happily ever after my ass!
well, here is my issue.
i've been with my man over 10 years now, and even before that we had a long- distance letter- writing affair for about 4 years.
i always knew my man was bi, even though he never actually said it. but we ALL knew- he had really obvious crushes/ weird relationships with a few of our cute young male friends. but he was also weirdly asexual. we had sex maybe a couple of times a month. he never looked at porn, even though i am all for it.
i figured he wasn't gay, because i actually met him through another female friend who he'd been madly in love with for many years (but she wasn't really interested).
anyway, after being together 7 years, and going through a LOT of crap, he asked me to marry him, finally (it would be 2 more years until the wedding).
a year later, i find some yahoo messenger logs on our computer. i discovered my man has had an online alter ego, and spent every moment he could sneak away from people desperately chatting and having online sexual relations with random men. he also was covertly watching our gay roommate's porn at every opportunity.
what bothered me about it all was the years of lying- that he didn't trust me enough to be honest.
long story short- we worked it all out as best we could, i accepted this new side of him, a year later we married. we are closer than ever. we hardly ever fight, life is great. he's my best friend, we have a great time together. and we understand each other completely.
except that there is NO sex. at all. we got married a year and a half ago, and had sex once. and he couldn't finish.
i am in my 30's, my "sexual peak". i can't bring myself to be interested sexually in my husband who has no interest in me. i would also like to have a kid or two, but i have infertility issues- plus, of course, we don't have sex. i was willing to try other means- drugs, insemination, etc. BUT he decided to cut his work hours to part time, and now we have no insurance.
so basically, i am screwed. but not in the fun way.
i want no other relationship- i love my husband, he is my life partner. even if we broke up, i would never have the patience for another relationship- they are more trouble than they are worth. but i find myself almost wishing he would actually just cheat on me (he never has PHYSICALLY cheated), so we can have an "open" relationship. i don't know if he can handle it if i start it first. he's actually very emotionally delicate and needy.
actually, i'm not even sure our relationship could withstand such "openness" anyway. but as it's said, something's got to give. i'm not sure what to do... is there even something for me to do?
i don't know, why is life so complicated?!
have you tried just jumping his bones?
push him onto the bed, strip him down, do what you can to make him in the mood, then go to it.
otherwise, if you can talk to him about things, ask if theres anything sexual he would like? like bringing another woman or man into the bedroom. or an open relationship as you posted.
hell, just show him this thread if you trust him enough. tell him to pick something an option
he's probably a sex addict, if he is abort ship
At the same time, I really don't see at which point one might think this story looks like a fairytale.
Cheeee-rist! Why are torturing yourself? He's obviously dragging you down with his whiny needy bullshit. Demand what you want from him and if you don't get it leave him, while you're still young and have a chance to find someone else. Do you want to be stuck with this shit forever?
OP, get him on speed or coke. If it helps straight men to have gay sex, it'll help gay men to have straight sex. Be sure he's strong enough to handle drugs though.
what the hell is this, ricky lake? she said she loves him and isn't gonna leave him because of bedroom issues.
don't give her stupid advice, like jumping the gun on a divorce
Sure, but here's the thing: this'll probably never go away, and these kinds of things tend to fester. The two main causes of marital tensions are money problems and sexual dissatisfaction.
On top of that she's only going to get older. Relationships are a bit like a market, I'm afraid.
OP here... seriously, i'm not concerned about ever having another serious relationship. i've had enough of relationships.
i do, however, want sex. i miss sex. sex is a great deal of fun.
anyway, this is the current situation...
my husband has spent the whole weekend moping because a mutual friend kind of curtly brushed off his sexual innuendos. the friend is usually cool with it, we all joke around about it, but the guy is very straight and in love with his (very hot) girlfriend. the friend only put a stop to the joking around because his girlfriend was here too, and she doesn't like it.
but my husband was all upset and embarrassed and hurt by the brush off. he said he felt like an idiot, & he was beating himself up all out of proportion to what happened.
anyway, my husband is now completely drunk, and now he is trying to get our roommate to procure weed for him. i'm not against occasionally getting f-ed up- and i used to tell him that he should try it now and then (he always used to be a prude about such things). but now he does this shit all the time, and it is becoming a crutch.
also, when he first got drunk earlier this evening, he kind of made sexual advances toward me, but i pushed him away.
i felt bad afterwards, but it's not really a turn on if it seems like he has to get drunk just to bear being with me... also, he was so trashed already he wouldn't have been able to finish the job anyway (which would open up a WHOLE OTHER emotional can-of-worms from him), plus all the emotions he had over our friend all weekend kind of put me off.
he's been outside half the evening, drunkenly telling our roommates how much he loves me, and how horrible he is to me as a husband, and how he wants to take an "icepick to the brain" to get rid of the part of him that "likes boys".
he's mad at me now, though, because i told him he is already very f-ed up and does not need to smoke weed on top of that.
i really don't know what to do with him. despite the recent alcohol/etc problem (only in the last couple of months), he is actually a really good guy, he is very smart, has three degrees, is very respected in the healthcare community. he has a great family, a great job, and a decent life. we aren't rich, but we are pretty comfortable. what is so awful about our life that he hates it so much?
i've offered to leave, let him have time to get himself together, maybe test the waters a bit. he is completely against it. he says he needs me, can't deal with life without me.
i guess i'm stuck, eh? why is adulthood so unnecessarily complicated?
thank you guys for all of your responses btw. it is good to have an anonymous place to vent.
>>10
Your guy is so fucking gay, he's also a total pussy, a whiner and a selfish asshole. His faggotry made me lol
That aside I think you're doing the right thing by sticking with him, regardless.
Buy him a strap-on and force him to fuck you with it. You are allowed to force him to have sex with you, whatever it takes, you're a girl, his wife and he simply has to be ok with that. If he isn't, throw a fucking fit and break some expensive shit.
Hump his morning wood or something, I'd totally do that
OP you're married to a gay man and you're both miserable. There's no way this can end well.
Buy a strap on and fuck >him< with it!
Also, sit down, and have a talk about what you guys both want in a sexual relationship. Air your metaphorical dirty lingerie, so to speak.
>>Buy a strap on and fuck >him< with it!
Totally agreed. You mount him, he mounts you in return, perfect.
And try to get him away from the weed, you want him more active and not totally stoned.