relationship and any problems attached to it (if you haven't already), as the way things are now it's only going to get worse. I know most girls and sometimes guys try to avoid this talk, but from past experience avoiding it tends to be the biggest mistake as by avoiding it couples miss the chance to fix any problems in the relationship.
Have this talk no matter what! I know you don't feel as though you can lead a relationship, but there are times where you just have to, for the both of you. It's up to you to help her and change her for the better, if you want to save her and your relationship.
Remember my advice is just advice, you know the situation better than anyone to make your own decision. I hope things go well for you.
>>20
Talking will only bring more problems. She always wanted to make me jealous before. Just to get more attention from me, and to see that shes worth something to me. So we had that talk you mentioned. I said that i cant trust her and so on, but it only made everything worse. So it ended with me seeing her umm... almost making out with someone else. We almost broke up, but i decided to give her another chance. She said she did it, because of that things i said to her. That i dont trust her. She said she felt alone and betrayed. Such things never happened again. But if i decide to have such talk to her again, things might get worse, like the last time.
The fact that she's like that when you had that talk before indicates that she may not be the person for you, and that you should end this relationship once and for all.
Can I ask you this? Why are you trying so hard for a girl that can easily break down and go for someone else at any time? Is she really worth your troubles? I just don't get why you would go so far to keep this relationship.
>>22
She ist the only person in the world who i cared about in the last 2 years. Its love i guess. All my thoughts are about her, everything i do is for her sake. I think i care about her more than about myself. And she gives me the feeling that she feel the same way. I know shes not the right one for me, but breaking up seems just impossible. It would be like giving up the meaning of my life.
>>23
Looks like all you can do about this situation for now is to stick by her through thick and thin, and be with her as much as possible. While you're doing that you should take some time to reflect on the relationship and find out what you really want to do with it, maybe you'll think of something you can do that neither of us has thought of yet. Who knows, there may be some light for you two at the end of the tunnel and she'll finally come to realise her shortcomings. Either that or you'll finally get over your feelings for her and move on. This is something you'll have to do yourself, but feel free to bring things here if you want our advice.