Please forgive any grammar mistakes in this post. I'm writing this how I see it in my mind.
Recently classes started, and a few months before, my mother told me she wanted me to choose what I wanted to do with my life and take the appropriate classes.
I'll start off with stating some background information... 18, turning 19 next year, I still do not know what I want to do with my life. From 15-16 I shut myself in my room for various reasons, after coming out my mom pressured me to get a GED instead of returning to highschool and since then everything about life has felt somewhat 'off'.
Like I mentioned earlier, I was under some pressure (from not only my mom, but also some other relatives) to pick what I wanted to do with my life. Eventually with some advice from my family, I decided to take some classes to become a web dev. That was maybe one, or two months ago. Getting into these classes, I don't think this is something I really want to be doing. I ended up telling my mom, and she just got mad and told me to keep going anyway, because it was her that payed for the classes and not me. So to not make her mad, I'm continuing the classes, even though all they add is stress to my life and fill my head with things I forget within hours.
I don't know why, but it feels best when I'm alone and not worrying or thinking about anything at all. I don't even know what to do anymore. Writing and thinking about this stuff makes me feel like shit. I know for sure I don't want to keep doing these classes to become something I don't want to, but I can't get my mom to see it my way. It seems like life was so fun before seriously thinking and taking action about the future. It just seems drab and a lot more stressful now.
I know someday I'll have to choose, but it feels so rushed, especially with people pressuring me. I wish they would just leave me alone and let me take my time to choose. So what are my options? It would be great to have some feedback on this whole situation, and maybe some advice to get them to see it from my position.
I don't think I can give you any real solutions but I can tell you that I think a lot of people feel the same as you do. I've just started my third year of college already and I have no idea what I am doing. I hate my major, all my classes, and I hate my school in general. I used to be a pretty happy and outgoing person but now I don't bother contacting people or meeting new people. I spend most of my time sitting at my desk wasting time on my computer.
Personally I think you are young enough that you aren't like screwed for life or anything like that. I guess we should think about what we are going to do with our lives but not to the point where it drives you to depression. Although I probably hate my classes as much as you do I do believe that hard work will increase the chances that I have a more comfortable life later.
I don't want to sound too weird but if you're having a lot of trouble with this, have you considered getting help from others?
I know it's easier to vent online but I think talking to someone face to face or someone like a career counselor could help you a lot.
hitchhike the world. See what makes you happy. You don't even need money just start hitching ,make friends. Get a job say working crew on a boat to move from place to place ,and just leave when you see fit. Live your life ,work ,go as you please total freedom. If you don't think it's possible check out Ludovic Hubler. I plan to do some of this once I get out of the military till i'm ready to decide what to do with my life.