It's been something I've been dealing with since February 2008. Maybe a little before, I'm not too keen with exact dates; but It was definitely winter when my friend started going out with the girl I had a thing for.

I didn't really hear it from her that she was going out with somebody until a week after my attempt to come forward to her was botched. I had already suspected a week before that something wasn't quite right. I wasn't happy at all to hear they were going out.

I'm past being sad about it now, and I don't care to steal her away from him like he did to me. I want revenge. I want somebody to pay for this sleight against me. No matter how much I try to suppress that feeling, it always dredges itself completely back up six days later; like clockwork.

I find it especially heinous what he did because he KNEW what I thought about her. I was being slow about it, and maybe some assumptions were made, but he STILL knew, and he was unusually nice to me the weeks before, almost as if he were mocking me. Not to mention that mutual friends that me and him have APPROVE of the relationship between those two!

I'm angry and frustrated. With my friends, with her, with him, with my enemies, and even people I don't even fucking know. They all seem to be on top of the world, laughing at me. I wanna knock the stupid grins off of each and every one of their faces!

Sure, I might have more important things to worry about, like my studies, or more importantly how exacting revenge or releasing my frustration will ruin my future. That's really the only thing that's stopped me before, but even that is becoming less important.

My future won't necessarily be better. Some people I've went to about this have said that I have my future to think about, that I should just grin and bear it and work towards bettering my future. And I hate it when people say that to me. Hard work today doesn't guarantee a brighter tomorrow.